Saturday

West Nile Tourism

GOD is great! 

Are you stressed out, tired with the hustle of life getting on your nerves? Just take a vacation to West Nile!

From Pakwach Bridge (Gateway to West Nile) across the Albert Nile to Arua Hill (at the Heart of Africa) to Salia Musala (where three nations meet in Koboko) and beyond, West Nile is a peaceful place to tour. Explore the cuisine, wildlife, people, history, buildings, landscape, church-itecture and mosque-onstructions! West Nile is the Nigeria or West Africa of East Africa, fruity like Mirinda and "sweet like Fanta, oh!"

Enjoy nang nang fish and simsim (sesame) biscuits in Pakwach, Owiny(i) Eclipse Monument, anyoya [beans boiled with maize] in Alurland, Biku Prayer Mountain - the Smallest Church on Earth (in Nebbi), Paidha Hill, Nyagak Hydro-power Dam in Zombo, etc...

There are crested cranes in Madi Okollo plus other birds to watch. The bridge across River Ora is like a miniature (third) of the Pakwach Bridge and the Gateway to Greater Arua or Lugbaraland; Southern Madi dialects are considered Lower Lugbara just like Aringa in the north...

Ajai Wildlife Reserve named after the great Madi chief named Ajai who had 100 wives in Lower Madi used to accommodate white (wyd) rhinos, probably the biggest of the Big 5 in the ancient West Nile after elephants and buffalos. Rhino Camp is where the 26th President of the USA (named Theodore Roosevelt) rested while hunting for game in West Nile...

Besides URA's Vurra Customs and Isara Memorial Cultural and Community Library (IMCCL), the two part Agoi Falls is another attraction in the area. The source of Enyau River is in Vurra; Ovisoni is a major town centre here. Dorcus Inzikuru in 2005 was the first Ugandan female athlete to win an international gold medal...

The 1st Town Plan of Arua City was made by Arthur Evelyn Weatherhead, the pioneer British Colonial Governor of West Nile; Weatherhead Park Lane's ring road around the Arua Golf Course was christened after him. Arua [meaning "in Prison" when translated to Lugbara] got its name from a Belgian colonial prison on top of the hill though it was removed. East of Ayivu is Oluko Falls and Mt. Luku. Lugbara language from the Muni area is considered the most standard of all Lugbara dialects. Monkeys used to roam around Arua from Kuluva to other suburbs but deforestation has reduced their presence; saw some at the Central Police Ground, Arua Hill and behind Greenwood Restaurant (run by a Musheshe woman who looked familiar but wasn't when I talked to her) adjacent to UNHCR on Weatherhead Park Lane. Barifa Forest is the fresh-air lung system of Arua City (Peace & Prudence) but on the brink of being turned into the futuristic Nile Eco City after degazetting. When depressed, just take a walk in the open air and breathe in fresh oxygen from the greenery around you! "Forests attract rainfall," Edison Adiribo told me that. The "head-turning" Arua Hill Stadium & Business Park is a beacon of Sports Tourism alongside Onduparaka FC that took Uganda by storm in Twenty16. The 40 meter tall Arua City Tower is the Tallest in East, Central and Southern Africa but 2nd Tallest Monument in Africa after the 52 meter Independence Monument in Dakar (Senegal) and was designed to pull tourists to Arua like the Eiffel Tower in France (Urban Tourism): 'Ba da sende tawuni-a tipasi [Money was poured in town using a tipper]. Dreams come true even if after 20 years. The mangoes in West Nile (especially around the month of May) are so sinlessly sweet that the Government of UG invested billions of Shillings into mango juice factories within the subregion in Andruvu and Kuru (Yumbe). Cassava is also a major cashcrop and a Lugbara staplefood. The weather is dry with scorched brown grass between December and February but spring rain always falls in March, and continues for 9 to 10 months, bringing Exodus 16 to life as amazingly bread-brown and white mushrooms grow tall within 24 hours every morning around April like free food. Ombangulu made from mashed whiteants is a Lugbara delicacy; ozi [red woodants from anthills] and migrating grasshoppers (especially in November plus April] are also consumed. Bees make honey which is big business in Arua. Duluka festivals where percussionists drum music from cut banana stems are quite electrifying; enjoy the long Nubian weddings too! Forest Whitaker came to Arua while acting as West Niler Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland (film) which won him a Best Actor Oscar Award. The two short Nigerian megastars Aki and Popo were hosted in Ediofe Suburb. Kenya's 2nd President Daniel Arap Moi visited Adriko's factory on Ujia Road. West Nile has confusing cosmopolitan place names like Garamba, Mutukula, Tanganyika, Makutano Junction, Dubai, Zambia, Kenya, Sudan, Congo, Kampala Market, Malaba, etc. UG is about 5 and a half hours from Cape Town as well as five and a half from Cairo in the air. According to Civil Aviation Authority (CAA), Arua Airport is the 2nd Busiest Aerodrome in UG after Entebbe International Airport. Arua, one of the Best Medium-size Cities in Africa during 2015 is eight hours ahead of New York, three ahead of London, same time with Jerusalem and Mecca but five hours behind Beijing. Arua is a melting pot of all Lugbara. To put Psalm 121:1-2 into action, I lift up my eyes to Arua Hill. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD who made Heaven and Earth. You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden (Matthew 5:14)...

Mt. Wati (in Terego) is the Highest Mountain Point in West Nile; it is believed to be the origin of Lugbara. Next to it is Olewa Falls. If any storeyed Lugbara Cultural Centre, Conference Hall or Palace is to be built in future, my suggestion (As who? Just a Dreamsurfer who has spotted one) would be at a place with a nice view of Mt. Wati...

Miriadua Falls (in Maracha) is a favoured destination for Miss West Nile outings and venue for the annual Cere Festival plus other arrangements, about 23 kilometers north from Arua City. Alikua Pyramid is a Belgian tombsite southeastwards from Nyadri City (NYC). Rokoze is a Chinese-made lake in Nyoro, before Nyadri where the Maracha District Local Government headquarters is based. Other major town centres include Okokoro, Kijomoro and Ovujo. I'm from Maracha where there is no amateur! Kuru Eco Village (+256-784-025742) in Koyi Township is a network for "Responsible Tourism". Have you heard the legend of Ajua (the true father of all Tara parishes)? This place rocks my world. Try out banana-leaf-boiled maize bread for breakfast! The rock at Komendaku [Lugbara Translate: (Do) not search for a seat] provides a majestic view of Mt. Liru. No need to get a chair: You can sit on the Mountain View rock and enjoy the sweet sight. Some people dry their cassava on the hard surface and it has rare vegetation in the soil gaps as if it's from another realm just like Rwenzori...

Mt. Liru in Koboko is the origin of Kakwa people and is marked outside Maracha by Luturujo Road; red monkeys plus three other kinds, mountain gorillas, hundreds of bird species, rock badgers, porcupines and other animals can be found near it. Six caves including one that can accommodate over 300 people were used by elders for meetings and sleeping before colonialism. Salia Musala, Adolomela Crater Lake (50 by 70 meters), Dabara Chaa Falls in Ludara Subcounty are other points of interest...

The Lodonga Basilica in Yumbe was the 1st Roman Catholic Basilica in the whole of Sub-Saharan Africa. According to statistics, Yumbe has more women than men plus is predominantly Muslim. Some Aringa want to be considered a tribe on their own, but the language is not very different from Lugbara...

Laropi Ferry (Bridge proposed) across River Nile crossing to Adjumani (East Moyo) is a very active attraction in West Moyo; the fish from Obongi is a major delicacy...

Exit of the Nile: Where the Albert Nile leaves Uganda for South Sudan can hopefully become another point of interest...

Awa'difo [Thank you] for taking a Scroll Tour of the Sweetest Place since 1914! Asindriza [Peace, Mirembe, Heping, Paz, Frieden, Paix...]!

BIRDWATCHING
West Nile is blessed with so many airborne birds including crested cranes that are numerous in the Southern parts, black and white crows (smart like they are dressed in tuxedos), redbirds, African wagtails, pigeons, marabou storks, bats (that perch near the Golf Course in large numbers), brown eagles, baldheaded vultures, owls, swifts, weaverbirds, sparrows, etc...

AMAZING
West Nile is all that! Since I was born in Bantuland with its own diversity, some animals that have amazed me within Lado include red monkeys, crabs, oi fish, nang nang, purple snakes, ozi red woodants, the illusive manya lizard, snout insects with protruding orange mouths like anteaters, forest-green moth (looks like a real leaf), butterfly metamorphosis seasons like a fashion show in the sky, nyanyakubi Ugandan and other caterpillars, etc...

GRASS SOUP THEORY
Grass is greener on the other side until rain falls where you are. Let the rain fall down; thank YOU, GOD! Ozo ni yi ajekokoru [Rain is free water]...

CUTTING GRASS USING THE SUN
One day, West Nile grasscutters or grasswhackers will be able to cut grass using the Sun's energy harnessed through wearable solar packs especially between March and December. Sunpower is enough; between January and February, the Sun scorches and stunts the grass directly...

BLACK CHAINA
Buy three and get one free! Order for three cups of Chai (or three plates of food, etc) and get a bonus! Why are products from China considered unoriginal, counterfeit, substandard, plagiarised, infringing on copyrights, fake and bichupuli like a byword for mockery? Some of them especially electronics are actually a few (or many) degrees better than what people consider more certified because Chinese improve on what they copy: Net importers become net innovators. They have total disrespect for Intellectual Property Rights (IPR) and rules like Formula 1 spies, that's why they developed rapidly and are still growing around the world: Copy whatever works, but improve on it! Chinese or Sino Park factories (like bulb-making, mobile phones, mats and so on) are being set up all over UG in various industrial parks, probably even at Tondolo in Terego (Barifa Forest almost became another zone, but the plans were transferred to Nakaseke because of local resistance); Made in Uganda by China doesn't diminish quality. Creative Commons (CC) licenses since 2001 share knowledge and culture for practical solutions. With agi ada ada [true friends], even yi [water] drunk together is sweet enough. JESUS is Lord; GOD is great...

Lugbara Food (2023 Book)
I created the "Lugbara cuisine" article on Wikipedia around 2012 in honour of my mother and it contains a lot of her answers to my questions plus further research from other people. However, since Wikipedia has too many rules and style restrictions, I decided to write my own book that follows less codes...

Lugbara Art (2019 Logo recoloured by Aiko in 2022)...

Lugbarapedia [Museum of Lugbara Art]
Adi or legend is a Lugbara ceremony where a clan lineage is narrated by an elder and chops of beef that fit in one hand are shared among uncles, aunts and cousins.
Adungu (pronounced A'dungu) is a stringed musical instrument or open arched bow harp made with wood and cow hide (leather). Called ekidongo or ennenga in Bantu languages, it's originally an Alur artefact but very present in Lugbara music. About nine strings connect a long thin wooden neck to the top of a larger resonating chamber with a hole for sound output; it's like a curved guitar but is made in different sizes from hand-held to big ones that humans must sit on and play comfortably.
Ago is a pumpkin; used as a totem for Vurra (Logiri) though others claim it's Oboloko [Fox].
Agofe translated as Pillar is the Paramount Chief of the Lugbara who is elected every five years and must be above age 55. According to John Middleton (who lived in West Nile during the 1950s), the Lugbara had no king, nor did they possess traditional chiefs, but they did have a chain of command. Elders of a family cluster and heads of minimal lineages had domestic authority. Along with elders, Spirit and oracles held ritualistic positions and power.
Aje is Lugbara introduction; it literally translates price or cost. When a man wishes to marry a Lugbara woman, there is a period in which he must make visits and bring gifts to exchange to the woman's family for her sexual rights. Lugbara celebrate marriage through wails, mock fighting and mourning over the loss of the bride to the groom's lineage.
Amadingo is a Lugbara system where the rich take care of the underprivileged in their family.
Andraleti is Low Lugbara language spoken by those living near Madi.
Ari refers to a drum. They were used to call people for gatherings and also musical performances.
Aruba is a Lugbara justice process that cleanses families and emanates from a taboo which bars close relatives from reporting each other to formal courts of law. Two conflicting family members are brought to a round table and share their pains through truth-telling and forgiveness. Both parties bring one goat each which are slaughtered and cooked in one pot to show total reconciliation.
Bongo is fermented milk (local yoghurt), cloth or fashion. The traditional dress of Lugbara was grass or banana fibre for women to cover buttocks and front while men wore animal skin. That is why the Lugbara were called The Naked People ['Ba Pililiru] along with the Karimojong in northeastern Uganda by Europeans. Nevertheless, in modern times, everyone wears cotton clothes or synthetic materials.
Divining pots were used to discover crime. Misfortunes could arise from offending ancestor spirits. Both Lugbara and Madi used them to assess the guilt of the accused. The small Lugbara pots represent possible suspects. They were heated and filled with medicated water. If the water boiled over, the suspect's innocence was established. An accused was required to pass a similar test by the Madi. A pot was set on the ground and water poured in. If it did not flow out of the hole in the bottom, the accused was considered guilty. Most Lugbara are said to experience sickness due to a sin they have committed in which a ghost (dead ancestor) is punishing them. Oracles can translate the words of the dead; therefore have the ability to tell which ghost is sending sickness, the reason and sacrifice wanted. Adro 'ba [Spirit men] utter curses against evildoers.
Djembe is a type of drum.
Dribidu is the hero ancestor of Lugbara near Mt. Wati; he was the brother of Jaki. Dribidu cured a leper and slept with her.
Ero is a woven granary and sometimes refers to a bank eg Ero Wudrikuru ni = World Bank. The woven granary stood outside the house on a platform made from sticks and had a cover. It was used to store dried foodstuffs like millet, sorghum, etc.
Gborogboro was the first man in Lugbara mythology.
Grinding stones are used to turn seeds like groundnuts, simsim, etc into paste.
Guke is a trumpet used by males in most of their dance.
I'bu (or e'bu) is a hoe, found in probably every rural Lugbara home. It is used for ploughing, digging holes, weeding and uprooting. It's a very big asset since agriculture is life.
Imvu is a pot made from clay and fired. There are various sizes with intricate line designs near the neck or belly.
Isaku is a container with holes at the bottom used to sieve salt from plant ash.
Ise is a grasshopper; used as a totem for Maracha Clan. Others say it's kulu, a type of locust.
Jaki is the hero ancestor of Lugbara near Mt. Liru. He was the son of Yeke who lived somewhere to the north and was the third or fourth generation from Gborogboro. His brother was Dribidu.
Jo is a house or hut usually round in shape built using claysoil, timber and grass. In modern architecture, rectangular brown soil bricks are burnt until reddish orange and cement used to pile them together as walls which are covered with ironsheets on wooden beams. Other builders use cement blocks.
Kari is the House of Lugbara, a cultural institution headed by the Agofe. His Royal Highness Culu Jason Avutia was the 3rd Agofe until 2023 when he was almost 97 years old.
Kayi is the payment a male makes in form of a goat or bull for sleeping with someone's daughter. It's like what Judah promised to give his daughter-in-law Tamar for impregnating her with twins in Genesis 38.
Kobi is an elongated medium-size basket with three closed sides and one open one. They are woven using plant stems like sorghum and used for holding seeds or winnowing.
Kopo is a cup made from claysoil.
Kpete or kwete is brewed from cassava and drunk after food.
Luru is an end blow trumpet made from a bottle-shaped gourd.
Mare is a side-blown trumpet made from a gourd and wooden tube. It is blown through the hole in the gourd with the wooden tube pointing downward or under the left arm. Bee wax is smeared inside the gourd which is wetted before it's played only at death dances in union with the drum called naito.
Meme was the first woman in Lugbara mythology. Her womb was filled with livestock. When the gazelle broke out of the womb with its hoof, other animals followed. Dorcus Inzikuru is usually referred to as the Arua Gazelle; she was the 1st Ugandan female to win a gold medal in international athletics. Spirit then put children in Meme's womb and she gave birth to a girl and boy who produced another cycle of girl and boy for generations until boys only, that is Jaki and Dribidu who ate children and was kicked out of his earlier home.
Mukeka is a mat woven from various materials eg papyrus or other plants, sometimes multicoloured with shape designs.
Odro is a rat; used as a totem for Terego Clan. Edible rats include anabia, omba omba, alucaku, ombaya, etc.
O'buka (or a'buka, a'buza, etc) looks like a kobi or luku but with straps. The Lugbara suncover extends over the whole of a child's body.
Ogea is a big harvest basket. Some two handle baskets are woven using elephant grass.
Okuili, literally woman knife is an oblong thin-top-pointed dagger used for weaving. Also called simbili, the tool is an asset for craftswomen.
Olangi, which means bell, is a metallic saucepan.
Opi are county chiefs and take care of politics and fighting within the subclan. Below them are parish chiefs.
Rainstones are clear, translucent quartz artefacts consisting of circular, slightly convex upper and lower surfaces. They were used to make rain, according to a Lugbara stream ritual. The stones were kept in a sealed gourd and when rain was required, the gourd would be broken in a stream and the stones left there for the night. They were then resealed in a new gourd. Conical stones were considered male while cylindrical as female, the larger of the latter regarded as the most potent. It was pointed out that when taken in the hand and held close to the ear, it "called out".
Sabuni is soap made from pawpaws or other ingredients.
Tali is something GOD puts in man, an element which enables any man to influence those around him. It increases in power as the man lives.
Tanure is a Lugbara fashion dress for women made from leaves, plant parts or grass.
Ti is a cow; used as a totem for Ayivu Clan instead of Palabi, a green plant.
Uruleti is High Lugbara language spoken by those living near Kakwa.
Water pipes were smoked by both men and women. Tobacco was ground to make snuff. Special pipes were used for hemp consisting of a bowl below a tray of hot embers. The smoke was drawn through a water-filled container (Uganda Museum in Kitante, 2009).
Wura is colours, Art or skintype. It's how Lugbara express themselves in housepainting, fashion design or bodymarks.
'Ye or arrows were not only used for protection alongside a bow from which they are shot but also bride payments. In modern times, it was equivalent to 5,000 UGX as transport for a married woman's relatives.
Zukulu or gourd is used to store milk. Others are decorations hanged on a wall.





(CC) Plagiarism allowed; correction or suggestion welcome

Sunday

Walkswagon (Poem by Aiko)

They said I have no importance in society, jobless,
Poor handwriting, no money in my hands,
Cursed, demon-possessed,
Noisy, depressed,
Ashame the family by wearing shorts,
Imagine things that cannot come true,
Would waste 10 Million UGX,
Hypocrite,
Arrogant,
Proud,
Coward,
Mad,
Shy,
Quiet,
Escaped from Butabika Mental Hospital,
Need psycho-social help,
Poverty-striken,
Starving,
Poor feeding,
Weak,
Sick,
Mufu [Deadbeat],
Ran out of oomph,
Leave home early and return late,
Never at home,
Unpaid,
Underpaid,
Unskilled,
Wasted school fees,
Junior,
Pauper,
Destitute,
Selfish,
Baby,
Small, small boy,
Shambaboy,
Toyboy,
Lousy,
Lazy,
Skinny,
Lonely,
Poor planning,
Powerless,
Cook things that won't taste delicious,
Did not deserve to be Headboy,
Will die young,
Have no luck,
Unsocial,
Unimpressive,
Everything I want to give her she will get from another man,
Gigolo,
Have a sugarmummy in Ntinda,
No wife,
No future,
Childless,
Not funny anymore,
Nagging,
Young spiritually,
Loser,
Uneducated,
Cannot even ride a bicycle,
Do not know how to draw,
Do not know how to use a computer,
Wife-snatcher,
Child molester,
Devil-worshipper, going to Hell,
Pussy mind to think Arsenal can beat a strong Chelsea,
Have marijuana still in my veins,
Useless man,
Earlyman,
Scrub,
Wannabe,
Hopeless,
Unemployed,
Know nothing,
Do nothing,
Do not want to work for NGOs,
Always indoors,
Parents are poor even though I can draw,
Mother died because I couldn't buy her food,
Slow,
Daft, stupid, fake and boring,
But I didn't commit suicide.
Here I am:
Depression is a choice!
Walkswagon;
Keep walking!

Thursday

YESU Mag: Desire Luzinda Quotes

Desire Luzinda is a Ugandan music legend with a majestic sultry voice. She turned to GOD after a scandal where an ex-lover publicised her full nakedness to prove that she was being untruthful by denying him as her boyfriend. Using electronic communication to disturb the peace, quiet or right of privacy of another person is a misdemeanour in Section 8 of the Computer Misuse Act. Punishment on conviction is a fine not exceeding 24 currency points (1 point = 20,000 UGX which makes it 480,000 UGX) or imprisonment not exceeding one year or both:

Some people do still look at me in a certain way. Others look at me as a sex object. Others as some crazy woman who has no shame...

I have been betrayed by someone I genuinely loved. I never loved him for the money, he is lying and he knows that. Helping someone is not a guarantee they will return the favour when in time of need. Be the friend in need knowing payment comes from GOD...

Treat everyone with respect, even those that do not deserve it. You never know when you might need the very person you despised...

[Courtesy of Salt TV's G.A.N.G. (GOD's Anointed New Generation) music show sponsored by Sumz:] (Being bornagain) feels peaceful above everything else! You can't trade peace for anything... My turning point was a bit gradual. Tewaliwo [There's no] moment that this was the specific one... I was going through a series of events... trials and testations... One thing led to another. Oli awo nga olaba obulamu bukyuka [You are there and see life changing] going down the drain, nogamba [then you say]: Oh, I need to give my life to GOD... The LORD changed me... Most people know in 2014 when I had a scandal; most people relate it to that but yes I could say it was the major turning point. That's when my life was brought out into the public in another twist of events, naye [but] to me, it revealed so much who people are... When I was publicly embarassed, ashamed, I got to realise so many faces, nendaba [then I saw] the true colours eza abantu [of people]... I did have a background of Christ kubanga [because]... tata wange yali Musilamu, mama wange nga Mukatuliki [my father was a Muslim, while my mother was a Catholic]... We grew up in Church... of Balokole [Bornagains]. I know GOD, my siblings are Balokole; some of them do not even know where clubs are, by the way... I was in Full Gospel Makerere... performed a couple of times in the choir... Besides, I really wanted to do Gospel music but as you know how people view Gospel music: We all look at money; that's the first thing that comes to mind. People will tell you: There is no money! I was a young girl, a young mother, I wanted to be independent. Then I said: If I sing these things of GOD, I will not get money. That's how I ended up in the secular world... I was in the school choir for a long time. It had been my dream and I used to tell my family that: I'm going to be a singer because that's what I knew I was gonna be; I could feel it... When the LORD is changing you, there are things HE takes away from you for purposes of wanting you to know HIM better. That was one of the hardest things I had to get used to, that I needed to calm down and level up and get used to the normal life... of being offscene. When I was out there in the US, noone knew me. I could do anything on the street: I would play with my daughter; something I can't do right here... You can't stay in a place that broke you. I needed to go away and find me and find my GOD.. With GOD, you have to be real... When you're in the limelight, you have to enter it knowing that it's what you've decided, it comes with its good and bad side... People will judge you... based on what they see, what is written in the papers, not the inside of you... When you know GOD, you understand how HE works. That Word works in you and then you get to realise that it's actually not about money... The first step is to try and know GOD. I was in the world for over 10 years singing secular music but if I tell you: I've never had the peace I've had with GOD... Money can't buy peace... In GOD, you get beyond the physical needs... Honey, you can have money and still be nothing. I used to cry on my pillow because I had everything else apart from peace and happiness... Someone has to find GOD and then everything follows... One thing I thank my family for is they've always been loving and protective... They will always look at the positive side: Tumuyambye tutya? Akivudemu atya [How have we helped her? How has she come out of it]? If you love someone, be there for them when they need you! Condemnation does not help... Love covers a multitude of sin; one thing that drew me to Phaneroo was love. It's the love that changed me. Teri muntu eya kera nangamba nti: Desire, tandika okuyambala ebigoye ebiwanvu [No one got up early to tell me: Desire, start wearing long clothes]... Many had tried but it was not working. But the love compelled me to change, it transformed me. Love does not fail...

Mowzey Radio helped me overcome my nudes scandal...

So many people ask me (about my nudity scandal in particular) if I ever talked to the Nigerian (after) and I tell them No, but I forgave him... I forgave him immediately after seeing my pictures... I forgave myself to avoid self-condemnation which is one of the things that keep holding us back... Forgiveness keeps my heart free from rage. Forgiveness heals and forgiveness helps me to move on. People who do not forgive always have bitterness on their hearts, bitterness leads to revenge... I urge you to learn to forgive because it will free your mind...

You can never walk out of a storm if you do not accept any of your glaring err, call it mistake. People who do not accept their mistakes are always on the defensive and always pointing fingers at others. How then will you come out of a storm if you blame your mistake on someone else? Accepting my mistakes has helped me win so many battles...

A positive mind finds opportunity in everything, while a negative mind finds fault in everything. I must say it is not easy to be positive when you are at your lowest, but nothing lifts you up better than being positive. Knowing that no condition is permanent, knowing that you can wake up and all is over, knowing that there is a GOD who is ready to love you. Try being positive and you will be my witness...

JEHOVAH JIREH, my provider! JEHOVAH JIREH, YOU are all I need. YOU lift me higher than the mountains. JESUS, YOU are all I need... YOU never leave me, nor forsake me. YOU're my everything. YOU go before me, YOU reign in battle. I overcome, JESUS, I overcome... All my pain is gone... My JEHOVAH RAFA... Think of that moment, when everything seemed to go down. And the LORD came through for you... The GOD of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the GOD who never fails... The GOD who split the Red Sea. I'm talking about that GOD who loves you even when you're not faithful... Holy Spirit reign... I've seen YOU work in my life... my GOD... YOU're all I need, my LORD! Only YOU, my GOD...

[Growing up in Bantuland, I picked Irene Namubiru as my favourite female Ugandan musician in the early 2000s. However, since Sheebah Karungi who broke out in the late 2000s resembled the Lugbara woman I loved the most, I kind of drifted towards the Queen though some of her opinions about her father and marriage plus dress code brought slight reservations, but I understand her point of view because it's what she went through: Sheebah's music is great even if she wears a gomesi, omwenda lesu or long dress in the videos like Adele and her offscreen (Muslim) GOD-believing-self. Most of the girls in Obsessions which she joined in 2006 saw her unfit to be among them, but she refused to incline to rejection and quit the group to become a formidable star with hits like Jordan, Nkwatako, Ayi, Binkolera, Twesana, Enyanda, Rambo, etc. On the sidelines after my Top 2 plus Leila Chandiru from Arua was Uganda's Desire Luzinda whom I regarded as the East African music artiste with the Best Hips alongside Tanzania's curvaceous Ray C (aka Rehema Chalamila who attempted suicide more than once after struggling with drug abuse but was always rescued); even tweeted about the attractive shape of both ladies. My favourite jams by the beautiful mother of Michelle Kaddu (born 1st July 2004) include Nyumirwa Nyo, Fitting (ft. Radio & Weasel), Ekitone, Mubiite, etc. When a jilted Nigerian boyfriend Franklin Emuobor Ebenhron leaked her nudes in October 2014 as revenge porn accusing her of cheating with a long list of men, I felt basically no blame towards my UG countrymate coz dat's life: Love is like a flask; when it falls, it can break unless it's metallic! People (both men and women) switch up or step down in relationships like there are no good memories to replay. However, it's mainly men who publish nudes as revenge after a separation. The scandal actually redefined the word kitone [Luganda for (natural) talent] which she capitalised on. In Twenty23, I was stunned to watch an excerpt of the heartfelt music video of "I Overcome"; I could recognise the voice of the woman in a long maroon dress performing but it took me two days to finally confirm and accept that Desire Luzinda (the real Miss Curvy of UG to me) had turned to Gospel though she started the transition around 2016; it was a renewed image of DL...]

FOOTWEAR BECOMES HEADGEAR

The Hebrew Bible says that the last shall become first. No matter what that means, positions definitely change: Sometimes you lose, other times you win. Do not fear failure, rejection, curses, difficulty, bad energy nor imperfection; negative vibe is the testimony of the Devil! Do people make you feel at the bottom like a shoe when they despise; ridicule; rebuke; mock; degrade; downsize; insult (as daft, stupid, fake, boring, poor, with no future, unimportant, skinny, cursed, irresponsible, etc); make fun of; disrespect; forsake; fire; belittle; criticise (as quiet, unsocial, etc); judge harshly; slander or spread false stories about you (like gigolo, has a sugarmummy, thief, dog, child-molester, witch, pauper, hyena, rapist, Devil worshipper, womaniser, Illuminati, fucking his workmate, chief slut, etc)? Keep walking! Do not get furious! Opinions ain't facts; you have your own views. Do they treat you like trash? Recycle yourself and get more cash! Waste not, want not! Use the stony gravel, broken china, shattered glass and used plastics thrown at you to calmly blaze your own trail and solidify your path to victory with GOD's help! Pray, pray, pray! Failure is not sweet, but it's a bypass to success because it makes you work harder and smarter. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, improve and grow stronger wings! Eagles use the wind blowing against them to soar higher than all other earthly creatures. Haters meanwhile pluck your feathers to decorate themselves. GOD doesn't create junk people; you have your own strengths. Public opinion cannot define who you are nor devalue your Heaven-sent worth. Rejection is liberation; it redirects you to where you ought to be like GOD's Will. Be yourself! During Senior 5 in a new school, I dropped out of my beloved Fine Art Class because my average grades kept dropping constantly by 7 percent every year since Senior 1. Some Macos schoolmates actually debated that I did not know how to draw. After a few assignments in Fine Art, I worried that I might fail in UACE the following year and opted to try Technical Drawing instead. The TD teacher refused to let me join his class and reasoned that since I hadn't studied the technical subject in O-Level, it was too late for me to begin: You cannot start climbing a tree from the stem! Silently, I walked back to my Literature classroom, dejected with tears in my eyes, having felt the deadly sting of rejection serrated with hopelessness. There and then at age 17, I sat down humbly, stopped writing the name GOD with lowercase letters and vowed secretly in my heart to teach myself Art which the wider market can buy, not just for school marks. Funnily, a TD student relit the fire for my Art career by getting me gigs: Talent teaches itself through practice. During one African History lesson a few months later, my name was mentioned in chorus by classmates after the teacher (Mrs. Okello) asked for the Best Artist who would be tasked to draw a History chart for the school's Open Day; it was quite a therapeutic moment since numerous students offering Art as their 4th principal were present! Did they offload the work to me or was it a genuine opinion? My secret was ink and focus. I got many other assignments at Macos that year plus the next including an Agriculture chart for a young girl in Senior 2 who looked for me tirelessly until she found me (She probably braved the A-Level bullies on the steps to get to my upper floor); the happiness she exhibited after I finished the artwork was beaming. Peace, be still and know that GOD is GOD! Mental problems are solitary, but can be overcome through prayer and mindshifting. FREE COUNSELLING: When you find yourself sinking in the depressing quicksand of gloom, lean back, lift up your hands and worship GOD! HE will pull you out.

Jack Ma, the creator of Ali Baba failed thrice in college, applied 30 times to get a job but was always rejected. When KFC went to China for the first time, 20 people applied but Jack was the only person dismissed. He wanted to join Police but was the only one not accepted. He applied to Harvard University in the US about 10 times but was always rejected...

Michael Jordan was cut from his High School's basketball team because of his height and "lack of skill" but grew taller plus very aggressively athletic to prove his coach wrong in the NBA. The Detroit Pistons invented cruel Jordan Rules to frustrate his climb to the top thrice in the late 1980s but Mike became untouchable in the 90s...

When I was in Primary 5 at Victoria Nile School (Jinja), there was a legend of a beautiful Indian classmate who performed last in the End of 1st Term exams, disappeared to I do not know where in 2nd Term but returned to round all of us in the final promotion term including me in 7th place out of 84 pupils (From Worst to Best; Bottom to Top). She was a classic climber like the Detroit Lions in the mid 1950s and Golden State Warriors in the early 2020s; actually inspired me to believe that anyone can top a class including the one who is regarded least knowledgeable or dummest! It's just a matter of reading words [BIGAMBO like Lugbara Ganda English] and numbers...

Thomas Edison's teachers told him he was "too stupid to learn anything". After 10,000 attempts, he invented the lightbulb which teachers use all over the world...

Albert Einstein's parents thought he was sub-normal (because he did not speak until he was four years old) while his teachers described him as "mentally slow" plus would "never amount to much"; well E = MC2, let all his naysayers explain that!

Oprah Winfrey was defiled while young and later fired from her reporter job as "unfit for TV" but now owns her own TV called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) and gives people freebies to own...

Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for "lacking imagination" and "having no original ideas" but the companies he left behind named after him now generate so many original ideas...

Eriya Kategaya lost in a political race to become Chairman in his village, but then became the Prime Minister of the whole of UG which included his village...

Tom Brady was picked after six quarterbacks and many other players in the 2000 NFL Draft, moreover by a team that had never won the Super Bowl. Waiting for a very long time to hear his name called was quite emotional for him and his parents, but he got over the snubs and went on to become the Greatest Of All-Time...

Lionel Messi was redcarded in his debut game for Argentina; he walked off the pitch crying. Many times, fans burnt his jersey because he couldn't win trophies with his nation despite the 2008 Olympic gold medal and even retired at a certain point because of failure, but destiny is enormous: Now he's arguably greater than Maradona whom Argentinians had regarded superior for ages. For me, Messi is the Slickest Footballer I've ever seen on Earth and neighbouring planets; forget goalscoring. His dribbling movement was 97 percent magnifique, a joy to watch...

Leicester City came from the 2nd tier of English football (where relegated clubs drop) the season behind where they finished 14th out of 20 to win the 2016 Premiership; talk of newcomers showing oldtimers how to win, Ngolo Kante. There is always at least one newly-promoted side that shows no fear of top flight survivors but they never finish the season on top of everybody else. The Foxes basically shocked everybody in their 2nd season up though my beloved Arsenal in 2nd place defeated them home and away including that dramatic Valentine's Day return from injury for Danny Welbeck...

At 30 years old, Steve Jobs was removed by a Board of Directors from the company he started. Although devastated and depressed, it did not diminish his prowess because after the company went down, it called him back and he took it to new heights earning 1 US Dollar per year...

That person, job, village, trading centre, church, school, book, idea, etc near you that you put in the Useless/ Lousy (Can't Help) Category might have the solutions to the problems that are bothering you. Despise noone! GOD is omni-present. The blessing of GOD brings wealth (or good things), to this hard toil adds nothing (Proverbs 10:22)... The brick that the builders rejected became the chief Cornerstone who is Christ JESUS HIMSELF (Ephesians 2:20)... Through the Gospel, the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel... GOD's riches are incomparable...



Monday

Plan G (2023 Online Book)

Ch. 1 - GROUNDPLAN: GOD is great, first and foremost! This unapologetic five-chapter biopsy of memories is not about how knowledgeable I am in passing exams (Anyone can pass exams even those who are written off as daft, stupid and mentally challenged) nor how grit can make you invincible but how GOD got me through a violent turning point in my life: Kiboko for marks was the cruelest, most brutal, torturous, depressing, unwanted worst thing in my Ugandan school career; a very low point even worse than sickness, poverty (brokeness), unrequited love and bullying (Fear GOD, not fellow mortals who can also bleed!). It's not that I have a vendetta against teachers but strongly believe canes for marks should be outlawed in UG. Everyone is a sundial, but the sun shines on us at different angles. The mission of education should be to help learners find their position, not drag them into a shade or convenience shed. Freely allow every young'un to show his or her talent! Some people are not good at Mathematics, but might be perfect in Storytelling. Let them grow in that! The first person I hated in my life for real between age 1-5 was some grown Lugbara woman called Ana; she would mercilessly spank or beat us to sleep with tears. My own biological mother didn't even handle us that way; mama told me the woman was related from her Ayivu Clan (in Arua) but I did not care. Even my own father from Maracha Clan only beat me for stealing money from their drawers in the early 90s; that was more noble and acceptable. I actually respected him highly for seeing my pain and giving me five instead of 10 planned canes which I biblically deserved. Dad never whipped me again after that: I got to witness arrested criminals (including a Chotara neighbour's brother more than once) being walked by warders to Jinja Prison via our street almost every week at lunchtime and gave up money theft easily. Whenever Ana came home in the late 80s, I would stop whatever I was doing, run to my bed and pretend that I had been sleeping all along. When she left, I'd play and enjoy Jinja without any toxic daytime-sleep restrictions. Kids sleep when tired and exhausted, stress free; why force them? I forgive her though abhored her beatings. According to Wikipedia, school corporal punishment (use of physical force to cause deliberate bodily discomfort) is banned in 128 countries and only three economically developed countries allow it: United States, Singapore and Australia (technically legal in the state of Queensland alone). It was widely utilised in US schools during the 19th and 20th centuries as a rational way for educators (in the place of parents) to motivate students to perform better academically and maintain good behaviour parallel to the criminal justice system and Common Law doctrines. In 2023, physical punishment was still legal in the private schools of every state except New Jersey and Iowa; legal in public schools in 19 states but practised in only 15. Our nation's colonizers meanwhile prohibited it in all state-supported education around 1986, then extended to cover private schools in England and Wales (1998), Scotland (2000) and Northern Ireland (2003) but not Uganda. We were like slaves to grades and the teachers were slavedrivers; a personal revolution was needed. Primary 1 to 3 (Lower School) at Victoria Nile School (VNS) was relatively chill for me (Got Aggregate 4 in six out of nine terms) though competition was very very very high (Had 4 in P3 Second Term but was still the 22nd out of 80 pupils in my stream). Before I was born, my lovely mother Liza (shortened from Elizabeth) Ndezo Dramani (1947-2022) was a teacher from 1970 to 1980 and she used to beat me for "poor handwriting" in the early 90s. I couldn't hate her, but felt like running away from the Spire Road Custodian Board rental to become a homeless streetkid. Something told me to practise the fonts in novels and newspapers instead, but she still insisted that the letters were too small. It dawned on me that learning was a war. When I got to Upper School which starts from P4, the teachers started whipping us for weird reasons as if ignorance and time-constrained omission are crimes. Those who got fewer marks suffered the canes more because of passmarks but those with higher marks were not exempted: For instance one time I got 88 percent in Mathematics but was beaten in the first group for not answering a certain problem and leaving it blank; even Swengere (comedian) knows that silence is the best answer. Like Balaam's donkey (Numbers 22), I had the right to ask: What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times? However, I didn't. Others were beaten for failing questions that had been taught recently or passed by the majority of pupils, correct method but wrong answer, etc. This annoyed me very much but I couldn't stop the teachers, neither throw a chair at them like Cristiano Ronaldo at 14 years old nor beat them up in their dreams like Erica Mukisa (a former witch and VNS Old Girl) did. The cute Miss Ganda was my favourite teacher because she never beat us like other staff members; even praised me for the way I drew a skeleton in my Science classwork book. In P5, the flogging continued and I was still helpless in my worst year during Primary in terms of average marks (Lowest was 60 percent in First Term with Aggregate 13). With all the American-donated books I read from the library which I helped our English Classteacher organise in their catalogues, I was just confused with data and confident for nothing. This mixed up ChatGPT-esque experience later helped me select specifically what to internalise; I had to read to pass tests, not just gain unlimited general knowledge. Some of my answers seemed very impressive but I was dead wrong writing plausible-sounding nonsense, deviating from facts and fabricating reality through hallucinations. Even in Senior 6, I wrote 7 pages of verbose answers in a Literature Novels test but my Best Buddy called Ikinyang (an Itesot) rounded us with only one page; there was a gap of two lines between his concise answers. P5 was amazing nonetheless because I got to witness a P6 girl promoted to P7 on merit in the course of the year; lucky her! She was too good for her level. Meanwhile, there was a legend of a beautiful Indian streammate who performed last in our First Term, disappeared to I don't know where in Second Term, then returned to round up all of us during Third Term (Behind her, I was 7th out of 84 with Aggregate 6); chickiddie was totally unreal like the Twenty22 Golden State Warriors! Those two Jinja Girls inspired me somehow. I used to play a lot in the first two terms of the year, then settle to read strategically for promotion during the final term: I made sure I didn't repeat a single class. One of the teachers (Mr. Bamwamye) in P6 was so ferocious in his punishments that when I met him again on Buganda Road after a very long time (over a dozen years later), my head quickly imagined that he had taped a long stick on his backspine (but inside the shirt) and would pull it out like John McClane's pistol in Diehard (1988 film). I was ready to scream: Yipikaye bloodsucker! and bolt away from him. However, he stretched out his hand to greet and could even remember me; that was a huge relief. The memory of trauma never dissipates completely. Many people who lived in Jinja after Obote 2's regime probably heard about Mr. Gawaya - the biological father of lawyer Gawaya Tegulle; he was VNS headmaster for 22 years. The man could whip pupils very hard during General Assembly though for legit disciplinary reasons like theft, stubbornness, disobedience, latecoming, violating dresscodes, vandalism, home issues with parents or guardians, etc. Alternate disciplinary measures could have been suspension, digging in the gardens, cleaning toilets, community work, etc. Gawaya's name alone spelt terror as if he used "wires" for flogging but the sticks were just as scorching. Luckily for me, I never got into any fracas with him until my final term at VNS. My dad had written a letter saying me and my sibling Rachel would leave the school, so there was no need to buy a tie for me; Gawaya's deputy Mr. Okoth Ocen nevertheless whipped me at lunchbreak during my 12 X-pain-injection guineaworm phase because of no tie as if he never knew it was my final term. One fateful afternoon, I got back to school after walking through a different street corridor from the usual one and argued with my classmates whether the animal statue at a certain Main Street grocery shop was a giraffe or another animal. Our argument was very loud but then suddenly the room became dead quiet and everybody sat down on their chairs. Noone even warned me in time but just left me to dry as the scapegoat for the entire class. I was sitted on top of my desk near the back facing backwards and when I turned to see why everyone was mute, Mr. Gawaya whose office was near our stream stood at the doorway. He didn't have to gesture for me to come to him; I humbly went as if by magnetism expecting him to either slap me or be lenient and only give a verbal warning since I had never crisscrossed his path in six years. His kiboko was my biggest fear. Fortunately or unluckily, whichever way you look at it, the big man grabbed my elbow and slapped my arm, then pinched it, slapped it again, pinched again until he decided it was enough. It was really painful but better than a cheek slap or bum lash and from that day till I left Jinja a few weeks later, I kept watch vigilantly. Mr. Gawaya only taught P7, so I was going to escape the canes he struck on candidates some evenings. While we played after all classes had ended and beyond the final twilight bell, we would hear whips and cries in the P7 classrooms. I was happy that I was going to survive all of that. What I didn't know was that the school I was being taken to had Capital (City) punishment. I joined Kalinabiri Primary School (KPS) on Kalinabiri Road off Kiwatule Highway, UEB Zone, Ntinda in P6 Second Term and it was relatively peaceful. All my Jinja dreams of getting magical powers (African Science) from a Lake Victoria island I heard about before the horizon evaporated because I lost proximity. I didn't know it was devilish yet; even thought Lucifer was the name of GOD's Most Beautiful Angel until my sister Doris found me calling his name thrice infront of a switched-off black and white TV set in Kyebando Kisalosalo (somewhere between 1995-7) so that he could "come to me". She taught me it was the other name for Satan and I spotted instant goosepimples on my arms: Ignorance is bad! Barbra Anyait who sat on my left helped me feel comfortable about my new school because we conversed like we had known each other from a past life. However, when I chatted with my P7 dormmates (especially the Headboy Joseph Oluka whose mantle transferred to me the next year), they warned me about a regular Firing Squad where candidate pupils are beaten for poor grades or deterioration. Having seen enough corporal punishment in Jinja already, I swore never to fall victim to any academic strokes (Only Mr. Kiwanuka from P7 West whipped our entire East stream for making noise after lunch one unfortunate afternoon before our lesson teacher came; I was not exonerated since I didn't shush my streammates. I used to warn them that Joseph Kony would chop out their tongues if they didn't keep quiet; Mr. K just whipped me anyway after my legendary status of being unwhippable when it came to testmarks). It's funny how I was never whipped for academics by any of the teachers with the Most Feared Kiboko (Mr. Isabirye P4; muscular P4 Science teacher at KPS; the tall, darkskinned Mr. Okutela [sounds like Nutella groundnut paste] P5 SST; Mr. Okoth Ocen; Mr. Gawaya [Scariest]; Mr. Katongole aka Kutos [the big Lower School Deputy Headmaster whom I joked, chatted and laughed with more than got into any problem with]; Mr. Busuulwa - Advanced Level Hostel Warden who made me kneel for wearing sandals instead of shoes to class plus confiscated my radio from my deskmate Nicholas Jjengo just before UACE ended; etc) but still suffered between P4 and 6. I designed a sustainable masterplan to jump Firing Squad canes as my favourite sportsman Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls churned out their 72-10 record-setting season; I was on my Unbeaten Run. Before Kalinabiri, the only time I had registered 1st place on my reportcard was during P1 Third term (Average 97 percent) where I tied with my Best Friend Denis Ogwapit (an Itesot) and Anthony Ntaki (from the Garden Tea family) but had been 3rd in the preceding term. If you want peace, prepare for war [Latin: Si vis pacem, para bellum]! There were no other options. I had to remain dead-focussed like John Wick, aim for Top Spot once again and stay there or wallow in monthly body pain. I decided to pray to GOD every night for help and HE made sure I was the only 96er who wasn't whipped for academic reasons. I used to feel bad when Elizabeth in West with a rare disease that made her "fragile" was subjected to canes too. Streammate Agnes looked like the sibling I follow and tears would almost form when she was beaten; I would ask myself why I couldn't discuss with her how to jump Firing Squad. After KPS, I never returned to Number 1 spot in my reportcards again since there were no more academic whips, used relaxed natural intelligence aka nachura (UCE: 9 on 6 and 15 on 8; UACE: 18 points out of 25; BA: 4.12 GPA out of 5). Why stress myself? Progress in life is not only exam marks, maybe Deutsche Marks or D-Marks. Why can't passing in class translate to making money? That's one of the queries that made me step back a bit from the pursuit of a Masters or PhD; I need to apply whatever I've read instead of just accumulating certificates. You can have multiple 1st Class university degrees and still be more redundant than a Senior 2 dropout. In fact, even the Art I do as a profession and self-employment has a background of a constant annual 7 percent classwork deterioration since Senior 1 until I dropped it in S5 to teach myself through practice how to finish gigs. I was rejected from joining the Technical Drawing class causing tears in my eyes, but swore to learn and earn my own GOD-ordained way. Maybe in future, machines will even outperform us without degrees. I'd rather spend money on assets since I already have a foundation in education and learn more at work. When I returned to visit my old school, I was told that PLE performances dropped after our 1996 lot left; other yearmates confirmed what I heard. Parents oftentimes beat their kids for low grades yet some people's GOD-given expertise is not examined. On my final full Friday as a resident of Jinja, my Best Friend came to take me to enjoy the afternoon with a former streammate of ours named Abed Abud who stayed around Lubas Road; he had been moved to the third stream of performers after P5 but we didn't care and I used to stay alert to hear his name since mine followed in 2nd place during roll calls. Friendship is not based on exam marks. His mother - whom I always respected and usually spotted when she drove her kids to school - asked us how we performed and our responses (7th and 11th) literally changed the atmosphere; Abed was beaten with a belt for being 20th in his stream and I felt his pain because my own mother used to beat me for "poor handwriting" three years behind. His punishment didn't change my opinion of him at all: Big, but very kind and loaded Muslim just like Ghulam Wakabi who campus hostelmate Joseph Katimbo later told me was half Musoga. We spent the sunset riding Abed's mountain bike in turns on Oboja Road near Ogwapit's crib. I'll never forget Abed for one moment in P5 when our English Classteacher asked him to entertain the class during a short break while other classmates held a debate in the main hall. Alongside Muyangu, another Muslim, he performed "Number One" by Apache Indian and requested me to dance around them: I made up a "front slide" dance because moving backwards was on my blind side. The audience applauded us and I felt high. GOD is great...

Ch. 2 - GOALS: What is your goal or target? What do you want to achieve in your life? When I was young, I wanted to grow up into a Footballer. In P3, the Religious Education (RE) teacher asked us to draw the person we wanted to become when older and I drew a footballer. I was born in 1984 at a time when Michel Platini and Maradona ruled the world, but they were not my fancy. The first footballer I idolised was Liverpool's John Barnes around the late 80s. I'd kick small forest green oranges for practice or my cousin Dramu's tango football while imitating what I saw on TV. In the early 90s, I supported Germany, Bayern Munich, Denmark, Nigeria, Brazil, Nile FC plus Express (Mukwano Gwa Banji) and got to see more players like Lothar Mathaeus (Bayern Munich), David Ginola (Tottenham), Tony Yeboah (Eintracht Frankfurt), Ian Wright (Arsenal), Eric Cantona (Manchester United), etc. Majid Musisi, Paul Hasule, Sadiq Wassa, etc held the flag for UG. However, Brazilian striker Romario was my ultimate benchmark: sluggish and seemingly harmless in the buildup play but then suddenly bursts into speed when it matters most; deceptive like Messi (when he walks around doing seemingly nothing as Louis Van Gaal said)! VNS classmates during P4 told me I played like a man, represented my P5 class in the inter-stream contest though lost 2-0 while villagemates in the Spire Road neighbourhood named me Captain. My mother always told me I was famous in the hood for football. I knew how to make local balls using papers, rubber tyre straps, polythene bags, milk sackets, banana fibres, straws, etc. At KPS, I was called to join the school team by streammate Tom Lumu (from whom I learnt the Zidane turn) plus others. However, because of the time I would spend training or playing for the school, I realised it would mess up my reading schedule, so I gave up my football dreams. They literally collapsed and died, buried six feet under. Like Milton Hershey (who created The Sweetest Place On Earth) and LeBron James, I knew I had to accept failure, but succeed elsewhere. I can only remember running laps for my Norwegian House on Sports Day plus weekend soccer in P6 but other than that, I focussed on skipping canes more than sports in P7. At SMACK, I played Survival Football in midfield copying Patrick Vieira (The Wildman at Highbury) just for fun scoring a few goals. In one Block Owners (BO) Liga final, my team led by Captain Craig Lugemwa lost 4-2 (Both our goals were equalisers); I transferred to Zagallo's winning team the next season but our money-fueled arrangements were stopped by the school administration. I didn't think my childhood professional football dreams could be resurrected though, kept my head buried in books and sought a new future. Other dreamjobs I thought of in Jinja included Doctor like many of my classfriends and Trucker so that I could go anywhere plus meet as many women as I desired, but the speculations also vanished. Even in Senior 1 at SMACK, I was still undecided about what I wanted to be in future; Fireman was another option I weighed but it fizzled out before the flame engulfed me. Slowly but steadily, I started digging out my Fine Art diamond without any whips thanks to SMACK and Macos teachers plus schoolmates. After KPS, I was only whipped for alleged cheating in a test with my deskmate by the Maths teacher, leaving the quadrangle late in S4 by the Headmaster (after serving as Timekeeper the preceding year: Left marks on my behind that cold morning) and economisingly writing very small, tiny letters (Two lines within a ruled space meant for one line) in my Senior 6 Economics classwork book (In fact, the beautiful brownskinned teacher literally just placed the stick softly on my bums twice; still adored her though after that staffroom punishment). I'm a quiet backbencher, not because attention makes me shy but because am not greedy for it; I pick my moments. I'm comfortable being expendable (It's okay if am not the life of the party), playing behind the main striker like Leandro Trossard does or fighting my lifewars like a very silent, supercalm sniper (Suffer patiently!). Boarding school was a totally new experience to me in P6; I actually reasoned that my parents were probably getting rid of me for my stubborness in Jinja. That stopped tears from forming as I embraced my punishment away from them and served my time. Ntinda flu was scary! One of my goals was to finish that chapter and move elsewhere. Ntinda flu could not allow me to laugh because when I laughed, the sound of a rocket could be heard in class from my mouth. So, vigilance was key. These unusual Ntinda rocket coughs pierced the chest painfully. I'm grateful that this cruel strain ended for me in Ntinda though a very exciting girl once coughed a rocket on campus and I wondered if it caused pain in her chest. Eating oily doughnuts at SMACK brought rockets but they were not painful in the chest. There was also a rare face rash that affected cross-country runners who passed through a certain forest area in Ntinda. It didn't afflict me though; GOD is great...

Ch. 3 - GRIT & GRIND LIKE GOOGLE BARD AI: The year 1996 started a bit badly coz I scored Aggregate 8 at the end of the term though I remember getting 10 out of 10 in a weekend Maths test after revising hard on reaching home at the end of P6 Third Term (1995): Mr. Mukasa called me to the front for a hug that sunny Saturday and it felt like vindication for scoring 62 percent in Maths (Failure made me focus) while the other three subjects were all above 90 percent (Got Aggregate 7 meaning I had 4 in Maths alone) on my P6 Term III reportcard which also certified me as Number 1 for the first time since the end of 1990. In my pioneer term which was the 2nd of the year, I was the 6th out of 85 pupils; average age was 12 years 6 months yet I was only 11 years 8 months old and felt helplessly challenged in my new boarding school. I was the only person with Aggregate 5 while the Top 5 all got 4s while the next person was also alone with 6; Mathematics was my worst subject with 62 percent yet I was the best in English at 90 percent and Science (tied with Lubowa the overall winner at 83), 3rd with Torach in SST at 88 (Buyinza who was 26th in position amazingly topped here with 91). If total marks were considered for position, then I would have been Number 3 after Wazarwahi in Term II. Secondly, the fear of the imminent monthly Firing Squad program later in the year was still brewing and even compounded further when a New Vision Newspaper frontpage headline reported how a schoolgoer was caned to death by a teacher. I was amazed when I got Aggregate 4 in 2nd Term Mocks (both internal and external); it reassured me that my goal to jump canes during the final lap was not a white elephant and I never regressed again but worked like a well-oiled machine. For every question I failed, I admitted my ignorance but would write the correct answer in a different colour above the blunder so that next time am spot on because I revisited those papers. Grit is courageous super-commitment, unflinching determination, concentrated mental toughness, no-messing-around attitude, consistent plus calculative stay scheming discipline and lasersharp focus; it's spiritual, but grind is physical. Like David to the Philistine Goliath in 1st Samuel 17:45, I looked at the punishment system and said, "You come against me with marking guide and cane and whip, but I come against you in the name of the LORD Almighty, the GOD of the armies of Israel." I was Old Testament in aggressiveness; I used my pain from Idhindha (Busoga) to gain academic concentration with icecold nerves until I left Ntinda (It started waning after I scored 40 out of 40 in a Senior 1 History test). I had made up my mind to be Top of the P7 Class in academics and worked very hard towards it; no excuses. My strategy was about reading all the test papers with answers I carried from Jinja (Most belonged to my elder sisters who all finished P7 at VNS) and elsewhere including Kalinabiri plus UNEB Primary Leaving Examinations (PLE) past papers from many bygone years (Got a maroon-covered B5-size book from Levi Buyinza). I also read a big yellow Standard 8 book used in Kenyan schools (that was like P8 which we did not have in Uganda), Introduction to Biology which I sniffed as a ritual in order to inhale all the knowledge printed plus a complex Chemistry textbook; the last two books were used in secondary schools as I later found out. Ignorance is darkness; I optimised every academic resource around me but avoided fiction like novels because only facts were examined. Otyek told me in Twenty23 that I supplied answers in P7; I even had my own  secret, personal Word Interchange Theory (WIT): All exam answers are words we already know, what we have to do is string them together in perfect order like a puzzle or maze. My computational guesswork reasoning was hopefully operating at 90 percent efficiency almost like Google Search or Bard AI (LaMDA) and Gemini without apology. Even though I tried to do well, I never won any bursaries for a long time; SMACK sold me away after getting 15 within the 17 points passmark in S4 which was increased to 14 and cut me out. With my 18 points in S6, I failed to get Government sponsorship, so when I joined UCU, I revised in 1st Semester like my life depended on it (Even prayed harder) until GOD finally granted me a partial bursary. GOD is great...

Ch. 4 - GRAVITY: The force that causes something to fall to the ground or to be attracted to another planet is called gravity. Although my marks were high and people praised me, I tried to remain very down to earth and humble; I was basically well-grounded like a green and yellow earth wire though my mind was a livewire. I wasn't selfish nor mean with my answers because I wasn't competing with anybody. In my head, all I wanted was to jump kiboko (child abuse/ classroom violence). Some people still hated me for being "proud" apparently, but the wellwishers I treasured. The thorn in my flesh was that I wetted my bed without self control on some nights and that kept me cool-headed; my prayers to stop took time to reduce my curse in later years: I would suggest that anyone with a bedwetting problem must put a waterproof macintosh-like material on their mattress. One Bantu classmate still playfully or maybe disrespectfully addressed me as Odre [Lugbara for: Urine] but I forgave him. I once heard some dudes say that I was going to be reported to the Headgirl for not bathing though I did bathe every morning because of my bedwetting situation; evening was a little bit optional in my calculation but I did clean up many times at sunset also. Ntinda (which had the UNEB headquarters, Ministers Village, etc) was a very upbeat suburb compared to Bukoto plus my beloved, more peaceful Kyebando where I resided during holidays. What baffled me in Ntinda though was owners of bufunda [small hotels] keeping food hot in saucepans by covering with polythene material instead of banana leaves and 11-year old prostitutes. Security was not too bad. I cannot deny the fact that my schoolmates encouraged me to keep on meticulously grinding out results. I didn't step on toes intentionally nor intimidate people with my position, but respected everyone because we are all GOD's children and gifted differently (Matthew 25:14-30). I cherish all my over 172 comrades in the struggle even if we might have had many differences. One time I fought with Brian Denis Samula in the dormitory during the early morning and reported him to the teachers. He was expelled from the dorm by administration before lunch the same day; I felt very bad about how I had used my power as the Headboy because I thought by reporting him, he would be whipped or given a task to do. After campus, I apologised diplomatically for everything that befell him because of me; no bad blood nor beef between us! I would visit Alex Lubega in Ntinda after uni, very ingenious footballer and technician, helped repair my laptops. I met James Wanyira on Ntinda - Kisaasi Road after campus; we both loved cabbages. One evening while attending overnight at Watoto Church North with my sister Doris and her beautiful, happy-chatty Lugbara friend named Jennifer (Chandia's woman who made me gain extra recognition from people in Kyebando and Kamwokya on the day of my graduation party by letting me carry her newborn like its father while in my UCU gown), Wanyira preached. It inspired me to also give a testimony about the hospital discharge of a friend's uncle and thanked GOD for reuniting me and my OB after almost 10 years. Richard Mukalazi made a helicopter that could move with two passengers on board; it was parked on the verandah outside our class. Whenever Joshua Buyinza who used to make comedy by wearing extrateeth found me on the streets of Kampala, it felt divine because GOD made us yearmmates for a reason (HE could have sent me to any other nearby suburb school); I liked JB's poise. Lazarus Wazarwahi (though deceased) encouraged me to read harder because he was a natural bwat and became Class Monitor after GOD upgraded me; we studied O-Level at SMACK plus played football together and was shattered when I heard that he had left the earth. Denis Lubowa was immovable academically plus posed a great challenge and somehow pushed me to get better and better in my grades. Fred Kegere was a very good friend (made me wonder why I like Itesots as my Best Friends); Geoffrey Bwire too. Geofrey Kilama gifted me a pair of shorts; told him I would always remember that. Denis Olupot the Gost was a lively guy, conspicuous in a crowd. Wilkins G. Kaweesi was a firebrand. Gerald Kitongo was nicknamed Itongwa the rebel. Solomon Nsubuga was a baller; Denis L. Kavuma as well. Phillip Mangeni (authentic dude who departed in 2024) was an unforgettable fixture too. Nicholas Byuma and John Patrick Adar (Index Number 25/010/001, I was next) had character. Michael Sempijja was yellow in aura. Charles Wanzunula was comedy personified; their home shared a fence with the school but he was in boarding instead of dayschool, hahaha! Dormmates would ask the nurse for "busidi [seeds, groundnuts, grab, etc]". Ronnie Otyek from the West Stream was a great buddy along with Denis (John) Oboi plus Johnson Byiringiro; we met again at UCU Mukono but studied different courses. OJD or DJO depending on how you want to arrange his initials was usually with lefthanded Robert Kiwanuka plus Ibrahim Olanya. Alison Tumwebaze, aka Auf was a conversationalist who I regarded as one of the Best Two Debaters alongside his daredevil sidekick Wango. Moses Nuwagaba was a brother from another mother; used to see him at their shop in Bukoto on Kisaasi Road. Collins Kasirye who became a doctor was urban, always with a gang of buddies. Mukiibi in The Mindset Show by Lifeline Filmz was also known as Bright. Pius Lukwago was quite tall and stayed very near the school; our non-optional holiday coaching was not very far from their home. Some dude got a devilishly weird skin disease and when he returned home to recover, I mysteriously found myself kneeling on his mid-decker bed one zombified night trying to force my way out through the dorm wall. It's like I sleepwalked from my own mid-decker bed next to his, but thank GOD I didn't catch his genital warts. There were stories of kalabanda [shortman spirits] in Ugandan schools but one day while sick, I stayed behind alone in the dorm to see one and waited in vain. Some dudes would disgustingly clean their flusick nostrils using the towel covering my bed but I couldn't arrest any. Alfred Segane (painter) lived on the other side of the shower space and would get for us mangoes. There was a graveyard nearby and we would see strange bonfires late in the night. Musinguzi was tough like flu but unfortunately we lost him during 7/11 (the World Cup bombing on 11th July 2010) at Kyadondo Grounds. Among the ladies, 1996 was definitely Index Number 084 Dorothy Amuron's year in my life - no arguments about that; yearmates thought the future lawyer was my girlfriend because of how we freely talked to each other. If she was the Earth, then I was the moon or Mars; we shared the same sunshine. She thought I was adorable even if I had principles to follow. Doro made the commandment "Love your neighbour as you love yourself" seem real to me; she was a very loving deskmate. Whenever a passenger balloon would fly above Kampala, I would remember Wizard of Oz fairytales that featured her namesake. Doro (half Itesot, half Indian) sat next to me, so what would anyone expect? I had to be mesmerised by her unforced, goodhearted attractiveness; she shared her breakbites with me plus some secrets, asked questions, discussed academics, lent her interesting textbooks, praised me, told me stories about her family, washed my youngest sister's clothes and sometimes wore my school sweater; our neighbourliness felt that platonic. Some people even thought we were meant to be together: I was somebody Doro could talk to and she showed that she cared about me; I couldn't distance myself. Memories of her glorious kindness made me love her more than just a crush nor puppy love. Sometime before Third Term, she lent me a special textbook for the holidays (Who does that other than somebody who trusts you?) and it introduced to me how newspapers are made. I used to think newspapers were prophetic reporting exactly what was going to happen that day (Evening editions seem to do that though not really); had no clue how they were prepared a day before. The only alteration was the forward date. I had a memorable time around Doro in the 3rd row of the first column with four desks near the entrance. Beside every successful boy, there is a girl. She loved music and I always wanted her to sit on my right side instead of left. Nevertheless, I never told her goodbye after PLE because I believed I would meet her again: If she loved me, then I would love her back; that was my equation. She could see I liked her but I did not say it: Actions speak louder than words. Doro gave me strength and I respected her for that. After hearing about her looking for me (and finally reconnecting on phone) seven years later, I wrote in my journal how "good hearted" she was towards me in '96. "I don't know why she liked me but it really showed... made my dormitory classmates tease me that she was my GIRLFRIEND, a statement I denied... She was kind and relaxed... She always gave me the fuel to be the Best... Unconsciously I think I never wanted her to leave my side... My Dolot-hea..." When she disclosed in 2003 that she had a boyfriend, one wall in my freshman heart cracked (Couldn't compete with the other man, not even civilly) but I forced my skeleton to find her in the Makerere Kikoni area at the end of my 4th semester (2nd Year in UCU Mukono) and thank her for the past as I looked for internship opportunities in 2005 like a Slumdog Millionaire. Truth be told, my return to Kyaggwe after a three month vacation witnessed my personal best semester ever out of six (Scored 4.33 Grade Point Average out of 5; transcripts do not lie). There was something unexplainably divine about Doro that always elevated me like an unstoppable train. I even drew her portrait and stringed it next to the one for my new 2005 "Galfi" on the wall of my third hostelroom for nostalgic motivation even though I failed to get 1st Class nor 1st place at graduation. As the years passed, she reminded me how I was "always Number 1 in class" and that I showed everyone how to read. Her impact on my life was not a one-off fluke evidenced by the fact that her two sons Daniel and Darrel both got 4 in PLE also plus went to SMACK, just like me. Maureen Apio sat in the row ahead of me and had a good report; she was goodlooking too. Heard she is related to Otyek who is also a relative to Cecilia Ogwal, the veteran stateswoman from Lango. We met again at UCU doing separate courses though but I would talk to Mo via UTL for two hours without getting bored even for one second. Mo struck the right chords in my heart like a diva. She thought I'd grow up to be a shrink similar to Dr. House. Sometimes, I'd ask her about certain things I wanted to ascertain. She requested me to be the godfather of her first child, but am quite irresponsible. Nevertheless, I picked one rainy evening in 2007 to see my "Goddota" while her mother was a warden of Africa Hall at Makerere University. After waiting in vain from 7 to 11pm (though met some OBs passing by), I decided that I had to return home. Midnight found me still in the city and I was arrested by an all-green-uniformed watchman at Shell Ben Kiwanuka Street for standing behind a loaded Fuso truck heading to Zambia like a thief apparently. With a bayonet rifle in his left hand, he tried slapping me several times with his right while I guarded with my left arm; got bruises on my elbow and left neck. He threatened to lock me up inside the generator room for his more brutal boss to deal with me in the morning. Furious, I sat on the oil pump base barechested and prayed a Muslim dua: GOD help me, GOD help me, GOD help me! Suddenly, another watchman clad in all-navy blue and holding a rifle came from around the corner. He calmly asked for my ID Card which the hyper guard had confiscated, went near a lightbulb and returned to say authoritatively: Let him go! I think I heard an angel in disguise speak; I put back on my Ghanaian shirt and spent the rest of the night roaming around the streets before heading home after sunrise to recover. Meanwhile, Urban TV's Emma Bongomin who has a very active memory would address me online as "Headboy" or "OB" and remind me that I cannot run from the past; am stuck forever in this history building. One of my favourite quotes by EB is: Why can't passing in class translate to making money? That's classic! Marion Nakyeyune was (Headmaster) Mr. Danze's daughter and a stunningly beautiful brainiac who became a qualified surgeon. I did not sit near her except 1st Term when I was Class Monitor but respected her from afar; she was out of my league. One day, she brought me a test paper to fill with answers and I smiled like it was just a lucid dream; the last girl I had a crush on at VNS around 1993-5 (Mariam Were) and Rita whom I fancied in our Kyebando Kisalosalo hood after P7 had the same beauty class as Marion, you know, Halle Berry Miss USA 1986 things. I calmly wrote down what I knew and handed the paper back to the beauty. Lucy Angom knew the hottest reggae lyrics. Hadijah Namutebi had my respect as one of the elders in our stream. Diana Namugalu (The Headgirl) was more popular than I was and deserved her honourable position more than I did mine after spending her entire primary school career at KPS (Those are about 21 school terms; for me I had only three when elections came and finished with five in total. Even her streammate Joseph Asea got more votes than me; he should have been Headboy). She was the glorious Queen of the West like Kampala Creme while I eulogised myself as the Beast King of the East, not a shambaboy. Her wealth of knowledge about the school was something I could lean on and she was bright too. One time, someone told me that she had scored 100 percent in a test. I checked my own paper and discovered that three numbers had been crossed wrong yet they were right. So I went back to the teacher and he also awarded me 100 percent. Beyond KPS, I met Lady Dee again at Makerere University Kampala in the first weekend after my last 2006 UCU exam before graduation (those were 10 years without seeing her); an OB told me she was around for the Pricewaterhouse Coopers interview we had all come for and the reunion was extremely refreshing. Comfort Apoo (aka Grace) who lived in Bukoto had composure beyond her age; just like Pauline Nahamya. Elizabeth Edna Nakimera was another spark from the West stream. Josephine Torach was a giant. Keserina [Catherine] Kembabazi had the admirable aura of an intellectual; reminded me of the sibling I follow just like Agnes. Elizabeth Ampire on my right kept me sensible. Docus Nabitaka who also sat in my row and column was a beautiful, brown-skinned painting plus mature woman (only teachers could vibe her); at age 12, I had to calm down and act grown around her with my grey coat plus blue trousers that no other male student wore. Her pristine, Chotara-istic closefriend who ironed her school uniforms with razorsharp finesse once hit my head with her ngolo [bare knuckles] in P6. I had refused to draw for her during a busy Art lesson by Miss Agnes Kibone (after sketching for other streammates and eating away the time to finish my own assignment), then somebody threw a banana fibre ball at her from across the room; it rolled under my desk. When I went down-under to pick it, I returned with her frame waiting for me like a tower, then: Baaammm! She hit me but I did not retaliate; just gave her a "Don't do that again, beautiful girl" pass. I even wanted to help her, but retracted to calm the awkward situation since I was a newcomer. As her HB, she was kinder and more respectful towards me than on that nasty afternoon, so I didn't hold the past against her, even if I had the power to punish her. 

Everyone else in the Class of '96 influenced me in their own special way even if not mentioned; I call them the Kalinabiri 96ers (franchise team). Forgive me if I omit somebody but am going to try and list all my other yearmates, beginning with the males: Angura Israel, Apiku Anthony, Baisi David, Bulega David, Bwiko David, Eron Tom, Gabula M. Benard, Iraua Daniel, Jera Julius, Kajoba Emmanuel, Kajobe E. Kalemera, Kakooza Michael, Kavuma L. Denis, Kermu Richard, Kibira Hercules, Kinene Barrlet, Kiwanuka S. Kasozi, Kahumuza K. Raymond, Kutosi Kenneth, Kyobe Simon, Lugayizi Francis, Lule M. Israel, Mayanja Rashid Bobic, Mpagi Ivan, Mudumi Michael, Mugere Andrew, Mugisha Godfrey, Mutebi Andrew, Ntensibe Michael, Ochan L. Gordon, Ojambo Alex, Olanya Ibrahim, Ongodia Andrew, Onyango Denis, Rwomubanyoro Adolf, Sabavuma Frank, Sendegeya Isaac, Ssebidandi Martin, Semasaze Joshua, 062 Frederick, Ssenkubuge Stanley, Sentamu Joseph, Senyonga Nicholas, Sewankambo Jude, Tambo Arthur, Walakira Isaac, Wanyonyi Patrick, Waboth Christopher, Wangwo Samuel, Wasswa Simon... 

Females: Ajuo Emma, Ajilong Betty, Akello Agnes, Akello Janet, Akol Shadia, Amuron Rebecca, Angom Lucy, Anuro Monica, Apolot Scovia, Atuheire Alicia, Auma Josephine, Bassoga Assa, Hasasha Violet, Kakwenzi Marisa, Kalungi Irene, Kamugisha Diana, Kasande Joyce, Katushabe Monica, Katusiime Grace, Kawoozo Doreen, Kayaga Evelyn, Kemigisha Eva, Kisakye Alice, Kobusingye Suzan, Ladur A. Norah, Makumbi Teddy, Mayende Lorna, Mirembe Stella, Mukisa Gloria, Musanyula Lillian, Mutesi Angel, Mutinye Florence, Mutonyi Caroline, Nabakooza Sarah, Nabanoba Faridah, Nabatanzi Lillian, Nabatte Juliet, Nabaweesi Sylivia, Nabirye Joan, Nabuchu Damali, Nabukalu Sanira, Nabukeera Nusula, Nabukeera Zaina, Nabunya Yudeya, Nabwire Jacquline, Naigwe Yuvet, Nakafeero Faridah, Nakajumba Sheila, Nakanwagi Stella, Nakimera Margret, Nakiray Fatuma, Naluyange Rose, Namono Sylivia, Namusuza Josephine, Nankabirwa Teddy, Nanteza Gwen, Nanziri Ruth, Nasolo Edith, Onyuta Hellen, Pacuto Suzan...

The other schoolmates in lower classes had an impact too: The fairly tall, fleshy, lightskinned Assistant Headgirl Catherine Nazziwa informed me she would bathe five times a day yet I did it once or twice daily; maybe as a Muslim can do. Among the boys, Clement Atibuni who found me playing soccer on Mt. Wati Road in Arua told me Miss Kibone would assure them how I write "like a computer". Andrew Cara didn't forget my crispy drawing of The Terminator; etc. GOD is great...

Ch. 5 - GOD: Last but most important, I highlight the Alpha and Omega; the main reason I wrote this short book after 27 years away from my P7 desk. There is noone else higher nor more powerful than the Almighty up in Heaven whose feet rest on the Earth! HE is the owner of power: Hosanna, hallelujah! Worship GOD! In Romans 14:11 as well as Isaiah 45:23, it is written: "As surely as I live," says the LORD, "Every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge GOD." Forgive us our sins, FATHER! I attribute my immaculate academic performances and Escape from Sobs to GOD because I prayed to HIM every night to make me the Best Academician in my class. I was a GOD-made brainiac; not because of White Star Magic soap nor Gatorade nor Sprite but daily night Prayer before sleep. As a bonus, he also made me the Headboy because teachers saw through my unflinching hustle as a noble sign of leadership (All authority comes from GOD as Romans 13:1-7 informs us). GOD deposes kings and raises up others (Daniel 2:21); HE made the proud, idol-worshipping King Nebuchadnezzar to live away from people and eat grass like the ox (Daniel 4:28-37) until he acknowledged that the Most High is sovereign over all the kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone HE wishes. In Matthew 4:8-10, the Devil lied to JESUS that he would give HIM all the kingdoms of the world and their splendour if HE would bow down and worship him, but JESUS quoted Deuteronomy 6:13 and he left. Faithful Prayer is not a waste of time; it can move mountains and throw them into the ocean or blast them up to smithereens like dynamite. In Twenty17, the KCPE Results were topped by a 14 year old Albino girl named Goldalyn Kakuya Tanga. When asked by Kenyan Press what her secret was, she mentioned Prayer in first place, then Hardwork and Discipline: GOD answers prayers. Ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened (Matthew 7:7)! Daniel waited 21 days (three weeks) for a response from GOD (Daniel 10:12-13) but you can receive your answers faster than that. Andrew Wommack taught me: Your faith is a bridge between the spiritual realm and physical manifestation. Meanwhile, Elvis Mbonye (Prophet to the Nations) said: When you want something, go for GOD's grace; it will bring you what you want. Grace gives you more than you deserve. With my back against the wall, GOD helped me morph out into beast mode; no staying down. I was secretly trying to sidestep canes and had no desire whatsoever to become a prefect but teachers still applauded my test results reverently: Mr. Mukasa labelled me the Most Handsome like I was a Very Important Pupil (V.I.P.) while Mr. Magumba called me his "son"; Levi's dad was very steady (Met him again at UCU). I treasured Mr. Kintu's lesson about how to organise adjectives; the formula was truly amazing! Mr. Tinka also had his funny vibes (Do you know a cow? Hahaha!). The Political Science muzeyi had many stories; he wasn't involved in caning us though. We didn't have any female teachers in P7, so the canes were really energetic and full. The educators even told my parents that if I didn't score 4 points on 4 subjects during PLE, they would take all my monthly results to Uganda National Examinations Board (UNEB) nearby in Ntinda to give me a honorary 4 aggregate; I saved them from that prod by getting it front and center (Headgirl was the only other person who got 4 at KPS) and was selected Number 31st alongside Uganda's Top 3 PLE Students (Tumutegyereize, Baingana and Semakadde) admitted by SMACK. The 4th Best Pupil in Uganda was probably a girl who went elsewhere and not to my 1st choice All-Boys School. SMACK was the Best School in Uganda at that time and I chose it not only to maximise the grace on me but also re-meet my best friends from Jinja even if it was Roman Catholic. Going there was a great move because it opened my 3rd eye. I've never harboured thoughts of being a leader (All I care about is money) but got appointed to various positions; started with Column Monitor in P5, then Class Monitor at KPS in P6 and 7. Responsibility was placed on my shoulders at a young age and I had to trust GOD to help me; couldn't do it on my own. Teachers in lower classes would call me to mark test papers for them. Sometimes, I was given the task of signing homework books for boarders (as parents and guardians did for dayschoolers) instead of our matron Madam Namukasa as if I didn't need someone to sign for me. Teachers on duty made me whip middle schoolers for leaving their dormitory late (That was double standards, doing what I hated most but tried to be mild, LORD have mercy!). I was chosen to explain to visitors how the instruments at the school weather station worked and it was a fun learning plus cramming experience. The teacher in charge allocated to me a very technical Campbell - Stokes Sunshine Recorder and I acted like I was a real meteorologist. GOD made us wonderfully; it is possible that our spirits know everything and through dreamvisions we can discover many hidden secrets like Joseph, Daniel, John the Revelator, etc. Sometimes, I would be called to eat specially-prepared ndagala [banana leaf] wrapped food with the teachers in their staffroom. I cannot say it is what I wanted because it made me feel small among adults. One Juma Friday in P6, I went to wash my hands using the water at the tank attached to the girls main dormitory. A Muslim dude taller than me but in a lower class waiting in line twisted my arm to my back for contaminating their wudu ablution water; mbu [that] I was a kafiri [non-believer]. In fact, by that time I was not yet even circumcised plus hadn't uttered the Shahada unlike today. However, when I became Headboy the next year, he would give me right of way and even block other people for me; funny how life turns around. Saturdays were my favourite days because from lunch onwards, we had immense freedom. After supper, movies such as Striking Distance, Sweet Justice, etc were screened on VCR tapes or Sanyu Television. Sunday morning was a weekly outing to the Anglican Church on Najjera-Namugongo-Naalya Road where I took readings sometimes; Catholics went elsewhere but we all returned to buy Ntinda Fried Cassava (NFC) and other edibles from the nearby shops and wooden shacks. My reasoning was probably operating at 90 percent efficiency, without apology. The only Bible book I had read entirely by P7 was Proverbs to get wisdom on how to be a good Headboy or leader like King Solomon. Because of movies eg JESUS (1979) shown at St. Andrew's Church of Uganda (Jinja), animations such as Flying House on UTV, Christian comics, magazines and test papers, I could pinpoint Religious Education answers but didn't know the intricate details in GOD's Word yet. There were very many verses and characters in the Bible I had never seen nor heard about anywhere. Even the black-robed reverend preparing us for Anglican Church Confirmation through evening coaching used to whip learners when they failed questions but I sidestepped him by memorising everything he taught even in Luganda: Matayo, Marko, Luuka, Yohana; it was just absurd. At the end of the following year, I felt hellbound, got sick of talking like Notorious B.I.G. (Christopher Wallace), became saved after watching Carman perform "Serve The LORD" on six-month old Lighthouse Television (LTV) and vowed in my heart to remain silent until I had read the entire Bible which I finished in Senior 3 (during 1999), then started recording my dreamvisions. The first time I returned to my birthplace after leaving permanently was a 1996 Nkokonjeru field trip with my class. The standout song in our tour taxi that rainless day was a hit from Ragga Dee: Bamusakata kiboko nazimatira [S/he was given canes which s/he appreciated]; the boys sang along loudly. At Nyanza Textile Industry Limited (NYTIL), the teachers called me to have lunch (matoke and meat) at the workers dining. They respectfully introduced me to everyone as Headboy whereas at Nile Breweries where the scent in the air alone intoxicated me, I correctly answered a question that won me the prize of a custom-designed 30 centimeter measurement ruler. It was a lovely souvenir that continuously reminded me of the Adventure Capital of East Africa. I thank all the Kalinabiri teachers for being extremely kind to me! Load-shedding from Uganda Electricity Board (UEB) that had apartments nearby was countered using amazingly bright pressure lanterns. Having grown up near the Owen Falls Dam, load-shedding for hours on end was so rare to me that when it surfaced as a PLE question, I misspelt my answer as "lode-shedding". Finally, I loved my Ntinda school and everybody in it, but hated academic canes with all my blood. Leaving KPS spankings behind was a very huge relief. Please, stop academic punishment; it's like etisa or itisa [bum-slapping with a woodstick] in Lugbara language! What is Plan G? It's trusting in GOD. Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your FATHER in Heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask HIM (Luke 11:11-13)! Praise GOD in every situation! Be careful what you ask for, you might receive it! YAHWEH is not limited like humans. HIS arm is not too short (Numbers 11:23). In 2005 while in my 2nd Year at UCU Mukono, I applied to New Vision as an intern editorial cartoonist; I wasn't picked but Mr. Ras kept my file intact. Meanwhile, my Dean at the Journalism Faculty (Ben Bella Ilakut: No excuses!) recommended me among eight scholars as a reporter; only three were chosen by Vision Group due to budget constraints, so I reused my recommendation letter to apply to BusinessWeek Newspaper and Procurement News Magazine (The former sent me to interview Juliana Kanyomozi but failed to gather data though we talked on phone). My debonair Itesot lecturer (Samuel Apedel) who was the Editor of Sunday Vision advised me to write topical Letters to the Editor which was my publishing breakthrough. At home hiding in an unused shophouse, I painstakingly drew campus cartoons in a B5 book format which got me the editorial cartooning job at UCU's bi-monthly newspaper two years later; my pre-2006-graduation lecturer Wanyama Wangah was on the interviewing panel. He became my first supervisor at the campus paper and phoned me to meet Mr. Ras in 2009 for advice plus fill in for the veteran artist while he went on leave between Christmas 2010 and Sunday 16th January 2011; I was beckoned from Arua on a Saturday for a very unmissable Monday appointment with Chief Photo Editor Jimmy Adriko. Although I noticed a mysterious, painless cut oozing blood on my lower left arm in Arua just before the call, I acknowledge GOD for the opportunity. Even Food Guide writer and UCU classmate Roger Mugisha who brought my 2005 application file to New Vision came to the Photo Section to witness my dream come true after half a decade. What do you do when you get exactly what you want? You realise that GOD gives you more than what you actually begged for eg You ask for a cup of juice, HE gives you a kavera full of mangoes or lemons (Go figure!): I appreciated my simpler UCU job much much more after one month at 1st Street, Industrial Area even though it was 33 kilometers away; afterall UCU paid New Vision to print my artwork. Enjoy your struggles while chasing whatever you really want! GOD knows what we need and usually provides it, but we are blinded by our wants. Contentment is free happiness. GOD can answer any prayers; delays are not rejections: It took me three consecutive years of failed application attempts to finally be admitted to the 2008 Maisha Filmlab where I met an actress who transformed my Art a dozen years later. She reminds me of the first girl I ever loved like myself before P3. I have worked for International Alert, Arua District Local Government, WWF, Electoral Commission, my own venture (AikoGraphics) with plans of an online YESU Magazine, etc. It was all GOD's grace, not kiboko. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery (Deuteronomy 6:12)! I thank GOD for getting me through all the paddling danger in P7 alive by enhancing my memory retention and guesswork; I survived the school feud unhurt. Mr. Danze would visit our class after sunrise and give mental work; inspired me to cram the multiplication table especially since I wore a grey coat and blue trousers (Only boy without shorts). He also taught us complex Circle Geometry fit for technical schools. It was fun though very hard. Bigups to all the KPS staff (both male and female teachers who managed us plus the muscular Chef Masaba who had daughters in the school; nurses; matrons and other workers: Gatemen were lenient because every Sunday, boarders walked out of bounds for Church anyway). Kalinabiri Primary School was started by Shem Kiseke Mukwaba Tabyetisse around 1949. GOD is great!


LESSONS FROM LIFE: We trust in GOD...

JESUS Christ is Lord (Philippians 2:11)... Noone comes to the FATHER except through the Way (John 14:6)...

S/he who has two eyes can see...

A bad beginning makes a good ending...

For GOD so loved the world that HE gave HIS only begotten Son, that whoever believes in HIM should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16 Gideon Memorial Bible)...

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction (Proverbs 1:7)...

I am the LORD your GOD... You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image in the form of anything... You shall not bow down to them or worship them... You shall not misuse the name of the LORD... Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy (Exodus 20:1-8)...

Say to wisdom, 'You are my sister,' and to insight, 'You are my relative.' (Proverbs 7:4)...

Learning never ends...

Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise - why destroy yourself? Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool - why die before your time? (Ecclesiastes 7:16-17)...

Adapt to your new environment...

Read, read, read...

Noone is born knowing everything...

Now is the time...

Launch in the deep...

Be known by works...

If we don't tell our stories, noone else will...

Memorise the 10 Commandments from Moses until you can recite them backwards...

Even if you drop out of school, you still have to make financial papers (Money)...

Everything you are looking for is right next to you...

English and Mathematics (ABC123) are the foundation of education; Science and Social Studies are the walls plus roof...

Forgive easily...

Old students (alumni) associations provide networks that are like clans...

Too much love will heal you...

Pray Until Something Happens (P.U.S.H.)...

Pray Until Lucifer Leaves (P.U.L.L.)...

Pain ends with time...

All I need to learn is Agriculture, Architecture and Art...

Kampala is not buildings, but people...

Money is just a number; study Mathematics...

When you lose, accept defeat and train to win the next match...

A child should not be punished just because they do not know the squareroot of 25...

People who dress half-naked must not complain about attracting attention...

Humans change colours...

Be creative...

Pray without Ceasing (PwC)...

It's not how hard you pushed along the way, it's having something in you to finish... Don't break when you're broken... Have the courage to fail (Michael Jordan)...

Keep on keeping on...

Don't be evil...

Make things...

Accept failure (LeBron James)...

Be formless... shapeless, like water (Bruce Lee)...

Rice mixed with cabbage is food for winners...

Katogo [Fresh cassava boiled with beans] is delicious during Saturday lunch...

Exams are simply tests to certify to employers hiring for jobs that you have studied certain required things. If you want to learn a skill or anything else for personal use, you can read about it without an exam...

Read ahead...

GOD provides...

Muslims perform ablution before prayer...

There are two types of women: Pearls you love more, but Diamonds love you more...

School bullies better watch out or else their victimised targets might feed them rat poison in bread...

When rain falls, store it in a tank instead of complaining that there is no water...

Stay calm, your difficulties will end...

One year is not a very long time when you divide it into three or four parts...

Lucifer is the other name of Satan (The Devil); he's not just a beautiful angel...

Read your Bible, pray everyday...

A shirt can dry in two hours if you waveshake it hard first before hanging up in the open air...

Read harder...

Even people who hate you can smile for you...

Do not fight your schoolmates...

Accept JESUS into your heart...

Pay attention...

Only GOD can stop you...

Love is a free gift...

Keep your good friends closer than enemies...

Diamonds are forever...

In the name of JESUS Christ of Nazareth, pass the test...

Corporal punishment (including 40 stripes) should only be applied for thefts, promiscuity and other forbidden behaviour, not lack of knowledge...

Spoil the rod and spare the child...

Bedwetting is managed by covering a mattress with a liquidproof material such as macintosh or leather; not spanking the bedwetter...

Jump academic canes or die reading...

Ignorance is not bliss, but neither is it a criminal offence...

Every pupil has intelligence; the variety is enormous. School should be a place that allows freewill discovery plus development of talents not pressurised cramwork...

Find the correct answers...

Laziness is the thin line between knowhow and action...

Performing Last in exams is not the end of the future...

Success is a choice...

Money can't buy love, but it can buy cassava...

Edu-ke-shoni is the key to success...

Knowledge is wealth...

Even if you go and fight courageously in battle, GOD will overthrow you before the enemy, for GOD has the power to help or to overthrow (2nd Chronicles 25:8)...

Health is wealth...

Questions plus ideas equals answers... The solution to any problem is in the problem itself...

No sleeping all day...

Less talk, more reading...

A stitch in time saves nine...

Justice is sweet...

Imagine Uganda Police was only robots to keep law and order...

Read the dictionary...

Win, lose or draw...

Unlearn to relearn...

Go through the motions...

Everything comes from GOD...

Do not deceive yourselves. If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become 'fools' so that you may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in GOD's sight. As it is written: 'HE catches the wise in their craftiness' (1st Corinthians 3:18-19)... 

Ignorance [Freeing your mind] is an asset for learning...

The education system is not entirely bad, it's the learner's application system that needs proper tuning...

Love is energy that brings out the best in people...

English is my 2nd language; Lugbara (mother tongue) first. Lusoga, Luganda, Swahili, German, French, Runyankole, Chinese, etc can follow...

If you think you have reached the top, then the only place to go next is down until you hit rock bottom...

Be humble, no matter how much you know, there are people who know more than you...

It's my life (Bon Jovi)...

The sun and moon cannot meet but they share the same light...

When you are at the top, calm down because one day you will come down...

GOD is very fair...

Happiness comes from within...

Love back everyone who loves you; respect them as well...

Read or cry...

I am the King of Sorrow (Sade)...

Even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of kiboko, I will fear no evil for THOU art with me...

Actions speak louder than lip-service...

Keep studying...

Exercise (Fagil Mandy)...

When tired, just rest...

You cannot trade peace for anything (Desire Luzinda)...

JESUS is for everybody...

When you are at the top, you become a topic...

Ships sink not because of the ocean outside but inside them...

Azi de-i ku [Lugbara Translate: Work never ends]...

Masturbation is evil...

Do not covet Uriah's wife...

Pray, pray, pray...

Stay disciplined...

Fast and pray...

Any knowledge can lead to new knowledge...

Do not agonise, but organise (Elly Tumwine)...

Ashame the Devil...

Constructive criticism is a hump but spiteful insults are potholes...

Carry your cross...

I grew up on posho and beans...

If JESUS is GOD, then whom did HE pray to?

Pain is normal but suffering is optional...

Turn your pain into Art...

The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, without painful toil for it (Proverbs 10:22)...

Find alternative energy...

Know what you want...

Do not tap out...

Be comfortable being uncomfortable...

You are what you know...

"They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD (Jeremiah 1:19)...

MUNGU awa drileba ndundu [Lugbara 4: GOD has distributed blessings differently] (Leila Chandiru)...

Money like school marks is just a number...

Life is what you make it...

Food is compulsory...

Pipo gon' tok wetha yu r doing bad or gud (Rihanna)...

LGBTQI+ is from the Devil...

Love GOD with all your heart... Love your neighbour as you love yourself...

Be brief and concise...

Eat the bamboo shoots that were used to whip you in school like elephants, pandas, Bagisu and Oriental Asians. The tender, crunchy sprouts taste like corn and when cooked for 30 minutes or two hours can be very sweet...

Being Last in Class doesn't make somebody daft nor stupid...

Shabbat Shalom!

Elevate yourself to the Next Level...

In order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the LORD to take it away from me. But HE said to me, "MY grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2nd Corinthians 12:7-10)...

Get saved or die repenting...

The best discovery is finding out that JESUS (The Lamb of GOD who takes away the sins of the world) was crucified to save us from Hellfire...

Good things come to an end...

GOD is the Alpha and Omega...

Hope School Anthem: We young women and men of Uganda/ Are marching along the path of education/ Singing and dancing with joy together/ Uniting for a better Uganda.// 1. We are the pillar of tomorrow's Uganda/ Let us rise now embrace true knowledge/ Yielding disciplined resourcefulness/ To rebuild a great, great Pearl.// 2. We know the way into the land of enlightenment has thorns, creepers, vales and mountains/ Come what may we shall overcome/ For the glorious times to come.// 3. Parents and teachers and the youths of this nation/ Rise with us, support our endeavours/ Lead by GOD who is the Source of Life/ To uplift our motherland!

THE END