Jesus X-st, the Assassin

GODisgreat! Jesus Christ (aka JX-st in gangsta lingual) once said,“Whoever believes in me believes in the father.” So that makes Muslims the brothers to Christians, right? Right! Okay, the Quran says that “All those who believe in Jesus will be superior to the non believers.” So that makes Hajjatis Christian sisters also, right? Come on!

Not all the ideas below are mine, some I captured from a BBC World Service Radio program on Religion around the middle of this decade but anyway, read on. According to Islam, Jesus was an important prophet. There is a diverging picture of details but the fact is: he was one of the prophets. A Muslim is incomplete without believing in the Jesus of the Anunciation (at the trunk of a palm tree) and Virgin Birth. [There is a “brook that runs at your feet. Shake the tree; it will drop fresh ripe dates in your lap, Mariam!”]

Other Arabic writings speak of forgiveness. Many Muslims know Jesus as the prophet of the Heart (Peace & Mercy); the Letter and Spirit of the Law. Isa is the Prophet before Muhammad, the Last Prophet. [Charity means do good to that person who does harm. He who is not born twice shall not enter heaven]

According to the Apocryphal Gospels considered legendary by the European churches, Jesus brought the dead to life, healed the sick, and made clay birds. Muslims believe he never died and resurrected but ascended directly to Heaven. Isn’t this a clash of civilizations with Christianity? Muslims also believe that he was a man born without a father (very refreshing) and he is coming back. Did I pause somewhere? Okay, I just said that, He is coming back to KILL the AntiChrist who will be a Ruler in the Revived Roman Empire. Whoa, a compassionate Healer turned Killer or Thriller? I cannot wait for the return of the Assassin named X-st. For sure, the Christian Church has emphasized different aspects of the Christ Story. Christianity has played with the resurrection and crucifixion (Cruci-Fiction). Muslims are more orthodox about their traditional beliefs than X-tians. Islam is making us look again at our beliefs. We need to look to the future for our complete deliverance. Some one once asked me what I was saved from and I realized that the mortal combat continues. Not all who call X-st “Lord, Lord” will enter the Garden but those who do what they are supposed to do should, though it’s not a guarantee, you know.

Anyway, others believe that JX-st survived the crucifixion and fled to India where he ministered. He was laid to rest in Kashmir. He said, “Blimey, I have found a worthy shrine…” and decorated it. He was a revered prophet though not as the Son of GOD. Jesus influenced religions of the East. In Japan, they believe he used to plant rice and was buried there alongside his wife and kids. (Origato) Thank you for the news! The idea that Jesus was ‘Life after death and death after life’ terrified the Chinese, literally drove the living daylights out of them. JX-st married and had children. He bid his disciple Ababid to level the place, turned his head to the north and face to the East. Jesus went to Puri Anarisa and studied in the temple. He influenced Hinduism but not fundamentally. In Bengal, Hindus believed that Jesus was a good Hindu, a person who had specially come for a special mission. Teachings of Hinduism and Buddhism are mingled which automatically makes Bahai’s partakers in my Jesus tribute.

Some argue that Jesus could also be a creation of man rather than GOD, “You cannot create a perfect account of history. Subtly many different images of him have been brought up. Many faiths acknowledge his existence.” Mormons claim that after the Resurrection, he went to America. (In one New Age believer’s dream), Jesus wore a red and purple robe and threw flowers to a crowd. The messages of Jesus come directly first hand as New Age believers claim. They see him in visions and dreams.

“Now that this event is over, let’s celebrate!” Jesus said to the crowd while throwing flowers and riding in a carriage [Probably of Lambourginis and Mustangs, you know. Just kidding!], in one New Age believer’s dream. Christianity cannot claim that Jesus is its own. He embodies the fundamental truth of human suffering and eventful relief. Christ can save anyone from one’s struggles. In Arua, we say, “Life is a beautiful struggle.” Ask 88.2 Sanyu FM’s sweet voiced Malawian-Ugandan presenter Crystal Newmann about that statement – she likes it and Christians, Muslims, Buddhists & Rastafarians should always remember it.

For us Africans, he was exiled in Egypt during his younger years and probably had relatives from Ethiopia (Forget the Rastafarian Selassie, I’m talking about Queen Sheba and Wise King Solomon: Jesus’ ancestor knew that the Best Women all reside in Africa). While I welcomed the delay of Doom’s Day at the start of Y2K, my favourite movie about the X-st was ‘The King of Kings’ by director Cecil B. DeMille who also worked on another masterpiece ‘The Ten Commandments’. Actor H.B. Warner portrayed the best picture of Jesus in the 20th Century at least by my standards. This X-st was neither pretentious nor sanctimonious; he was the real deal. Warner used to fast during filming and I guess that’s where he got this Christ-like feel. Other good movies include ‘Jesus’ which was shown in many churches during Christmas in the 1990s (In the 2000 Millenium Anniversary Edition, Brazilian ace Ronaldo da Lima called X-st ‘The Number One…Didn’t he mean Number One Assassin); ‘The Last Temptation of Christ’; ‘The Boy Jesus’; ‘The Judas Project’ shows what would have happened to Jesus if he had been born during the time of SUVs (Sports Utility Vehicles) and Automatic Rifles; Mel Gibson’s ‘The Passion of the Christ’ is the Most Grotesque Description of X-st’s final week alive. I even silently shedded tears of conviction in my room while watching the part where the condemned prostitute was touching our Lord’s foot in appreciation for saving her from being stoned by Pharisees. After watching ‘Passion’, one man confessed to having murdered someone. Consciences were rekindled. There have also been musicals such as the Rock ‘N’ Roll ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’.

JX-st, our new super-hero from Nazareth is the Assassin who will save us at the Battle of Armageddon (Megiddo, Israel) …Van Helsing, what happened to Calvary, man? Why do people back-slide? We live like Pharisees, demon-influenced hypocrites [Runaway devils, and Hell-boys] who claim to know the Word like real Men of GOD but have no Power to shake the Devil. We need to become Spiritual Snipers bringing down evil powers and principalities in the invisible realm. Will we be forgiven completely for failing to terminate them…I ain’t blaspheming but just trying to find answers before we reach the new Zion. Peace and Love, church!