Confidence tricks abound; true friends or real people do not toy with you. They do not exploit your credulity, naivety (inexperience), compassion, vanity, confidence, irresponsibility and greed.
Confidence trick is an attempt (usually by a stranger though sometimes someone familiar or an acquaintance) to defraud somebody after first gaining their trust...
Be very careful when a stranger keeps telling you about how rich they are or the big jobs they are doing or how much they love you or expensive gifts they have for you, then tries to get money from you, even by borrowing. S/he might be a con artist...
An Indian OB once advised me to trust only two people on Earth, "GOD and your parents." He had a point. I trust very few people (especially family and friends) but leave a small room in my heart (about 3 percent) for unwelcome eventualities like a thin cushion to fall back on when betrayed. People are like chameleones; they can front various colours yet inside they are different... You can see a man's face, read his texts or hear his voice but cannot see his heart... A badman's ways can tear you apart...
The truth is more valuable than gold...
Money is just a number, but it makes humans act weird...
Con artists can contact you using pseudo identities via Facebook claiming to be in Canada or Australia, then WhatsApp, tell you they want to be a good and honest friend plus have expensive gifts (like computers, iphones, video cameras, jewelry, etc) for you carried by a friend going to Senegal which is nearer to your location. Then, they give you that person's number eg +221703721884 for Reverend Matilda Bernard and when you contact the Sister, that person tells you she has no money to send your gift via courier services and that you must wire (Western Union or MoneyGram) it quickly so that FedEx brings your package to Uganda. Since when does FedEx use the United Bank of Africa (UBA) logo as its profile picture? All I do in such a scenario is dupe them that I have sent the money using a Mobile App, no delivery slips. They should check with the money transfer police, heehee! Another idea is telling them that Uganda Revenue Authority (URA) taxes money sent abroad by 10 percent and that they should send me the tax fee so that I can send them the 120 USD courier fees. You have to beat fraudsters at their craft. It's a game, so play your cards right. There are always redflags to look out for and one of them is Indian origins. In my case, the Fb name (Saranya Saran) seemed Indian but person claimed to be Dr. Grace Michelle from Australia which confused me. The name on her doctor overall coat did not match the hospital she told me she was working with. They also front an image that they are deeply religious; even wolves can dress up like your grandmother...
Identity theft is very easy especially of people who post a lot of photos online; a fraudster can duplicate your aura anywhere and use it to con people smartly...
Some females manipulate desperate men to think that they love them so that they can kula [fleece] money from them and then cut ties without a trace like a Hell Date. Eno Rom(antic)-con etandika butandisi: Case in point was Stacy from MUBS who hoodwinked Asiimwe from Mbarara to load her with money up to 500,000 UGX for transport to Mbra. She received his money multiple times without remorse (Even complained that 200,000 UGX was not enough for her upkeep) but in truth had no love for the "potbellied" guy. Some campus murders do not arise from nothing; it's a web of lies and games girls play that land them in grave problems. When you are a broke guy, you can play it safe and just lose a few shillings to such slayers as charity or goodwill. Breakups affect men badly too just like women; a friend of mine started smoking and drinking heavier than before just because his girlfriend left him yet he had money (Her excuse was that she couldn't share him with his other women)... Meanwhile, men (who qualify as players) deceive women about how rich they are or promise marriage so that they can sleep with the ladies but abandon them with babies or STDs afterwards. I've seen one Ugandan beauty undergo a brain operation after a Kenyan played her. Another in our Kampala hood killed herself...
Paying tithe or 10 percent Church tax is compulsory; I have no objection to that. However, when a mufere pastor or false prophet tells his followers to sell all they have and bring the money to him for blessings, I shudder. Hardluck to all those who give everything and then cry about it when nothing happens. GOD only asks for 10 percent though welcomes everything like the widow in Luke 21 who was not pressed by anyone...
Have you ever been called around post-lunchtime on a Uganda Telecom line by someone using MTN telling you that you have won a 5 Million prize and pickup truck from Airtel? The trap is just dumm! One guy told me to show that I was happy like it is done in TV broadcasts, so I pretended by sarcastically shouting: Yey! How do you even win both 5 Million plus a pickup at the same time? That specific Airtel promotion had already ended and it was not yiven for UTL customers like me. Most conmen think all Ugandans are idiots...
Police arrested conmen and found an exercise book filled with mobile phone numbers of planned targets to call and con...
Some guy in Entebbe using MTN called me one Sunday morning to tell me through my Orange line that he had sent me Mobile Money by mistake and wanted me to send it back. If you had seen the initial SMS text message confirming delivery of money, you would have laughed heartily because it was custom-written in broken English. Since when did MTN start using mbogo for prompts? I lied to him that the nearest Mobile Money point from home was 2 kilometers away and I was not going there soon; told him to wait for some hours. Well, he waited forever...
Another con artist called to tell me I had won a prize with Orange Telecom. When I informed him that I was in Arua, he said they would come there and that I should get ready to receive my prize. I didn't wait for them, just continued with my life...
People make promises and pledges they do not keep... Others borrow money they never pay back like broadday robbery... Do not make a vow you will break...
Money laundering sounds like Ugandan English for money londa-ring [picking]... Kyelondera taba mubi...
Time heals all money wounds... The love of money is the root of all Evil; and so is being dead broke...
Money cannot buy love, but it can buy divorce lawyers...
I've never dated a Nyankole babe; I harbour this weird stereotype that Basheshe want Big Money but I guess that cuts across all cultures. One day in Twenty22, I started receiving interesting calls from a chick who claimed to love me with all her heart and she's a Munyankole. I had never met her before (She told me she found me on Waptrick, I had no idea how) and it seemed too sweet to be true, so naturally I was skeptical at first but listened to her. She started by telling me a collection of lies (false name plus different locations) but then came clean and confessed that she shouldn't treat me this way if she's going to marry me. She actually apologised and I told her she was not committing a crime. There is nothing wrong with making new friends but then later, she began asking me for transport money to attend a burial in Jinja (I offered her part of it and told her to top up), more transport to visit a friend in Ankole, airtime, data plus buy a birthday gift for someone. She also fell sick like a trick, typical con artist stories though I told her that she's already forgiven if she's actually being dishonest. When I finally told her point blank that I was "dead broke", she stopped communicating like before. It's like she had been fattening my trust and confidence in her so that she can stash away my cash and vanish like in a romance scam. However, my initial consolatory decision was to use her characteristics for a comic I've been trying to create for ages about a Lugbara + Nyankole couple just in case my premonitions came true...
Prenuptial agreements are usually signed before marriage to prevent divorce scams and court shenanigans that the biblical patriarch Moses wouldn't even approve of: Divorce is bad... Play your cards right like Achraf Hakimi; Morocco didn't reach the World Cup Qatar 2022 semifinals by accident...
On Easter Friday Twenty23, I met a serial child deserter who was looking for a place to rest and get something to eat because hunger was piercing her abdomen. When I asked for her name, she lied about the firstname but I was able to research her fullname and background; Google (Lens) recognises faces. I cannot judge her nor hold much against her because the three different men who impregnated her did not provide upkeep for the kids they made in her; men can be irresponsible too. I just hope she is not the one who seduced all of them. She kept telling me her problems, but I told her to stop and just rest; we all have zibs. The other thing I heard from her is that her salon employers are always jealous of her customer-attracting hairstyling skills...
Either you are a slut or faithful partner; you cannot be both at the same time... Malaya when translated to Bantu languages or Lugbara means "prostitute" and rhymes with "Ma liar" like urban slanguage for "My liar"... The Devil is the Father of Lies...
A lyre is a musical instrument with strings strung across a U-shaped frame. Meanwhile, a lyrebird has a U-shaped tail...
Aren't you tired of spam mail? Sometimes, I reply spammers with the initials of each word in the sentence going through my mind eg "Why don't you stop emailing lies to me?" would be emailed back as: Wdyseltm?
I wish I had my own Ladders software to track the exact machine from where Facebook spam is sent and then infilterate it with spyware (I tried writing code in vain): A beautiful Ugandan female profile with many seemingly legit likes and other reactions plus comments on her photo tells you she is working abroad in Europe or America and wants to send money to her relatives in Uganda. Then she gives you numbers to call and alert her people that money has been deposited plus that they should give you a cut for your efforts. When you call, the person on the line tells you multiple problems as though they want you to get airtime or Mobile Money from your Facebook friend quickly and send to them; am never sympathetic, just tell them to check the bank accounts...
Henry Ssali's feature film "Kiwani" starring Juliana Kanyomozi the Diva and comedian Hannington Bujjingo highlights conmen cinematically. The sequel is called "Bullion"... Bobi Wine's hit song "Kiwani" is inspired by a maneouvre that is believed to have originated from a back alley with a devilish-looking night club on the south end somewhere in Mukono Town; I trekked in that area a number of times while studying at Uganda Christian University (UCU) and actually met Bobi's buddy Buchaman around there for my first time: Was amazed at how loved he was but didn't know he was a superstar in the making. Someone drops fake money infront of you especially at night and when you pick it to alert them, they ask you for change so that they can share it with you. You give them legit legal tender and remain with the counterfeit thinking it was a great gain. After watching Chelsea beat Man Utd 1-0 to pass time somewhere on Hospital Road and then seeing off a Mukono workmate of mine (Gooner like me) travelling back to Kampala transnight at Gaagaa Coach in Arua, some dudes tried the trick on me as I walked past the old Barclays container on Rhino Camp Road. I somehow guessed what they were trying to do and acted unmoved by continuing my walk; they instead abused me while picking up their wallet...
It's funny how Ugandan conmen blow their cover by using broken English, in both voice and text messages. Nonetheless, it doesn't mean fluent English-users do not con...
Uganda Communications Commission (UCC)'s Tales of Kasozi (Tonfera alerts) warn people about fraudulent schemers...
Mi aa Steady [Beera steady; Ocai Steady, etc], Be Better...
Tricksters are clever thieves; there used to be a show by the same name on NTV Uganda starring a character named Edwin (I had suggested Edward) and hosted by my Old Scholar Peter Katonene, then the upbeat Brian Mulondo. I contributed only one script to the TV Series crafted by a 4th Maisha Filmlab actor Mr. Samuel Tebandeke: I based my input on a Diamond Trust Bank story I heard from my sister who worked there, but it was changed to Gold Trust Bank... I had many others to write... I've been conned once physically (paid 150,000 UGX as quarter advance fees for a 600K laptop I did not receive from a short Entebbe man claiming to be a UPDF soldier on holiday from Afghanistan though he showed it to me at some internet cafe - His excuse was a friend had broken his leg in an accident and they were rushing him to Mulago; never saw him again yet we had initially met at Bahai Temple Kampala which is considered a righteous place). My consolation was that in 2009, GOD finally got me my first personal laptop. Virtually, I've been conned once too (Someone claiming to be a sister to the American staff member Sherry Meyer at Radio Pacis asked me via Facebook for 50,000 UGX to help refuel the diesel car bringing her to Arua but was stuck around Karuma Bridge). It was Sunday and I felt inspired having started communicating with the defrauder while preparing to go to Church, but the sister's account suddenly froze online in the evening. I let that go coz GOD always provides again and he did: I even earned money that was more than what had been conned doing firewood work for some Catholic establishment in Ediofe...
During an Inspectorate of Government logo design contest, I took my khaki envelope of prospective designs for submission and the guy at reception collecting the Art told me to give him 30,000 UGX so that he presents my artwork ahead of other people; I declined because I did not trust him. At the end of that same week, I found him outside All Saints Cathedral jazzing with his friends; corrupt people also go to Church. We just laughed together as acknowledgement: I see you...
My first bank account was set up in 2007 at Nile Bank to confirm whether a Kenyan Conman could forward the 10 Million UGX Nakumatt Supermarket prize money he had alerted my youngest sister about via SMS. The dude gave me three options: 1.Go to Nairobi to receive the prize, 2. Send 25 KSh Safaricom airtime or 3. Tell him my Bank Account. Mbu [That] there was a tax involved which I had to pay before the money is sent, so I told him to chop off the tax and send me the remainder; he just abused me, heehee, but my bank account remained for over a decade...
Conmen may call you and lie that you have won a cash prize. To receive it via mobile money, they direct you to speedily type a code which they read out; it's just like sending MoMo through one long instant code: *165*1*1*Receiver's number*Amount*Reason*Your pin#. I almost fell for a trap but when it came to typing in my pincode, I went a different way by typing a false pincode because I noticed very quickly that the number that would receive money was not mine (actually his). Then I lied to the caller that some money had disappeared from my account. He was not sympathetic at all though seemed indifferent coz money didn't jump into his phone, but I insisted that my MoMo had reduced. This trick works when you do not know the manual MoMo prompts and only use the App...
Y'ello! Be aware of Fraudsters. Do not share your MoMo PIN with anyone. MTN uses only 0312120000 to contact customers. Do not be conned...
I'm not a Yahoo boy even if I have a Yahoo email since 2001...
Scammers do not care about the mental health of their victims... Losing money through a scam you thought was legit can be very depressing... Some people commit suicide after investing a lot of money in gambling and chance games. A cousin of mine once fell victim to a scheme where his six digit money investment seemed to multiply but then the dealers disappeared...
Scammers can take advantage of jobseekers; I do not believe in job applications that require a fee. Even some genuine tender processes turn me off...
The lie detector was invented to determine liars and cheaters...
When conned, either you forgive or retaliate. Revenge is best served bold; why fear con artists... Bait is food placed on a hook, in a net, trap or fishing area to entice fish or other animals as prey... Lure, troll and tease swindlers if you wish... It's reverse deception and some sort of payback, twist or playback...
Scambaiting according to virtual vigilante Jim Browning (not his real name) is "the art of taking scammers off their scripts... Turn the tables on those scammers..." Jim has fought back against numerous scam call thugs, deleted their computer files and saved thousands of people from being robbed of millions of Dollars. Some people trust scammers more than him, but he scams scammers, "I wait for them to try and scam me first... I can connect back to their PC... I'm quite technical... What they are doing is illegal:... stealing money from people... Scammers want to steal all your money..." Pretend you are a scam victim and see how far con artists can go to squeeze a Dollar out of you... Waste their time, you are not helpless; scammers forge documents to blind victims: Some spam mailer even made for me a certificate from the Ministry of Justice in Ivory Coast just to make me believe that s/he was not a crook trying to rob me...
Don't you think surveilling scammers the way governments do (as Edward Snowden leaked) could be fun? If you had the gadgets and expertise, wouldn't you do it? Movies about outsmarting conmen include Firewall starring Harrison Ford, Swordfish, etc...
Watch your space!
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