Translate Lugbara to English

Lugbara AI

Language Model/ Corpus/ Simplified Text Dataset of Lugbara Phrases (Sentences for Machine Learning):

How do you say "Thanks!" in Lugbarati? Awa'difo!

Translate "Angu owi 'bo!" to English! The place has dawned already/ The sun has risen.

IMPORTANT RULES for AI FINE-TUNING: Lugbara words are written the way they are pronounced. Every word ends with a vowel... Adding suffixes -ka, -ma, -nga, -ta, -za to verbs creates nouns... Adding the suffix -ru to nouns (which can be used as male-given names) creates adjectives (which can be used as female-given names)... The letter C is always pronounced Ch like Church... In clusters DJ, GB and KP, the first letter is silent; meanwhile MV is pronounced NV and NZ is NJ... Some words that start with E can start with I while those that start with O can start with U eg in Aringati or other dialects... Apostrophe before B, D, W and Y denotes the sound H... The word ra after a verb denotes positive emphasis while ku denotes opposite... Some words have multiple meanings depending on three (to four) tones or the context...

Lugbara Translate:

A ga (si)! = I refuse!

A ka mi ne. = When I see you.

A le chai na (3)! = I want three cups of tea!

A le enya! = I want food!

A le ku! = I do not want!

A le lonyi icekoko. = I need (want without missing) wealth.

A le mi! = I love you/ I want you!

A le mi ambamba! = I love you very much!

A le mi ku. = I do not love/ want you.

A le mi tu! = I love you very much!

A le mi tu. = I want to kick you.

A le mu ku. = I do not want to go.

A le spageti ambamba! = I love spaghetti alot!

A le yi mvuzaru! = I want drinking water!

A le yi ojizuru! = I want water for washing/ bathing!

A mvu chai suluwayiwayi si. = I drank tea with small donuts.

A nda ti. = I searched for long.

A va ra. = I understand/ understood.

Abutze ni 'be ambo izu ndeni Westi Nailu-a ri. = Abutze is the Tallest Mountain in West Nile.

ADRO le Lugbara tu. = GOD loves the Lugbara very much.

A'di le ma ra? Ma-i! A'dusi? = Who loves me? It's me! Why?

A'di yo! = No war!

ADRO le ama woro. = GOD loves all of us.

A'du iji mi ma dukani-a (ni)? = What brings you to my shop?

Agu azi ci aapi desi 'ba aga 'Be ambo Wati. = There is a man who lives across Mountain Wati.

Agupi azi-a. = Men at work!

Agupi azia! = Six men!

Aita ma mba kongolo. = Faith should grow hardened.

Aje ni isi 'bo. = The price has reduced already.

Aje ni si? = How much is the price?

Aju mani. = The spear is mine/ for me.

Ajuru ni imbapi. = Ajuru is a teacher.

Aku mi ku! = I won't leave you!

Ama aa 'ba si. = We stay/ exist because of people.

Ama ayikoru! = We are happy!

Ama 'di. = We are here.

Ama mi inzi, MUNGU! = We worship you, GOD!

Ama mu drile; a cani go vile ku. = We are moving/ going forward; we won't go back.

Ama nga ama le ewule ewule. = We will love each other forever.

Amaguru ni aa Landani-a. = Amaguru stays in London.

Amena! = Amen!

Amuki Mvara-a! = Let us go to Mvara!

Amvu orodriru. = A farm is valuable.

Angu amadri tu ku asi onzi si. = Our place does not rise/ develop because of bad heart.

Aniako adreni ayiko ku. = Ignorance/ Lack of knowledge is not bliss.

Angusara si, afa woro ni i-oja o'di. = At dawn, everything turns new.

Anya i'di funo ala si alu saaru. = Millet porridge with groundnut paste is very tasty.

Aringati Lugbarati le. = Aringa language is like Lugbara language.

Arojo ngoa? = Where is the hospital/ medicine-house?

Arua alu mengu ika-orenjisiri le. = Arua is tasty like a red-orange mango.

Arua 'dale, onyi ci. = That side of Arua, there is niceness.

Arua Hilu ni avi Onduparaka be. = Arua Hill is playing with Onduparaka.

Asindriza aga lonyi. = Peace is better than wealth/ property.

Asindriza Kristo ni 'ba dria ni. = The peace of Christ for all.

Ata mba, kirikiri! = (Also) man, please!

Awa'difo irita si! = Thanks for listening!

Awa'difo mini! = Thank you!

Awania! = Thanks!

Ayiko 'bu-a. = Happiness is in heaven.

Ayiko mani ci, YESU oji onzi mani. = There is happiness for me, JESUS washed my sins.

Ayiko ni ma fu! = Happiness is killing me/ I'm happy!

Ayiko nyaku-a ci! = There is happiness on earth!

Ayiko nyaku-a yo! = No happiness on earth!

Ayivu ma Opi ica Agofe suzori. = The Ayivu Chief became the 4th Paramount Chief (of Lugbara Kari).

Ayota ma so pa eyi ma pari-a. = Rules (must) stand in their place/ Terms apply.

'Ba/ Bha da sende tawuni-a tipasi. = Money was poured in town using a tipper.

'Ba gasia ive acisi. = Garbage/ Rubbish/ Trash is burnt using fire.

'Ba nde YESU si. = People win through JESUS.

Belinda ni kriketi avi. = Belinda plays cricket.

Bongomini ni Acoli. = Bongomin is an Acholi.

Briketi 'ba ide karatasi aapi yi ma alea cika o'du iri risi. = Brickets are made using papers that have stayed in water for at least two days.

Chandi ci. = There is sadness/ sorrow/ misery.

Dipresoni peta ni. = Depression is a choice.

'Di ma wa'di/ ago/ oku. = This is my partner/ husband/ wife (woman).

Doro ni Muyindi. = Doro is an Indian.

E 'ba mi cika! = (You have) put yourself better off!

E 'ba mupira vaa! = Put the ball down!

E gba mani simu! = Ring/ call me!

E ka te ise osiza ma nga mi ti-a, mi te sawa izu. = If you wait for fried grasshoppers to fly into your mouth, (then) you wait a long time.

E ka tro le ra, e ka tro le ku. = Even if you want, even if you don't.

E la muke! = Sleep well!

E le a'du(ni)? = What do you want?

E nda! = Search!

E nga azi! = Work!

E nga mini ngari! = Do the work you are doing/ Mind your work!

E (n)zi jotile! = Open the door!

E va ra? = Did/ Do you understand?

Ediofe ni kala etu ni 'dezuri-a. = Ediofe is on the side where the sun sets/ West side.

Ee! = Yes!

Emi imu YESU vu! = Come to JESUS!

Emi we emi yofe si! = Come in large numbers/ Sweep yourselves with a broom!

Emili ni Ostrelia-a. = Emily is in Australia.

Enya 'di alu tu! = This food is very delicious!

Enyasa za si. = Cassava slapfood/ bread with meat.

Enyau ni ra Nailu Miri-a. = Enyau flows into the Nile River.

Eri adungu avi. = S/he is playing the West Nile bow-harp.

Eri buku la. = S/he is reading a book.

Eri fe ma asi ni su. = S/he makes my heart pain.

Eri ma dri onzi! = S/he has a bad head/ is stubborn!

Eri makaroni nya. = S/he eats/ is eating macaroni.

Eri mindreru. = S/he is tearful.

Eri muke! = S/he is okay!

Etu mudri (10). = 4 pm/ Daytime Sun 10.

Eyi Kristiani. = They are Christians.

Eyi mairungi nya Bigi Ji si. = They eat mairungi with Big G.

Eyi muke! = They are okay!

E'yere e'yere, okuku mu re. = Slowly slowly, the tortoise went far.

E'yo azi yo! = There is no other issue/ problem!

E'yo ewaru ma talasi, ma ali 'bo. = Beside the difficult issue, I have passed already.

E'yo laza. = News.

Haleluya! = Hallelujah!

Hedeksi ni drigaza atri. = Hedex stops headaches.

Idi Amini ni andraa Lugbara agaa, Kakwa agaa. = Idi Amin was half Lugbara, half Kakwa.

Idri onyiru! = Life is good!

I'du/ Iji mupira, mi edri mupira! = Take the ball, pass the ball!

Ife (E fe) mani indi! = Give me too!

Ife (E fe) mani soda! = Give me a soda!

Ifi! = Enter/ Go in!

Ikini? = You said?

Imu dri ada-a! = Go right!

Ine! = See!

Ingu 'ba azi ku! = Hate no one!

Ini ma vutia, etu ni ifu ra. = After the night, the sun comes out.

Ini muke! = Good night!

Inisi, etu ni 'de. = At night, the sun falls/ sets.

Ipe (E pe) M7! = Vote M7!

Ise! = Pull!

Ise alu(alu)! = Grasshoppers are tasty!

Isu mi medali ceni! = Wear your (own) medal by yourself!

Isu (E su) odre 'dia ku! = Do not urinate here!

Ite ma! = Wait for me!

Itru ma! = Forgive me/ Undress me!

Itu (E tu) ongo! = Dance to the music!

Ive ra! = You got burnt/ Thank you for the food!

Iya (E ya) mi! = Shake yourself!

Izoanzi lonyi le. = Girls are like wealth.

J-Hope Band ni ongo ngo. = J-Hope Band is singing a song.

Kali aro drini aro du aziri, Arua One! = 88.7, Arua One!

Kanisa ngoa? = Where is the church?

Kini: Sende yo. = (S/he) said: There is no money.

Kirikiri! = Please!

Kome alu! = The chair is sweet!

Kome nyo-i. = The chair broke.

La skulu Ojapi-a. = (S/he) studied in Ojapi.

Le anga azi avasi! = We need to work with enthusiasm!

Le mi ati ma eri e'yo 'di indi. = Your father needs to hear this issue too.

Leta adari MUNGU vu. = True love is with GOD.

Leta mini i'da mani 'di de ma abiri. = This love you showed/ have shown me finished my hunger.

Leta nde ni. = Love wins.

Leta si, mi 'ba tru. = With love, you forgive people.

Livapulu-a, mi aci nga a'dule ku. = In Liverpool, you'll never walk alone.

Ludi ni mukati okazaru ide. = Ludi is making brown bread.

Luwero ni NRM ma e'doza. = Luwero is the beginning of NRM.

Ma a'bi la 'do. = My ancestors are resting here.

Ma ai mi ava amboru si! = I receive you with great enthusiasm!

Ma amvi, mi oja asi! = My sister, repent/ change heart!

Ma azoru! = I'm sick!

Ma dri ni ga. = My head is acheing/ paining.

Ma 'di. = I'm here.

Ma 'do. = I'm here.

Ma enga Aroi-a. = I'm (coming) from Aroi.

Ma e'yo nze a'di be? = Who am I talking with/ to?

Ma ice mi! = I missed you!

Ma iconi/ econi mi ku ku. = I cannot leave you.

Ma isu mani sende. = I found for myself money.

Ma lugba ra bongo alea. = I'm wrapping desert dates in a cloth.

Ma mi agi. = I'm your friend.

Ma mi ice! = I'm missing you!

Ma mi nda. = I'm looking for you.

Ma mu azi-a. = I'm going to work.

Ma mu cuu-a. = I'm going to the market.

Ma mu hoteli-a. = I'm going to the hotel.

Ma mu kanisa-a. = I'm going to church.

Ma mu yi we. = I'm going to swim (in water).

Ma muke! = I'm okay/ fine/ good!

Ma mundu maaku kani ayirishi nya. = I'm eating Whiteman potatoes or Irish.

Ma nga mi ice. = I will miss you.

Ma nga mu Kongo-a. = I will go to Congo.

Ma nyaka 'da. = I'm fasting.

Ma osi o'du azia, mba o'du 7 Januari, eli 1984 si. = I was born on Saturday 7th January 1984.

Ma pa ni azo! = My leg is paining!

Ma ru Luka. = My name is Luke.

Ma StarTimes TV (tava)/ tivi ne. = I'm watching StarTimes TV.

Madri 'do. = Mine is here.

Maracha ni oruleru. = Maracha is up.

Maracha Kala etu ni ifuzu ri oni dri-a. = Maracha East sits on rocks.

Maskiti ngoa? = Where is the mosque?

Mbusua ni angu ne inisi indi. = A cat can see in the night too.

Mesi ni avi 9 (Oromi) Enzoru. = Messi plays as a False 9.

Mi aa mile be! = Watch out/ Be with eyes/ Be careful!

Mi aa ngoa? = Where do you stay?

Mi aa ngoni? = How did you stay?/ Good afternoon!

Mi ai o'du driasi! = You pray everyday!

Mi ai pere Lusifa ni muzu! = Pray until Lucifer leaves!

Mi ai YESU mi asi-a! = Accept JESUS into your heart!

Mi anyu! = Switch off!

Mi avi mani ongo! = Play for me a song!

(M)i 'ba aci! = You put/ switch on the light!

Mi enga/ inga ngoa? = Where are you coming from?

Mi e'yo nze Mama Zilipa be. = You are talking to Mama Zilipa.

Mi fe ma asi ni su. = You make my heart pain.

Mi gasia nyo, ive kani 'ba ma. = You break rubbish, burn or put to rot/ decompose.

Mi ifi! = Come in!

Mi ifu/ efu ngoni? = How did you get out?/ Good morning!

Mi iji a lu mini siri azi! = Let me tell you some secret!

Mi iji katro ngungu! = Bring even if it smells!

Mi iji mani mucele osu si! = Bring me rice with beans!

Mi iku Sitani le! = You sound like Satan!

Mi imu mavu! = Come to me!

Mi iri mi tipika! = Listen to your parents!

Mi ma Namba Alu. = You are my Number One.

Mi mani a'dule. = You are mine alone.

Mi nga wu (ra). = You will cry.

(Mi) ngoni? = How (are you)?

Mi oja! = Translate/ Change/ Turn/ Flip!

Mi oja asi! = Repent (Change heart)!

Mi oja Lugbara(ti) Inglishi/ Munduti ru! = Translate Lugbara (language) into English/ Whiteman's language!

Mi olu! = (You) tell/ speak!

Mi omve tukutuku kani rakisaka! = Call a threewheeler passenger tuk-tuk or goods (rickshaw) truck!

Mi omvi (ma) mbele! = Reply (me) fast!

Mi opi dinisa! = Close the window!

Mi ru a'di-i? = What is your name?

Midri ngo? = Where is yours?

Muke! = Fine!

Mundrokole nzo nzo! = Mundrokole greens are slippery!

MUNGU eco ra. = GOD can.

MUNGU ide ayiko indi. = GOD created happiness too.

MUNGU le Lugbara ambo. = GOD loves the Lugbara in a big way.

MUNGU ni ambo! = GOD is great/ big!

MUNGU ni E'doza azini Deza. = GOD is the Beginning and End.

Museveni so pa Prezidenti ru. = M7 stood as President.

Namba oja-i ku. = The number does not change.

Nganu si 'ba roleksi ide. = Wheat flour is used to make rollex.

Ngoni? = How?/ Hello!

Nukuta Cha. = Letter C.

Nzepiri ma nze! =  Let the one who talks talk!

O'bitisi, etu ni efu. = In the morning, the sun comes out.

O'du ositaniri ayikoru! = Happy Birthday!

O'duko awuni. = Condolence message.

O'duko mini iri orobi-a 'dele MUNGU-i. = The voice you hear in a dream is probably GOD.

Ogwapiti ni Nyu Zilandi-a. = Ogwapit is in New Zealand.

Olia ni simu gba. = Olia is calling.

Omba ci. = There is anger/ sulking.

Ondu paraka si, oku yi afa drisi ide. = With sorghum stems, women make handicrafts.

Opi YESU, ru mini ma ovu ecuzaru, ewule ewule! = Lord JESUS, your name remain famous, forever!

Ori ci? Ori yo! = Is there fear? No fear!

Ori de ma. = Fear finished me/ I was afraid.

Ori ga mi ku. = The snake won't bite you.

Orindi Alataru ni amani geri i'da ni. = The Holy Spirit shows us the way/ guides us.

Orobi ni o'duko mi orindi ni. = Dreams are the voice of your spirit.

Osu ngoa? = Where are the beans?

Raga P ni aru(jo)-a. = Ragga P is in prison.

Realu/ Riyalu Madridi nde kopo azini. = Real Madrid has won another cup.

Saa na ali be. = Half past 9 o'clock.

Salima fa iza ilia si. = Salima scraped the meat using a small knife.

Sawa aziri (7) ini si. = 1 O'clock at night.

Sawa ica 'bo. = The time has already come.

Sawa si? = What time/ What is the time/ How much time?

Sawa te 'ba azi ku. = Time waits for no one.

Sayansi azini tekinoloji ni suru oja. = Science and technology changes the nation.

Sende adreni MUNGU ku, te afazi ayuzaru. = Money is not GOD, but something to use.

Sende lu kalafe/ namba ni. = Money is just a number.

Si ni avi ra, te mi aa mile be! = Teeth can get lost, but be careful!

Sindani ga(kandi)a ni tajiri nde. = A little needle defeats a tycoon/ richman (to own).

Sitani o'bi ti. = Satan tried for long (in vain).

Skulu ngoa? = Where is the school?

Stela nya onya ku. = Stella does not eat whiteants.

Su bongo grini/ ase ma wura le. = She wore a green/ like the colour of grass attire.

Terego-a, 'ba azi (ki) odro nya indi. = In Terego, some people eat rats too.

Tesla ma ru ku ndo. = Tesla's name became famous later.

URA ni Vurra-a. = URA is in Vurra.

Vikitoria ni Erika ma onyere. = Victoria is Erica's sister-in-law.

VOLU ni o'duko mini icozu asi 'bazu drinia ra ri. = Voice Of Life Uganda is the voice you can trust.

Wakabi ni e'da gba pensilu si. = Wakabi is drawing a picture with a pencil.

Westinailu Televizoni ni diza. = Westnile Television is light.

YESU dra mani. = JESUS died for me.

YESU, e ko ma aza! = JESUS, help me!

YESU ni geri. = JESUS is the way.

YESU ni Kami Yuda ni. = JESUS is the Lion of Judah.

YESU ni ma ojo/ daktari. = JESUS is my doctor.

YESU pa ma. = JESUS saved me.

Yo! = No!

Zamva 'da kalikali! = That girl is sweet!

Zukulu si, 'ba lesu ta mba. = With a calabash, milk is stored/ people store milk.

• You can search this Blog for Aiko's Lugbara Dictionary (Leta SI - Synthetic Intelligence since 2016) to get more words!

#MakeMachinesLearnLugbara: Catching SALT (Synthetic Artificial Lugbara Translation)...

Soul tea (Turning negatives into antidotes)... Chai-3...

Retrieval Augmented Generation (RAG): Because of tones and contexts that distinguish words with multiple meanings, machines may hallucinate while translating Lugbara; especially into another language... The Simplified Lugbara Alphabet which I use has 28 letters only (minus Q and X but adding 'B, 'D, 'W and 'Y) while the Advanced Lugbara Alphabet has 45 letters (7 vowels and 38 consonants)...

Do not ignore basics... Learning never ends... Train again and again and again...

"Just train for the next match..." - Vinicius Junior (2024 FIFA Best Player of the Year)

Deep researching never ends...

Mulalu [Mad] Daydream in 2001 at Makerere College School (Macos): Radio devices can transcribe what is spoken on air plus translate it (even for deaf people)... Classroom dictation since O-Level made me believe that possibility... I even wrote down lyrics from songs playing on radio. The toughest part was BBC football commentary, but tried very hard to keep up with the pace. Imagined that a machine would do it faster than me... Imagine listening to a Lugbara radio drama or song and getting real-time translation on a screen plus audio...

Word Interchange Theory (WIT) in 2005 (Inspired by 1996): Answers come from the combination of already-known words (letters and numbers)...

Big[ambo]...

Lugbara Kari [House of Lugbara]...

Where the Old [Dezaru] and New [O'diru] meet...

Lugbara Broadcast...

TRIVIA: Ayivu, Maracha, Terego and Vurra are the four main Lugbara clans in Uganda. Aringa is considered low Lugbara (though they want to stand alone as a tribe) and Koboko (Kakwaland) has place names in Lugbarati especially near Lugbaraland. Some Madi Okollo dialects are mutually intelligible with Lugbara, a language whose speakers are believed to have broken away from the Madi near Juba in South Sudan after migrating from Nigeria. The Madi called them "Lugba [Desert dates] ni". Lugbara were hired to cut sugarcanes in Masindi, Lugazi (Mukono), Kakira (Jinja), etc and many settled in those areas...

There are nine Lugbara clans in DR Congo...

In South Sudan, Lugbara extend as Zande...

Arua is at the Heart of West Nile (and the ancient Lado Kingdom)...

Shazam!

Speech-To-Text (STT)...

Automatic Speech Recognition (ASR) is used in Twitter (X) Spaces, Google Meet, etc...

Model Context Protocol (MCP)...

Synthetic Lugbara-Processing (SLP) Research/ Lugbara Training Library/ Deep Learning Indaba (Symposium) ARUA... From Google Translate to Sunbird AI (Ugandan project), Meta AI, Sigma.AI, etc, the possibilities for Lugbara AI are limitless...

Ojapi (Bypassing the Language Barrier): Transcribe, translate, chat...

Informative Synthetic Encoder (ISE) - No. 031224, is a database collection of parallel Lugbara-to-English phrases pulled through audio-textual translation (ATT). The work of ISE is to input data from audio or text documents, pull translations, spot inconsistencies and errors (by verifying entries), understand plus generate new insightful parallels. It stores the translations made...

You do not have to be a carpenter to use a hammer, neither do you have to be technical like a coder, computer engineer nor data scientist to train AI...

Artificial Intelligence Knowledge Organiser...

(Creative Commons) AikoGraphics (2003-Now)

Company Development

Phases of Organisational Development: (from a Uganda Arts and Media Academy organised (Norwegian) Tina Davis ‘Documentary’ workshop in April 2008)

Leadership: Founder has Strong Vision, Charismatic, Is the Unifying Force, Identity of the Entity

Organisation: Informal, Improvisational, No or Little Structure: Operates like a Family, Closeness/ Warmth, Motivated Staff, Trust is High
Growth: Chaotic, Rapid, Dependency, Need for Specialisation

Crisis: DECISION MAKING – Ineffective, Ad Hoc, Informal, Not Consistent, Little Accountability; LEADERSHIP – No Structure, One Person or Small Informal Group, Loss of Faith in Leader, Management Clashes/ Conflicts, Frustration

Rational Phase Management:
Structures, Departments, Organograms, Formal
Formal Rules and Procedures: Memos for Communication … Identity is an Organisation known by Logo

FUNCTIONS: Differentiated, Technical, Standardized, Rational
Rigid Process: Bureaucracy, Low Motivation, Poor Communication, Management & Worries, Conflict, Vision not shared, Low Productivity, Number and not Person is important

INTEGRATED PHASE” Facilitative, Respectful, Interactive, Federal Integration of Units, Self-determination, Independence
LEADERSHIP: All encompassing, Accommodation, Need for Focus
ORGANISATION: Competitiveness, Open Organisation, Boundaries, Need for a focused and dynamic Way

ASSOCIATION PHASE: Association of Organisations, Focus on Value Creation, Macro Social Science; Open Boundaries to other Organisations a Formation of Networking Organisations, Interdependence; Usually works at first but may be eaten from the Inside, Conflicts; Individual Identity fades, If the Borders are not opened then the Central Organisation becomes the Leader, May be created to control others, May not be beneficial to Member Organisations

Pitchou’s Angle

On Wednesday 9 July 2008, the Executive Producer of the WeitWinkel (German for ‘Wide Angle’) Film Production Company - Rwandese-Congolese Pitchou Kamara K. - gave me a few tips for professional video, film and TV production during the first ever (though poorly attended on Day 3) Video-Art Exhibition at the new UGCS on Mackinnon Road. Discussions were supposed to be done by Ugandan Art icon Xenson (Stephen Ssenkaaba) borrowing a leaf from 40YEARSVIDEOART.DE – PART 1, a 2006 Digital Heritage: Exhibition of Video Art in Germany from 1963 to the Present, but he cancelled them. The first six videos were close up shorts of one sitted woman’s pants and inner thighs, then breasts moving, legs and socks, black-sleeved arm bending, eyes shutting & closing and finally the mouth. The three ladies who attended [UGCS Director Wagner was travelling somewhere, a stunningly beautiful OG of mine from Macos and an unnamed artist] walked out early probably because of the theme. The funniest video or us was a guy shouting “Hallo!” non stop on top of a hill for several minutes while coughing and calling out in a progressively hoarse voice.

Advertising is always great if actions are involved. I’m not trying to brag but during the 2001 Annual Inter-House Quiz at Macos while I was just new in Senior Five, a Senior Six hostel-mate who had read my journals and notebooks forced me to be one of the three representatives besides another classmate of his and a black, beautiful Middle-School chick. WEM, a Kenyan American for real (whom I failed to convince that I wanted to bring about an Art Revolution) reasoned that when it came to sports and music, I would bail out Simba House. The girl was back up for novels and feminine stuff while the other boy was mathematically & politically sound. So we were basically covered. I must confess that in the barrage of questions, the two I regret most were failing a Pythagoras Theorem number where after calculating without consulting my team-mates, I mentioned a number that was wrong by only one zero I did not add at the end of the digit. The more shameful though was saying Charlie Lubega [instead of Toni ? Mackinnon] had won the World Rally Championship. Nevertheless, when I was told to advertise a new insecticide called ‘Bon Bon’ in one minute, I think I made WEM proud of himself for choosing me. When I got the mic, the first reference that came to my mind was the TV adverts I used to watch. Many of them had songs. So I composed a ‘well-rhymed’ (as WEM told his classmates including Michael Ross of the ‘Signorita’ fame) rap song on the spot, “Bon Bon is the insecticide, Bon Bon is the insecticide. If you use it, you will kill all the insects in your house.” I heard a hissing sound from the audience and followed up my hit with a spraying hiss and movement from front, back, side to side, up to down low. I got the maximum 5 points from my SMACK Old Boy called from Makerere University to chair the Quiz…the Next Contestant Karen Hashya (Funny name some pronounced as ‘Hasasha’) whom the school knew as a talented songstress also tried to sing her advertisement but I beat her by 1 point. Other guys who were below 4 points had different ideas I cannot remember. It was a plus for me which I followed up by perfectly describing the word ‘pan’ (written on a chit) with only actions and ‘No Words’ for my two teammates to decipher. (I also took part in the Best Play later on during that Inter-House Competition season which my house Simba clinched overall) After the quiz where we were runners-up out of six houses, hostelmates in other houses wanted me to re-sing the tune for them. Unfortunately the following year, I never took part in any Music Production nor sung during Sunday Service except during our Farewell Mass because I felt contented with what I had done in Senior Five. But anyway, I knew that I was still a ‘shirt’ as Victor Semugooma called me for giving up on repeating these feats in ‘02; we try hard to be what we ain’t, you know. Life is just ‘kiwani’, even the stars ain’t all that. We just compromise because they do one offs maybe many times. Advertising is all about sugar-coats, covering up the truth through marvellous actions.

PKK’s Tips on Videos & Art:
“Put some books on a table. Shine 111 Watts of light on them through a transparent filter and take a photo. It will be the Most Beautiful you have ever seen…”
“A (music) video should have three major colours. Most American videos have blue, red and black. If you watch CNN, you will discover that the main colour is red…”
“Ugandan TV is boring because cameramen do not write before they shoot.”
“You can edit a video in Adobe Photoshop by first creating an alpha channel…”
“What are the three things to consider while making a TV commercial? First, know the product you are advertising; secondly, ascertain its competition in the market and finally; understand the qualities of your product that make it more desirable than the others.”
“If you can make a product attractive in a TV commercial without adding sound, then you have done a good job…”
According to IAA (International Advertising Association), “Advertising only makes people buy things they do not need, but besides, they want.” What makes them want these things? Find below examples of the Best TV Commercials I’ve marveled at personally:
1. “If you want to make it to the NBA,” [A guy runs from the free throw line, tries to slam dunk but misses the hoop, hits the rim hard with his basketball and comes down tumbling. TV view shows his behind landing on the camera lens while yelling in distress, ‘Urrrrhhhh!’ Very funny, indeed!] “Practice! If you want a refreshing drink, ‘Obey your Thirst! Sprite® Image is nothing, Thirst is everything’.”

2. A photocopier jerks out papers and even jumps away when a human approaches with other brands of paper that are not Rotatrim ®

3. The voice-over of a man narrates what everyone (His father, mother & teacher) wanted him to become. On the screen, we see a car driving by on a dusty road and the man ends by saying, “…so here I am, Mitsubishi & Pajero™, enjoy yourself!”

4. A Mercedes Benz clip in which a (soulful) father and (funky) son fight to play the music they fancy. The father finally decides to drive at a speed that couldn’t allow his son to touch the player. From another Mercedes advertisement, “Nothing can make a driver more faithful to his car than a car that is faithful to its driver.”

5. A Telecom Advertisement from Tanzania about a father who phones his son and gets mesmerized by the musical feedback instead of the usual boring ring-ring. The boy who was going to the opposite side of his room picks the call and greets “Hello!” before hanging up since no one responded. The elderly father redials and shakes with the phone held high in his left hand while his brother dances on the floor like a gymnast …“Tigo, Express Yourself!”

6. In the 90s, Kenya was known for producing the finest adverts in East Africa…You had the Kiwi, Ribena, Hedex, Dettol, Omo, Geisha and Unilever franchises but the Blue Band experience of a Primary School pupil spreading margarine on bread under his class-desk does it for me in the new Millennium. “Who can tell me what condensation is? Jeremy!” He got up pretending to be innocent and answered correctly after clearing his throat. The teacher smiled and his classmates looked on with approving glances.

7. “You’re the Most Beautiful Girl I’ve ever seen…” One dude made his girlfriend jealous when he admired another lady who was passing behind her until she used Fair & Lovely™ skin lotion and he just couldn’t deny the same compliment for her. This time though, he said it humorously alluding to the previous disheartening experience. There was a mirror behind her so when she looked to see if it was that other girl again, she saw herself instead. Wow!

8. “Mummy, he’s done it again.” A young girl shouted on the beach after her brother had literally re-sucked himself into a soda bottle through a straw. It’s impossible but vividly illustrates the irresistible sweetness of the PEPSI® drink that makes kids suck beyond the last drop until the sound from sucking an empty bottom is heard.

9. A Clay Animation in which fast-paced Thierry Henry wearing Reebok™ or Nike™ sneakers runs around a boxer in a fighting ring and makes him collapse (through a whirlwind knockout).

10. A fierce bull runs away from a Toyota™ automobile. The car maker’s logo actually has an arc like the horns of a bull extending from a vertical oval within the outline.

11. “In 1994, I missed a penalty.” (Pony-tailed Roberto Baggio holds his head while kneeling after chipping Italy’s final penalty over goalkeeper Tafferel’s crossbar in the World Cup Final shootout to decide the 0-0 draw with Brazil who won 3-2). “Four years later, I had a chance to redeem myself.” (This time it was a penalty in a European qualifier to decide whether Italy would go through to the 1998 World Cup competition in France. Some fans covered their eyes but the talented Italian legend did not disappoint. My 4th Sister-Tina-actually loves this guy (He lighted up USA ’94 for her) and personally, I think he is the Most Idolized Azzuri I have ever watched besides maybe Dino Zoff, Zola, Del Piero & Totti). Baggio walked away majestically with the whole nation following him. Johnie Walker™: “Success is not a journey; it’s a destination…” The World Cup ’94 Commercials of players kicking the ball from continent to continent and 2002 Galaxy of Stars fantasy (Henry, Ronaldinho, Figo, Zidane, Edgar Davids, Ronaldo, Beckham, Roberto Carlos) were also creative.

12. The Smirnoff Ice ‘Welcome to my Home’ advertisement won my 2005 AikoGraphics Commercial of the Year laureate…A carefree and fur-coated male (probably an Eskimo) takes viewers on a tour of his organized crib and ends in his icy backyard after pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff from a refrigerator. Why would you need one in these already icy conditions? Reinforced Ice, I guess! In 2003, I had fallen in love with everything icy so this was juicy stuff…Aiko in Wonderland, you know!

13. The 2001-2 “It’s My Life” Sports Highlights Feature (Background song by Bon Jovi) on SuperSport plus the “What’s in a Name? Fabregas ... Wenger” Premiership Advertisement ... Another good English League Commercial is, “Every civilization has found a way to record the passage of time. Today, we discover another ...”

Here are good Radio Ads I’ve also enjoyed:
1. The humorous Coca-Cola ® “Let Me See You ‘Brrrr!’ (Remix)” of the “Burrn”
song by Blu*3 and Navio, “It’s an honor to introduce to you, the Brrrr!
on the Coke side of life”
2. The uganda telecom “Boyfi” advert
3. The utl ‘Mango™’ rap, “My cellular phone is all brand new…”
4. CLUB ® Beer for people who think different: “What was the Best Thing before
sliced bread?”
5. “I’m going to call my brother.” a voice actor fades away as if at a distance
from the friend with whom he had just had a dialogue about MTN or utl,
sorry
I can’t remember which company.

Pastor Norman Quotes

Every Sunday between 9:30 and 10:00 (previously 10:30 and 11) AM on Voice of Life FM (Arua), Pastor Norman Acidribo (born 18th February 1968) from Arua Full Gospel Church at the Northeastern Foot of Arua Hill teaches during the Sunday Half Hour Gospel Show. You can call him on the studio-line, but for privacy, dial 0772-355305; GOD bless! Below are some of his Quotes:

(Prayer:) The many Things YOU do not want us to do today, let us not do them... I'm a Vessel YOU can use... Without YOU, I wouldn't speak YOUR Word... LORD GOD!
We are grateful to GOD that we are alive... Many have ceased to be...

Let everything that has Breath praise GOD, regardless of your Religion... Colour... Status...

I usually like the King James Version...

Our Struggle is not against Flesh and Blood... It's against Authorities, not our Councils in Arua but dark Forces in the heavenly Realms...

Your Faith must always be taken up above all the other Armour... Why Shield of Faith?... This Shield Paul was talking of was almost 2-3 Feet high and curved in to protect the Body... Those Days there were no inter-continental ballistic Missiles, B52... RPG, Bazooka... They had Projectiles... He parallels it to the flaming Arrows of Satan. Inter-continental Missiles Satan has, Chemical Weapons Satan has... Equally we need Protection and this Protection Paul says is our Faith... That's why the Bible says, without Faith, noone can see GOD... Satan wants to destroy you...

Take up the Shield of Faith so that you can extinguish the flaming Arrows of Satan before they can hit your Salvation... Truth... Righteousness... Preparedness...

In Luke, when Jesus was walking on the Sea. The Apostles didn't know... Peter said: Can I come to you? Command me to come to you... Peter began going to JESUS Christ... But Time came when the Waves rose against Peter so hard and he became afraid... He began to sink...

Satan's Arrows come in form of Fear, Worry... Fear comes in your Emotions: What am I going to eat, how are my children going to School... That is why Christians have resorted to go to Shrines of Witchdoctors, Warlocks. Where is your Faith?

The Person, instead of glorifying GOD in Marriage decides to take a Shortcut especially my Sisters when am talking to my Friends the Muslims. They say they were Catholics and married a Muslim... Now they are denying Christ that JESUS is not GOD. What Faith was that?

Don't confess negatively upon your Family, upon your Clan... I come from the Yole Clan... Someone out there is saying: What good can come from the Yole Clan?

Somebody is being lied to now that you cannot be healed...

Build up your Faith, the Devil is coming with an Arrow...

If I go to Saudi Arabia and there is only a Catholic Church, I will go there...

Let's keep the Unity of Faith... Sometimes we become the Victims of our Faith because we want to stand alone... If you are a Pentecostal and there is only an Anglican Church, you can find a Brother to fellowship with. You can hear the Word of GOD. Are you stronger than Satan, I'm not... But HE who is in me is stronger than the World...

(Sunday 9th May 2020) Today, there's a lot of competition in the Church. Why? We don't understand the Grace... Operate according to the Grace given unto you... There are some people here who have began ministries, they have not gone to Bible College but their churches are full... Now for me, the Grace given to me to shepherd people here at Arua Full Gospel is not the same given to my dear sister in Ediofe... If you are a singer, sing... I've visited three or four places where people are flocking and the majority are even Muslims coming and some get born again. Why don't we celebrate and say: GOD's grace has worked out but we begin to tear each other: Wo wo wo wo, that one is a false prophet, cult. By the way, the same measure you measure is the same measure that will be measured unto you...

(Sunday 20th March 2022) We give GOD glory that we are alive... Friends, you may be poor (lacking something this day: food, medicine, school fees, all these things press on us) but in all this, think about one thing: Why am I alive? Give thanks to GOD... No man has authority beyond GOD... GOD has spoken to us through the Bible, but Culture is also speaking... Cultural expectations are in variety... In other cultures, women are upholded (upheld). In Asia, women pay dowry but here - Lugbara, Madi, Alur, men pay dowry and all that... What was GOD's design? HE created male and female... Who are you? Thank GOD I grew up as a boy to a man, but am seeing my sisters not enjoying. Why? HE created them in HIS own image, the same status... No one is undervalued... Cultural expectations come according to where we belong... In the Orient, women pay dowry but in Arua, Nebbi, Pakwach, Madi, Adjumani, Koboko, a man has to pay and then owns a woman. When it comes to inheritance, boys are given their portions but the ladies are not given... When I was still a young boy, it was only all the boy children of my grandfather who were allotted land; my aunts were never given land. Why? Cultural expectation; the women are made lower... In the books of other faiths: Two women are equal to one man; a woman is half of a man, hehehe! I usually say: Eh, then how does this work out? In the perspective of Genesis 1:27, GOD created man in HIS own image; male and female... When people undermine you, they call you poor, what what, I mean you should encourage yourself: I'm not poor, am in the image of GOD; GOD is not poor. You might be in a state of lack, but you are not poor. View yourself in the image of GOD... Our challenges and complications come because of our attitude; we take the word of people more than the Word of GOD... Today, women feel very inferior... They should look at the Word of GOD... What was the context in the original plan? Many families have broken because of that also... Avuti [Sacrifice for a corpse] and jotile [Door-opening fee required from in-laws during burial] in Lugbara culture are not biblical...

[Sunday 2nd October 2022:] 30 minutes after my confirmation (at Mvara Senior), I was smoking a long cigarette we used to call omboko... I'm a follower of JESUS... My mother was free, I would tell her am going to church, but end up at the Roman Catholic Christ the King, then I line up to eat sweet Holy Communion bread... It's not about your denomination, it's about JESUS. Why are we quarrelling? I was a bangi smoker/ mairungi chewer for two years but when I joined (Armed) Forces, I was afraid that I'd be arrested and sent to prison, so I stopped... M7 taught me how to shoot a gun but if he declared Uganda a Christian nation, I'd carry a bigger gun... Muslim humour: Can GOD die? No! Did JESUS die? No! So, is JESUS GOD? No! Hahaha... Even if you're a prostitute, surrender your life! Noone should abuse you; I know what you're going through... 

[Sunday 7th May 2023:] Faith is about JESUS... If it's religion, I could have been anywhere. I grew up near the Hindu Temple next to Arua Public Primary and when I was a small boy, we would eat the bananas they dedicated to their gods, heehee! I knew it as food they gave when they came out... Muhammad got some things from The Bible... Muslims believe JESUS will come back...

[Sunday 2nd July 2023:] I do not take it for granted when people say Uganda is the Pearl of Africa... It's the only jewel formed by a living organism... A grain of sand falls into an oyster which secretes a juice that hardens around the sand and forms a pearl sold at a high price... The longer the pearl stays in the oyster, the bigger it is... You should know the value of the Church; the one who started the Church paid a great price... People fear that if you become a theologian, you will become poor. The Church is very glorious, very rich... The one whom the Church came from is GOD... GOD owns everything... The first person who knocked at my door this morning is a Muslim; she told me: I just want to believe in JESUS Christ... It's not Norman's Church, Church of Uganda, Full Gospel, etc... It's the Church of Christ... The lack of money does not mean you are poor...

[Sunday 9th July 2023:] Are you fruitful as a child of GOD? The number (of fruits) and quality matters... A branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in JESUS... There are almost nine entities in the fruit of the Spirit... Let us offer the sacrifice of praise to GOD continually... The fruit of our lips... There are many nations in Arua; I see the Somalis here (running petrol stations), Chinese, Indians, Arabs... Sometimes, I get angry when Christians preach to fellow Christians only, even if some are nominal... Every Somali is born a Muslim... The Somalis are brought near here, why can't I reach them? Let's catch fresh fish... Being an usher is the greeting ministry; welcome new people with a smile... People saw me cutting grass outside the Church and said: Pastor is also mowing grass... I know the mechanism, I have the talent to mow grass. Why can't I do it?

[Sunday 18th July 2023:] Thank YOU for life and the oxygen we breathe every day... Other people pay for manufactured oxygen but ours is free... Guide the President as he addresses insecurity in the country! Confuse every person planning war against this nation... Deliver patients from the torment of the Enemy... People term anointing for very many things that are not... In the Bible (Old Testament), there was a special anointing oil made using various special mixtures. For us in the New Testament, we believe we are anointed by the LORD through the Holy Spirit... Allow the anointing to work out what GOD wants to accomplish... I was battling, thinking: Should I desert the Forces? I would still preach, my mentor was an officer... I was also good at business... Not that when the LORD anoints you, people will fall down... I've seen people pushing children of GOD down... Why exert force? Anointing can even be for you to clean the toilet of the Church; that's where you will find your breakthrough... You will not be running around: Pray for me, pray for me!

[Sunday 23rd July 2023:] The Lugbara do not go for burial to mourn but mock: Look, he did not build a house here! They go to see the road to your place, your people, etc. After burial, they want to return and gossip...

(CC) YESU Magazine

Build Giant Solar Stations

INSTEAD of building dams yet water levels are decreasing and in the end destroying our beautiful waterfalls, the Government should experiment with giant solar panels. Uganda lies astride the equator so the sun’s energy is abundant for exploitation.

Edward Aikobua,
Mukono
(Published in Sunday Vision, 22 January 2006)

Isn’t Kel’s a true musical Genius?

I’m not the Hugest Fan of his but (among all the international musical artistes I know), only Robert Kelly stands out as the one entertainer with an unbelievable midas touch. Maybe it’s because he did the soundtrack for my Childhood Icon Michael Jordan’s 1995 ‘Space Jam’ movie but every song, duet or remix he works on is a hit.
[My cousin Edwin Paratra probably influenced me to write this because of the TP2.com album he had, but the only song by Kel’s I did not like for a moment while growing up (though seemingly Gospel) was “Storm is Over”, because of the Video. The angelic choirs made my spirit tingle a bit since I couldn’t get over some of my hurdles in life with or without their help.]
Kel’s actually seems to me a naturalized Man of the World with a doze of Godly reverence in him.

Money Can Buy Anything

Whoever said ‘money can’t buy love’ must have been a false prophet with minimal tact in romantic logistics. It’s not about how much but how. Are you pursuing someone? Use your tact and best wit backed by money and see whether they won’t fall for you under the weight of your investment versatility. Jesus said that we should use our money to win friends. From love to success, life to freedom, GOD’s salvation (hmm!) to immortality/ eternal bliss, there’s nothing money can’t buy. I’m not being blasphemous but Jesus, the LORD of All told a young rich man that if he wanted to inherit the kingdom of Heaven, he should go and sell all he has, give the money to the poor and then follow Christ. Paying tithe (10% of your income) to the church bank will make you richer. I have evidence; an extra 0 figure or more on the amount you offered.
Chelsea Football Club’s winning combination started with Benjamins or let me quip and say ‘Romans’ from Russia. No Americans here. A rich oil tycoon named Roman bought the club which had last won the English League once and in 1955, paid off all their debts, bought high profile players (like Didier Drogba), increased their salaries, hired the services of an accomplished coach (Mourinho) and three years or two seasons later, he had literally bought success. Abramovic rebuilt the Roman Empire in two seasons and one day. During the 2005 Barclaycard Premiership, Chelsea defeated Manchester United home (1-0) and away (1-3, the unforgettable score that clinched the trophy). On their way to the Carling Cup championship, Chelsea also out-muscled the Red Devils, drawing 1-1 at the Bridge and winning 1-2 in the return leg.
Do you still disagree? Okay, then Eminem has ‘got the money to have you killed by somebody who has nothing.” Think about it: A price can be put on your life. Ask Jesus (No fun intended). Why are beautiful women bought? I mean, they may not love the man but become the wife. Was he looking for their love or just the position?
If you want me to give you an ‘encore’ of this topic, there might be a ‘Parental Advisory’ warning for explicit content.
Farewell Jose
[This letter was written immediately after his cruel departure but published no where]
“I am a die-hard Arsenal fan but will always cherish Jose Mourinho. When Thierry left, I froze momentarily but also looked at the bright side; Henry will be able to compete favourably for the FIFA Player of the Year Award and the remaining Gunners can distribute goals among themselves. When Mourinho left though, I felt the Premiership lost a different treasure. The Special One brought effective competition to the Premiership, a perfect ‘Blue Revolution’ (2005-7). Why couldn’t other teams also win the Premiership after Man Utd, Blackburn, United again and then us? Everton is always sexy but gets optimum seasonal blues, the Almighty Kops are somehow jinxed, Newcastle pretended in 2001-2 and West Ham do not hammer hard enough. Chelsea certainly struggled in the fantastic Zola-Poyet-Guillit-Wise-Hasselbaink eras but Abramovic’s arrival blinded us to believe that ‘more money means more triumph’. [Romanian striker Gustavo Poyet once exclaimed that with only one free kick, Italian teammate Gianfranco Zola could score two goals.] I’m not downgrading the great talent of Terry and Company or Abramovic’s riches but Mour’ was the charismatic genius who attracted more big name success to Chelsea: 5 trophies in 3 years and no home loss at Stamford Bridge is just awesome (Mourinho-some). As they say in Portuguese (or Spanish, I don’t know), ‘Adious, Signori!’.”

Government’s Gift to Exporters

Private Sector Foundation Uganda (PSFU) has since June 2005 been implementing the Second Private Sector Competitiveness Project (PSCP II). This is a 5 year World Bank – Government of Uganda project aimed at creating sustainable conditions for enterprise creation and growth. Under its three components – Developing infrastructure and financial services; Enhancing enterprise competitiveness; and Improving the business environment – the project’s various innovative activities are intended to increase value addition, support linkages between enterprises and improve skills for MSMEs. To make this happen, PSFU is working together with Uganda Investment Authority, Uganda Law Reform, Uganda Registration Services Bureau, Uganda National Bureau of Standards, and Ministry of Lands and Urban Development.
“A powerful, distinctive, and appealing national brand in case of the country or company brand, is one of the most valuable gift a government can give to its exporters. Today, branded exports are one of the most potent ways of building and sustaining company and subsequently national image.” The Business Branding Linkages (BBL) Programme is aimed at capturing more value from profit margins associated with branding and marketing.
The expected outcome is that our products will be differentiated from those of our competitors thus making it more difficult for them to compete for our customers. We expect to attract a higher price for our products. This will enable us to communicate with our products using consistent messages and build a positive image for our businesses and our nation.
How is the PSFU going to support this initiative? The program will identify sectors/ firms in the country suitable for branding or with potential to attract incremental benefits as a result of branding and assist them on a cost share basis by: (i) Hiring branding consultants to assist the firm/ sector undertake market analysis in international and regional markets and identify products, market segments where Ugandan producers could successfully penetrate. (ii) Developing branding strategies or campaign. (iii) Working with identified firms/ sectors to the creation of new brands/ sub brands and improve the quality and efficiency along the value chain in order for them to meet the required quality and quantity requirements. (iv) Providing support in respect of the brand related costs arising out of the recommended branding strategy i.e. advertising, marketing campaigns, design of materials/ packaging and creation of branding stories.
Eligibility is based on whether the applicant is privately-owned and is not fully or partially owned by Government; The applicant is carrying out business in the MSME sector with a potential for export to regional or international markets in any category apart from production of weapons, alcoholic beverages, tobacco and gambling; Companies are in compliance with tax and requirements; Cost share basis grants are up to a maximum of USD 100,000

© PSFU Exporters & Importers Directory 2008

The PSFU (Private Sector Foundation Uganda) & MTN Trade Facilitation Exhibition on Friday 27 June 2008 was, I must confess, an illustrious success though I came in late from Kampala Town around noon. With stalls on almost one half plus on the long ends of the North Western Exhibition Hall at Lugogo Show Grounds, a large area was set aside for listeners to sit and you could see that the exhibition was well attended. A minister from Rwanda was speaking when I made my entrance. An apology was made by the MC about the absence of one of the panelists who had to go to the airport earlier than scheduled for checking before a voyage out of the country that evening. I expected PSFU chairman James Mulwana to be there, but didn’t see him. Could he have been the one mentioned?

Anyway, after the minister, Richard Kamajugo a URA Commissioner [AC – Trade] on behalf of Allen Kagina started by conveying the Commissioner General’s remarks; personally I think she’s always brilliant and considerate to tax payers, you know, the aura of motherly love makes her great. I do not know much about her white predecessor but call Kagina the “Customs Mama”. Please don’t tell her daughter Mitchel that Aiko said so…Her words conveyed by Commissioner Kamajugo were worth writing home about, “Today, because of the technology, reengineering and a common East African customs understanding, consignments can be cleared within 24 hours unlike in the past which took many days... Customs is the branch of URA that handles exports and imports.”

Lunch (a package of chicken, salt, sausage, sumbi, tomato sauce, and irish) plus a drink were served to the tired listeners to woo them back from the stalls to hear more because the commissioner was not done yet. What else would you expect other than feeding all those present when these guys had made a lot of money from the sponsors and exhibitors? Richard’s subsequent presentation was about URA’s role in the export business. (For more details about his presentation, I would suggest that you check out URA’s website @ www.ugrevenue.com) All I could gather because of food in my mouth (I wasn’t prepared to write) was that some taxes had been waivered. The Most Interesting was the waiver of income tax on new agro-processing businesses 30 Kilometres outside Kampala in the new financial year which was just four days away on Tuesday. There was also a waiver on trucks that carry loads above 3.5 MT (Metric Tonnes) so buying such a truck in the new FY would be cheaper. The commissioner Richard Kamajugo even advised businessmen to replace their family saloon cars with an export truck if they so wished… Richard also mentioned the usual waivers of tax on exports such as hides and skins [yet in the past, no body was allowed to export them]. “Uganda gets her foreign exchange from exports. So without large amounts of foreign exchange, we cannot trade for imports with the foreigners. URA has come in to facilitate and promote exports…”

This was more of an export promotion exhibition. UCIFA Chairman Omar Kassim was also one of the speakers and said “UCIFA is always open (for exporters and importers)”. Sponsors (who were honored after the Rwandese minister’s speech) plus Advertisers included (in no distinguished order) PSFU, Barclays, SkyNet, uganda telecom; MTN, UIA (Uganda Investment Authority) alongside UEPB (Uganda Export Promotion Board); Stanbic Bank; Nine international embassies like Holland, UK, et cetera; South African Airways, UCIFA (Sitting at the stall was board member Lino Cries Icila and the Secretary to UCIFA’s Chairman)…Secretary General Jad Johnsons Tabule who is also the director of Freight Kargo Masters was in the crowd and so was Assistant Chairman Lawrence Ayebare who listened to the presenters; CMA (Capital Markets Authority); dfcu Bank (offering Land Loans between 5 and 75 Million UgX and other services); UPS & Daks Couriers; UFFA (Uganda Freight Forwarders Association) the second Clearing and Forwarding Association in Uganda; Tourism Uganda, UAP Insurance Company and other exhibitors not mentioned; Citi Bank Group put up their banner but were not present…

Below is the spirit of UCIFA’s role in the import and export business. As the foremost umbrella body of clearing and forwarding firms in Uganda, UCIFA is an intermediary between customs and importers or exporters. They carry out the necessary customs documentation and lodgments of entries. The body advises clients on customs requirements, laws, regulations and procedures. UCIFA updates clients on changes that occur from time to time. It facilitates import and export operations in the most efficient and cost effective manner. Also, it advises on the mode of transport & the facilities in transportation; liaises with Uganda Revenue Authority and other stakeholders in the facilitation of import and export business thus facilitating trade and tax collection.

Onion Boy

People will hear the systems thump when you roll in life. The O.B. is not just your Old Boy but freakingly your Onion Boy (the O-Boy), a Ladies Man, Family Man and Best Friend. He’s back in the flesh feeling so blessed. He loves thick, cute, fleshy and swollen monocotyledons that can cause a crush and titillate his eyes. He wants to touch, hold and feel them. “I love these bulbs and their onion juice. But never let onions make you visually impaired!” warns your friendly neighbourhood Onion Boy…

Are you a Pimp?
How many women does a man really need? Lidz in the “Southside” video tells Lloyd to “allow only three great women in his life.” (Did he mean mum, sister and girlfriend or just three lovers?) What will he do with all the three? How much time will he need to dedicate to satisfy each one of them? Okay, forget the time. The issue is how you get the three! Do you use Shakespeare’s lines or read volumes of poetry books? I hear poetry turns women on. Hahaha! Hogwash…How many women did the great poets have? Talk about money and almost any daughter of Eve can shake her ‘glorious maximus’ for you. Ask Akon after he performs “Bonanza [Belly Dancer]” in a concert near your town [how they shake it]! Don’t be shy. (Maybe he will come back to Kampala for you, let’s wait and keep on calling.)
Another idea is the wisdom of men. Can fools really face up to the challenge? King Solomon of Israel was truly the Wisest Pimp in human history: 700 wives and 700 concubines must be a Guinness Book of Records Milestone somewhere. Ignore guys who claim to have slept with 432 bitches or more. I am talking about real wives, not bitches. So does that mean, we bachelors looking for only one partner are silly and unwise? Maybe Poetry doesn’t work.
The Quran allows men to marry up to four wives and when you get to heaven (Jana), you will have more female companions (houri) with big beautiful eyes. The Bahai Holy Writings prescribe not more than two.” If you are contented with only one among the maidservants of GOD, both you and she will live in tranquility”. That is also the Christian teaching spread by Saint Paul (in the epistles to Christ’s early church). If you didn’t know, GOD was not happy with Solomon’s 1400 companions; too much lust (according to the Mormon Bible). “I don’t know what you heard about me”. I’m broke…

[Original article written in 2005 (Bracketed words added in 2008)]

Mission: Impossible UG…

“WHEN we go to court, I’ll be winning the case…” raps Navio in Klear Kut’s rhythmic breakthrough collaboration with songstress Juliana Kanyomozi of the IJ Fame (in the hit-song “All I Wanna Know”). Although produced in 2000, this bouncy party song actually won a deserved PAM Award (Pearl of Africa Music Awards started in 2003, you can call them Ugandan ‘Pammys’ like the US ‘Grammys’). It seems that even in the studio Klear Kut will be winning the battle.
KK has a clear cutting edge in quality. Some good challengers, though solo artistes, ever since Ugandan Hiphop started growing fast in the first decade of this millennium are the free-rhyming Lyrical G, plus the very talented, knowledgeable, patriotic and socially conscious GNL (He'll kick it beyond Hot 100 FM to TV; GNL’s got what it takes to be the Greatest. He is the first signed Ugandan rapper. Platinum Entertainment signed up his record label Baboon Forest Entertainment Limited. Klear Kut works with him; Myth actually confessed that “GNL is the illest (Most Awesome) Ugandan rapper today”. He dresses hiphop, always walks with a swagger and never lacks poetry in his mind. GNL even won the Impala Award for Poetry in the whole of Africa. But what does GNL mean? Well, according to Aztec Wisdom, “At the highest level of self expression, you achieve [GNL] Greatness of No Limit”).
Ragga Dee is originally a ragga artist but he’s got some very hot crowd-moving rhyming skills you can categorise as hiphop. Rhythm and Blues guitarist Maurice Kirya is so real like hip-hop despite playing what the Mugwere - Munyoro lad describes as Fusion Music. I have loved his beats ever since I first heard him play and think his talent is truly phenomenal. There is also a free flowing Rapper who makes Lusogo sound beautiful, Babaluku is cool, Enygma is a very enigmatic Word-smith, Keko's Perception makes sense, Rocky Giant rocks, Lady Slyke is amazing, Sizza Dictionary flows, AK47 is Ragga Talent, Raba Daba tomusobola, Young Zee can speak, King Arthur is out of this world and Atlas will take you on a trip...
Klear Kut’s Navio, Mith (the Fattest - He’s “not a category but a catalogue…”) and the short guys Aba & Missing Link (Wasn't that JB back then?) sound so American you would be excused to think that they are gang-bangers. Of course this gang is dangerous in a lyrical sense, try them, you'll get hurt. Meanwhile, the Fifth element Papito has something for the European audience or Franco-phone speakers around the world with his French vibes. He can also spit Swahili and so he is Microsoft Certified for Windows 2005. Their albums are pieces of magic. No wonder MTV Base came to East Africa, that's Worldwide Recognition! Next achievement for the franchise: Immortality, I guess.

(Sir) Samuel Apedel

Hey Sunday Vision readers, do you know who used to be the co-editor of this fantastic weekend magazine from Uganda's leading daily? Well, now he moved to the internet department. I do not care if Queen Elizabeth knighted him or not while he was in Scotland but I still call him Sir because he paved one-way for me by leading through example besides being my lecturer at UCU. His name is Sir Samuel Baker, ahem excuse me, did I just mention the ancient explorer from Britain? I'm sorry I meant Sir Samuel Apedel, now you know.

Every one has a hero, no wonder some friend in Zambia phoned and told Apedel that he had named his son after him. By 2005, Samuel had a BA (Lit, ESL) MUK; Dip (BMA) Cambridge and M.A (C.S) Leeds. If there is one person I need to thank for giving me the grind to publish my ideas for widespread public consumption, it has to be ‘Uncle Sam’. What’s up with me and Itesots; why do my best associates mainly come from Teso Kere? Anyway, every time I publish an article in the newspapers or magazines, people call or beep me to acknowledge my modest wit. I’m an ordinary Ugandan who did not know which way to go until Apedel showed me one-way.
My Campus faculty dean - Ben Bella Illakut -thankfully addressed my 2005 internship Application Letter to the New Vision (one among the lucky few Mass Commers; the rest had ‘To whom it may concern’) but the Editor in Charge I was sent to for an interview said there was not enough money to hire many from UCU (though Mwiza, ‘Doryn’, Esther and Brens had practice there). Most interns were MUK students. I did not weep about the failed attempt but met Mr. Apedel and told him about my situation. What he advised me at the entrance of the NV block in April 2005 will always remain a landmark in my writing career. Personally, I did not fancy reporting breaking or daily news in newspapers and TV. My heart went out to cartooning or writing features, like the investigative infotainment style you read in Encyclopedias or watch on ‘CNN Presents’. Features do not call for tight deadlines like current news; so when Mr. Apedel told me to just ‘write letters or 600 word columns on any topical issues’, I knew I would gain my space.
I got down in an unused store (Formerly a retail shop for my parents) and brainstormed ideas from 7am to 4pm on certain days. For one month, I had no breakthrough until one Sunday when I called ‘the Man’ to ask if I should send my letters to the weekday editors too, instead of addressing them to only Sunday Vision which had limited letter space. Coincidentally, that was the day (Sunday 19 June 2005) probably my first letter was published. When he informed me that he had put one of my letters “Kudos to Saggy and Bad Idea”, I was overjoyed and gleefully went to purchase my Sunday Vision. That was the start of many letters including “Give Aid to the Hungry”; “Build Giant Solar Stations” [There’s a lot of barren land in game parks upcountry that can be used for development]; “I Simply Love my Sunday Paper”; “The West Owes Us”; “Mwenda Should Emulate VOA’s Ssali”; “Kudos to Gaagaa Coach”; “Congratulations SMACK OBs”; “Pray for Somalia”; “Leave Inzikuru Alone” [One Kenyan classmate called her my Girlfriend because I knew an intimate secret Dorcas had told someone else who also told me] and one whose title ‘Respect Mothers’ I dreamt was published before even writing the content matter. I also published in Daily Monitor (Wenger - the Miracle Economist; Survival Football), African Woman plus Premiership Magazine besides actually receiving a 2008 World Bank Certificate for yapping too much. To-date though, I have reduced on the yapping in newspapers. But thanks to New Vision’s impeccable editing, I managed to see that people should be able to grasp the gist of your opinions in a few words or else you will fail to communicate ideas professionally. My Wordiness is probably ‘my Weakness’ (A 2002 confession that made my Economics classmates laugh hard) but thanks to GOD and the Google geeks, Blogger.com has no Word Limits for my weakness, Hee hee!
Apedel’s compellingly relevant course (Media Issues and Society) at UCU 2005 included Freedom of speech and Censorship/ The Media and the Individual vs. Public/ Media and Culture (What is popular culture?)/ Media Effects (Audience Study & Analysis): What actually happens when somebody reads a newspaper? / Advertising/ Globalisation and the Media/ Media Ownership and Editorial Independence/ Media and Democracy/ Going Digital/ plus the New vs. Old Media. He taught us that “A blog is short for web log. It liberates ordinary people to become journalists.” I love sharing knowledge because I have seen it set people free and propel them forward. Even if I’m not acclaimed as a successful journalist, I think blogging is the way to go as a knowledge worker though I took 3 years (4 years after Douglas Bowman designed the ‘Rounders 4’ Blogger template style) to get going after a motivational spark from another student of Apedel named Sharpe Cole Nimusiima (His blog is www.sharpeseye.blogspot.com). The reason why I did journalism was NOT because I wanted CNN to vote me the Best “Journalist” in the World but because I admired TV, radio, books, newspapers, etc … The content in the Media industry can lift up your downtrodden spirit plus show you how the world works. What is life without intelligence? Through my Journalism course, I wanted to learn how to make knowledge work for me in order to help others in whichever way I was built to do. Imagine one day, I walk into the Media Centre upstairs and find Mr. Apedel sitted at his desk with a computer, I wouldn’t mind sharing any good ideas if he asks me…
Here is a collection of some of Apedel’s wise quotable quotes while I was his student, though he did not tell us to write these as notes [My comments are in brackets]:
“When your friend dies, you should achieve what he hasn’t achieved…”
“The Most Successful People are not necessarily the cleverest …” [Some of them are very sharp in deed]
“If you give a dog a bad name, it will live up to it.” [The same might apply to sheep plus he-goats like me]
“Northerners are known for dressing in shouting colours like Green Jeans, Yellow Trousers and Orange Shirts. [This was actually very funny to many classmates]
“You blame everybody and at the end of the day, you have no one to blame…but yourself.” [Here he was humorously philosophizing like a well adjusted human being]
“Hidden knowledge is no knowledge; you’ve got to test it…” [The gap between potential and achievement is putting your skills into action and letting the market polish them…]
“Show me someone who doesn’t like sex and I’ll show you a psychological dysfunction…If you are stupid enough to have sex, don’t be foolish not to use a condom.” [Only eunuchs - castrated men and maybe circumcised women can be celibate; the rest of us are just living and dying to ‘get laid’]
“Uganda is a poor country. According to IMF research, even the billionaires we talk about in Uganda aren’t ranked among the Richest. But in the whole of Africa, Uganda has been marked as the Most Resourceful country on the continent – because many people are entrepreneurial and desire to make money.”
“You just have time to go back to your room to sleep and gas only.” [Mr. Apedel was condemning our campus behaviour of wasting time instead of using it for meaningful things. Although shameful, I guess I had a similar lifestyle though mine also included listening to music while sleeping in the afternoon, and watching DStv through the night. A classmate to my sister two years behind who was also my hostel-mate once told me, “If you were reading your books, Uganda would be developed.” Even if he did not target that at me, GOD bless him if he did, there was a grain of salt in what he said. We need to put our brains to maximum use.]
“You should be sharp like (Uganda Cranes midfielder David) Obua, pass the ball (in) to the net.”
“I do not want to see that corridor that leads to the shit house.” [Here, he was expressing his displeasure at females who expose their behind (ass) by wearing G-Strings, a provocative fashion craze around 2005]
“I heard that someone in this class keeps thinking, ‘Emily makes the hair behind my head stand’…” [My first impression of this seemingly sarcastic statement was that he was mocking all of us boys who thought we could marry our classmates who were probably already booked by outside men. We had not yet achieved anything big with our lives and could not even take good care of ourselves yet we were eyeing our female classmates. The second impression, though paranoid, was that it was indirectly meant for me. In November 2003, I fell in love accidentally with some beauty in our class but jumped out around February 2005. To ease my heart in the remaining one year at UCU, I willingly tried to have an affair with another sexy & lovely classmate named Em’ since she boldly called me ‘boyfriend’. The brave get what they want, you know…I might have been naïve in steering relationships with females but one thing was certain: I always stay real. If the girl gets tired of me, my heart is wide open…she can walk away freely. Eve did not conceive only one beautiful daughter. So if Em’ was another pillar for me to lean on, even for just those moments, I did not care what classmates gossiped. I simply breathed on and Emily surely made the hair behind my head stand…]
“Newspapers are the prime movers in setting news agenda … TV is for idiots, radio is for semi-intelligent people while real intellectuals read newspapers. [The Internet somehow brought back the newspaper’s ability to break news. I’m glad to be a part of Google’s Online Newspaper franchise where every writer edits his work and can set the agenda for his readers]
“By living, you are actually dying…” [Another very philosophical idea]

Creativity is a Spirit...

(Aiko's Drawing of the Armour of Light)

“Every example of genius has a tincture of our neglected madness,” read one quote in a millennial encyclopedia. We always fall in love with movies, stories or songs when they relate with ideas or events that have happened in our lives. It’s the natural way our spirits get lifted. Ask yourself why you enjoy action movies? Maybe it’s because you were born to be a stuntman or you are just energetic.

Wednesday 7th May 2008 was not only exactly one year since the first issue of The Standard – UCU’s bi-monthly Community Newspaper (where I am Editorial Cartoonist) came out but also the day ‘Ironman’ was released in the United States. I had been stalking this movie for half a year while it was still in production (watching trailers and a few clips) but up to today when I posted this blog, I must confess that even if it is already in Uganda, I have not yet watched the whole of it. [Anyway, I finally got Iron-Man, on Tuesday 15 July 2008, from my friend Bashir K. who trades Music and Video Disks somewhere on Wilson Road] What I like most about this character is that he reminds me a lot about the whole Armour of GOD described in Ephesians 6: 10-20 [Truth (Belt tight around the waist); Righteousness (Breastplate); Readiness to announce the good news of peace (Shoes); Faith (Shield); Salvation (Helmet); and the Word of GOD (Sword which the Holy Spirit gives)]. In Ironman’s case, the sword would be force fields from the palm, missiles or bullets from his arm.

In September 2001, I had an idea to produce a comic about GOD’s armour entitled “Armour of Light: Ironclad” (though I made the first drawing copying a Batman image without the sharp ends above the head but a modified helmet on 7 November 2001. I re-drew it on Saturday 19th April 2003)…My comic would feature a man called Michael, actually the arch-angel in human form just like Jesus came to earth in human form, wrestling for humans against Lucifer’s snares. He would announce (as the Trumpeter) the return of Jesus on the Last Day of this Age...My first seven episodes would be: The Devil Must Die, Introducing the Armour of Light, Runaway Devil, Soul of an Angel, The Good Fight, Lucifer and Judgement Day.

Unfortunately somehow I never developed my project fast enough, and wrote the plot only on Valentines’ Day 2007. But there is a saying that “dreams come true”, (if we keep dreaming). Macos Old Boy Simon Wamahe once told me that you may have an idea but if you do not work on it, the spirit of the idea will depart from you and influence another creative mind. UCU Alumni Jude Muyanja also told me, “You dream and other people bring your dreams to life.” That’s very true because I did not know about this Ironman character but thanks to Jon Favreau and the artists at Industrial Light & Magic, the film’s vision is almost like mine (No wonder I also love Vin Diesel’s 1995 ‘Iron Giant’). Even though I noticed the similarities between AL:I and Ironman as late as 2007, I was very happy and YouTubed a soundtrack by Apologetix for the animated version of Ironman. This song was just another rendition of Eminem’s “Lose Yourself” Oscar-winning Song. It highlighted the spiritual theme of this super-hero epic. I love heroes whose transition powers are believable and seem GOD-sent possibilities like Ironman, Batman, Fantastic Four and maybe Spiderman to some extent.

“Life sucks but the only way we can come out on top is to get our robes (like Wonder Woman), go out into the world and be heroes, using the extra-ordinary talents GOD gave each one of us…” The Psycho said so (though he borrowed the idea from a Nelly Furtado song). Despite tampering with the plot a little (The cartoon had villains from the Far East while the movie has villains from Afghanistan), I guess the whole film is a masterpiece. I was very excited when only after one month, MTV voted ‘Ironman’ as the Best Movie of the Summer 2008 So Far…Wow, check it out tonight!

Sinlessly Sweet History

This ain’t Kinyara Sugar from neighbours Masindi; this is 100 % organic Bee Natural Honey: sinlessly sweet and authentic Ugandan honey from around Arua. I read something very interesting on a Bee Natural Honey can in 2004 and felt it had to feature on my Website. Honey is a delicious sweetener that can be used to replace sugar in a variety of drinks. It is used as a spread or as a remedy for colds and loss of appetite. Also suitable for diabetics and contains 0 % fat.

Bee Natural Honey is harvested in West Nile and represents the Happy People called Lugbara who are a Sudanic-speaking people. They were originally known as the Madi and the term Lugbara is thought to have come from Khartoum Arab slavers in the 19th century. In their tradition, the first two human beings “Gboro-Gboro” (Male) and Meme (Female) were super human.

Some traditions only speak of Meme, whose womb GOD (Mungu or Adrou) filled with the living things of the world. Then a gazelle (not the Arua Gazelle Dorcas Inzikuru but probably her ancestor) made an opening in Meme’s womb by rupturing it with its hoof and all the worldly creatures came out; man was the last to come out.

The Lugbara have a clientage system called ‘Amadingo’ whereby the poor would be looked after by the rich. Such clients were treated as members of the family and could be given land if they wished to stay. Bride-wealth would even be paid for them when they wanted to marry.

Email: sales@bee-natural products.biz
(Packed in Ug by Bee Natural Products Limited)

Jesus X-st, the Assassin

GODisgreat! Jesus Christ (aka JX-st in gangsta lingual) once said,“Whoever believes in me believes in the father.” So that makes Muslims the brothers to Christians, right? Right! Okay, the Quran says that “All those who believe in Jesus will be superior to the non believers.” So that makes Hajjatis Christian sisters also, right? Come on!

Not all the ideas below are mine, some I captured from a BBC World Service Radio program on Religion around the middle of this decade but anyway, read on. According to Islam, Jesus was an important prophet. There is a diverging picture of details but the fact is: he was one of the prophets. A Muslim is incomplete without believing in the Jesus of the Anunciation (at the trunk of a palm tree) and Virgin Birth. [There is a “brook that runs at your feet. Shake the tree; it will drop fresh ripe dates in your lap, Mariam!”]

Other Arabic writings speak of forgiveness. Many Muslims know Jesus as the prophet of the Heart (Peace & Mercy); the Letter and Spirit of the Law. Isa is the Prophet before Muhammad, the Last Prophet. [Charity means do good to that person who does harm. He who is not born twice shall not enter heaven]

According to the Apocryphal Gospels considered legendary by the European churches, Jesus brought the dead to life, healed the sick, and made clay birds. Muslims believe he never died and resurrected but ascended directly to Heaven. Isn’t this a clash of civilizations with Christianity? Muslims also believe that he was a man born without a father (very refreshing) and he is coming back. Did I pause somewhere? Okay, I just said that, He is coming back to KILL the AntiChrist who will be a Ruler in the Revived Roman Empire. Whoa, a compassionate Healer turned Killer or Thriller? I cannot wait for the return of the Assassin named X-st. For sure, the Christian Church has emphasized different aspects of the Christ Story. Christianity has played with the resurrection and crucifixion (Cruci-Fiction). Muslims are more orthodox about their traditional beliefs than X-tians. Islam is making us look again at our beliefs. We need to look to the future for our complete deliverance. Some one once asked me what I was saved from and I realized that the mortal combat continues. Not all who call X-st “Lord, Lord” will enter the Garden but those who do what they are supposed to do should, though it’s not a guarantee, you know.

Anyway, others believe that JX-st survived the crucifixion and fled to India where he ministered. He was laid to rest in Kashmir. He said, “Blimey, I have found a worthy shrine…” and decorated it. He was a revered prophet though not as the Son of GOD. Jesus influenced religions of the East. In Japan, they believe he used to plant rice and was buried there alongside his wife and kids. (Origato) Thank you for the news! The idea that Jesus was ‘Life after death and death after life’ terrified the Chinese, literally drove the living daylights out of them. JX-st married and had children. He bid his disciple Ababid to level the place, turned his head to the north and face to the East. Jesus went to Puri Anarisa and studied in the temple. He influenced Hinduism but not fundamentally. In Bengal, Hindus believed that Jesus was a good Hindu, a person who had specially come for a special mission. Teachings of Hinduism and Buddhism are mingled which automatically makes Bahai’s partakers in my Jesus tribute.

Some argue that Jesus could also be a creation of man rather than GOD, “You cannot create a perfect account of history. Subtly many different images of him have been brought up. Many faiths acknowledge his existence.” Mormons claim that after the Resurrection, he went to America. (In one New Age believer’s dream), Jesus wore a red and purple robe and threw flowers to a crowd. The messages of Jesus come directly first hand as New Age believers claim. They see him in visions and dreams.

“Now that this event is over, let’s celebrate!” Jesus said to the crowd while throwing flowers and riding in a carriage [Probably of Lambourginis and Mustangs, you know. Just kidding!], in one New Age believer’s dream. Christianity cannot claim that Jesus is its own. He embodies the fundamental truth of human suffering and eventful relief. Christ can save anyone from one’s struggles. In Arua, we say, “Life is a beautiful struggle.” Ask 88.2 Sanyu FM’s sweet voiced Malawian-Ugandan presenter Crystal Newmann about that statement – she likes it and Christians, Muslims, Buddhists & Rastafarians should always remember it.

For us Africans, he was exiled in Egypt during his younger years and probably had relatives from Ethiopia (Forget the Rastafarian Selassie, I’m talking about Queen Sheba and Wise King Solomon: Jesus’ ancestor knew that the Best Women all reside in Africa). While I welcomed the delay of Doom’s Day at the start of Y2K, my favourite movie about the X-st was ‘The King of Kings’ by director Cecil B. DeMille who also worked on another masterpiece ‘The Ten Commandments’. Actor H.B. Warner portrayed the best picture of Jesus in the 20th Century at least by my standards. This X-st was neither pretentious nor sanctimonious; he was the real deal. Warner used to fast during filming and I guess that’s where he got this Christ-like feel. Other good movies include ‘Jesus’ which was shown in many churches during Christmas in the 1990s (In the 2000 Millenium Anniversary Edition, Brazilian ace Ronaldo da Lima called X-st ‘The Number One…Didn’t he mean Number One Assassin); ‘The Last Temptation of Christ’; ‘The Boy Jesus’; ‘The Judas Project’ shows what would have happened to Jesus if he had been born during the time of SUVs (Sports Utility Vehicles) and Automatic Rifles; Mel Gibson’s ‘The Passion of the Christ’ is the Most Grotesque Description of X-st’s final week alive. I even silently shedded tears of conviction in my room while watching the part where the condemned prostitute was touching our Lord’s foot in appreciation for saving her from being stoned by Pharisees. After watching ‘Passion’, one man confessed to having murdered someone. Consciences were rekindled. There have also been musicals such as the Rock ‘N’ Roll ‘Jesus Christ Superstar’.

JX-st, our new super-hero from Nazareth is the Assassin who will save us at the Battle of Armageddon (Megiddo, Israel) …Van Helsing, what happened to Calvary, man? Why do people back-slide? We live like Pharisees, demon-influenced hypocrites [Runaway devils, and Hell-boys] who claim to know the Word like real Men of GOD but have no Power to shake the Devil. We need to become Spiritual Snipers bringing down evil powers and principalities in the invisible realm. Will we be forgiven completely for failing to terminate them…I ain’t blaspheming but just trying to find answers before we reach the new Zion. Peace and Love, church!

Say No to Racism Madiba-style

[This photocopy image of Nelson Mandela (Madiba) was penciled and inked by Aiko… Jude Karuhanga my Fine Art classmate (1997-2000) and also one of my biggest Ugandan inspirations said this is ‘very good technique’. What do you say?]

On Wednesday 25 June 2008, the world started celebrating the birthday (which funnily falls in the next month on 18th July) of the World’s Most Popular 90 Year Old , former South African President Nelson Mandela though the London Party, where stars like Master of Ceremony Will Smith, his wife Jada and other stars such as Jamelia, Amy Winehouse, the talented 9ice plus others was staged 2 days later on Friday evening. Bebe Cool dressed in an orange prison cloth with the number 46664 and a chain around his shoulder, alongside three other performers dressed in orange, rocked the crowd with the song “Born in Africa”. Now I see why me and my friend Lhynnq-x thought this Ugandan reggae superstar deserved an award in the inaugural PAM Awards 2003, “I was born in Africa…my wife is from Africa…” With the message “It’s in our hands” (referring to the fight for freedom especially against AIDS and racism), the ailing Mandela walked on stage holding a walking stick while his wife G. Machel supported his steps and gave a speech to his adoring audience. The party continued with a concert by various artists.

Nelson is not only a hero in RSA but also the whole of Africa and the rest of the world. After spending 27 years in a Robben Island Prison (In-mate Number 466 in the year ‘64), Mandela got out to fight on and become one of the annihilators of the perilous white-dominated Apartheid Rule.

I do not know much about Sam Biko or any other freedom fighters but while growing up in Jinja (1984 – 1995), most of the South African themed movies like one blockbuster about 2 big boys - a black guy and his loyal white friend who fought the white Police; or news stories depicting South Africa showed Blacks being oppressed by whites and the former’s struggle to end this difference. One township that never desserts my memories is Soweto and the Police beatings or killings during riots. But for me, the one Black who stood out firmly against this madness was ‘Madiba’. My mum really loved him, personally I liked his designer shirts later on in life of course (The New Millennium when he became a Pop Icon), and not only because they were artistic fashion masterpieces but also he never tucked them in. Talk of Madiba being an inspiration for us students who did not fancy school rules; boarding school is like a prison, Robben Island to be exact. (No hate intended school headmasters, it is all good: It brings out the best in us) Just imagine Madiba had never been imprisoned, he probably would be dead and gone by now but thanks to the renewing experience behind bars, RSA gained independence in 1994 from white rule.

Shaka Zulu died when the whites were coming and now that they have relinquished their hold on power, I hope Nelson does not die before they leave. Anyway, I hope they do not leave despite the recent upsurge of violence by black South Africans against foreigners. For me (that is me, myself - Aiko), Madiba will become immortal if he lives on beyond his 92nd birthday…I guess it will be during the 2010 FIFA World Cup, the first installment in Africa. Wow, that will be a legacy to remember; afterall he was among the people who seconded or added weight to the bid for the 4 year rotational championship to come to Africa. Next call 2030 somewhere in East Africa. They say dreams come true. Wait and see as we kick racism out of football and the world! Happy B-Day Madiba!

Why Africans die from Malaria

According to research from John Hopkins Hospital. No, I think this was research from Kazo, Mbarara (in Western Uganda - better known as Ug' where treated mosquito nets are distributed free): it has been discovered that "the muscular male anophelese mosquito lifts up the net so that the female can enter" and inject her victims with malaria parasites. (Don't laugh, these things happen in Uganda) Man, this is a scary discovery...We might need to put askari flies to guard our nets, talk of security companies providing help by gathering and training 'dem soldier bees, wasps or house flies. Why should flies spread cholera or sting us and yet they can be employed elsewhere? This message was inspired, sponsored and motivated by Theatre Factory Hospital Kampala...Man, those dudes and babes are really funny. Catch them every Thursday at National Theatre for the Comedy Night or on NTV (Nation TV) every Sunday at 7.30 PM. Pablo is a stand up genius; Tindi is too funny you would think there is humour locked up in her booty. I do not mean humour like in your eyes but fats of laughter (I enjoyed the skit where three new comers in Senior One were being teased by her and a friend); Richard knows how to act drunk; Frobisher is Gaddafi incarnate; Zizinga is lost in translation; Hannington Bugingo acts confidently confused (unlike in the Kiwani Movie where he was so sharp though merciless)and the rest also sizzle though I won't mention them here. The best cure for your malaria problems is to watch the doctors of Theatre Factory perform their operations on your funny bone...