Dreamscripts

YESU Kristo Ni Opi

MUNGU ni amboru amboru! Who is the Greatest Superhero of All-Time? I'd say JESUS Christ of Nazareth (from Bethlehem, Israel) because HE died to save all mankind, including those who were not yet born. Most super(s)heroes like Batman, Wolverine, Deadpool, Deadshot, Supergirl, Black Widow, Kubaku, etc are just fictitious even if inspired by humans who lived but XP is a real person through and through; the Son of Mary. After three days in the grave, JESUS resurrected to display power over Death and will reign forever (when HE returns to Earth from preparing mansions in Heaven) as the "KING OF KINGS & LORD OF LORDS". HE had no earthly father but origin is traced from GOD, turned water into wine at a wedding in Cana, calmed the sea with HIS voice, made a blind man see, walked on water and also beckoned Peter to step out of the boat he was in plus walk like HIM, made a lame man pick up his mat and walk, fed thousands with a boy's lunch, healed 10 lepers, transfigured with Moses and Elijah beside HIM, cured diseases, raised corpses eg Lazarus and Jairus's daughter back to life, teleported into a locked room where disciples were hiding, stunned Nathaniel with words of knowledge, fasted for 40 days in the Wilderness (I cannot even manage two complete days without craving for water), showed fishermen a great catch and they called other boats to help, cast out Legion demons, recreated a cutoff ear, amazed listeners at 12 years old with HIS understanding and answers, told a Samaritan woman she had five husbands plus that the man she was with was not her husband, solved a 12-year blood problem when a believing woman touched the helm of HIS garment, healed a Centurion's servant from a distance, prophesied HIS betrayal by Judas plus Peter's denial three times before a cock crowed, etc. Some of the many other things (signs, wonders and miracles) HE performed are not even written down according to John 21:25; that's what makes HIS story worth exploring and much much more exciting than any Comics Universe...

Shield Of Faith (Saturday 29th April 2023)

My name is Paul. When we began, we were only three, but the Devil took two away from me (my daughter and then my wife). Now am going to hunt him down with my son... In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the Evil One (Ephesians 6:16)...

The Wrong Train

Three youthful passengers sitted at the extreme back survive a monstrous soul-sucking train ride to Mombasa and break out plus jump off at the Victoria Nile Bridge in Jinja after dusk. The soundtrack to this adventure is "Sandstorm" by Da Rude...

To be continued...

Work Never Ends

New day, new problems, new solutions! Even if you finish a task well today, there's still another one to handle tomorrow; whether secret, paid, praised or not. Prepare for it mentally as well as physically! You will rest fully only in the Afterlife. Sleep is busy too with dream journeys and battles with enemy spirits. We are slaves to this bittersweet life. Work, work, work; nonstop work! So help us, GOD...

Not called for interview,

Not selected,

Hired but criticised,

Not facilitated,

Unpaid,

Paid but partly,

Paid in full after a very long time,

Money not enough for living,

Never promoted,

Promoted without pension,

Pension mismanaged,

Loyal at work but no incentives,

Laid off from work due to jobcuts,

Fired,

Retired due to illness,

Reached retirement age...

These are some of the troubles of a worker!

The Journey To TARADISE

My ancestral home (Baria Village in Ojapi Parish, Ajira Subcounty) is roughly one hour by car or motorcycle (about 6,000 to Nyadri or around 15,000 UGX all the way in Twenty23) northwards from Arua City; gone with the wind. Ojapi used to be one of the seven Tara Subcounty parishes before Ajira Subcounty broke away from the Kololo Village-based Headquarters; the original Tara wards got their identity from Ajua's great-grandchildren namely: Ojapi, Ajulepi, Yidu (Pajama Area), Oliapi (Oliyepi), Aruwe, Rendu and Vura. Villages in Ojapi Parish include Aliamu, Baria, Erivu, Nacara, Oliapi, Onayi and Palida while neighbouring parishes according to Land Conflict Mapping Tool (LCMT) include Anivu, Ombavu, Pajama and Vura which hosts the Tara headquarters. I'm from the Grasshopper Clan of Lugbara. Maracha (not the place in Ayivu but District north of Arua City) rocks my world like Taradise; JESUS is the Way...

The main route to Tara from Manibe Roundabout on Rhino Camp Road (Arua) is via Oreku; across River Enyau to Lokira Godo at the Ayivu border with Maracha; through Robu, across River Imve, Okokoro Junction, Kijomoro, across River Oluffe where the remains of the old bridge are still visible like a heritage site that can be metamorphosed into a Graffiti Art canvas or other creative venue and people bathe in the river as it flows to Miriadua Falls; Koyi (that has a statue of Po the Kung-fu Panda striking a one leg standing-kick pose) to Ovujo City (Cico, St. Joseph's Maracha Hospital and Cathedral plus Big Brother Maracha), Nyoro (that has Rokoze Crater Lake which I wish was fittingly christened Lake Maracha), across River Ayi to Nyadri City (NYC)...

To get home, you branch right off the Koboko Highway from any of two points: either the shortcut bypass near Nyadri Market and across River Aliro or further ahead on the Koboko Highway and through Azipi, Loinya, across a river bridge plus via Karongo (which was part of Tara too from days gone by) while viewing interesting rock formations on both sides including two mountains namely Mt. Wati (West Nile's Highest Point) in Terego and Mt. Liru in Koboko; climb up to Ajira where the subcounty administration block is before reaching Ojapi Primary School and Uliapi Church of Uganda...

Suffer patiently!

Enjoy the Maracha View!

Frankly my dear, I do care!

EDUCATION

We are all related, even since Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden plus through intermarriages. I've always wished that there was a calculative technology system that documents plus possibly links Clan members and everyone else all over the world like a huge Matrix: Uganda Registration Services Bureau (URSB), Electoral Commission plus NIRA limit data collected in UG; Facebook tried with relationship lists on account profiles, then WhatsApp groups took it to another level but some people do not own smartphones while others have already departed from Earth and cannot chatback (Necromancy is prohibited). However, do they cease to exist and vanish into oblivion from the clan, forgotten by those left behind? No way! When American Senator Barack Obama was running for Presidency, I saw an African Woman Magazine Issue 24 (probably September 2008) article (Society: A Visit with Grandma Obama, Page 72-73) that showed a photo of him with his Kenyan cousins in Kogelo Village and asked myself why we should know other families by correct faces more than our own. Of course, I know very many relatives, but there are others I honestly don't, including the departed. Why should I cram the names given to multiples of fictional relatives created by William Shakespeare while studying Literature in Ugandan secondary schools to pass exams and fail to name my own extended family in the correct pattern? Is that what Education is about or was that just a foundation? As a result, I embarked on a personal research journey with the guidance of my parents (like Adi [Lugbara legends], Familia Pati [Family Tree], Froots [Fruits & roots] or www.Ancestry.com) and found some of my ancestors who are resting in Lado (West Nile) plus much much more. Here is my Genealogy that can link me to so many other relatives (literally everywhere):

11th Generation: Nayia, oku [Lugbara Translate: wife] Odrudru (from Aliba Ojepi in Ayivu [Elafia ma awizi])

10th: Angusara (considered the forefather of Ojapi Baria Clan), oku Oninurua (from Wandi)

9th: Oyoroa, oku Bacia (from Onzoro)

8th: Olevua, oku Ayizeru (from Katri)

7th: Oguze, oku Curua (from Alarapi)

6th: Onangu, oku Oninirua (from Logbira)

5th (Great great great grandfather): Maru, oku Okualuru (from Rendu - Wandi people in Maracha)

4th (Great great grandfather): Ari, oku Aweru (from Lugu)

3rd (Great grandfather): Galia Asendu, oku Tabacia (from Luja in Koyi)

2nd (A'bi [Grandfather]): Petero Dobo Enaa, oku Esita Yitiru (from Vura Parish in Tara)

1st (Ati [Father]): James Dramani Oguzua, oku Elizabeth Ndezo (from Aliba Ojepi in Ayivu)...

The last time I met my paternal grandmother, she looked frail and walked using a stick with a bent back. Tears formed in my eyes and silently in my spirit, I asked GOD to give her more strength. She was the last and only connection I had to my ancestors; some people meet their great grandparents but for me, I never saw any of my grandfathers. I always referred to grandma as Ita, didn't know her fullname until later. I gifted her a portrait of herself I had inked at home on Mt. Wati Road (Arua) and she tucked it inside her Bible. She could still recognise me even with her partial blindness, "Dhi Oguzua dri [This one is for Oguzua]..." Oguzua is the name my dad was called in Ojapi. When Ita died on 1st December 2004 at 98 years old, noone told me until I read an email from my big brother concerning the loss at the UCU Tech Park in Mukono a week later. I was sad inside during that sunset, but didn't cry, just spent the early night with the campus classmate I wanted to marry; didn't even tell her that I was grieving but used her company to console myself. Unfortunately, it turned out to be my Least Successful Semester on campus out of six in terms of academic performance (Got 3.8 GPA during that period) though I had dedicated my exams to my grandma: Introduction to Radio Production was my Worst Performed Course Unit (56 percent, - C) throughout my uni career. Ita accepted JESUS in the 1920s when the Whiteman preached in Maracha and her legacy lives on through her descendants; she was from Tara Proper...

Ojapi (Points Of Interest)

Human establishments in Ojapi Parish include Ojapi Primary School which suffered the 1991 Air Raid from two Sudanese planes, Ojapi Catholic Church,<ref>[https://www.dioceseofarua.org/Tara2022.php Diocese of Arua - Tara Sub-Parish Is Now A Full Parish. "Be Vigilant And Continue Growing In Love, Faith And Hope." Says Bishop Sabino (12 March 2022)]</ref> Uliapi Church of Uganda in Nacara Village, government offices, markets and others.

Hills viewable in Ojapi anticlockwise from Mt. Liru in the north include Kodro, Gala, Kadri, Adrofiya, Njeke (or Njakai), Orani, Luturujo and Adada. Mt. Wati is in the east. Adventurers and tourists write their names on the rocks and take small ones as souvenirs plus for research purposes. Red monkeys, rock badgers, porcupines and other interesting animals can be found near some of these rocks.

Despite all these rocks, the farmlands are very productive and agriculture is the predominant economic activity. Crops grown include maize, cassava, [[Bambara groundnut|ground nut]], [[Soybean|soya]], coffee and beans and tobacco, locally regarded as ''Assets'', grown as a major cash crop. Animals are al reared including cows, goats, sheep, guineafowls, chicken plus pigs. On market days like at Ajira, people sell foodstuffs and other household items as the sun sets. The grasshopper is a staple food and Emblem of Maracha, the Lugbara clan in Ojapi.

A large number of parish members are farmers<ref>[https://www.monitor.co.ug/uganda/news/national/shs230m-nusaf-projects-commissioned-in-maracha-1860282 Monitor - Nusaf Projects Commissioned In Maracha (Wednesday 20 November 2019)]</ref> though you will also find teachers, priests,<ref>[https://www.newvision.co.ug/new_vision/news/1094113/arua-priest-defilement New Vision - Arua Priest On Defilement (by Dawin Dawa, 31 October 2004)]</ref> engineers, politicians, businesspeople and other professionals.<ref>[https://www.mountainlifemedia.ca/2016/05/bitten/ Mountain Life (Live It Up) - Bitten: Heading Deep Into Africa To Fight Malaria by Todd Lawson]</ref>

What will make Arua attractive?

Every locality has its ish [issues, e'yo], but problem solving manages each of them. How did you deal with bullies in school; were you really afraid of them? Either you sought help from teachers plus true friends, stood up for yourself and faced off with the pricks or silently waited for fate to torment them (metaphorically like a street garbage grinder or refuse compactor truck when they climb inside to hide or rest); life is karma like a 40 day cycle (though a cement mixer can be a less fatal lesson). Bullying opens the door to hatred, aggression and violence. There are two types of bullying: Verbal like mocking, ridiculing, teasing, insulting, degrading, taunting, slandering (defaming), gossiping about, criticising or name-calling eg addressing a disabled girl as "Half Kilo" and Physical which is more painful plus involves hitting, shoving, slapping, cutting, punching, slamming, damaging property, stealing belongings, etc. Do not murder, rape nor rob (These three grave crimes resonate with the 6th, 7th and 8th Commandments from Moses): Thieves including armed robbers and pickpockets think they are very daringly clever and powerful like community bullies but Arua lynch mobs do not care; they enforce their own justice as crowd vigilantes. According to www.justicecentres.go.ug, Mob Justice is an offence in itself because it is not authorised by Ugandan Law and violates human rights; the accused are not given a chance to defend their case through a fair trial. However, when corruption in Police and Courts of Law sets criminals free, it annoys people who resort to beating up wrongdoers themselves.

For the many beautiful young mothers in Arua, instead of jailing them, try to consider the possibility that they were either defiled or forced into marriage even though it could have been their personal romantic choice too: pubertal feelings start at any age. Children are a blessing from GOD, not unwanted offspring. Ending teenage pregnancy as a campaign is unachievable (Reducing it due to health complications is sustainable but adolescents are capable of motherhood); even Mary probably gave birth to JESUS at 14 (Jewish maidens were marriageable by that age) while Peruvian Lina Medina gave birth to a healthy 2.7 kilogram son named Gerardo when she was only 5 years 7 months and 21 days old (World Medical Record). Early marriage with parental consent is not entirely a disgrace especially when it gets better and better like wine; the Ugandan age limit is 18 but six countries namely Equatorial Guinea, Gambia, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, South Sudan (even at 10 years) and Yemen allow marriage below that. In Tanzania, marriage at 12 is allowed but consummation is at 15 years. Meanwhile, China requires women to be 20. Every woman has her own timezone, not all of them can give birth at 90 years like Sarah in the Bible). A school girl in Arua was asked what she wanted to be in future and she replied, "Become a member of Mothers Union!" Who said being a mother is less weighty plus less honourable than getting academic papers or school certification? I once overheard two women arguing and the one with more degrees (Masters plus PhD) dissed the other with only a Diploma that her brideprice was less than hers. Come to think of it, enjawulo [the difference is] zero! Being a mother is graduation to another level and in Lugbara culture entails a cow for each child born. Education is not only acquired in school; dropouts can read books in the library or online at home: Learning never ends. Besides, GOD provides (With HIM, no creation lacks food or necessities), age is just a number and a degree is only a paper; even graduates have financial struggles. 

Arua does not have a very big lake nearby (only rivers), but you can find plenty of fish in the different markets, from the small affordable silverfish locally called ngenjia to angara (salty fish) and nang nang snacks from Pakwach to the amazing government-guarded, highly valued export-only Mputa [Nile Perch aka Goliath Baramundi] harvested down south (in Murchison Falls or Kabalega National Park and Bantuland). Growing up in Jinja, I had my own fair share of the delicacy (Some kids we played with even smelled like fish throughout because their parents sold byenyanja). Wait until tomorrow, ola nya mputa si [eating cassava with Nile Perch]; roger that Terah Fish, five loaves and two fish! Sudanese fish is also transported to the Arua Central Market, as well as tinned ocean varieties like sardines. Fish always live in water, but smell funny. My favourite fish used to be fried tilapia in Bantuland, but oi from Obongi (Yumbe side) is also something else... 

Hotels near Arua

The summarised list below contains a few of the many hotels (accommodation, conference, parking or eating places) you might find near the Heart of West Nile:

Arua Hill Hotel is a haven for sports fans...

Bayan Hotel in Yumbe is a classic venue...

Borderlands on Oluko Road will baptise you with hospitality...

Capital One is a happening venue that lights up the Arua nightsky; I guess Franco (Congolese musician) or Batman would love it...

Christus Centre in Ediofe is not only a guesthouse but has a restaurant too...

Coco Palm is a venue for events to remember when you visit Arua...

Desert Breeze Hotel in Osu Village is still upper echelon even if awarded only 3-stars; Arua Hill SC footballers would chillax at the Desert Breeze swimming pool after UPL afternoon matches in Barifa (Forest) Playground...

Dreamland Kuluva is where you can live your dreams. It's described online as a 4.5-star hotel and has a swimming pool...

Eripak Resort hosts a lot of events near the great River Enyau, the biggest tributary of River Nile in West Nile. It also offers a swimming pool experience...

Golden Courts allows bookings via WhatsApp and email, so even if you are abroad, you can still get reservations. It may look small but is quite big in stature because of quality services; comfort guaranteed! Golden Courts Hotel is where I watched the final of the first FIFA World Cup on the African continent (2010); Fabregas to Iniesta...

Golf Club (at the NSSF Building) is another active place where sports lovers enjoy themselves. When golf or political events are held at the West Nile Golf Course, it takes centre stage...

Heritage Courts has hosted so many concerts including Jose Chameleone and Ebenezer shows. I used to go there for airtime and haircuts. Heritage Park, some meters ahead on the same road hosts many people too...

Hilltop originally owned by Jackson Atima sits at the top of Arua Hill. Fille Mutoni had a concert there, "You are my only! Never leave you lonely..."

Hotel Arua used to be Hotel California like The Eagles's classic song...

Hotel Pacific is the oldest hotel in Arua...

Jershem Hotel is beside Dorcus Inzikuru's government-given house...

Le Confidentiel adds a different colour to the Eruba skyline at night...

Le Tsuba Grand Hotel shines a pristine aura around the Anyafio hood near the Arua Presidential Suite; Archbishop Kazimba Mugalu of the Church of Uganda passed there one Saturday evening during his July 2023 visit to West Nile...

Oasis 24/7 and Bamboo bring an Eastern touch to the Northwestern locality...

Oasis Inn is a veteran in the industry...

Ripons Motel in the centre of town is a home away from home...

Rocks and Roots sits at the eastern foot of Arua Hill...

Royal Crane Resort, a sister to Tropical Suites, is near the Yellow Corner (Weatherhead Park Lane junction to Oluko)...

Santa Maria was where Queen Sheebah held her concert...

Slumberland is not far from the Arua Hill roundabout...

The Village is a modern, recreational establishment smack in the middle of Kololo Village in Tara and offers DStv, cold drinks in a wide bar with comfy sofas. Also available are lodging facilities. Tourist attractions near The Village include Ofude Hills, Mount Liru and Wati, the highest mountain in West Nile...

Tropical Suites, formerly Hillview welcomes you to Arua City...

White Castle Ewuata changed the hospitality game by introducing a swimming pool in the area...

White Rhino used to be a 3-star pad during the days of Idi Amin...

Lies, Lies, Lies

The truth will set you free...

Confidence tricks abound; true friends or real people do not toy with you. They do not exploit your credulity, naivety (inexperience), compassion, vanity, confidence, irresponsibility and greed. 

Confidence trick is an attempt (usually by a stranger though sometimes someone familiar or an acquaintance) to defraud somebody after first gaining their trust...

Be very careful when a stranger keeps telling you about how rich they are or the big jobs they are doing or how much they love you or expensive gifts they have for you, then tries to get money from you, even by borrowing. S/he might be a con artist...

An Indian OB once advised me to trust only two people on Earth, "GOD and your parents." He had a point. I trust very few people (especially family and friends) but leave a small room in my heart (about 3 percent) for unwelcome eventualities like a thin cushion to fall back on when betrayed. People are like chameleones; they can front various colours yet inside they are different... You can see a man's face, read his texts or hear his voice but cannot see his heart... A badman's ways can tear you apart...

The truth is more valuable than gold...

Money is just a number, but it makes humans act weird...

Con artists can contact you using pseudo identities via Facebook claiming to be in Canada or Australia, then WhatsApp, tell you they want to be a good and honest friend plus have expensive gifts (like computers, iphones, video cameras, jewelry, etc) for you carried by a friend going to Senegal which is nearer to your location. Then, they give you that person's number eg +221703721884 for Reverend Matilda Bernard and when you contact the Sister, that person tells you she has no money to send your gift via courier services and that you must wire (Western Union or MoneyGram) it quickly so that FedEx brings your package to Uganda. Since when does FedEx use the United Bank of Africa (UBA) logo as its profile picture? All I do in such a scenario is dupe them that I have sent the money using a Mobile App, no delivery slips. They should check with the money transfer police, heehee! Another idea is telling them that Uganda Revenue Authority (URA) taxes money sent abroad by 10 percent and that they should send me the tax fee so that I can send them the 120 USD courier fees. You have to beat fraudsters at their craft. It's a game, so play your cards right. There are always redflags to look out for and one of them is Indian origins. In my case, the Fb name (Saranya Saran) seemed Indian but person claimed to be Dr. Grace Michelle from Australia which confused me. The name on her doctor overall coat did not match the hospital she told me she was working with. They also front an image that they are deeply religious; even wolves can dress up like your grandmother...

Identity theft is very easy especially of people who post a lot of photos online; a fraudster can duplicate your aura anywhere and use it to con people smartly...

Some females manipulate desperate men to think that they love them so that they can kula [fleece] money from them and then cut ties without a trace like a Hell Date. Eno Rom(antic)-con etandika butandisi: Case in point was Stacy from MUBS who hoodwinked Asiimwe from Mbarara to load her with money up to 500,000 UGX for transport to Mbra. She received his money multiple times without remorse (Even complained that 200,000 UGX was not enough for her upkeep) but in truth had no love for the "potbellied" guy. Some campus murders do not arise from nothing; it's a web of lies and games girls play that land them in grave problems. When you are a broke guy, you can play it safe and just lose a few shillings to such slayers as charity or goodwill. Breakups affect men badly too just like women; a friend of mine started smoking and drinking heavier than before just because his girlfriend left him yet he had money (Her excuse was that she couldn't share him with his other women)... Meanwhile, men (who qualify as players) deceive women about how rich they are or promise marriage so that they can sleep with the ladies but abandon them with babies or STDs afterwards. I've seen one Ugandan beauty undergo a brain operation after a Kenyan played her. Another in our Kampala hood killed herself...

Paying tithe or 10 percent Church tax is compulsory; I have no objection to that. However, when a mufere pastor or false prophet tells his followers to sell all they have and bring the money to him for blessings, I shudder. Hardluck to all those who give everything and then cry about it when nothing happens. GOD only asks for 10 percent though welcomes everything like the widow in Luke 21 who was not pressed by anyone...

Have you ever been called around post-lunchtime on a Uganda Telecom line by someone using MTN telling you that you have won a 5 Million prize and pickup truck from Airtel? The trap is just dumm! One guy told me to show that I was happy like it is done in TV broadcasts, so I pretended by sarcastically shouting: Yey! How do you even win both 5 Million plus a pickup at the same time? That specific Airtel promotion had already ended and it was not yiven for UTL customers like me. Most conmen think all Ugandans are idiots...

Police arrested conmen and found an exercise book filled with mobile phone numbers of planned targets to call and con...

Some guy in Entebbe using MTN called me one Sunday morning to tell me through my Orange line that he had sent me Mobile Money by mistake and wanted me to send it back. If you had seen the initial SMS text message confirming delivery of money, you would have laughed heartily because it was custom-written in broken English. Since when did MTN start using mbogo for prompts? I lied to him that the nearest Mobile Money point from home was 2 kilometers away and I was not going there soon; told him to wait for some hours. Well, he waited forever...

Another con artist called to tell me I had won a prize with Orange Telecom. When I informed him that I was in Arua, he said they would come there and that I should get ready to receive my prize. I didn't wait for them, just continued with my life...

People make promises and pledges they do not keep... Others borrow money they never pay back like broadday robbery... Do not make a vow you will break... 

Money laundering sounds like Ugandan English for money londa-ring [picking]... Kyelondera taba mubi...

Time heals all money wounds... The love of money is the root of all Evil; and so is being dead broke...

Money cannot buy love, but it can buy divorce lawyers...

I've never dated a Nyankole babe; I harbour this weird stereotype that Basheshe want Big Money but I guess that cuts across all cultures. One day in Twenty22, I started receiving interesting calls from a chick who claimed to love me with all her heart and she's a Munyankole. I had never met her before (She told me she found me on Waptrick, I had no idea how) and it seemed too sweet to be true, so naturally I was skeptical at first but listened to her. She started by telling me a collection of lies (false name plus different locations) but then came clean and confessed that she shouldn't treat me this way if she's going to marry me. She actually apologised and I told her she was not committing a crime. There is nothing wrong with making new friends but then later, she began asking me for transport money to attend a burial in Jinja (I offered her part of it and told her to top up), more transport to visit a friend in Ankole, airtime, data plus buy a birthday gift for someone. She also fell sick like a trick, typical con artist stories though I told her that she's already forgiven if she's actually being dishonest. When I finally told her point blank that I was "dead broke", she stopped communicating like before. It's like she had been fattening my trust and confidence in her so that she can stash away my cash and vanish like in a romance scam. However, my initial consolatory decision was to use her characteristics for a comic I've been trying to create for ages about a Lugbara + Nyankole couple just in case my premonitions came true...

Prenuptial agreements are usually signed before marriage to prevent divorce scams and court shenanigans that the biblical patriarch Moses wouldn't even approve of: Divorce is bad... Play your cards right like Achraf Hakimi; Morocco didn't reach the World Cup Qatar 2022 semifinals by accident...

On Easter Friday Twenty23, I met a serial child deserter who was looking for a place to rest and get something to eat because hunger was piercing her abdomen. When I asked for her name, she lied about the firstname but I was able to research her fullname and background; Google (Lens) recognises faces. I cannot judge her nor hold much against her because the three different men who impregnated her did not provide upkeep for the kids they made in her; men can be irresponsible too. I just hope she is not the one who seduced all of them. She kept telling me her problems, but I told her to stop and just rest; we all have zibs. The other thing I heard from her is that her salon employers are always jealous of her customer-attracting hairstyling skills...

Either you are a slut or faithful partner; you cannot be both at the same time... Malaya when translated to Bantu languages or Lugbara means "prostitute" and rhymes with "Ma liar" like urban slanguage for "My liar"... The Devil is the Father of Lies...

A lyre is a musical instrument with strings strung across a U-shaped frame. Meanwhile, a lyrebird has a U-shaped tail...

Aren't you tired of spam mail? Sometimes, I reply spammers with the initials of each word in the sentence going through my mind eg "Why don't you stop emailing lies to me?" would be emailed back as: Wdyseltm?

I wish I had my own Ladders software to track the exact machine from where Facebook spam is sent and then infilterate it with spyware (I tried writing code in vain): A beautiful Ugandan female profile with many seemingly legit likes and other reactions plus comments on her photo tells you she is working abroad in Europe or America and wants to send money to her relatives in Uganda. Then she gives you numbers to call and alert her people that money has been deposited plus that they should give you a cut for your efforts. When you call, the person on the line tells you multiple problems as though they want you to get airtime or Mobile Money from your Facebook friend quickly and send to them; am never sympathetic, just tell them to check the bank accounts...

Henry Ssali's feature film "Kiwani" starring Juliana Kanyomozi the Diva and comedian Hannington Bujjingo highlights conmen cinematically. The sequel is called "Bullion"... Bobi Wine's hit song "Kiwani" is inspired by a maneouvre that is believed to have originated from a back alley with a devilish-looking night club on the south end somewhere in Mukono Town; I trekked in that area a number of times while studying at Uganda Christian University (UCU) and actually met Bobi's buddy Buchaman around there for my first time: Was amazed at how loved he was but didn't know he was a superstar in the making. Someone drops fake money infront of you especially at night and when you pick it to alert them, they ask you for change so that they can share it with you. You give them legit legal tender and remain with the counterfeit thinking it was a great gain. After watching Chelsea beat Man Utd 1-0 to pass time somewhere on Hospital Road and then seeing off a Mukono workmate of mine (Gooner like me) travelling back to Kampala transnight at Gaagaa Coach in Arua, some dudes tried the trick on me as I walked past the old Barclays container on Rhino Camp Road. I somehow guessed what they were trying to do and acted unmoved by continuing my walk; they instead abused me while picking up their wallet...

It's funny how Ugandan conmen blow their cover by using broken English, in both voice and text messages. Nonetheless, it doesn't mean fluent English-users do not con...

Uganda Communications Commission (UCC)'s Tales of Kasozi (Tonfera alerts) warn people about fraudulent schemers...

Mi aa Steady [Beera steady; Ocai Steady, etc], Be Better...

Tricksters are clever thieves; there used to be a show by the same name on NTV Uganda starring a character named Edwin (I had suggested Edward) and hosted by my Old Scholar Peter Katonene, then the upbeat Brian Mulondo. I contributed only one script to the TV Series crafted by a 4th Maisha Filmlab actor Mr. Samuel Tebandeke: I based my input on a Diamond Trust Bank story I heard from my sister who worked there, but it was changed to Gold Trust Bank... I had many others to write... I've been conned once physically (paid 150,000 UGX as quarter advance fees for a 600K laptop I did not receive from a short Entebbe man claiming to be a UPDF soldier on holiday from Afghanistan though he showed it to me at some internet cafe - His excuse was a friend had broken his leg in an accident and they were rushing him to Mulago; never saw him again yet we had initially met at Bahai Temple Kampala which is considered a righteous place). My consolation was that in 2009, GOD finally got me my first personal laptop. Virtually, I've been conned once too (Someone claiming to be a sister to the American staff member Sherry Meyer at Radio Pacis asked me via Facebook for 50,000 UGX to help refuel the diesel car bringing her to Arua but was stuck around Karuma Bridge). It was Sunday and I felt inspired having started communicating with the defrauder while preparing to go to Church, but the sister's account suddenly froze online in the evening. I let that go coz GOD always provides again and he did: I even earned money that was more than what had been conned doing firewood work for some Catholic establishment in Ediofe...

During an Inspectorate of Government logo design contest, I took my khaki envelope of prospective designs for submission and the guy at reception collecting the Art told me to give him 30,000 UGX so that he presents my artwork ahead of other people; I declined because I did not trust him. At the end of that same week, I found him outside All Saints Cathedral jazzing with his friends; corrupt people also go to Church. We just laughed together as acknowledgement: I see you...

My first bank account was set up in 2007 at Nile Bank to confirm whether a Kenyan Conman could forward the 10 Million UGX Nakumatt Supermarket prize money he had alerted my youngest sister about via SMS. The dude gave me three options: 1.Go to Nairobi to receive the prize, 2. Send 25 KSh Safaricom airtime or 3. Tell him my Bank Account. Mbu [That] there was a tax involved which I had to pay before the money is sent, so I told him to chop off the tax and send me the remainder; he just abused me, heehee, but my bank account remained for over a decade...

Conmen may call you and lie that you have won a cash prize. To receive it via mobile money, they direct you to speedily type a code which they read out; it's just like sending MoMo through one long instant code: *165*1*1*Receiver's number*Amount*Reason*Your pin#. I almost fell for a trap but when it came to typing in my pincode, I went a different way by typing a false pincode because I noticed very quickly that the number that would receive money was not mine (actually his). Then I lied to the caller that some money had disappeared from my account. He was not sympathetic at all though seemed indifferent coz money didn't jump into his phone, but I insisted that my MoMo had reduced. This trick works when you do not know the manual MoMo prompts and only use the App...

Y'ello! Be aware of Fraudsters. Do not share your MoMo PIN with anyone. MTN uses only 0312120000 to contact customers. Do not be conned...

I'm not a Yahoo boy even if I have a Yahoo email since 2001...

Scammers do not care about the mental health of their victims... Losing money through a scam you thought was legit can be very depressing... Some people commit suicide after investing a lot of money in gambling and chance games. A cousin of mine once fell victim to a scheme where his six digit money investment seemed to multiply but then the dealers disappeared...

Scammers can take advantage of jobseekers; I do not believe in job applications that require a fee. Even some genuine tender processes turn me off...

The lie detector was invented to determine liars and cheaters...

When conned, either you forgive or retaliate. Revenge is best served bold; why fear con artists... Bait is food placed on a hook, in a net, trap or fishing area to entice fish or other animals as prey... Lure, troll and tease swindlers if you wish... It's reverse deception and some sort of payback, twist or playback... 

Scambaiting according to virtual vigilante Jim Browning (not his real name) is "the art of taking scammers off their scripts... Turn the tables on those scammers..." Jim has fought back against numerous scam call thugs, deleted their computer files and saved thousands of people from being robbed of millions of Dollars. Some people trust scammers more than him, but he scams scammers, "I wait for them to try and scam me first... I can connect back to their PC... I'm quite technical... What they are doing is illegal:... stealing money from people... Scammers want to steal all your money..." Pretend you are a scam victim and see how far con artists can go to squeeze a Dollar out of you... Waste their time, you are not helpless; scammers forge documents to blind victims: Some spam mailer even made for me a certificate from the Ministry of Justice in Ivory Coast just to make me believe that s/he was not a crook trying to rob me...

Don't you think surveilling scammers the way governments do (as Edward Snowden leaked) could be fun? If you had the gadgets and expertise, wouldn't you do it? Movies about outsmarting conmen include Firewall starring Harrison Ford, Swordfish, etc...

Watch your space!