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| She Wore A Green Attire (SWAGA) by Aiko... |
I draw because I feel it is a gift within me (which I first noticed in Nursery School at age 5 while drawing a car from memory on paper for an assignment); people have told me the same for decades though originally I wanted to be a Footballer like Romario from Brazil around age 8 to 12. Even if I try to give up or run away from drawing, a day always comes when I have to draw again without any excuses whatsoever. Why bury the talent given to you by GOD like a bad servant instead of investing it somewhere? Just draw!
School helps, noone is born knowing anything and I cannot advise anyone to DROPOUT, but I dropped Fine Art in Senior 5 at Macos because of my average grades in three terms dropping by 7 percent annually since S1 at SMACK (83, 76, 69, C4 [in UCE UNEB Exams] which starts at 60+ percent) but was still invited on merit to The Macorean Magazine by the editors like Patricia Kelly Kobusingye (Deputy Head girl), Lionel Mugema and the patron (our Literature Class-teacher Mr. Mugasa) plus the Art Club by Kizza (chairman who had been my Fine Art classmate for a month). Getting blocked from joining the Technical Drawing class made my eyes a bit teary, so I taught myself how to draw cartoons by studying comics privately. Arshad Bholim in my HEL combination (2001-2) was a lifesaver, he witnessed the Pain in my sendoff from the TD Class but still got me Art gigs in A-Level plus after we went to different universities because he believed in my designing skills. Practice made me improve even though some people still argued that I did not know how to draw.
Copying faces requires superfocus plus endurance if you want to be exact or near enough. However, when it drains you, the only option is rest plus a bit of stagnation. How do you regain or maintain the zest to draw? How do you avoid burnout, depression or loss of oomph and keep yourself energised with an overflow of enthusiasm? Drugs (Booze, cigarettes and narcotics) are not the answer. I usually start drawing commissions at sunrise when refreshed from sleep after planning the day before, so that I mess less. Find tricks to make your work simpler but still of very good quality! Computers (or super-smartphones) are an asset in the digital era of making cartoons. Music can also help put you in a rhythmic state of mind. Learn from other artists! Base the COMMITMENT in your Art Journey on Talent, Imagination, Motivation, Endurance (TIME) or Hardwork, Technology, Money, Learning (HTML)! Keep praying to the Almighty everyday...
PEARL OF AFRICA 
For me, Opposition in UG is like Government circus; they get paid to disagree with the ruling party, something quite funny about Democracy which works to appease opponents who can be bought with millions so that they make less Noise. Such a phenomenon never happens in Schools nor Local Councils. I preferred the one-Party Movement System (similar to China) or Meritocracy before the 2005 Multiparty Referendum. We are all Ugandans: What we need is peace and tarmacked roads not defiant partisan tantrums; the rest will sort themselves out like Mivumba 2nd hand clothes do. To requote Democratic Party's Fred Mukasa Mbidde, "I will not kowtow in your powwow"; trust and worship only one GOD, the One with the keys to authority and prosperity! Frankly my dear, I give a damn about living in peace and friendship with my neighbours...
ARUA: THE SWEETEST PLACE ON EARTH (since 1914)
"Nva Jinja" (by LATY WIZY Lyrics)
...
Yenze Omwana wa Idhindha,
Enzalwa ye Busoga.
Akalo Matendo;
Wabula MUNGU watugerera, ah!
...
Be twalyanga nabo namungodi,
Be bamu ku banene bemuwulira.
Eno siti ya ba konkara [conqueror],
Siti ya ba hasola [hustler]!
Kibuga kya bapambani,
Jinja, Kibuga kya Bamegani!
Bugembe, Mafubira, Walukuba, Budondo (Ho); Jinja my City,
Nze nva Jinja.
... Mubakobere,
Nze nva mu bagezi.
Nva Idhindha.
Tuli bakozi,
Ate nga tukuza ne ebitone...
Sometimes, there is no motivation to draw, but Money provides an escape route like The Standard Newspaper at Uganda Christian University (Mukono) since 2007. I learnt a lot from this peaceful campus plus made new friends including Brian Semujju, Frank Obonyo, John Semakula, Arthur Oyako, Edmund Asingwire, Paul Amoru, Joel Okuyo, Sharpe Cole Nimusiima, Hellen Alupo, Martha Chemutai, Rachael Nakanwagi, Rachael Kibirango (thought she was a Muganda but Rwandese like the beauty she is), Anna (married to Mutesasira), Lydia Lakwonyero, Brenda Asiimwe and so many others; failing to join my dream campus Makerere University Kampala (MUK) on government sponsorship nor a private list (with my 18 UACE points out of the optimum 25) was not the end of life. UCU took me in (after the Sister I follow by three years applied for me in 2003), awarded me a partial bursary from USA for 2nd and 3rd year on merit because of my academic performance in 1st Year, 1st Semester and made me an Editorial Cartoonist after graduation. Settle and grow; the grass is greener where rain falls or rivers flow! Money, no matter how much, is like irrigation in the desert of shattered goals. Benjamin Franklin, the American president who appears on the 100 US Dollar bill and regarded the first Editorial Cartoonist once said: Draw or die! Make money through your Art, not just perish! Money is not GOD but like sunshine, it helps and is needed to make our missions in life simpler. Get paid FINANCIAL PAPERS to draw! Something fruity has to energise your passion, like Mama Butunda; Art is business. When drawing is fun, you can do it for the sake of drawing but exhaustion, tiredness or fatigue does not care how much you enjoy what you do. My Favourite Ugandan Cartoonist (Dan Barongo) advised me to "Keep going! Practice makes all the difference." Big Thanks to my Big (and only Blood) Brother Victor Afayo who always supported my Art with gigs plus also advised me to take part in festivals.
GODisgreat...
One By One Makes A Kyebando
Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." There is a Japanese Proverb that also says: Hitosuji no yawa orubeshi tosuji no yawa origatashi [One arrow can easily be broken, but a bundle of 10 cannot]. In Africa, the example used is usually sticks: One by one makes a bundle. When my parents moved to Kyebando Kisalosalo in 1995, there weren't many people in our immediate neighbourhood. When thieves attacked in the night, you would hear people screaming but could not get out to chase. I only knew Fred and Bbosa's father, Zirimenya and Kafeero Families plus another home in-between (only played with the boy from there when he visited the Kafeero brothers). There was also Apaga (Mawa's dad) and the crib where my first Kyebando crush Rita stayed. The taxi stage, Yakobo's, LC's Vicinity, GOAL and Kitabuliki (where we would shop at Mutoro's and Nalongo's fruits market) were quite settled, but the rest of the area near home was bush, graves, forests, swampland and gardens. We used to fetch water from natural springwells while Jimmy brought us cleaner drinkable valley-dam water from Bukoto in specially-resized jerrycans on his bicycle. One by one more people came around eg Matete, Zombo Woman MP plus Paratra, etc and the area became quite crowded. That meant more friends for me like Aluba, Onya (who moved to Zambia), Brian (2nd cousin), Bryan (Old Boy), Francis (carpenter), Peace, Sunday, etc. My UCU hostelmate Kyeyune who stayed near Baha'i Road once showed me the Oldest Man to reside in Kyebando which used to be a dumping ground for people killed by Amin's soldiers. A two then four lane Northern Bypass was even built and feeder roads tarmacked. It felt more urban to have a roundabout near the hood with very bright streetlights. A flyover was later added. Many storeyed buildings including Brimax Hotel, Cleveland Hill Nursery and Primary School, etc also occupy the airspace. There are so many clinics nowadays every other block unlike back in the day when we only relied on one doctor who also worked at Mulago during daytime. I once counted 40 churches within the hood before 2014; my go-to place of worship was St. Paul Church of Uganda and rarely Baha'i Temple, the Biggest in Africa. Kisalosalo is a lovely village; learnt calligraphy, German, how to boil water then add rice for exactly one hour using a timer (30 minutes for each step) plus so much more in this place. Kyebando is quite wide though, the Ring road can take you to Nsooba, Central, Gayaza Road, Kanyanya and Kikaaya Side. The famous plus happening Kamwokya, Kalerwe and Bukoto were next door, but I was contented with the potential around home, from Banana Paradise (Pork Joint) to Big Daddy's Shiners Pub for Arsenal afternoons and nights, The Nest, various bibanda (wooden video shacks), main market to the musicians including Toolman Kibalama (Showtime) and every other Kyebandoan. Used to see Buchaman (another selfstyled Ghetto President from Kamwokya nextdoor) on his quadbike in the area...
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| Lugbara With A Pearl Earring (2021 Ugatoons Rendition by Aiko)... |
Uganda is truly the Pearl of Africa: Progressive, beautiful, sweet and fresh! Like Navio (rapper) says: This is my country! I've spent most of my life within this Suru [Lugbara Translate: Nation], only sneaked out across imaginary borderlines very few times and personally, I call it "United Gombololas (UG)" because we have so many subcounties in different counties represented by over 500 Members of Parliament in arguably one of the Biggest August Houses on Earth. In the Arua Hill Gombolola where I stay, there are zones or villages such as (N)Sambya, Kenya, Congo, Sudan and Zambia. Other Gombololas of Arua District have territories named after Tanganyika, Dubai, Mutukula, Malaba, Garamba, Kampala, Mendoza, etc; it can be very confusing but also cosmopolitan at the same time. Let's meet at Makutano Junction or Casablanca, not the town in Morocco but happening venue behind Aza Plaza! Viewing Arua City (town established in 1914 but declared a city by Government on 1st July 2020) from the masts on the main hill reminds me of photos of Toronto (Canada) even if the buildings are not as tall; it's a straight Avenue Road thing. Other Arua attractions include the Presidential Demonstration (Model) Farm in Giligili, Abi Farm, Ombaci Earth Satellite Station, Hospital Road, Sacred Heart of JESUS Ediofe Cathedral, Emmanuel Cathedral Mvara, Barifa Forest, Enyau River, Radio Pacis Solar Plant, Arua Hill Stadium and Business Park, Tripplex Apartments, Desert Breeze Hotel (Anyafio), Muni University, West Nile Golf Club, Greenlight Stadium Onduparaka, Oluko or Abairo Falls in Ayivu, Agoi Falls (Vurra), Miriadua Falls (Maracha), Olewa Falls (Terego), Dabara Chaa Falls (Koboko), just to mention a few. The Covid-19 pandemic turned Ugandan homes into some sort of "Indoor-nesia" like thousands of islands. From the adventurous Source of the Nile in Jinja (my Birthplace) to the wonderful snow-capped Rwenzori (Block) Mountain in Kasese to the paradisic Nile Bend around West Nile (my ancestral origins) plus Murchison Falls (Kabalega) National Park in Bunyoro and Acholi to the refreshing big-size Lake Victoria (aka Nalubaale) in Bantuland, there are so many Points of Interest to tour by train, aircraft, land vehicle and water vessel; Virtual Tourism is also possible on electronic devices or printed paper. From the sleepless Northern Corridor in Busia to the Kazinga Channel (Bushenyi), Miriadua Falls (Maracha home of the annual Lugbara Cere Festival) to Bugala Island (part of Kalangala), there is a lot to enjoy in every corner of UG. Northwestern Uganda has its wonders like the Pakwach Bridge, Smallest Church on Earth in Goli (Nebbi), Zombo Farms, River Ora in Madi Okollo, Vurra Customs, Barifa Playground in Arua, Alikua Pyramid (Maracha), Salia Musala in Koboko, Moyo-Adjumani River Crossing and Mt. Wati in Terego. The Government led by Yoweri Museveni since 26th January 1986 (when I was 2 years 19 days old) is relatively steady despite a turbulent first 30 years of bananas after 1962 (My parents were born in the late 1940s, only my Youngest Sister out of 7 siblings arrived in the M7 Era but most of those older than me have been refugees in Zaire now DR Congo before), Business is profitable, Cultures diverse and Music creatively therapeutic (from amazing local instruments like the West Nile adungu harp, Rwenzori flute, Buganda engalabi drum and Teso thumb piano). Ugandans as a group are very friendly people except for isolated hate crimes based on Land, robbery, guerrilla tactics and other discussable civilian wrangles. The Food is platelickingly tasty eg Luwombo (cooked in banana leaves), Indian Buyi Buyi sweets, Balafu (like Cool Cool Bar), Bushera drink, Teso Malwa alcohol (preferably with sugar added, Ugandans can sip Beer with a straw), Namungodi [Rice mandazi], mashed Matoke bananas with smoked fish in groundnut stew, boiled Bananas with byenda intestines, Lugbara Ombangulu [mashed Whiteants], Nsenene [Grasshoppers, especially in April and November], Pork with avocado, Posho [Maize meal], Anyoya [Boiled maize onion-fried with boiled beans], Rollex that originated from Nakulabye in KLA City, Emboli [Sweet potatoes in Busoga], Amukeke Porridge, Fried Fish, Dates, Rice and Beans plus Fried Eggs or Chapati (my personal Favourite Dish), concentrated Mango Juice without sugar added, Tamarind Juice, Molasses and so much more. Most natives pray to the Israelite GOD mentioned in the Christian Bible and Muslim Koran though there are ancestral tribal beliefs (labelled Witchcraft) and Oriental tendencies (making offerings to small statues like Hindus). My Country is crossed by the Equator and lies in both the Northern and Southern Hemispheres plus landlocked from or linked to the Indian Ocean by Kenya. English is the official national language but Luganda and Swahili are also quite prominent among about 61 tribes recognised by the 1995 Constitution. Dialects can be categorised as Bantu, Luo, Karimojong-Ateso, Madi-Lugbara and Wahindi or Asian. Bazungu (Europeans or Whites) also constitute a section of the population even though their race is looked at as colonial and imperialist; that mindset will change eventually. We are all the same colour when you turn off the lights; we come from soil and are 99.9 percent similar. French, German and Chinese are taught at certain levels. Fun games include Dooloo or Dulu (Marbles), Obugolo obutono [Small goals], Kwepena [Dodgeball], Poye, Omweso, Soccer, Basketball, Netball (mainly for females), Tennis, Golf, Volleyball, Cricket, Rugby, Badminton, Motocross, Goatracing, etc. Uganda has two major rain seasons and celebrates Independence (Uhuru) Day on 9th October amid jubilant fanfare.
LUGBARA KARI
The egalitarian Lugbara people have no hereditary king per se but they have a central leader above 55 years of age in the Agofe [Paramount Chief] democratically elected from among the opi [clan heads or chiefs] of all the various Clans (Ayivu, Maracha, Terego, Vurra, Aringa, Koboko, Madi Okollo, Madi Moyo or Adjumani, etc). Lugbara Kari is the governing cultural institution of all the Lugbara within Uganda and the diaspora. Its mission is to preserve and promote Lugbara culture in the world flagged by the ringed standard of a leopard lying down above a red heart in a blue halfcircle. His Highness Culu [Mr.] Jason Avutia was the 3rd Agofe of Lugbara Kari until Twenty23. ADRO le Lugbara tu [Lugbara Translate: GOD loves the Lugbara a lot]...
I was not born in Arua and during the whole of the 1990s, I never stepped foot near West Nile. Growing up in Bantuland, I had absolutely no desire to visit Arua because I proudly imagined that it was rural with grass-thatched homes, muddy pathways and more backward than Jinja (my adventurous Birthplace) even though I heard stories of Ugandan President Idi Amin (who reigned in the 1970s before I was born), the rich OPEC Boys (smugglers) and Arua Young Stars (Football Club) that played in the Ugandan Super League during the first half of the 90s. Why not stay in KLA (the City of Class) forever? However, since the world did not end in Y2K as I had anticipated basing on the Doom's Day talk in Church and media, I decided to take my pioneer Nile Coach bus-pilgrimage to Arua between 1st to 6th February 2000 before starting Senior 4 in Mpigi; I was now 16 years old. My first impression of the Capital of West Nile was that I was totally wrong about Arua; it's more interesting than even myself like Mexico in UG. West Nile is the Nigeria of East Africa, you can quote that. After those initial six days, I made sure I returned every year in order to discover more including my origins in Maracha (north of Arua District with amazing rock formations, Mount Liru, Taradise, red monkeys, porcupines, foxes, NYC [Nyadri City], Oleba, Ovujo City, Kololo Village, Vura Parish, Komendaku, Ofude Hills, Alikua Pyramid, Miriadua Falls, Lake Maracha in Nyoro, etc). Cynthia scorched the amalala ga siti inside me! At the top of Arua Hill with a 360 degree view of the entire locality, I silently vowed in my heart that I would search for the Best Things in Arua (the City of the LORD, Aku ambo [Big home]) and note them down as restitution for doubting its Pedigree: Arua is a cosmopolitan business hub originally designed by (the first British West Nile District Commissioner named) Arthur Evelyn Weatherhead and was established on 14th June 1914. The 9-hole Golf Course is so serene and transcendentally green in the wet seasons that it can change your state of mind and bring you closer to GOD especially at St. Philip's Church of Uganda. The church-itecture styles and mosq-onstructions in the area code (0476) are worth exploring. I even saw beautiful girls within Arua speaking in very sweet voices yet earlier misthought that they only come from Teso and Western Uganda (Basheshe, Banyankole or Rwandese). The natives are hardworkingly industrious, daily weather and seasonal climate palatable despite reduced rain in December to February (Dry Winter), food quite tasty (like anyoya, onya ombangulu whiteants, osubi, enyasa, posho, ise, drika, ijiribi, ozi woodants, oi fish, (o)nang nang, ngenzia, pandu, roasted banda with honey, pumpkin and pork or chicken, etc), fene [jackfruit] plus mangoes super-sweet especially after the start of May and in December plus culture unique. Arua was more amazing than I expected, loved the well-attended Duluka or Ndara festivals in Sambya (drumming absolutely good music from banana stems on the ground) before the grass field was developed into Shell Petrol Station. 'Ba da sende tawuni-a tipasi [Lugbara Translate: Money was poured in the town using a tipper]. An aircraft from Entebbe can take less than 100 minutes to Arua Airport (RUA) but by bus from Kampala, you need about 7-9 hours. In the middle of the journey (after 4 hours), you will see Karuma Falls plus animals such as chimpanzees, elephants, Ugandan kobs, giraffes, warthogs, buffalos, leopards and even lions if possible before reaching Pakwach Bridge across the magnificent Albert Nile as it snakes its way to Khartoum and Cairo. Interesting creatures that can be spotted around Arua include: crested crane, white-beaked brown eagle, Gaagaa crow, forest-green leaf moth, kolikolia [African wagtail], bald vulture, (various) caterpillars, oboloko [foxes], river crab, grey monkey, purple snake, manya monitor lizard, white rhino, doves with tags from as far as Israel [Birds do not need Visa clearance, sijuwi passports: For what, for whom?] etc. Flappy bird migrations and butterfly metamorphosis moments paint the sky with various colours seasonally. Fun activities include watching Arua Hill Sports Club play football; hotel visits; weddings; workshops or conferences; walking around the suburbs; taking a boda boda [(Ba)jaj], tuktuk or special hire tour; etc. You can as well visit Gaagaa and Owino or other markets for some souvenir merch! Don't forget to climb Arua Hill! The Biggest Tribe in Arua is Lugbara but you will hear many other languages spoken. Welcome to the Heart of Africa! You can find anything you want or its equivalent in Arua as long as you ask the right people. Awa'difo [Thank you]...
Ugandan Humour (I'm So UG)
Laughter is spontaneous happiness. My first blood niece to arrive on this Earth named Kezi once told me that I do not get bored. Humour is a choice, an instant vacation. Lighten up! Ladipoe sang, "Life is no joke, we cope with comedy... Tank on E, am just running on vibes..." When you maintain a very good memory combined with creative imagination, you do not have to complain about boredom; just drift away or shift inside your mind! To keep from crying, smile like Sadio Mane; stay cheerful, giggle or snigger! Before my niece was born though, I was as irritable as a Jigga [Nigga from Jinja] with attitude and actually attributed my skinny frame to the anger hormones in me; I used to feel the fiery Fury of Hell inside my belly until I accepted JESUS into my heart (Super Tuesday 2nd December 1997). After some years, I tried to cultivate a mad sense of humour and occasionally look at the lighter side of this earthly life in my own (editorial) cartoons while also preventing cancer through bodycell-detoxing Guta [Lugbara Translate: Laughter], the best medicine, though I avoid blasphemy and spite. Ugandans especially Bantu in the south sound funny when they replace R with L and vice versa though those are just mother tongue interferences or Uglish (Ugandan-English) pun, mind your language, while Nilo-Hamites in the north mispronounce S as SH but comedy is larger than that. Imagine a new language called Lugbaraganda English (Bigambo)! It's just words. I grew up watching Didi's Comedy Show (from Germany), Mind Your Language (UK), Mr. Bean, Good Times (1970s America), King of Queens, Friends, Family Feud, Malcolm & Eddie, 2 Stupid Dogs (animation), Kids Say The Darndest Things, Everybody Hates Chris, Just For Laughs Gags, Naswa (Kenya), Punk'd with Ashton Kutcher plus Fresh Prince of Bel-Air starring Will Smith, etc so I appreciate comedy: UG is a very funny country! I guess we will get our own Comedy Central channel one day; maybe Pearl Comedy or Guta TV. Randomly listed below are some Ugandan countrymates who have made me giggle through their comedy work and storytelling talent similar to the way John Hagee (Funniest Pastor), Dave Chappelle (American), Steve Harvey, Eddie Griffin, Sommore, Jamie Lee, Katt Williams, Richard Pryor (though vulgar), Michael Barrymore (British), Russell Peters (Indian Canadian), etc do:
1. Pablo (stagename) is the Picasso of Ugandan standup art. Married to my Old Girl Karen Hasahya, the Mukiga named Kenneth Kimuli is a very prominent Ugandan druglord of comedicine in the 21st century; he bravely started entertaining audiences by standing alone on stage and just talking anyhow but without vulgarity while with the skitdrama masters of Fun Factory (FF) and basically lit the fire for a clean Jesse Duplantis-que Stand-up Mafia: Happiness is killing me! Sometimes you die on stage, but resurrect and continue talking...
2. Hannington Bugingo is not a standup comedian like Pablo but very lively skitdrama talent whose knowledgeable vibe can make you writhe on the floor while dying with ribcracking, bellyhurting laughter; he can twist you with the way he delivers his jokes. Buji has come a long way from Barbed Wire to U-Turn to Comedicine with Fun Factory. You can catch a relaxed version of the President of Uganda Comedians Association (UCA) in Muzigo Express (TV drama)...
3. Dickson Zizinga, lost in translation; you may think this streetsmart actor in FF does not know English but it is just his accent making you think that way. With a very serious face, he can cause serious "havoc" in your laughteratory system like his surname suggests. He used to perform Lingala music which he learnt in UG by asking those who knew the meanings though also spent some time driving in Congo. In his silent comedy TV series dubbed "Zizu" where he wears red shoes and suspenders, his crew includes Prossy Tusaba, Jovan Lugave, Destinee Mutaasa, etc. Zizu has a trademark mechanical walk and pose that amuses; he always has a very important phonecall to make when challenged: Kankomewo [Let me return]...
4. Alex Muhangi is a rapidfire standup comedy general. He described Westnilers as local: People in Arua City go to nightclub in gumboots, hahaha! Is there anything wrong with gumboots on a rainy night? Deep in rural West Nile, farmers actually club in tobacco stores or openroof treebranch pole and bananaleaf (or reed) fence enclosures. Alex is the type who cannot back down in a comedy fight; he's the Chris Brown of standup fun. I will always remember him for Mic Check (The Krackers) and Comedy Store (#StressClinic) plus Fortebet...
5. Cotilda Inapo is my Favourite Female Ugandan standup comedian. She is not afraid of being judged and rubber-stamped her name as one of the pioneer "Queens of Comedy" in UG: The joke of babies first peeping out to see whether they will be born into poverty or wealth before fighting to stay in the womb or come out smoothly is quite funny, heehee...
6. Maggie the Bwaiserian is my 2nd Favourite Female Ugandan Standup Comedian after Cotilda but still the Most Ghetto-fabulous of them all because she comes with a very eerie Ganda-riffic Rasta flavour; the rest of the comediennes can follow from here. Also called Nansubuga, she was the Last Woman Standing during the first ever NBS The Comic talent search contest. Chuduleni, when a rasta goes to a dentist and is told his teeth need cementing, he may choose to buy his own cement...
7. Anne Kansiime mesmerised audiences when she performed as a shrieky young girl at FF. All the other FF crew especially the ladies like Emma Kakai, Mulokole and the rest also make the drama skits legendary. Although overbearingly bossy in her own "Don't Mess With Kansiime (TV series)", she was so monumental that a Nigerian fan asked me to draft her Wikipedia article; some other editors added content on it which was very welcome, "Ahh banange!" Kansiime also acted humour skits for the NTV Mini Buzz show; I grassed working with her after failing to scoop the Cartoonist job on the show. I think I did the interview halfheartedly simply because I take very long while sketching faces unlike some cartoonists and had to be filmed drawing; didn't know the video would be fastforwarded. Her other showpiece is a reality show called Kan See Me featuring her imbiber and son...
8. Toby Tobias Dingili-ku-dingili (High Voltage) will always be the Funniest Radio Presenter I have ever heard in West Nile; adisi angiri [too much fun]. He is a legend like Isaac Yikii (Ndani ya Ndaniyake). Meanwhile, other pioneers of radio broadcasting in Arua who added a sweet feminine flavour included Hellen Mayele (my favourite on A1), Aliya and Tara...
9. Sundiata, Mayor of Kirabu in Arua knows that slayqueens also bolt away from Police at night with their stilettos in the hands instead of on their feet.
10. Man Pato as Salt at Arua One FM during weekday afternoons has funny crackers too alongside Patience Sugar; the dreadlocked presenter sometimes does his thing on stage together with Zigi Zaga, another radioman...
11. Believe it or not whichever way you choose, Uncle Nyaks apparently comes to his radio show in a helicopter, heehee, ata mba kirikiri, hihi, eh! If votes were cast, then I bet many Westnilers would choose him as the Most Engaging and Consistent Radio Personality of all-time! He's laid-back and everpresent with stories of funny happenings around the community...
12. Olanya Columbus has a corporate businesslike voice on 91.3 Capital FM today but back when he spoke full-time on air like someone from the Nordan Connexon, he was truly hilarious; Olan Produc-sons. He is not a fool, he went to school, PhD from Kawempe, what about? Ugandans, go and read instead of arguing about bisanja [political term limits]. During my freshman year at UCU, hostelmate Joel Okuyo used to call me Olanya Columbus coz I enjoyed OC's humour...
13. Omukebete is a class apart; empty plastic cups make funny newses, mbu adults should be left to enjoy their adultery (read adulthood), in loving memory. He won the first NBS The Comic beating Uncle Mark who later joined the station...
14. Tindi is not just a KFM radio presenter but has fleshy stage presence and sounds quite authentic in her accent when acting as a Briton. She can also mimic children, Northerners and Indians. One of my favourite FF skits by Madame Tindichebwa (Mustapha aka Veronica during Ramadan) is when she acts as a bully in a girl's school asking her younger victim why for them they do not have a specific type of biscuits at their home, "Ewamwe temulina Digestive?" Reminds me of the day in Senior 1 when some older boys stormed our dorm at SMACK and took biscuits from a dormmate; I watched safely from a dark corner like there was a veil preventing them from seeing me. I never took fancy Digestive biscuits to school myself, strictly Britania, Family or Riham plus other brands I forgot...
15. Patrick Idringi, aka Salvado from Ombokolo (Congo, like the one in Mvara Ward or Parish plus Ombokoro Village in Manibe Ward) should always be given a second chance to make you laugh if he doesn't the first time around: Star tafa mu filimu ye. Likened to Shrek in soso media memes, the engineer fancies himself as the Idi Amin (Big Daddy) of Standup instead; Zulitums used that fittingly in one of his music videos. At least, that is less ugly. The Salvado Show directed by Prynce started showing on GoTV around January 2023 and featured many outstanding funny people including Monica Ruth Achan representing Lango to the fullest; Gad Festo told Doctor Byagana aka Byayanga played by Napoleon that: You are midnight, am 11:59; Gad Accordion; Samwiri who knows how to eat Ramadan rice; Sunny D; Banana Joe chilling with the big boys; Olemandro from Adjumani; Ebuku; Arc Angel; Sammie & Shawa; Benny MC accompanying his pastor for a crusade in Kamwokya (He loves tilting); Seswa; Mudhasi; Kaabu who wonders what the guy that discovered cowmilk was doing, etc. A comic says funny things, but a comedian says things funny...
16. Sam Best Kalema is a veteran of the game featuring in films, stage dramas, sitcoms, TV commercials plus films from way back. In some FF skits he wears old-school boots and bell-bottoms that really crack me up. His performance as the petition lawyer who faced Badru Kiggundu after the 2016 Presidential Elections is still a masterpiece for me, though I would love to see him act as Aliko Dangote if the Nigerian takes over Arsenal...
17. Ramesh must be the Funniest Indian Radio Presenter in Uganda. Ati, honourable MP, do you want water or voter? Namaste, anhi...
18. Frobisher Lwanga is arguably funnier in reallife than on stage; make your choice! It comes naturally for him: As Gaddafi visiting Uganda, he was unbelievable mumbling Arabic jargon but the hijackers afraid of Ebola FF skit can make you fall out of your chair with laughter. He also features as a Policeman in the Zizu series that has a huge cast...
19. Isaac Kuddzu resembles 2Pac and as the Weatherman, he basically solidified himself as a comedy performer not thug on my radar. Whenever he acts as a Musoga, I just feel amazed, taking me back down to my birthtown in Busoga...
20. Amooti Omubalanguzi was born funny; even his regular supposed-to-be-serious interviews are just funny. He is Side Mirror (WBS TV satire series since 1999) and (New) Amarula Family reloaded alongside Paddy Bitama who died at 34 years in 2014, Nicholas Mpiirwe (DJ Mese Bontwe), Kapere, Kasooto, etc. Good to see Amooti in Taxi 24 (series); just a perfect combination...
21. Philip Luswata is the godfather of comedy: Ani yabye piki yange [Translated from Luganda: Who stole my motorcycle]?...
22. Patriko is another comedy actor you cannot leave out of your list. The first time I met him was at Nabinonya Beach after his "Ki Kapo, how is business?" MTN success. The next was when he found me standing at National Theatre with film king Joel Okuyo aka Prynce, I tried to joke that I was looking for a female gynaecologist doctor. Why can't they treat men too? Gender inequality. Patriko matches well with Abby Mukiibi who acts serious films on the side. Patriko is the extra-loaded rival suitor in Bobi Wine's music video for "Kyarenga"...
23. Okello Okello can thrive well where there are foreigners; Sam has an ambassadorial aura for Ugandan culture around him and does it with a clever, humorous touch....
24. Richard Tuwangye Kofi as a drunkard or stammerer is just awesome; he is like the Smart Ayokyayokya of skitdrama. Then there is the frequent calls to Amosi to tell him everything happening around him. Remember the FF skit when his wife Brown (Veronica Namanda Kiwanuka) wondered about his profession: Nsekula binyebwa [I pound groundnuts]...
25. Golola, Moses of Uganda is not only a champion kickboxer but comedic wordsmith who captured the imagination of the nation with his creative lines: I'm the only man who can just look at a woman and she gets pregnant! He's also the only man who can drink a bucketful of porridge in order to fight a Hungarian kickboxer, "The Best do not rest." Golola can even fight his own shadow, dry his clothes on the MTN lines and pluck out Facebook pages...
26. Joseph Opio is a certified bwat, actually rounded UACE in Senior 6 and left no points for UNEB, top of our Macos Class of 2002 and he does not even brag about it. I'm happy to have met a freak like him; he could finish reading a big novel in one week while I only followed 2-3 hour movies summarising them. He was always with the chick I fancied most in Advanced Level and I let her go because I felt the competition was uneven even though the girl confessed in the presence of our classmates that she had "landed for" my fine "art". His knowledge of Ugandan football was thorough and actually used to report for New Vision Newspaper but what stunned me is when he started the satire show LOL on the paper's TV channel before moving on to write jokes for Euro-South African halfbreed Trevor Noah in America. Unbelievable! Trevor is like the Funniest African Standup Comedian I know (Mr. Ibu, Buchi, Basketmouth, MC Casino, Senator, Gordons, Klint Da Drunk who set the ball rolling for me as a class act, Funny Bone, Phage plus other Nigerians or Kenyans like Churchill, Dr. Ofweneke and Eric Omondi can fall elsewhere) but having a very intelligent Ugandan on his team is remarkable. Have you ever wondered why Ugandan content gets mentioned by Trevor? Maybe Opio plays a part somewhere...
27. Daniel Omara replaced Opio's LOL with his own "Business Unusual" show but also did standup gigs in addition to acting. I first noticed him as a boyfriend to Arach (played by Agnes Akite of Arise Woman! Comedy Jam) in The Hostel (TV series)...
28. Tumusiime replaced Omara with his "Yap!" show where he sizzled every evening giving commentary on funny news reports; Omara joined Conan the Comedian sometimes to double the fun. Whenever Tumu cloned himself to interview characters like Elvis Mbonye, Sheila Gashumba, etc, you could notice his crisp acting aptitude...
29. Herbert Mendo, part of FF, who doubles up as Joel the President (mimicking M7) and Teacher Mpamiire educates listeners in his teaching sessions where he asks the audience: What went wrong? What went what-y? In his Good Morning Africa street voxpops, he records funny responses to his questions especially from the Kampala public to create unscripted comic effects: What is the difference between pedicure and manicure? Pedicure is for women while manicure is for men, heehee...
30. Prince Ehmah started his comedy while at UCU Mukono and when he continued with it after campus, I just knew he had territories to conquer like Emperor Napoleon...
31. T. Amale is the Yintelekicho comedian imitating the anointed ever-smart-and-wearing-expensive-suits former Presidential Adviser Tamale Mirundi: Inter Milan, emitwe gino...
32. Bizonto is a unique comedy group that sings its content in unison while one of them drums...
33. MC Kapale does his standup in mainly Luganda but is still very compelling; alina work. Just like his stagename suggests, he performs in a pair of shorts. One day, a member of the audience asked him if he got the black scars on his legs after being beaten and he replied that they are just "tattoos"...
34. MC Mariachi (Kabaka wa Kwasama from London, read London College Nansana, Ba wa Musoga) makes spontaneous money in almost every standup act he performs, people just hand it to him like royalties. I guess it means they love what he says or he has standup-cash mukisa like musicians though parental guidance is advised. According to his research, "Omulugwara, they are direct: Alo, kintu nunji oyo..." Mariachi has zero chills for slayqueens, but praises fine, beautiful women on sight. He would do well acting as Elijah dissing Baal (small god) and its 850 prophets: Gasiya bulolo...
35. Mr. Google Sir (Edward Kiwanuka) was a dedicated car mechanic and relationship researcher but his performances in MTN advertising made him a comedic sensation like a precursor to Uncle Mo, the funniest Ugandan mechanic on YouTube...
36. Smart Ayokyayokya takes stammering to another level. During NBS The Comic, I felt he had a very good chance to win with clever wit but also very little time to impress the judges plus audience who knew him for a while before; finished among the Top 4 nonetheless and is the Richard Tuwangye of standup comedy. Smart also performs as a ventriloquist...
37. Jaja Bruce says almost nothing on stage but performs many gestures and actions that match the sounds played in the background; very creative like Charlie Chaplin mixed with Abazeyi be Burma...
38. Arua Boyz have some educative videos they spice up with comedy; disability is not inability...
39. Christabella Pita is West Nile's own Emmanuella (Mark Angel's niece). You should also see her "real face, oh". She will always meet Success in comedy as she grows older and swells alongside the darksinned Poni Magrine, Don Powell, Sasa Gorigori and writer Jaybee Pop Auden...
40. Arua Qomedy Nation produces funny short films acted by residents just like D&L (Diiziz & Lidafson)...
41. Afande Kelekele dresses on stage as a traffic policeman in all-white; he is dark skinned but dyes his hair blonde and has featured in TV series plus music videos. Amazingly, the tall man is a rugby referee ebiri serious, no jokes...
42. Ssenga Justine Nantume does not only talk about the bedroom but also life in general. She features in the (NBS now) Sanyuka TV standup chatshow called Big Deal alongside co-host Latifa Ssenyondwa or sometimes loudmouthed actress Leila Kalanzi Kachapizo and has hosted guests such as Jennifer Musisi, Leila Kayondo, etc. My NBS owakabi does her off-air standup comedy dressed smartly in a traditional gomesi; tusimbudde...
43. Remah Kulabako (Mama Kinene) is a down-to-earth but very talented actress on the silverscreen. She appears in "Stecia and the Housegirl" comedy series...
44. Gaetano Kaggwa is a very intelligent and comprehensive brother. When he teams up with the well-informed Marcus Kwikiriza on Another Round (TV show) sponsored by Tusker Malt, they will make you chuckle even when you are still sober; they are like sit-down, drink-up comedians. G5 flew into the mainstream zone as the first Ugandan in the Devil's Big Brother Africa house and stayed up in the media airspace like cloud 9. Gaetano and Lucky (Mbabazi) is probably the Funniest Hahaha Pair on Ugandan radio; they wake you up with prayer plus irresistible jokes on Capital FM, a free cross-country radio station like UBC and BBC. Gaetano reminds me of my Best Friend from Jinja named Dennis Ogwapit who I last saw in 1995 and searched for in vain until he added me as a friend on the powerful Facebook in 2008; he had moved to Australia/ New Zealand. Gaetano also resembles my S4 deskmate Jean Kaahwa who helped me discover ballpoint pen art. It's because of Mr. Kaggwa and Arsenal that I became a very huge Bebe Cool fan: Big Is Big, Kanyimbe (Nyimbira YESU), Easy, Christmas, Gyenvudde, Kasepiki, I Will Love You Everyday, Nkuliyo, Nsirikamu. Other serious-talk media personalities with a brilliant sense of humour included the well-armed Sport On/ Touchdown crew of Joseph Kabuleta, Allan Sekamatte and Mark Ssali who resembles Nigerian footballer Yekini (I called the trio Sports JAM); after PressBox moved to NBS, Ismail Dhakaba Kigongo kept the humour flame burning at NTV Sports Knights; Omumuli also rocks (with Mr. Lumansi, Denis and Elvis); Bukedde TV Firimbi; Spark Girlfriends (Shalva, Cecil and Winnie); Sanyuka TV's She Talk hotties (Diane Nabimanya, Sandra Lian, Mildred Tracy); etc...
45. Taxi 24 is a very good mirror of what happens on Ugandan roads everyday. There is lots of interesting, unrehearsed, undiluted mendegera-istic comedy to witness in public transportation while you also enjoy the kinetics plus meet old buddies, new friends or future business partners like MiniBuzz fun on wheels. Good to have a few musicians plus Amooti in the mix. Patu the "dreva" goes on a long route but fails to get to the final destination because of so many problems...
46. Jommie K. Nankya is fun + (plus) and beautifully brown-skinned too; forget makeup worries! Tik-tok, tik-tok, she does her stuff differently, like a Miss Bukedde champion. Upfront, this shorty humourously said it as it was when presenting Urban TV's Short Circuit Sonsomola alongside newsy motor-mouth Winnie Success who looks like a Musheshe but articulates Luganda like a royal. Spark TV Livewire program's Precious Remy (and her colleagues eg Gabriella, Flavia, etc with their "newses") also falls in a similar bracket...
47. Frog the cartoon had very hilarious lines in the Ekitobeero A la Carte variety show presented by RS Elvis. To end the show, RS would pause a bit and say: Cut! However, Frog would interject: Wama, don't cut! Then go on to say something very funny...
48. The Ebonies have entertained the world for decades; from Nakawunde (Harriet Nalubwama) in That's Life Mwatu to Doctor Bbosa (played by [Rotarian] Sam Bagenda), Vicky, DJ Berry, (Sharon resembles) Olga, Kakindaman, Barnabas, Sophie, Olanya, Afande Kute and his crazy replacement named Enock (This phone image is the suspect under arrest), Captain Ricky, Ketra, Drake in OMG, Doctor Gordon, his twin Semagonja, Becky Jjuko, Lukya, Britta, Marvini (bartender), the curvy Nurse Evelyn, Scorpion and so many other amazing characters, themes like NBM (Not Before Marriage), songs, plays and more. Endless Ugandan fun recorded by VCL Studios, available at www.ebowood.com. Bakayimbira Dramactors have also been around since the 1980s; Charles Senkubuge Siasa (Galubindi Eziriko Wiper), et. al...
49. Musicians use amusing wordplays just like standup comics and there are those who got the vibe I fancy eg Bebe Cool, Bobi Wine, Irene Namubiru, The Mith (Mr. So UG), Santana, Feffe Bbusi, Fresh Kid, Sheebah, Spice Diana, Abenganda Clan, Pinky, Wafagio, Carol Nantongo, etc. Nevertheless, kadongo kamu [one beat music] provides the most localised comedy: (Abdu Murasi's) Farm, (Paul Kafeero's) Depot Nazigala and Dole Y'omwana-type of way...
50. Bright (with a seemingly machine-altered voice) sounds like a very stubborn kid on radio...
51. Edward Zizinga, who reminds me of Kabogoza Omusirise, also had his deep-voiced moments on Capital Radio's Wakeup Show after Olanya Columbus set the pace as the third voice alongside DJ Alex Ndawula and his sidekick(s)...
52. Judithiana Namazzi Ndugwa replaced Mary Luswata on Urban TV's Salon Talk quite well, nalo; Sovaria Hughes (Wizards of Kampala) took over from her with a different spice of attraction, but am still Team Judi becoz of lafs; double happy-iness! Then she moved to ku-hostinga Pearl Magic's Jechili which plays the "Mostest" Matira-ed Ugandan Jams; what she does "is there" [gyekiri]. However, the joyful Na-wora impresses me most when she narrates Date My Family Uganda sagas linking slayers and players like Tindi did; perfect fit for the romantic show coz Joel's wife is a Muntu wa Vibe and her Ugalicious jokes in this unrehearsed, unpractised natural-flow comedy show are absolutely engaging like 256 out of 300, hahaha! Mbu I've given her a very high mark, but it is because of her kalacter-listics such as enthusiasm and smarty Ugandanness; arguably one of the Best Reality Concepts on TV that amazingly has versions from other African countries too. When you are rejected and heartbroken [hurtblocken], just drink the wayini [wine] in the gift botros (mpozi they are usually two, one for the family, the 2nd yours)! Londa namba yo! Wewawo, tusimbudde [Pick your number! Yes, we have set off]; bigups to the datecar drivers eg Abdul Mukiibi and Ferouk Pesambiri! Judithiana lip-presents UG perfectly for shizzo (would be great for Shoot Your Shot Uganda too) and Umar Kalungi is one of the Most Unbelievably Beautiful Dates I have seen on the show along with Mable (20 year old actress who loves eating but doesn't like short men, taxi drivers and bodamen), etc. Vikram and Carol both had ongoing relationships, but felt each other and flowed together like Ugandan water. I loved the ladies eg 20 year old Sheena who said financial stability is not a compulsory precondition for selection (People work together in a relationship to get money); moolah comes and goes anyway and cannot buy love; Milan (who said money doesn't play a big role in her life coz pipo work) waited for two hours, but Alan the bachelor did not show up to meet her sister Mercy as well as friend Constance coz he had a rough night and so lost his power to choose a date; however, he found Milan amazing plus intelligent and would go with her out "of all the three ladies", though only visited the first two families. Other interesting characters included the Jinja babe Mercy Celine Kisakye who washed clothes for her male pals Nawab and Hakim; Peter Tumusiime said: A perfect woman deserves money; Bebe Cool's son during Ramadan; DJ Bronze (Chris Jjingo) from Kasangati who chose Priscilla the waitress with three tattoos (12 bottles in 12 hours); Sabira Mulungi who chose Binta (the nerdy Graphics Designer); 27 year old teacher Hood Kushaba said he doesn't want small boobs but chose a date that rejected him, that is the kadongo kamu-listening Lillian Peiton who wants money alot because she studied Accounting (Her ruthlessly rude friend Josephine told Hood she didn't think Lillian was going to like him); Godfrey Mutebi (an Albino) who is a commercial farmer and mobile money dealer; money flaunting, herb-searching and confident 28 year old Eritrean-Ugandan doctor named Spartan (a "devoted Muslim") who had two daughters from two women and left 100,000 UGX as airtime for his loving pick Suzy, fullname: Suzan Nakiyinji (Push your limit!) who had a son plus loves singing and dancing; Lincon loves Beethoven; the eloquent Davin from Kulambiro said she was "a good cook; you can eat the food then eat me later"; Lumala (humanitarian accountant), who went to Asia and came back with an American accent, chose a date who didn't want him yet a lovely reject who doesn't mind too much about money wanted him; family members like Asha (Mark's cousin sister); Timothy Mulongo returned from studies in Russia to find his baby mama taken by another man, unfortunately again the date he chose (Nurse Faith) did not feel him on her heart and turned him down even if he owned a pharmacy yet the rejected Shamim Nabukeera would give him a try plus her friend wanted his younger brother's number; Arthur Muhozi (chef) narrated how he found his girlfriend in the washroom with his OB during a birthday date, then chose date candidate Hawa's sister Sakinah during his first family visit but ended up crying after the half Indian, half Muganda beauty rejected him (He didn't even care about Hawa's feelings); Swabra Nakakande stressed that love is not going to pay bills nor buy food; Hajara believes there is noone who doesn't like money; Gabu wanted money first before going on the date because "love is giving", but after sending 45,000 UGX Mobile Money, the bachelor left her at the table to eat the food she paid for; etc. There are too many kyanaz in Nyashville, Kawaala, Banda and Ntinda; make a choice!
53. DJ Mitch (Egwang) made Sanyu FM's Evening Drive Show the absolute laugh-switch. I was a Capital Radio addict at the turn of the century, but spared enough time for the assertive, smoothflowing talker who also hosted TV contests; always refreshing. Something interesting about taxis moving from town to Ntinda-Bukoto is when they tune from Luganda stations to Sanyu FM in honour of the passengers; strictly fluent kazungu Fat Boy-style...
54. Global Film Makers (Yumbe) also create some funny skits...
55. Kaibanda is another comedian who makes adverts fun with his Musheshe-riffic Luganda. Next time you drink Kumboocha mushroom tea or some other Ugandan product in the saturated beverages market, remember Kaibanda...
56. Straka "Baibe" Mwezi was probably the Fattest and Most Popular late night TV presenter; she had vibe and undeniable screen presence. UTV's Irene Kulabako and WBS TV's Straka set the stage for interactive variety shows hosted by females; her colourful hairstyles were sometimes outrageous...
57. Emeka first appeared on my radar arguing passionately with the ladies on Salon Talk; I kept asking myself why he is introduced as a comedian yet he talked like a normal dude simply because I had never seen his comedy skits anywhere. However, I later confirmed that the "Romantic Mukiga" (name adopted after his girlfriend left him for a White man due to the stereotype that she didn't believe Bakiga are romantic yet Collins Emeka actually was) is blessed with a very rare but hilarious mimicry talent like Ben Phiri from Zambia. His mimicry of Faridah Nakazibwe (NTV Mwasuze Mutya) using a black plate as her iPad is highly funny. Samson Kasumba, if you sample this weed, Arsenal will win the World Cup, heehee...
58. Mawube (written by Ivan Kintu Ssewava) is a silent drama but the skits are funny like James Gayo's Kingo newspaper cartoon strips. Deaf people also have comedy to make them laugh. One hilarious skit is when Mawube finds some dude smoking weed in the ghetto and joins in the puffs. The briefcaseman is so zonked by the smoke that he ends up trying to wear the gumboots at the door on his head. Featured in the program is one of my favourite Ugandan actresses named Joan Nantege; the same characters add their voices in Gamyuse (TV series)...
59. Toloba is the Ugandan gags version of Just For Laughs from Canada and Naswa from Kenya: Dude calls boda after boda, places his shoe on the carrier, cleans his stepper and walks away leaving each rider startled...
60. (Mr.) Sheka Mpola also entertains in the juicy Runyankole language; laugh slowly...
61. Optional Allan, born in Mulago Suburb, gives another option of comedy to choose from like a neighbourhood friend in the slum area; reminds me of the sharpwitted Abenganda Clan (Rap group) plus American rapper Plies (Bust It Baby!). He's a housekeeper in Senkyu Boss (TV Series)...
62. Pastor Bujingo sounds like the real Pastor Aloysius Buggingo at House of Prayer Ministries International (HPMI) in Canaanland near Makerere Kikoni and on Salt Media; AB is one of the Most Comprehensive Ugandan preachers of the Enjiri [Gospel] who used to be a houseboy plus mutembeyi and burnt bibles that called the Holy Spirit a Holy Ghost: Clap hard for MUKAMA if wisdom has come! Saba, pray, saba! Otyo! Soma, read, lekera awo, stop there! I expect Hajji Buji to crack lines about Teddy (Team No Divorce) and the Other Woman Suzan; LORD have mercy! Laugh with extraordinary favour; the favour that attracts jokes like a magnet! I call that a service...
63. Dolibondo (name given to him by Amooti) is a different breed of fun-maker like a "stubborn" classmate. He wants to delve into animation too, Tom & Jerry style...
64. Swengere is Busoga's Laugh Gift to Comedy; mubakobere: Tu va mu bagezi! Just like age limit, MPs have extended Christmas Day, heehee...
65. Okello Okello (the younger one aka Joseph) is like the father of silent comedy in KLA though silent disco existed before Black Friday; he just made it cheaper (read blacker)...
66. Gerald Rutaro Mbabazi always comes through as a rich man and his body size doesn't lie...
67. Jerry aka Jerizo, a radio presenter on Arua stations also has some funny anecdotes; he's a storyteller and sometimes invites callers to tell their own Area News on air...
68. Kalera (whose smart urban-villager image looks quite funny) found a seat in moderating Comedy Store ceremonies. He's a tech-savvy watchman or clubguard in The Honourablez (TV Series)...
69. Ronnie Musimenta McVex is a rapidfire comedy soldier, one of the owners of Luzungu; don't mind the position on the list! When he checked into a hotel in Arua, the blue and red taps both brought him cold water, yet he wanted a warm bath. Ronnie tells men to give women money because that's what they want. Meanwhile, the women must receive the money, put it on their phones and send it back to the men, hehehe...
70. Okuaka (Lady) Abiria not only sings thoughtful songs but also loves a good laugh while presenting on A1 Radio (Sema yote!); she advises her listeners to do away with the serious face coz it makes you age faster sijuwi azi ga ma dria [work has accumulated on my head]. Loosen up; stress happens but laughter makes it lighter though you might need a rope to tie your loma [ribs] and hold yourself together so that you do not burst when the guta [laughter] is too much...
71. Village Boyfriend is one of the West Nile Corporate Comedy flagbearers in the Twenty20s. Are there true comedians in Arua? Come and find out at the show! Meanwhile, I'fee Arua Comedy Nation, Extreme Teens and Explode Arua Comedy are groups to explore in the locality...
72. Vako 99 in association with Westnile TV is another comedy product from Lado that features Mr. Abdallah Kasingiri (Abinaka), Bashir Enzama (The Tallest Man), Fred Aguta (Mr. Wrotten), etc...
73. Nancy Kobusheshe is a toughtalking omusheshe [Western Ugandan] who adds motion and gestures to her barefooted standup acts...
74. The Talkers are another laid-back, engaging standup pair about the same height...
75. Jerryman (character) came with his own ghetto vibe in an MTN commercial: Add kilometres to your legs... Umaru gwe...
76. CB Talker conquered Instagram, more like CB Insta. He was also voted the Best Tiktoker in 2022...
77. Emmanuel Feta presents serious no-nonsense shows on radio and TV; however, when he switches to a radio drama persona or narrates stories, his comedic character shines effortlessly and features in radioplay plus ad skits for 100.9 FM Voice Of Life (West Nile's Oldest Radio Station which began on 27th November 1997)...
78. Dr. Hilary Okello found out that football commentators on Gulu FM do not research but just broadcast their complaints...
79. Teacher Sulphur is not only a real teacher but also a new breed of street preacher: All of you alone... We are outside, we want vibe... Prynce replying his wife Cindy at home, "I'm coming for food, in 3, 2, 1"...
80. Don Andre was born Andrew Odongo and started his standup comedy around 2016...
81. Ssebo the Village Boy is a fearlessly talkative and stubborn chap who loves eating chicken but speaks mainly Luganda in his skits. Jasper Luzinda once answered Fresh Kid while conversing offset that he was the 5th in class out of 4 pupils and the fellow childstar found that quite lugubriously heavy. Ssebo's always clad in a very large white-sleeved yellow T-shirt plus oversize pink slippers and features Celine, the Uptown Girl who despises his Luzungu in some tiktok videos but also shows a lot of love in others, "Nze ngenze"...
82. Password Arua Comedy (PAC) has shorts including translation of Lugbara to Chinese...
83. Arua Home Comedy adds a sumptuous flavour to Lugbara comedy with various video shorts starring Timo, Branics, Suzie, Yakobo, etc...
X. So many other comedians not mentioned...
SPECIAL MENTIONS: Ben Bella Ilakut at Uganda Christian University (Mukono) is the Funniest Lecturer I have ever met. Because of the hilarious stories we repeated to our campus peers studying other courses, some of them joined us for lectures so that they could laugh firsthand. His story of how a pregnant nimbus cloud hugged him in Kapchorwa literally brought laughter-rain in my eyes (Roger that Chemutai)! Other shocking narrations included past stories in old newspapers, riding a lion to impress a girl in his Teso village, walking backwards from Kampala to Mukono (33 kilometres) and the Idi Amin "Terror" series. Sometimes he would dance side to side lampooning American rappers but with his index finger up which is not provocative like the middle one they actually use. Ben always shared the Gospel of JESUS too...
Campus classmates spiced up lectures with funny comments and answers; big ups to seasoned journalist Semakula, Ronivich Humura (I nicknamed him Humura-ous), Ochieng, etc...
Ian Kateregga and Chris Baryomunsi (not the stately MP who became Minister of ICT and National Guidance but a peer whom I nicknamed Mr. Bones at UCU) were two very funny conversationalists. Everytime I heard them chat, I was smiling because their humour was in another league since 2003, way before Madrat and Chiko or Maulana and Reign came on the scene. When I got a boil on my head, Chris joked that the knowledge I had stored in my head was so much that it wanted to come out, heehee! That cracker alone consoled me in my pain. Ian was just brill-Ian-nt and fun to be around, gifted me glossy magazines I couldn't even afford while still at campus for not being mean with my coursework docs. There were other funny people though unlisted...
Grace Segirinya holds the microphone while working for Salt TV in the field but do not let that seriousness make you doubt his funniness; he has a talent in telling ribcrackers: One time a female classmate accused him of copying her yet she had borrowed his coursework to copy and the teacher believed her. Boys have really neshed in Uni, happened to another friend of ours who was forced by the new tutor to redo his coursework yet a beautiful girl had copied him and got excused. We first laughed heartily before giving him our own help, afterall our work had already been returned...
Cikili on Weatherhead Park Lane had her own swerve that could sting...
Hope Mindreru, a caring Ugandan lawyer, was always good company; usually felt liberated around her and laughed alot because of her plus enjoyed her father John Ondoma's interesting sermons. Happy that I graduated in Mass Communication on the same day with her. She's the Number 1 reason I picked interest in Nigerian films before Top Television and bibanda took over...
Emmanuel "Nuru" Angudubo is my cousin who I first met in Mukono (recognised him straight away) and probably the first ultimate Town Clerk of Arua (Ayivu then Central Division) but he has got a majestic knack for narrating funny anecdotes; his deep voice would also add another compelling layer of substance. Maybe he picks his talent from his parents Hampton and Aunt Dina; his sister Flora is also quite jolly. The MC at his wedding reception was a steadily engaging jokecracker...
Dr. Love (aka John Milton Anguyo) is a compellingly fun clergyman (in a similar category as Fanuel Onzima). Maybe Shaba Ranks (Mr. Loverman) can agree with me. The Lavu Dokta used to host a Love Clinic on Voice Of Life 100.9 FM but then moved to Westnile TV...
UBC West Nile Radio's Peace Victoria Eyotaru loves giggling and funny convos; she also reads the Lugbarati news...
Robert Kabushenga who was at the helm of Vision Group for some time gave the media house a humorous face...
Agnes Nandutu became a Bududa MP and Minister for Karamoja but while doing journalistic work, she kept her ears to the ground - open for funny statements spoken across Uganda and supplemented them with her own wellsynced adlib commentary in NTV's Friday night feature called Point Blank: Lwaki oyenda kunkalakata? His daughter got missed...
Lydia Lakwonyero reads The News on Urban TV at night but behind all that standard Femi Oke-ish newsreading disposition is a very hilarious woman who can crack your ribs with funny vibes: Told me to start a church so that she can collect the offertory! LORD have mercy on us! It's GOD's money, not ours, heehee...
Harry Sagara and Ernest Bazanye used to write really crazy ideas in the newspapers until I stopped reading the hard copies regularly...
Aunt Sue on Salt TV's The Junction talks about relationships with a unique taste of humour enough to make Parvin and Suzan (Makula-Bujjingo) laugh endlessly...
Bannyabo crew on Bukedde TV light up Sunday evenings with their anecdotes and advice to women. Big ups to Sanyu Robinah Mweruka, Annet Nakate, Dinah Nalubega, Cynthia (Thursday Urban TV SportsWoman program presenter in the steady mold of UBC then Sanyuka TV's Fifi) and other guests...
Philister Akec oozes a very wild textual humour in her Facebook posts, unapologetic...
My one and only sister-in-law Jackie Afayo also has her knack...
John Katumba literally ran for presidency after his van's tyre got a puncture on Nomination Day. Some people naturally amuse with what or the way they speak; even Mabirizi the lawyer presidential candidate before him made Ugandans laugh while talking about sad things in his life. The journey to State House taught him a lot: Katumba oyee...
Norbert Mao is an orator: Yah yah yah! He became minister by constitutional virtue; Bobi Wine could have been a great Minister of Tourism but I guess he prefers the sweeter State House chair. Truth be told, the Acholiman whose father was a neighbour to my parents in the 1980s fell in things. Betty Namboze, his DP partymate called him a "pumpkin" (green on the outside but NRM-yellow on the inside) and the statesman labelled her a watermelon (NUP-red on the inside). Chairman Mao also had a word battle with Kampala Lord Mayor Erias Lukwago who was DP too calling his colleague "dikula" and I hid my face; it was like a rap cypher with lyrical bars. Who said comedians cannot be presidents like Zelenski in Ukraine...
Ken Lukyamuzi "The Man" was another naturally comedic politician; whenever he said something during conferences, attendees had to giggle: What are you talking about? He was also a member of UG's Oldest Party which never runs out of comedy generals: Mukasa Mbidde (Nanyini Luzungu [English Owner]) speaks flummoxingly magnanimous Thesaurus English whereas Mayor Nasser Ntege Ssebagala had many funny Seyaisms...
Charles Wanzunula at Kalinabiri Primary School was comedy personified; other pupils also had their vibes...
In Senior 2 at SMACK, the final post-exams week of each term was always fun; the Block Owners solidarity sprouted for me around that time after being planted in 1997 and I did not want it to stop growing every year (The S6s who used to protect us from bullying when we were in S1 left and we now had beef with S4s, so had to look out for each other as a united peer group). My Senior 6 Kabalega Arts hostelmates at Macos were truly funny too; their jokes and convos could literally end the Pain you might have felt at school from poor marks, being rejected by someone you love, belittled, mocked, backstabbed, character-assassinated, name-called, rebuked by teachers, dissed, robbed or any other down-moments. Lights out silence was compulsory at 11pm but after some light moments since the 10pm end of night prep; three minutes are enough to say something humorous, you can laugh for two, sleep, wake up and repeat...
There are so many other Ugandans who love a good laugh including my own Dad plus Francis Draga (in Kayunga) but I cannot mention all of them. Laughter can end hunger pangs. Life is a comedy...
Numbers In Ugandan Languages (Bantu [Luganda] widespread in the South and media, Luo [Acholi taught to me by Emma Bongomin], Karamojong-Ateso researched online, Madi-Lugbara learnt at home):
1. emu, acel, idiopet, alu
2. biri, aryo, iyarei, iri
3. satu, adek, iuni, na
4. nya, angwen, iwongon, su
5. tanu, abic, ikanyi, towi
6. mukaga, abicel, ikanyi-kapei, azia
7. musanvu, abiro, ikanyi-karei, aziri
8. munana, aboro, ikanyikauni, aro
9. mwenda, abogwen, eikanyikawongon, oromi
10. kumi, apaa, itomon, mudri...
GREETINGS:
Bantu: Oli otya? Ndi bulungi! [How are you? I'm fine!]
Luo: Kop ango? Kope! [What's up? Not much!]
Karamojong-Ateso: Ijai biai /Ebyaibo/ Kosodi bodo? Ejokuna! [How are you? Fine!]
Madi-Lugbara: Ngoni? Muke! [How (are you)? Fine!]
THANK YOU!
Webale, apwoyo, yalama, awa'difo, (dhanyavaad, asante, shukraan, etc)!
Lugbara Ink (+256-781-345712)
I'm not a body-tattoo artist because of religious reasons (Leviticus 19:28) but can draw tattoo-like designs and portraits (Ugatoons) for T-shirts as well as other print surfaces or digital platforms plus use line-drawing skills to paint murals, wall hangings, memorabilia, souvenirs, signposts, etc. It's a life of "GOD, ink, sweat and cheers"; Aiko is available for commissions all year round. BIGAMBO everyday...
"Nva Jinja" (by LATY WIZY Lyrics)
...
Yenze Omwana wa Idhindha,
Enzalwa ye Busoga.
Akalo Matendo;
Wabula MUNGU watugerera, ah!
...
Be twalyanga nabo namungodi,
Be bamu ku banene bemuwulira.
Eno siti ya ba konkara [conqueror],
Siti ya ba hasola [hustler]!
Kibuga kya bapambani,
Jinja, Kibuga kya Bamegani!
Bugembe, Mafubira, Walukuba, Budondo (Ho); Jinja my City,
Nze nva Jinja.
... Mubakobere,
Nze nva mu bagezi.
Nva Idhindha.
Tuli bakozi,
Ate nga tukuza ne ebitone...
Munyambe mubagambe...
Eri dala,
Amber Court(i)... Madh(i)vani... Kakira... Wanyange... Buwenge... Wanyama... Bujagali...
We dey bounce like a Tango...
Tetutya na bigambo; ebyo twabinafuya!
...
Nze nasala Kiira Dam(u),
Mbonga na buli mwana Adamu.
...
Kyabazinga... Kadaga... Maro... Mayor Kasolo... Balyeku... Paulo Mwiru... Swengere...
Eri dala,
Amber Court(i)... Madh(i)vani... Kakira... Wanyange... Buwenge... Wanyama... Bujagali...
We dey bounce like a Tango...
Tetutya na bigambo; ebyo twabinafuya!
...
Nze nasala Kiira Dam(u),
Mbonga na buli mwana Adamu.
...
Kyabazinga... Kadaga... Maro... Mayor Kasolo... Balyeku... Paulo Mwiru... Swengere...
OTHER SONGS ABOUT UGANDAN TOWNS:
"Merry Christmas" - PHILLY BONGOLE LUTAAYA
"Lagos To Kampala" - WIZKID ft. RUNTOWN
"Jinja Road" - DA TWINZ (aka GANDA BOYS)
"Arua City" - VAN SMOKEY
"My Town - Arua" - RAPPA BLUTIT ft. FREEBOY
"Bye Bye Kampala" - PHILBETOS
"Arua City" - BENON ENZE
"Arua Andera" -LEILA CHANDIRU
"Arua" - SIMPLE DEE
"Arua" - MONOPOLY
"Arua 'Dale" - PCY, THE BLACK PEOPLE
"Lugbarana (Aruana)" - ONE TOUCH HARRY
"Lira City" - DURUVAN
"Kitu Kidogo" - GEOBLESS or MONSTA B 2-STAR
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