Bha Da Sende Tawuni-a Tipasi (Online Book)

[Lugbara Translate: Money Was Poured in Town Using a Tipper]

Below is a Giraffe List of some of the Tallest Buildings in Arua (West Nile Province):

X Joale [House stomaches or Floors]: Ombaci Earth Satellite Tower (150 meters - Used by UBC and BBC plus the Tallest in East Africa when constructed), Arua Hill Telecom Masts including Voice Of Life (60 meters), etc;

10 Floors: Osu River Building (behind Desert Breeze), etc;

9 Floors: Noble Unit Adumi Road Building, etc;

8 Floors: Arua Hospital Doctors Quarters, etc;

7 Floors: Arua City Tower (Monument) - 2nd Tallest on the Black continent after Dakar, Senegal's African Renaissance Monument but Tallest in East and Central Africa, Shopping Centre blocks on New Lane, etc;

6 Floors: Aza Plaza, Le Tsuba Grand Hotel, Sinai Plaza, Go Down Road Building, Muni Building (under construction somewhere between Awindiri Rock and Muni University), etc;

5 Floors: Orasea Complex, ML Building, Awindiri-Onzivu Westside Building near De Lavage, Heritage Park, KCB Building, John Boboli's Building (Koboko), Nyadri Building (Maracha), etc;

4 Floors: Arua Regional Referral Hospital, Pride Microfinance Building, Arua Nursing School, Anyafio School, Rhema Hospital, Desert Breeze Hotel, Star Plaza, Concord Business Centre (CBC), NN Tata, Tropical Suites Hotel, Royal Crane Resort, Springs Primary [Built by Emmyways], UCU Arua Block plus Bishop Orombi ICT Complex [Proposed], etc;

3 Floors: West Nile Supermarket Building, Arua Hill Stadium & Business Park, KKT Centre (Plaza), Wazalendo Complex, Rose Villa Hotel, Muni University, Hotel Pacific, NSSF (West Nile Golf Club) Building, Rippons Motel, Golf View Inn, Mohammed Omar's Building, ASIL Complex, Hotel Santa Maria, Ovisoni Building (Vurra), Orient Bank Building owned by Draza from Ayivu, Springs Kindergarten, Arua Hospital Staff Quarters, Le Confidentiel Hotel in Eruba, Terego District Headquarters, Destiny Courts Hotel, Big Star Hotel, Irshad Mosque Complex [Under Construction], National Water & Sewerage Corporation Arua Branch [Proposed], Hotel Africana [Proposed], etc;

2 Floors: Slumberland, Vurra House owned by a former MP, Afro Triangle, Borderlands Co-op (Khayamandi) on Oluko Road in Mvara [Built for the Baptist Mission in Uganda], New Taxi Park on Duka Road, Electoral Commission Arua Regional Election Centre [Proposed], White Rhino Hotel, The Grid, Yumbe Hospital, Hotel Arua, Mas (former OB) Plaza, Tripplex Apartments, Bayani Hotel (Yumbe), Muhibeen Mosque, etc...

1 Floor: St. Philip's Church, Lodonga Basilica (was the first basilica in Sub-Saharan Africa but 4th on the continent), Christ the King Catholic Church, Capital One, Arua Post Office, NIRA Arua Office, Arua Central Police Station, St. Joseph's Cathedral Ovujo (Maracha), The Village, etc...

(Open House Rooftops can also make floors, levels or storeys)

ADROniambo [GODisgreat]...

"You have tapped into the universal heartbeat... There is actually no difference between Entebbe, Nakasero and Arua for they were cut from the same cloth..." - JAFFAR AMIN (on Tuesday 12th January 2010)

"Nice! This is a positive advert of Arua City..." - JOEL AITA

"Architecture is frozen music..." - JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE (1749 - 1832)

"Some people look for a beautiful place. Others make a place beautiful..." - Hazrat Inayat Khan

The stones (or rocks) will praise GOD in loud voices (Luke 19:40)...

• (Creative Commons) This Architecture Log is compiled by a Technical Drawing (TD) Class reject who had just dropped out of the Fine Art Class in Senior 5 because of constantly deteriorating grades but turned himself into an Artist (Cartoonist, Illustrator, Muralist, Signpainter, etc) for hire. Call +256-781-345712! 

Arua Buildings I've sighted in my dreamvisions include: Lodges like the blue-glass KCB facade (unbelievable fulfillment on my part), Arua Hill Stadium (2003-4) instills the fear of GOD in my heart, Arua District Local Government (2010), Franco's red building (maybe Capital One at some point), 4-storeyed Angela's Lounge (Apartments) somewhere in Osu Village, Idi Amin Hotel (behind Office of the Prime Minister), Secretary House (Tallest Building somewhere near Osu Village), Hilltop Centre (on Avenue Road), Golden Tower (February 2023), The Grey Pillar, etc...

Dreamscripts

YESU Kristo Ni Opi

MUNGU ni amboru amboru! Who is the Greatest Superhero of All-Time? I'd say JESUS Christ of Nazareth (from Bethlehem, Israel) because HE died to save all mankind, including those who were not yet born. Most super(s)heroes like Batman, Wolverine, Deadpool, Deadshot, Supergirl, Black Widow, Kubaku, etc are just fictitious even if inspired by humans who lived but XP is a real person through and through; the Son of Mary. After three days in the grave, JESUS resurrected to display power over Death and will reign forever (when HE returns to Earth from preparing mansions in Heaven) as the "KING OF KINGS & LORD OF LORDS". HE had no earthly father but origin is traced from GOD, turned water into wine at a wedding in Cana, calmed the sea with HIS voice, made a blind man see, walked on water and also beckoned Peter to step out of the boat he was in plus walk like HIM, made a lame man pick up his mat and walk, fed thousands with a boy's lunch, healed 10 lepers, transfigured with Moses and Elijah beside HIM, cured diseases, raised corpses eg Lazarus and Jairus's daughter back to life, teleported into a locked room where disciples were hiding, stunned Nathaniel with words of knowledge, fasted for 40 days in the Wilderness (I cannot even manage two complete days without craving for water), showed fishermen a great catch and they called other boats to help, cast out Legion demons, recreated a cutoff ear, amazed listeners at 12 years old with HIS understanding and answers, told a Samaritan woman she had five husbands plus that the man she was with was not her husband, solved a 12-year blood problem when a believing woman touched the helm of HIS garment, healed a Centurion's servant from a distance, prophesied HIS betrayal by Judas plus Peter's denial three times before a cock crowed, etc. Some of the many other things (signs, wonders and miracles) HE performed are not even written down according to John 21:25; that's what makes HIS story worth exploring and much much more exciting than any Comics Universe...

Shield Of Faith (Saturday 29th April 2023)

My name is Paul. When we began, we were only three, but the Devil took two away from me (my daughter and then my wife). Now am going to hunt him down with my son... In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the Evil One (Ephesians 6:16)...

The Wrong Train

Three youthful passengers sitted at the extreme back survive a monstrous soul-sucking train ride to Mombasa and break out plus jump off at the Victoria Nile Bridge in Jinja after dusk. The soundtrack to this adventure is "Sandstorm" by Da Rude...

To be continued...

Work Never Ends

New day, new problems, new solutions! Even if you finish a task well today, there's still another one to handle tomorrow; whether secret, paid, praised or not. Prepare for it mentally as well as physically! You will rest fully only in the Afterlife. Sleep is busy too with dream journeys and battles with enemy spirits. We are slaves to this bittersweet life. Work, work, work; nonstop work! So help us, GOD...

Not called for interview,

Not selected,

Hired but criticised,

Not facilitated,

Unpaid,

Paid but partly,

Paid in full after a very long time,

Money not enough for living,

Never promoted,

Promoted without pension,

Pension mismanaged,

Loyal at work but no incentives,

Laid off from work due to jobcuts,

Fired,

Retired due to illness,

Reached retirement age...

These are some of the troubles of a worker!

The Journey To TARADISE

My ancestral home (Baria Village in Ojapi Parish, Ajira Subcounty) is roughly one hour by car or motorcycle (about 6,000 to Nyadri or around 15,000 UGX all the way in Twenty23) northwards from Arua City; gone with the wind. Ojapi used to be one of the seven Tara Subcounty parishes before Ajira Subcounty broke away from the Kololo Village-based Headquarters; the original Tara wards got their identity from Ajua's great-grandchildren namely: Ojapi, Ajulepi, Yidu (Pajama Area), Oliapi (Oliyepi), Aruwe, Rendu and Vura. Villages in Ojapi Parish include Aliamu, Baria, Erivu, Nacara, Oliapi, Onayi and Palida while neighbouring parishes according to Land Conflict Mapping Tool (LCMT) include Anivu, Ombavu, Pajama and Vura which hosts the Tara headquarters. I'm from the Grasshopper Clan of Lugbara. Maracha (not the place in Ayivu but District north of Arua City) rocks my world like Taradise; JESUS is the Way...

The main route to Tara from Manibe Roundabout on Rhino Camp Road (Arua) is via Oreku; across River Enyau to Lokira Godo at the Ayivu border with Maracha; through Robu, across River Imve, Okokoro Junction, Kijomoro, across River Oluffe where the remains of the old bridge are still visible like a heritage site that can be metamorphosed into a Graffiti Art canvas or other creative venue and people bathe in the river as it flows to Miriadua Falls; Koyi (that has a statue of Po the Kung-fu Panda striking a one leg standing-kick pose) to Ovujo City (Cico, St. Joseph's Maracha Hospital and Cathedral plus Big Brother Maracha), Nyoro (that has Rokoze Crater Lake which I wish was fittingly christened Lake Maracha), across River Ayi to Nyadri City (NYC)...

To get home, you branch right off the Koboko Highway from any of two points: either the shortcut bypass near Nyadri Market and across River Aliro or further ahead on the Koboko Highway and through Azipi, Loinya, across a river bridge plus via Karongo (which was part of Tara too from days gone by) while viewing interesting rock formations on both sides including two mountains namely Mt. Wati (one of West Nile's Highest Points) in Terego and Mt. Liru in Koboko; climb up to Ajira where the subcounty administration block is before reaching Ojapi Primary School and Uliapi Church of Uganda...

Suffer patiently!

Enjoy the Maracha View!

Frankly my dear, I do care!

EDUCATION

We are all related, even since Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden plus through intermarriages. I've always wished that there was a calculative technology system that documents plus possibly links Clan members and everyone else all over the world like a huge Matrix: Uganda Registration Services Bureau (URSB), Electoral Commission plus NIRA limit data collected in UG; Facebook tried with relationship lists on account profiles, then WhatsApp groups took it to another level but some people do not own smartphones while others have already departed from Earth and cannot chatback (Necromancy is prohibited). However, do they cease to exist and vanish into oblivion from the clan, forgotten by those left behind? No way! When American Senator Barack Obama was running for Presidency, I saw an African Woman Magazine Issue 24 (probably September 2008) article (Society: A Visit with Grandma Obama, Page 72-73) that showed a photo of him with his Kenyan cousins in Kogelo Village and asked myself why we should know other families by correct faces more than our own. Of course, I know very many relatives, but there are others I honestly don't, including the departed. Why should I cram the names given to multiples of fictional relatives created by William Shakespeare while studying Literature in Ugandan secondary schools to pass exams and fail to name my own extended family in the correct pattern? Is that what Education is about or was that just a foundation? As a result, I embarked on a personal research journey with the guidance of my parents (like Adi [Lugbara legends], Familia Pati [Family Tree], Froots [Fruits & roots] or www.Ancestry.com) and found some of my ancestors who are resting in Lado (West Nile) plus much much more. Here is my Genealogy that can link me to so many other relatives (literally everywhere):

11th Generation: Nayia, oku [Lugbara Translate: wife] Odrudru (from Aliba Ojepi in Ayivu [Elafia ma awizi])

10th: Angusara (considered the forefather of Ojapi Baria Clan), oku Oninurua (from Wandi)

9th: Oyoroa, oku Bacia (from Onzoro)

8th: Olevua, oku Ayizeru (from Katri)

7th: Oguze, oku Curua (from Alarapi)

6th: Onangu, oku Oninirua (from Logbira)

5th (Great great great grandfather): Maru, oku Okualuru (from Rendu - Wandi people in Maracha)

4th (Great great grandfather): Ari, oku Aweru (from Lugu)

3rd (Great grandfather): Galia Asendu, oku Tabacia (from Luja in Koyi)

2nd (A'bi [Grandfather]): Petero Dobo Enaa, oku Esita Yitiru (from Vura Parish in Tara)

1st (Ati [Father]): James Oguzua Dramani, oku Elizabeth Ndezo (from Aliba Ojepi in Ayivu)...

The last time I met my paternal grandmother, she looked frail and walked using a stick with a bent back. Tears formed in my eyes and silently in my spirit, I asked GOD to give her more strength. She was the last and only connection I had to my ancestors; some people meet their great grandparents but for me, I never saw any of my grandfathers. I always referred to grandma as Ita, didn't know her fullname until later. I gifted her a portrait of herself I had inked at home on Mt. Wati Road (Arua) and she tucked it inside her Bible. She could still recognise me even with her partial blindness, "Dhi Oguzua dri [This one is for Oguzua]..." Oguzua is the name my dad was called in Ojapi. When Ita died on 1st December 2004 at 98 years old, noone told me until I read an email from my big brother concerning the loss at the UCU Tech Park in Mukono a week later. I was sad inside during that sunset, but didn't cry, just spent the early night with the campus classmate I wanted to marry; didn't even tell her that I was grieving but used her company to console myself. Unfortunately, it turned out to be my Least Successful Semester on campus out of six in terms of academic performance (Got 3.8 GPA during that period) though I had dedicated my exams to my grandma: Introduction to Radio Production was my Worst Performed Course Unit (56 percent, - C) throughout my uni career. Ita accepted JESUS in the 1920s when the Whiteman preached in Maracha and her legacy lives on through her descendants; she was from Tara Proper...

Ojapi (Points Of Interest)

Human establishments in Ojapi Parish include Ojapi Primary School which suffered the 1991 Air Raid from two Sudanese planes, Ojapi Catholic Church,<ref>[https://www.dioceseofarua.org/Tara2022.php Diocese of Arua - Tara Sub-Parish Is Now A Full Parish. "Be Vigilant And Continue Growing In Love, Faith And Hope." Says Bishop Sabino (12 March 2022)]</ref> Uliapi Church of Uganda in Nacara Village, government offices, markets and others.

Hills viewable in Ojapi anticlockwise from Mt. Liru in the north include Kodro, Gala, Kadri, Adrofiya, Njeke (or Njakai), Orani, Luturujo and Adada. Mt. Wati is in the east. Adventurers and tourists write their names on the rocks and take small ones as souvenirs plus for research purposes. Red monkeys, rock badgers, porcupines and other interesting animals can be found near some of these rocks.

Despite all these rocks, the farmlands are very productive and agriculture is the predominant economic activity. Crops grown include maize, cassava, [[Bambara groundnut|ground nut]], [[Soybean|soya]], coffee and beans and tobacco, locally regarded as ''Assets'', grown as a major cash crop. Animals are al reared including cows, goats, sheep, guineafowls, chicken plus pigs. On market days like at Ajira, people sell foodstuffs and other household items as the sun sets. The grasshopper is a staple food and Emblem of Maracha, the Lugbara clan in Ojapi.

A large number of parish members are farmers<ref>[https://www.monitor.co.ug/uganda/news/national/shs230m-nusaf-projects-commissioned-in-maracha-1860282 Monitor - Nusaf Projects Commissioned In Maracha (Wednesday 20 November 2019)]</ref> though you will also find teachers, priests,<ref>[https://www.newvision.co.ug/new_vision/news/1094113/arua-priest-defilement New Vision - Arua Priest On Defilement (by Dawin Dawa, 31 October 2004)]</ref> engineers, politicians, businesspeople and other professionals.<ref>[https://www.mountainlifemedia.ca/2016/05/bitten/ Mountain Life (Live It Up) - Bitten: Heading Deep Into Africa To Fight Malaria by Todd Lawson]</ref>

What will make Arua attractive?

Every locality has its ish [issues, e'yo], but problem solving manages each of them. How did you deal with bullies in school; were you really afraid of them? Either you sought help from teachers plus true friends, stood up for yourself and faced off with the pricks or silently waited for fate to torment them (metaphorically like a street garbage grinder or refuse compactor truck when they climb inside to hide or rest); life is karma like a 40 day cycle (though a cement mixer can be a less fatal lesson). Bullying opens the door to hatred, aggression and violence. There are two types of bullying: Verbal like mocking, ridiculing, teasing, insulting, degrading, taunting, slandering (defaming), gossiping about, criticising or name-calling eg addressing a disabled girl as "Half Kilo" and Physical which is more painful plus involves hitting, shoving, slapping, cutting, punching, slamming, damaging property, stealing belongings, etc. Do not murder, rape nor rob (These three grave crimes resonate with the 6th, 7th and 8th Commandments from Moses): Thieves including armed robbers and pickpockets think they are very daringly clever and powerful like community bullies behind Adriko Factory plus on Rhino Camp Road but Arua lynch mobs do not care; they enforce their own justice as crowd vigilantes. According to www.justicecentres.go.ug, Mob Justice is an offence in itself because it is not authorised by Ugandan Law and violates human rights; the accused are not given a chance to defend their case through a fair trial. However, when corruption in Police and Courts of Law sets criminals free, it annoys people who resort to beating up wrongdoers themselves.

For the many beautiful young mothers in Arua, instead of jailing them, try to consider the possibility that they were either defiled or forced into marriage even though it could have been their personal romantic choice too: pubertal feelings start at any age. Children are a blessing from GOD, not unwanted offspring. Ending teenage pregnancy as a campaign is unachievable (Reducing it due to health complications is sustainable but adolescents are capable of motherhood); even Mary probably gave birth to JESUS at 14 (Jewish maidens were marriageable by that age) while Peruvian Lina Medina gave birth to a healthy 2.7 kilogram son named Gerardo when she was only 5 years 7 months and 21 days old (World Medical Record). Early marriage with parental consent is not entirely a disgrace especially when it gets better and better like wine; the Ugandan age limit is 18 but six countries namely Equatorial Guinea, Gambia, Saudi Arabia, Somalia, South Sudan (even at 10 years) and Yemen allow marriage below that. In Tanzania, marriage at 12 is allowed but consummation is at 15 years. Meanwhile, China requires women to be 20. Every woman has her own timezone, not all of them can give birth at 90 years like Sarah in the Bible). A school girl in Arua was asked what she wanted to be in future and she replied, "Become a member of Mothers Union!" Who said being a mother is less weighty plus less honourable than getting academic papers or school certification? I once overheard two women arguing and the one with more degrees (Masters plus PhD) dissed the other with only a Diploma that her brideprice was less than hers. Come to think of it, enjawulo [the difference is] zero! Being a mother is graduation to another level and in Lugbara culture entails a cow for each child born. Education is not only acquired in school; dropouts can read books in the library or online at home: Learning never ends. Besides, GOD provides (With HIM, no creation lacks food or necessities), age is just a number and a degree is only a paper; even graduates have financial struggles. 

Arua does not have a very big lake nearby (only rivers), but you can find plenty of fish in the different markets, from the small affordable silverfish locally called ngenjia to angara (salty fish) and nang nang snacks from Pakwach to the amazing government-guarded, highly valued export-only Mputa [Nile Perch aka Goliath Baramundi] harvested down south (in Murchison Falls or Kabalega National Park and Bantuland). Growing up in Jinja, I had my own fair share of the delicacy (Some kids we played with even smelled like fish throughout because their parents sold byenyanja). Wait until tomorrow, ola nya mputa si [eating cassava with Nile Perch]; roger that Terah Fish, five loaves and two fish! Sudanese fish is also transported to the Arua Central Market, as well as tinned ocean varieties like sardines. Fish always live in water, but smell funny. My favourite fish used to be fried tilapia in Bantuland, but oi from Obongi (Yumbe side) is also something else... 

Hotels near Arua

The summarised list below contains a few of the many hotels (accommodation, conference, parking or eating places) you might find near the Heart of West Nile:

Arua Hill Hotel is a haven for sports fans...

Bayan Hotel in Yumbe is a classic venue...

Borderlands on Oluko Road will baptise you with hospitality...

Capital One is a happening venue that lights up the Arua nightsky; I guess Franco (Congolese musician) or Batman would love it...

Christus Centre in Ediofe is not only a guesthouse but has a restaurant too...

Coco Palm is a venue for events to remember when you visit Arua...

Desert Breeze Hotel in Osu Village is still upper echelon even if awarded only 3-stars; Arua Hill SC footballers would chillax at the Desert Breeze swimming pool after UPL afternoon matches in Barifa (Forest) Playground...

Dreamland Kuluva is where you can live your dreams. It's described online as a 4.5-star hotel and has a swimming pool...

Eripak Resort hosts a lot of events near the great River Enyau, the biggest tributary of River Nile in West Nile. It also offers a swimming pool experience...

Golden Courts allows bookings via WhatsApp and email, so even if you are abroad, you can still get reservations. It may look small but is quite big in stature because of quality services; comfort guaranteed! Golden Courts Hotel is where I watched the final of the first FIFA World Cup on the African continent (2010); Fabregas to Iniesta...

Golf Club (at the NSSF Building) is another active place where sports lovers enjoy themselves. When golf or political events are held at the West Nile Golf Course, it takes centre stage...

Heritage Courts has hosted so many concerts including Jose Chameleone and Ebenezer shows. I used to go there for airtime and haircuts. Heritage Park, some meters ahead on the same road hosts many people too...

Hilltop originally owned by Jackson Atima sits at the top of Arua Hill. Fille Mutoni had a concert there, "You are my only! Never leave you lonely..."

Hotel Arua used to be Hotel California like The Eagles's classic song...

Hotel Pacific is the oldest hotel in Arua...

Jershem Hotel is beside Dorcus Inzikuru's government-given house...

Le Confidentiel adds a different colour to the Eruba skyline at night...

Le Tsuba Grand Hotel shines a pristine aura around the Anyafio hood near the Arua Presidential Suite; Archbishop Kazimba Mugalu of the Church of Uganda passed there one Saturday evening during his July 2023 visit to West Nile...

Oasis 24/7 and Bamboo on Enyau Road bring an Eastern touch to the Northwestern locality...

Oasis Inn is a veteran in the industry...

Ripons Motel in the centre of town is a home away from home...

Rocks and Roots sits at the eastern foot of Arua Hill...

Royal Crane Resort, a sister to Tropical Suites, is near the Yellow Corner (Weatherhead Park Lane junction to Oluko)...

Santa Maria was where Queen Sheebah held her concert after Covid-19 lockdowns...

Slumberland is not far from the Arua Hill roundabout...

The Village is a modern, recreational establishment smack in the middle of Kololo Village in Tara and offers DStv, cold drinks in a wide bar with comfy sofas. Also available are lodging facilities. Tourist attractions near The Village include Ofude Hills, Mount Liru and Wati, the highest mountain in West Nile...

Tropical Suites, formerly Hillview welcomes you to Arua City...

White Castle Ewuata changed the hospitality game by introducing a swimming pool in the area...

White Rhino used to be a 3-star pad during the days of Idi Amin...

Lies, Lies, Lies

The truth will set you free...

Confidence tricks abound; true friends or real people do not toy with you. They do not exploit your credulity, naivety (inexperience), compassion, vanity, confidence, irresponsibility and greed. 

Confidence trick is an attempt (usually by a stranger though sometimes someone familiar or an acquaintance) to defraud somebody after first gaining their trust...

Be very careful when a stranger keeps telling you about how rich they are or the big jobs they are doing or how much they love you or expensive gifts they have for you, then tries to get money from you, even by borrowing. S/he might be a con artist...

An Indian OB once advised me to trust only two people on Earth, "GOD and your parents." He had a point. I trust very few people (especially family and friends) but leave a small room in my heart (about 3 percent) for unwelcome eventualities like a thin cushion to fall back on when betrayed. People are like chameleones; they can front various colours yet inside they are different... You can see a man's face, read his texts or hear his voice but cannot see his heart... A badman's ways can tear you apart...

The truth is more valuable than gold...

Money is just a number, but it makes humans act weird...

Con artists can contact you using pseudo identities via Facebook claiming to be in Canada or Australia, then WhatsApp, tell you they want to be a good and honest friend plus have expensive gifts (like computers, iphones, video cameras, jewelry, etc) for you carried by a friend going to Senegal which is nearer to your location. Then, they give you that person's number eg +221703721884 for Reverend Matilda Bernard and when you contact the Sister, that person tells you she has no money to send your gift via courier services and that you must wire (Western Union or MoneyGram) it quickly so that FedEx brings your package to Uganda. Since when does FedEx use the United Bank of Africa (UBA) logo as its profile picture? All I do in such a scenario is dupe them that I have sent the money using a Mobile App, no delivery slips. They should check with the money transfer police, heehee! Another idea is telling them that Uganda Revenue Authority (URA) taxes money sent abroad by 10 percent and that they should send me the tax fee so that I can send them the 120 USD courier fees. You have to beat fraudsters at their craft. It's a game, so play your cards right. There are always redflags to look out for and one of them is Indian origins. In my case, the Fb name (Saranya Saran) seemed Indian but person claimed to be Dr. Grace Michelle from Australia which confused me. The name on her doctor overall coat did not match the hospital she told me she was working with. They also front an image that they are deeply religious; even wolves can dress up like your grandmother...

Identity theft is very easy especially of people who post a lot of photos online; a fraudster can duplicate your aura anywhere and use it to con people smartly...

Some females manipulate desperate men to think that they love them so that they can kula [fleece] money from them and then cut ties without a trace like a Hell Date. Eno Rom(antic)-con etandika butandisi: Case in point was Stacy from MUBS who hoodwinked Asiimwe from Mbarara to load her with money up to 500,000 UGX for transport to Mbra. She received his money multiple times without remorse (Even complained that 200,000 UGX was not enough for her upkeep) but in truth had no love for the "potbellied" guy. Some campus murders do not arise from nothing; it's a web of lies and games girls play that land them in grave problems. When you are a broke guy, you can play it safe and just lose a few shillings to such slayers as charity or goodwill. Breakups affect men badly too just like women; a friend of mine started smoking and drinking heavier than before just because his girlfriend left him yet he had money (Her excuse was that she couldn't share him with his other women)... Meanwhile, men (who qualify as players) deceive women about how rich they are or promise marriage so that they can sleep with the ladies but abandon them with babies or STDs afterwards. I've seen one Ugandan beauty undergo a brain operation after a Kenyan played her. Another in our Kampala hood killed herself...

Paying tithe or 10 percent Church tax is compulsory; I have no objection to that. However, when a mufere pastor or false prophet tells his followers to sell all they have and bring the money to him for blessings, I shudder. Hardluck to all those who give everything and then cry about it when nothing happens. GOD only asks for 10 percent though welcomes everything like the widow in Luke 21 who was not pressed by anyone...

Have you ever been called around post-lunchtime on a Uganda Telecom line by someone using MTN telling you that you have won a 5 Million prize and pickup truck from Airtel? The trap is just dumm! One guy told me to show that I was happy like it is done in TV broadcasts, so I pretended by sarcastically shouting: Yey! How do you even win both 5 Million plus a pickup at the same time? That specific Airtel promotion had already ended and it was not yiven for UTL customers like me. Most conmen think all Ugandans are idiots...

Police arrested conmen and found an exercise book filled with mobile phone numbers of planned targets to call and con...

Some guy in Entebbe using MTN called me one Sunday morning to tell me through my Orange line that he had sent me Mobile Money by mistake and wanted me to send it back. If you had seen the initial SMS text message confirming delivery of money, you would have laughed heartily because it was custom-written in broken English. Since when did MTN start using mbogo for prompts? I lied to him that the nearest Mobile Money point from home was 2 kilometers away and I was not going there soon; told him to wait for some hours. Well, he waited forever...

Another con artist called to tell me I had won a prize with Orange Telecom. When I informed him that I was in Arua, he said they would come there and that I should get ready to receive my prize. I didn't wait for them, just continued with my life...

People make promises and pledges they do not keep... Others borrow money they never pay back like broadday robbery... Do not make a vow you will break... 

Money laundering sounds like Ugandan English for money londa-ring [picking]... Kyelondera taba mubi...

Time heals all money wounds... The love of money is the root of all Evil; and so is being dead broke...

Money cannot buy love, but it can buy divorce lawyers...

I've never dated a Nyankole babe; I harbour this weird stereotype that Basheshe want Big Money but I guess that cuts across all cultures. One day in Twenty22, I started receiving interesting calls from a chick who claimed to love me with all her heart and she's a Munyankole. I had never met her before (She told me she found me on Waptrick, I had no idea how) and it seemed too sweet to be true, so naturally I was skeptical at first but listened to her. She started by telling me a collection of lies (false name plus different locations) but then came clean and confessed that she shouldn't treat me this way if she's going to marry me. She actually apologised and I told her she was not committing a crime. There is nothing wrong with making new friends but then later, she began asking me for transport money to attend a burial in Jinja (I offered her part of it and told her to top up), more transport to visit a friend in Ankole, airtime, data plus buy a birthday gift for someone. She also fell sick like a trick, typical con artist stories though I told her that she's already forgiven if she's actually being dishonest. When I finally told her point blank that I was "dead broke", she stopped communicating like before. It's like she had been fattening my trust and confidence in her so that she can stash away my cash and vanish like in a romance scam. However, my initial consolatory decision was to use her characteristics for a comic I've been trying to create for ages about a Lugbara + Nyankole couple just in case my premonitions came true...

Prenuptial agreements are usually signed before marriage to prevent divorce scams and court shenanigans that the biblical patriarch Moses wouldn't even approve of: Divorce is bad... Play your cards right like Achraf Hakimi; Morocco didn't reach the World Cup Qatar 2022 semifinals by accident...

On Easter Friday Twenty23, I met a serial child deserter who was looking for a place to rest and get something to eat because hunger was piercing her abdomen. When I asked for her name, she lied about the firstname but I was able to research her fullname and background; Google (Lens) recognises faces. I cannot judge her nor hold much against her because the three different men who impregnated her did not provide upkeep for the kids they made in her; men can be irresponsible too. I just hope she is not the one who seduced all of them. She kept telling me her problems, but I told her to stop and just rest; we all have zibs. The other thing I heard from her is that her salon employers are always jealous of her customer-attracting hairstyling skills...

Either you are a slut or faithful partner; you cannot be both at the same time... Malaya when translated to Bantu languages or Lugbara means "prostitute" and rhymes with "Ma liar" like urban slanguage for "My liar"... The Devil is the Father of Lies...

A lyre is a musical instrument with strings strung across a U-shaped frame. Meanwhile, a lyrebird has a U-shaped tail...

Aren't you tired of spam mail? Sometimes, I reply spammers with the initials of each word in the sentence going through my mind eg "Why don't you stop emailing lies to me?" would be emailed back as: Wdyseltm?

I wish I had my own Ladders software to track the exact machine from where Facebook spam is sent and then infilterate it with spyware (I tried writing code in vain): A beautiful Ugandan female profile with many seemingly legit likes and other reactions plus comments on her photo tells you she is working abroad in Europe or America and wants to send money to her relatives in Uganda. Then she gives you numbers to call and alert her people that money has been deposited plus that they should give you a cut for your efforts. When you call, the person on the line tells you multiple problems as though they want you to get airtime or Mobile Money from your Facebook friend quickly and send to them; am never sympathetic, just tell them to check the bank accounts...

Henry Ssali's feature film "Kiwani" starring Juliana Kanyomozi the Diva and comedian Hannington Bujjingo highlights conmen cinematically. The sequel is called "Bullion"... Bobi Wine's hit song "Kiwani" is inspired by a maneouvre that is believed to have originated from a back alley with a devilish-looking night club on the south end somewhere in Mukono Town; I trekked in that area a number of times while studying at Uganda Christian University (UCU) and actually met Bobi's buddy Buchaman around there for my first time: Was amazed at how loved he was but didn't know he was a superstar in the making. Someone drops fake money infront of you especially at night and when you pick it to alert them, they ask you for change so that they can share it with you. You give them legit legal tender and remain with the counterfeit thinking it was a great gain. After watching Chelsea beat Man Utd 1-0 to pass time somewhere on Hospital Road and then seeing off a Mukono workmate of mine (Gooner like me) travelling back to Kampala transnight at Gaagaa Coach in Arua, some dudes tried the trick on me as I walked past the old Barclays container on Rhino Camp Road. I somehow guessed what they were trying to do and acted unmoved by continuing my walk; they instead abused me while picking up their wallet...

It's funny how Ugandan conmen blow their cover by using broken English, in both voice and text messages. Nonetheless, it doesn't mean fluent English-users do not con...

Uganda Communications Commission (UCC)'s Tales of Kasozi (Tonfera alerts) warn people about fraudulent schemers...

Mi aa Steady [Beera steady; Ocai Steady, etc], Be Better...

Tricksters are clever thieves; there used to be a show by the same name on NTV Uganda starring a character named Edwin (I had suggested Edward) and hosted by my Old Scholar Peter Katonene, then the upbeat Brian Mulondo. I contributed only one script to the TV Series crafted by a 4th Maisha Filmlab actor Mr. Samuel Tebandeke: I based my input on a Diamond Trust Bank story I heard from my sister who worked there, but it was changed to Gold Trust Bank... I had many others to write... I've been conned once physically (paid 150,000 UGX as quarter advance fees for a 600K laptop I did not receive from a short Entebbe man claiming to be a UPDF soldier on holiday from Afghanistan though he showed it to me at some internet cafe - His excuse was a friend had broken his leg in an accident and they were rushing him to Mulago; never saw him again yet we had initially met at Bahai Temple Kampala which is considered a righteous place). My consolation was that in 2009, GOD finally got me my first personal laptop. Virtually, I've been conned once too (Someone claiming to be a sister to the American staff member Sherry Meyer at Radio Pacis asked me via Facebook for 50,000 UGX to help refuel the diesel car bringing her to Arua but was stuck around Karuma Bridge). It was Sunday and I felt inspired having started communicating with the defrauder while preparing to go to Church, but the sister's account suddenly froze online in the evening. I let that go coz GOD always provides again and he did: I even earned money that was more than what had been conned doing firewood work for some Catholic establishment in Ediofe...

During an Inspectorate of Government logo design contest, I took my khaki envelope of prospective designs for submission and the guy at reception collecting the Art told me to give him 30,000 UGX so that he presents my artwork ahead of other people; I declined because I did not trust him. At the end of that same week, I found him outside All Saints Cathedral jazzing with his friends; corrupt people also go to Church. We just laughed together as acknowledgement: I see you...

My first bank account was set up in 2007 at Nile Bank to confirm whether a Kenyan Conman could forward the 10 Million UGX Nakumatt Supermarket prize money he had alerted my youngest sister about via SMS. The dude gave me three options: 1.Go to Nairobi to receive the prize, 2. Send 25 KSh Safaricom airtime or 3. Tell him my Bank Account. Mbu [That] there was a tax involved which I had to pay before the money is sent, so I told him to chop off the tax and send me the remainder; he just abused me, heehee, but my bank account remained for over a decade...

Conmen may call you and lie that you have won a cash prize. To receive it via mobile money, they direct you to speedily type a code which they read out; it's just like sending MoMo through one long instant code: *165*1*1*Receiver's number*Amount*Reason*Your pin#. I almost fell for a trap but when it came to typing in my pincode, I went a different way by typing a false pincode because I noticed very quickly that the number that would receive money was not mine (actually his). Then I lied to the caller that some money had disappeared from my account. He was not sympathetic at all though seemed indifferent coz money didn't jump into his phone, but I insisted that my MoMo had reduced. This trick works when you do not know the manual MoMo prompts and only use the App...

Y'ello! Be aware of Fraudsters. Do not share your MoMo PIN with anyone. MTN uses only 0312120000 to contact customers. Do not be conned...

I'm not a Yahoo boy even if I have a Yahoo email since 2001...

Scammers do not care about the mental health of their victims... Losing money through a scam you thought was legit can be very depressing... Some people commit suicide after investing a lot of money in gambling and chance games. A cousin of mine once fell victim to a scheme where his six digit money investment seemed to multiply but then the dealers disappeared...

Scammers can take advantage of jobseekers; I do not believe in job applications that require a fee. Even some genuine tender processes turn me off...

The lie detector was invented to determine liars and cheaters...

When conned, either you forgive or retaliate. Revenge is best served bold; why fear con artists... Bait is food placed on a hook, in a net, trap or fishing area to entice fish or other animals as prey... Lure, troll and tease swindlers if you wish... It's reverse deception and some sort of payback, twist or playback... 

Scambaiting according to virtual vigilante Jim Browning (not his real name) is "the art of taking scammers off their scripts... Turn the tables on those scammers..." Jim has fought back against numerous scam call thugs, deleted their computer files and saved thousands of people from being robbed of millions of Dollars. Some people trust scammers more than him, but he scams scammers, "I wait for them to try and scam me first... I can connect back to their PC... I'm quite technical... What they are doing is illegal:... stealing money from people... Scammers want to steal all your money..." Pretend you are a scam victim and see how far con artists can go to squeeze a Dollar out of you... Waste their time, you are not helpless; scammers forge documents to blind victims: Some spam mailer even made for me a certificate from the Ministry of Justice in Ivory Coast just to make me believe that s/he was not a crook trying to rob me...

Don't you think surveilling scammers the way governments do (as Edward Snowden leaked) could be fun? If you had the gadgets and expertise, wouldn't you do it? Movies about outsmarting conmen include Firewall starring Harrison Ford, Swordfish, etc...

Watch your space!

Nayilo

Beer is bland, waragi is toxic, vodka is acidic while wine is expensive; nevertheless V&A sherry is sweet, Malibu tasty, Rum + Coke eyeopeningly electrifying and Smirnoff Black Ice quite amazing but alcoholism is forbidden; haram in the Koran...

No alcohol allowed...

I taste fermented stuff when it's available, so cannot act holier than others who drink silly, but it's hard to find me drunk...

I drink responsibly...

You must know when to stop sipping alcohol...

Quit drinking...

Drink a little for health reasons is an invitation to drink anyway...

Noah was a drunkard; even his three sons found him naked because of pombe...

The first successful suicide attempt I can remember was at a happening malwa home; Ochorodo a Muteso locked himself inside his room and consumed a poisonous substance. The back window was broken down to access his corpse...

Omwenge gutamiza [Alcohol intoxicates]...

Problem drinking is defined as more than seven alcoholic drinks per week or more than three drinks per occasion for women...

Bars must only open at 7 sunset and close before 11pm...

Maybe I like Bateso because of malwa; I consider them the friendliest Ugandans and their women look very beautiful, even when am sober...

Do you have a drinking problem? It's until the drinks cause ishues in your life that you realise you need to quit...

I used to put sugar in malwa and consume like porridge...

I cannot afford expensive alcohol eg Johnie Walker...

Uganda Waragi, Bond 7 Extra Smooth Whisky, etc are not really my taste...

Ali-koko...

Waragi kills, but people drink it to remain dead...

Kill me quick...

Waragi drinker vomitted blood and collapsed dead in Twenty23...

Why do drunkos have pink-patched lips? Maybe the chemicals in alcoholic drinks affect them that way symptomatically just like overusing clinical drugs does...

As kids, we would steal malwa drying in the sun in long black pans or on mats...

Mixing waragi with water reduces its toxicity...

Kawunyemu [Breatholyzer, Ingualenia, Smell in it, etc]

Some spirits are from Hell; people drink snakes ignorantly...

Drinking is not a talent...

One of the first times I witnessed the comedic effects of alcohol was when a drunko stopped somebody pushing a bike and attracted a huge crowd in the early 90s. He warned the sober man, "If yu don't jiv mi my money, I will chill yu..." That sentence stuck in my mind forever; I think he meant "kill"...

Banywi [Drinkers] smell like alcohol...

In the film entitled "Joe", a problem drinker (considered a failed husband and father) killed a homeless guy just because of alcohol in a bottle. He later committed suicide by jumping off a bridge into a river...

Certain sluts in my hood could give males their bodies if they bought them a sacket of waragi worth 500 UGX...

For the Kingdom of GOD is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17); drinking here includes alcohol too...

Alcohol kills...

The Holy Eucharist involves wine. Maybe that gives priests especially in the Roman Catholic Church a license to drink more than is permitted...

Mi omve mani bodaboda-i, amu nga mu muchomo nyaria, biya mvuria... Ayiko ga tre [Lugbara Translate: Call for me the bodaboda, let's go eat muchomo, drink beer... Happiness is full]" (Black Harmony)...

The Book of Proverbs and Apostle Paul talk about giving strong drink to troubled people or drinking a little for good health but 1st Corinthians 6:9-11 also warns that wrongdoers will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, "Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor DRUNKARDS nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the Kingdom of GOD. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord JESUS Christ and by the Spirit of our GOD"...

Drunk animals like apes behave very funny...

Let's take buji [porridge] to the bar...

The first time I tasted alcohol was in my pre-teens, but I was not thrilled by it...

People drink certain types of alcohol to get the nervy kick of its sourness...

Juice is unfermented wine...

Wine is available at 1,000 UGX, not just 15K and above...

Waragi is acidic and corrosive...

One for the road...

My father worked at a brewery when I was young, so I knew about beer early. Every month, they would get four crates each and one alone was worth more than the salary paid...

Replace Nayilo with Kyekyo...

Ewa 'be ma ra [Alcohol did throw me] (Black Harmony - Arua)...

The smell inside Nile Breweries mixture barns almost made me drunk in P7...

Crazy people survive on waragi mainly; less solid food...

My name is Bond, James Bond! I prefer my Martini stirred, not shaken...

Some bornagain brother joined a brewery and I was mesmerised; this is the same dude who found me surfing porn at Klub 5 within Makerere University during Senior 6 and felt disappointed in me. Let's not judge each other; byansi byakuleka...

Ugandans drink beer using straws...

"Don't drink and think" was my first editorial cartoon at The UCU Standard Newspaper on Monday 7th May 2007. I modelled it on a hostel friend I laughed alot with since 2004: He was reading a book upside down while boozing...

Because of neat advertising, Club Beer just felt corporate like Isaac Mulindwa Jr's Club Silk...

Whoever aspires to be an overseer... is to be... not given to drunkardness (1st Timothy 3:1-3)...

Waragi makes some people very skinny...

Some drink for fame; they want to be known as bottle-champs by everyone...

When a woman calls you for a drinking spree she promises to pay for, she might want to have your babies...

Lot's daughters made him drink wine so that they could rape their own father (Genesis 19:30-38)...

Drinking is not a competition...

Don't drink and drive...

Ugandans are considered the Biggest Beer Drinkers on the planet...

Moonberg lager came to UG with force; a hood buddy worked there...

My aunt runs a distilling company in West Nile; Lugbara in Kampala ask for her employer's products from shops...

Kasese seems like an alcoholic town because of its name; the fresh alcohol can be so potent that the smell alone burns your nostrils...

Brewing never ends...

Germany's Oktoberfest finally landed in UG...

My uncle could still drive straight after intoxication...

Another Round TV show with Gaetano and Marcus is not watched by drunkards only...

I don't want to drink any more. Forget it, bartender, give me one more...

A workmate would drink waragi from morning to evening and sometimes ask for 300 UGX at sunset; that's not even enough for transport but waragi coz he lived nearby. This was a guy who could sleep with campusers in the open like a bonobo ape. One day, he collapsed in a roadside gutter and was taken to Nairobi for dialysis. When he returned, he looked renewed plus very honourable and stopped wasting his life...

A lawyer wasted 20,000 UGX on booze at Arua Park and started begging people for 1,000 as taxi transport to take him to Banda...

A beer bottle costs 2,000 UGX or more; that's 2 GBs worth of MTN UG data which can make you more money instead of going down the drain...

Arua Boys made a lot of money from smuggling oil to Uganda across the Congo border and spent it in Bantuland on booze and women...

Some nurse in Mukono who gave me astronomic drugs in my First Year, First Semester once sent me to buy for her waragi before she could prescribe to me new medicine and I was flabbergasted...

Alcohol is forbidden in DRC but people smuggle it in from Uganda...

At my campus hostel, some people would eat a rice meal, drink beer and throw up in the sink; it was so disgusting that I tried not to brush my teeth there; would use boiled water I stored in my roommate's jerrycan...

Bar fights with beer bottles around can be very deadly...

Drunk-texting...

Malwa gatherings are considered intellectual meetings because of the intelligence shared along with the drinking straw...

The stench of urine in the corridors near malwa joints is very horrifying...

Beer ammonia in unwashed urinals can be very repulsive...

Pass the kavasiye (local spelling)...

Isn't kachacha from Brazil alcoholic? Heard it in Araguia (TV series)...

I do not fancy buying beer, but used to drink it especially Tusker Malt and Club at parties or during sponsored outings...

Occasionally, I would stock Zed pineapple waragi; some drunko sitted at a shop I bought from even followed me one night but I used my elusion skills to evade him...

A neighbour used to drink waragi daily; she later converted to wine...

A campus fellow narrated to me stories about how two of his drink-buddies died because of over drinking; he survived but did not stop tasting liquor...

Some people drink as a status statement...

Vodka burns the tongue and makes it look cracked like land that has not received rain for years...

Beauty lies in the hands of the beer-holder...

Booze can make you, beyond midnight, lust after the female kafunda bartender (Is kafunda bartenderess the right title?)...

Two staggering drunkards tried to molest an unknown but distressed young damsel on a dark street in our hood and I came to her rescue while returning home from work around 9pm; one of them ran away while the other threatened to beat the girl and her "boyfriend" - referring to me, hahaha! I was ready to push him into the manmade village river. The girl had left her sandal behind while running towards me for safety but I walked her back with my nalongo Orange Telecom phone torchlight and located it. We parted ways after reaching the brighter roundabout streetlights...

My cousin used to drink waragi in the morning and evening; her legs swelled as if she had elephantiasis...

Another cousin was drowned in a heavy downpour of rain after going on a drinking spree during Easter; he owned a village bar that had very strong liquor...

My aunt's husband told me that alcohol is from the Devil and I must not drink it. I believed him because I knew he drank it a lot while I was growing up in Jinja. Maybe he had stopped...

Vino is Wine in Lugbara, but it can also mean Ink...

Alcohol makes unattractive people desirable in the drunkard's eyes...

Lugbara make cassava lager [okaritua] in clay pots; it's sour and taken while sitted in the sun...

Kwete reminds me of malwa; it's customary to drink it after a meal to ease digestion...

Paulo Kafeero, depo yazigala [Luganda for: he closed the depots]...

I cannot take part in a drinking contest...

Went for a birthday party and sipped V&A. Then a lady who drank waragi like water daily came and sat on my right; she placed her left palm on my right inner thigh for some minutes and said: You are mine! Mentally, I made sure I didn't get turned on simply because I was pantiless but the sherry in my veins felt quite heavy at the bottom of my heart; it was pure wrestling inside...

Alcohol in Lugbara is translated as Ewa which in another tone means Difficulty and Elephant; alcohol is a very big difficulty...

You do not find peace at the bottom of the beer bottle...

Some drink to get the courage to say certain things...

There was no alcohol sold at my mother's shops...

Like money, booze multiplies somebody's true nature without inhibitions...

Alcohol transforms some females into tarts; that's how they get raped and cannot even tell who the real zadi of their kids is...

Stay sober...

Drunkards Anonymous (DA)...

Some youths reason that maturity is being able to tank many beer bottles without getting zonked...

A neighbour's brother from Australia would drink in the malwa joints around the hood and abuse everybody; some guys told me they wanted to beat him up...

Drinking does not take away problems; it might actually bring more...

Even if you locked me up in a beer depot, I wouldn't drink to get drunk...

One time, my left leg went through a scary phase after drinking one of two sackets of waragi given to me; a few weeks later, the person who had given me the waragi broke her leg...

United Gombololas (UG) Joke: What did the Nile Special logo say to the Quencher logo? You are not my type...

You can pee on yourself involuntarily when drunk...

The last time I got drunk, I whispered in some lady's ear at a petrol station on a Saturday night that she reminded me of an OG I had last seen five years behind; there was a man sitted next to her on a cemented grass mound (probably her husband) but I still got her phone number. Thank GOD, he didn't beat me up! The next morning, I went to a new church to pray and detox my headache...

She broke up with her lover and resorted to drinking as solace...

Tried to sip my beer at a graduation party organised for two of my OBs and a piece of chicken fell off my tilting plate; another OB gave me his chicken...

City 5 waragi killed about 14 people in West Nile during Twenty22 just like some waragi did in Kawempe around the 2010s...

Who would you prefer: Bobi Wine, Barbie Wine, Lil' Wayne, Dwayne Gabana or Chicco Wine? 

A cousin's tenant from the US had multiple brands of bottled liquor in his rented apartment; he left them behind as rent arrears...

After heartbreak, some people resort to booze as a remedy for pain instead of mindshifting...

People drink to forget their problems, that's what we were taught in school...

When hangover is over, the bad memories rush back...

Romi Wine tastes weird...

Some teachers would drink like they weren't role models to the learners; we would watch them stagger back home in the night...

Drunken master...

It's not easy walking straight when intoxicated; it's like when your ear gets a disturbance during sleep, you lose your balance while you get up to go to the toilet. It's very dangerous to rise up swiftly and immediately; you have to calm down first...

Many people perish in road accidents caused by drinking alcohol...

Cirrhosis of the liver looks very ugly under a microscope like cracks on meat...

Four Cousins, one bottle...

Some men get drunk at sunrise...

Women who drink unreasonably disrespect themselves...

Alcohol makes you feel very sharp as if all your nerves are cleansed...

You can buy for some girls a whole crate of beer but they won't give you their goodies...

Old friends are like wine, they get better as the years pass...

When questioned why he cheated, one man told his wife that it was because of booze...

Bella Wine looks great, a true Ugandan story...

A certain Ugandan jobber stopped drinking profusely simply because his non-alcoholic Christian girlfriend never castigated him about it...

We learn from the drinking mistakes of those who came before us...

Drink water...

Me and my dad used to make wine but stopped...

One time I made banana juice and forgot it in the fridge for one day; when I finally drank the cup, it smelled and tasted like wine...

Isaac from Maracha is amazingly ingenious; he makes his own fruitwine and travels with it to functions, sipping momentarily as he enjoys the proceedings...

JESUS turned water into wine is the excuse drinkers give...

At the wedding in Cana, the best wine was served last...

Excessive drinking is harmful to your health plus pocket and can be psychologically numbing...

You don't need alcohol, you need JESUS...

Resist alcohol; it's all about self control...

Not suitable for persons under 120 years...

West Nile Tourism

GOD is great! 

Are you stressed out, tired with the hustle of life getting on your nerves? Just take a vacation to West Nile!

From Pakwach Bridge (Gateway to West Nile) across the Albert Nile to Arua Hill (at the Heart of Africa) to Salia Musala (where three nations meet in Koboko) and beyond, West Nile is a peaceful place to tour. Explore the cuisine, wildlife, people, history, buildings, landscape, church-itecture and mosque-onstructions! West Nile is the Nigeria or West Africa of East Africa, fruity like Mirinda and "sweet like Fanta, oh!"

Enjoy nang nang fish and simsim (sesame) biscuits in Pakwach, Owiny(i) Eclipse Monument, anyoya [beans boiled with maize] in Alurland, Biku Prayer Mountain - the Smallest Church on Earth (in Nebbi), Paidha Hill, Nyagak Hydro-power Dam in Zombo, etc...

There are crested cranes in Madi Okollo plus other birds to watch. The bridge across River Ora is like a miniature (third) of the Pakwach Bridge and the Gateway to Greater Arua or Lugbaraland; Southern Madi dialects are considered Lower Lugbara just like Aringa in the north...

Ajai Wildlife Reserve named after the great Madi chief named Ajai who had 100 wives in Lower Madi used to accommodate white (wyd) rhinos, probably the biggest of the Big 5 in the ancient West Nile after elephants and buffalos. Rhino Camp is where the 26th President of the USA (named Theodore Roosevelt) rested while hunting for game in West Nile...

Besides URA's Vurra Customs and Isara Memorial Cultural and Community Library (IMCCL), the two part Agoi Falls is another attraction in the area. The source of Enyau River is in Vurra; Ovisoni is a major town centre here. Dorcus Inzikuru in 2005 was the first Ugandan female athlete to win an international gold medal...

The 1st Town Plan of Arua City was made by Arthur Evelyn Weatherhead, the pioneer British Colonial Governor of West Nile; Weatherhead Park Lane's ring road around the Arua Golf Course was christened after him. Arua [meaning "in Prison" when translated to Lugbara] got its name from a Belgian colonial prison on top of the hill though it was removed. East of Ayivu is Oluko Falls and Mt. Luku. Lugbara language from the Muni area is considered the most standard of all Lugbara dialects. Monkeys used to roam around Arua from Kuluva to other suburbs but deforestation has reduced their presence; saw some at the Central Police Ground, Arua Hill and behind Greenwood Restaurant (run by a Musheshe woman who looked familiar but wasn't when I talked to her) adjacent to UNHCR on Weatherhead Park Lane. Barifa Forest is the fresh-air lung system of Arua City (Peace & Prudence) but on the brink of being turned into the futuristic Nile Eco City after degazetting. When depressed, just take a walk in the open air and breathe in fresh oxygen from the greenery around you! "Forests attract rainfall," Edison Adiribo told me that. The "head-turning" Arua Hill Stadium & Business Park is a beacon of Sports Tourism alongside Onduparaka FC that took Uganda by storm in Twenty16. The 40 meter tall Arua City Tower is the Tallest in East, Central and Southern Africa but 2nd Tallest Monument in Africa after the 52 meter Independence Monument in Dakar (Senegal) and was designed to pull tourists to Arua like the Eiffel Tower in France (Urban Tourism): 'Ba da sende tawuni-a tipasi [Money was poured in town using a tipper]. Dreams come true even if after 20 years. The mangoes in West Nile (especially around the month of May) are so sinlessly sweet that the Government of UG invested billions of Shillings into mango juice factories within the subregion in Andruvu and Kuru (Yumbe). Cassava is also a major cashcrop and a Lugbara staplefood. The weather is dry with scorched brown grass between December and February but spring rain always falls in March, and continues for 9 to 10 months, bringing Exodus 16 to life as amazingly bread-brown and white mushrooms grow tall within 24 hours every morning around April like free food. Ombangulu made from mashed whiteants is a Lugbara delicacy; ozi [red woodants from anthills] and migrating grasshoppers (especially in November plus April] are also consumed. Bees make honey which is big business in Arua. Duluka festivals where percussionists drum music from cut banana stems are quite electrifying; enjoy the long Nubian weddings too! Forest Whitaker came to Arua while acting as West Niler Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland (film) which won him a Best Actor Oscar Award. The two short Nigerian megastars Aki and Popo were hosted in Ediofe Suburb. Kenya's 2nd President Daniel Arap Moi visited Adriko's factory on Ujia Road. West Nile has confusing cosmopolitan place names like Garamba, Mutukula, Tanganyika, Makutano Junction, Dubai, Zambia, Kenya, Sudan, Congo, Kampala Market, Malaba, etc. UG is about 5 and a half hours from Cape Town as well as five and a half from Cairo in the air. According to Civil Aviation Authority (CAA), Arua Airport is the 2nd Busiest Aerodrome in UG after Entebbe International Airport. Arua, one of the Best Medium-size Cities in Africa during 2015 is eight hours ahead of New York, three ahead of London, same time with Jerusalem and Mecca but five hours behind Beijing. Arua is a melting pot of all Lugbara. To put Psalm 121:1-2 into action, I lift up my eyes to Arua Hill. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD who made Heaven and Earth. You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden (Matthew 5:14)...

Mt. Wati (in Terego) is the Highest Mountain Point in West Nile; it is believed to be the origin of Lugbara. Next to it is Olewa Falls. If any storeyed Lugbara Cultural Centre, Conference Hall or Palace is to be built in future, my suggestion (As who? Just a Dreamsurfer who has spotted one) would be at a place with a nice view of Mt. Wati...

Miriadua Falls (in Maracha) is a favoured destination for Miss West Nile outings and venue for the annual Cere Festival plus other arrangements, about 23 kilometers north from Arua City. Alikua Pyramid is a Belgian tombsite southeastwards from Nyadri City (NYC). Rokoze is a Chinese-made lake in Nyoro, before Nyadri where the Maracha District Local Government headquarters is based. Other major town centres include Okokoro, Kijomoro and Ovujo. I'm from Maracha where there is no amateur! Kuru Eco Village (+256-784-025742) in Koyi Township is a network for "Responsible Tourism". Have you heard the legend of Ajua (the true father of all Tara parishes)? This place rocks my world. Try out banana-leaf-boiled maize bread for breakfast! The rock at Komendaku [Lugbara Translate: (Do) not search for a seat] provides a majestic view of Mt. Liru. No need to get a chair: You can sit on the Mountain View rock and enjoy the sweet sight. Some people dry their cassava on the hard surface and it has rare vegetation in the soil gaps as if it's from another realm just like Rwenzori...

Mt. Liru in Koboko is the origin of Kakwa people and is marked outside Maracha by Luturujo Road; red monkeys plus three other kinds, mountain gorillas, hundreds of bird species, rock badgers, porcupines and other animals can be found near it. Six caves including one that can accommodate over 300 people were used by elders for meetings and sleeping before colonialism. Salia Musala, Adolomela Crater Lake (50 by 70 meters), Dabara Chaa Falls in Ludara Subcounty are other points of interest...

The Lodonga Basilica in Yumbe was the 1st Roman Catholic Basilica in the whole of Sub-Saharan Africa. According to statistics, Yumbe has more women than men plus is predominantly Muslim. Some Aringa want to be considered a tribe on their own, but the language is not very different from Lugbara...

Laropi Ferry (Bridge proposed) across River Nile crossing to Adjumani (East Moyo) is a very active attraction in West Moyo; the fish from Obongi is a major delicacy...

Exit of the Nile: Where the Albert Nile leaves Uganda for South Sudan can hopefully become another point of interest...

Awa'difo [Thank you] for taking a Scroll Tour of the Sweetest Place since 1914! Asindriza [Peace, Mirembe, Heping, Paz, Frieden, Paix...]!

BIRDWATCHING

West Nile is blessed with so many airborne birds including crested cranes that are numerous in the Southern parts, black and white crows (smart like they are dressed in tuxedos), redbirds, African wagtails, pigeons, marabou storks, bats (that perch near the Golf Course in large numbers), brown eagles, baldheaded vultures, owls, swifts, weaverbirds, sparrows, etc...

AMAZING

West Nile is all that! Since I was born in Bantuland with its own diversity, some animals that have amazed me within Lado include red monkeys, crabs, oi fish, nang nang, purple snakes, ozi red woodants, the illusive manya lizard, snout insects with protruding orange mouths like anteaters, forest-green moth (looks like a real leaf), butterfly metamorphosis seasons like a fashion show in the sky, nyanyakubi Ugandan and other caterpillars, etc...

GRASS SOUP THEORY

Grass is greener on the other side until rain falls where you are. Let the rain fall down; thank YOU, GOD! Ozo ni yi ajekokoru [Rain is free water]...

CUTTING GRASS USING THE SUN

One day, West Nile grasscutters or grasswhackers will be able to cut grass using the Sun's energy harnessed through wearable solar packs especially between March and December. Sunpower is enough; between January and February, the Sun scorches and stunts the grass directly...

BLACK CHAINA

Buy three and get one free! Order for three cups of Chai (or three plates of food, etc) and get a bonus! Why are products from China considered unoriginal, counterfeit, substandard, plagiarised, infringing on copyrights, fake and bichupuli like a byword for mockery? Some of them especially electronics are actually a few (or many) degrees better than what people consider more certified because Chinese improve on what they copy: Net importers become net innovators. They have total disrespect for Intellectual Property Rights (IPR) and rules like Formula 1 spies, that's why they developed rapidly and are still growing around the world: Copy whatever works, but improve on it! Chinese or Sino Park factories (like bulb-making, mobile phones, mats and so on) are being set up all over UG in various industrial parks, probably even at Tondolo in Terego (Barifa Forest almost became another zone, but the plans were transferred to Nakaseke because of local resistance); Made in Uganda by China doesn't diminish quality. Creative Commons (CC) licenses since 2001 share knowledge and culture for practical solutions. With agi ada ada [true friends], even yi [water] drunk together is sweet enough. JESUS is Lord; GOD is great...

Lugbara Food (2023 Book)

I created the "Lugbara cuisine" article on Wikipedia around 2012 in honour of my mother and it contains a lot of her answers to my questions plus further research from other people. However, since Wikipedia has too many rules and style restrictions, I decided to write my own book that follows less codes...

Lugbara Art (2019 Logo recoloured by Aiko in 2022)...

Lugbarapedia [Museum of Lugbara Art]

Adi or legend is a Lugbara ceremony where a clan lineage is narrated by an elder and chops of beef that fit in one hand are shared among uncles, aunts and cousins.

Adungu (pronounced A'dungu) is a stringed musical instrument or open arched bow harp made with wood and cow hide (leather). Called ekidongo or ennenga in Bantu languages, it's originally an Alur artefact but very present in Lugbara music. About nine strings connect a long thin wooden neck to the top of a larger resonating chamber with a hole for sound output; it's like a curved guitar but is made in different sizes from hand-held to big ones that humans must sit on and play comfortably.

Ago is a pumpkin; used as a totem for Vurra (Logiri) though others claim it's Oboloko [Fox].

Agofe translated as Pillar is the Paramount Chief of the Lugbara who is elected every five years and must be above age 55. According to John Middleton (who lived in West Nile during the 1950s), the Lugbara had no king, nor did they possess traditional chiefs, but they did have a chain of command. Elders of a family cluster and heads of minimal lineages had domestic authority. Along with elders, Spirit and oracles held ritualistic positions and power.

Aje is Lugbara introduction; it literally translates price or cost. When a man wishes to marry a Lugbara woman, there is a period in which he must make visits and bring gifts to exchange to the woman's family for her sexual rights. Lugbara celebrate marriage through wails, mock fighting and mourning over the loss of the bride to the groom's lineage.

Amadingo is a Lugbara system where the rich take care of the underprivileged in their family.

Andraleti is Low Lugbara language spoken by those living near Madi.

Ari refers to a drum. They were used to call people for gatherings and also musical performances.

Aruba is a Lugbara justice process that cleanses families and emanates from a taboo which bars close relatives from reporting each other to formal courts of law. Two conflicting family members are brought to a round table and share their pains through truth-telling and forgiveness. Both parties bring one goat each which are slaughtered and cooked in one pot to show total reconciliation.

Bongo is fermented milk (local yoghurt), cloth or fashion. The traditional dress of Lugbara was grass or banana fibre for women to cover buttocks and front while men wore animal skin. That is why the Lugbara were called The Naked People ['Ba Pililiru] along with the Karimojong in northeastern Uganda by Europeans. Nevertheless, in modern times, everyone wears cotton clothes or synthetic materials.

Divining pots were used to discover crime. Misfortunes could arise from offending ancestor spirits. Both Lugbara and Madi used them to assess the guilt of the accused. The small Lugbara pots represent possible suspects. They were heated and filled with medicated water. If the water boiled over, the suspect's innocence was established. An accused was required to pass a similar test by the Madi. A pot was set on the ground and water poured in. If it did not flow out of the hole in the bottom, the accused was considered guilty. Most Lugbara are said to experience sickness due to a sin they have committed in which a ghost (dead ancestor) is punishing them. Oracles can translate the words of the dead; therefore have the ability to tell which ghost is sending sickness, the reason and sacrifice wanted. Adro 'ba [Spirit men] utter curses against evildoers.

Djembe is a type of drum.

Dribidu is the hero ancestor of Lugbara near Mt. Wati; he was the brother of Jaki. Dribidu cured a leper and slept with her.

Ero is a woven granary and sometimes refers to a bank eg Ero Wudrikuru ni = World Bank. The woven granary stood outside the house on a platform made from sticks and had a cover. It was used to store dried foodstuffs like millet, sorghum, etc.

Gborogboro was the first man in Lugbara mythology.

Grinding stones are used to turn seeds like groundnuts, simsim, etc into paste.

Guke is a trumpet used by males in most of their dance.

I'bu (or e'bu) is a hoe, found in probably every rural Lugbara home. It is used for ploughing, digging holes, weeding and uprooting. It's a very big asset since agriculture is life.

Imvu is a pot made from clay and fired. There are various sizes with intricate line designs near the neck or belly.

Isaku is a container with holes at the bottom used to sieve salt from plant ash.

Ise is a grasshopper; used as a totem for Maracha Clan. Others say it's kulu, a type of locust.

Jaki is the hero ancestor of Lugbara near Mt. Liru. He was the son of Yeke who lived somewhere to the north and was the third or fourth generation from Gborogboro. His brother was Dribidu.

Jo is a house or hut usually round in shape built using claysoil, timber and grass. In modern architecture, rectangular brown soil bricks are burnt until reddish orange and cement used to pile them together as walls which are covered with ironsheets on wooden beams. Other builders use cement blocks.

Kari is the House of Lugbara, a cultural institution headed by the Agofe. His Royal Highness Culu Jason Avutia was the 3rd Agofe until 2023 when he was almost 97 years old.

Kayi is the payment a male makes in form of a goat or bull for sleeping with someone's daughter. It's like what Judah promised to give his daughter-in-law Tamar for impregnating her with twins in Genesis 38.

Kobi is an elongated medium-size basket with three closed sides and one open one. They are woven using plant stems like sorghum and used for holding seeds or winnowing.

Kopo is a cup made from claysoil.

Kpete or kwete is brewed from cassava and drunk after food.

Luru is an end blow trumpet made from a bottle-shaped gourd.

Mare is a side-blown trumpet made from a gourd and wooden tube. It is blown through the hole in the gourd with the wooden tube pointing downward or under the left arm. Bee wax is smeared inside the gourd which is wetted before it's played only at death dances in union with the drum called naito.

Meme was the first woman in Lugbara mythology. Her womb was filled with livestock. When the gazelle broke out of the womb with its hoof, other animals followed. Dorcus Inzikuru is usually referred to as the Arua Gazelle; she was the 1st Ugandan female to win a gold medal in international athletics. Spirit then put children in Meme's womb and she gave birth to a girl and boy who produced another cycle of girl and boy for generations until boys only, that is Jaki and Dribidu who ate children and was kicked out of his earlier home.

Mukeka is a mat woven from various materials eg papyrus or other plants, sometimes multicoloured with shape designs.

Odro is a rat; used as a totem for Terego Clan. Edible rats include anabia, omba omba, alucaku, ombaya, etc.

O'buka (or a'buka, a'buza, etc) looks like a kobi or luku but with straps. The Lugbara suncover extends over the whole of a child's body.

Ogea is a big harvest basket. Some two handle baskets are woven using elephant grass.

Okuili, literally woman knife is an oblong thin-top-pointed dagger used for weaving. Also called simbili, the tool is an asset for craftswomen.

Olangi, which means bell, is a metallic saucepan.

Opi are county chiefs and take care of politics and fighting within the subclan. Below them are parish chiefs.

Rainstones are clear, translucent quartz artefacts consisting of circular, slightly convex upper and lower surfaces. They were used to make rain, according to a Lugbara stream ritual. The stones were kept in a sealed gourd and when rain was required, the gourd would be broken in a stream and the stones left there for the night. They were then resealed in a new gourd. Conical stones were considered male while cylindrical as female, the larger of the latter regarded as the most potent. It was pointed out that when taken in the hand and held close to the ear, it "called out".

Sabuni is soap made from pawpaws or other ingredients.

Tali is something GOD puts in man, an element which enables any man to influence those around him. It increases in power as the man lives.

Tanure is a Lugbara fashion dress for women made from leaves, plant parts or grass.

Ti is a cow; used as a totem for Ayivu Clan instead of Palabi, a green plant.

Uruleti is High Lugbara language spoken by those living near Kakwa.

Water pipes were smoked by both men and women. Tobacco was ground to make snuff. Special pipes were used for hemp consisting of a bowl below a tray of hot embers. The smoke was drawn through a water-filled container (Uganda Museum in Kitante, 2009).

Wura is colours, Art or skintype. It's how Lugbara express themselves in housepainting, fashion design or bodymarks.

'Ye or arrows were not only used for protection alongside a bow from which they are shot but also bride payments. In modern times, it was equivalent to 5,000 UGX as transport for a married woman's relatives.

Zukulu or gourd is used to store milk. Others are decorations hanged on a wall.

(CC) Plagiarism allowed; correction or suggestion welcome

Walkswagon (Poem by Aiko)

They said I have no importance in society, jobless,

Poor handwriting, no money in my hands,

Cursed, demon-possessed,

Noisy, depressed,

Ashame the family by wearing shorts,

Imagine things that cannot come true,

Would waste 10 Million UGX,

Hypocrite,

Arrogant,

Proud,

Coward,

Mad,

Shy,

Quiet,

Escaped from Butabika Mental Hospital,

Need psycho-social help,

Poverty-striken,

Starving,

Poor feeding,

Weak,

Sick,

Mufu [Deadbeat],

Ran out of oomph,

Leave home early and return late,

Never at home,

Unpaid,

Underpaid,

Unskilled,

Wasted school fees,

Junior,

Pauper,

Destitute,

Selfish,

Baby,

Small, small boy,

Shambaboy,

Toyboy,

Lousy,

Lazy,

Skinny,

Lonely,

Poor planning,

Powerless,

Cook things that won't taste delicious,

Did not deserve to be Headboy,

Will die young,

Have no luck,

Unsocial,

Unimpressive,

Everything I want to give her she will get from another man,

Gigolo,

Have a sugarmummy in Ntinda,

No wife,

No future,

Childless,

Not funny anymore,

Nagging,

Young spiritually,

Loser,

Uneducated,

Cannot even ride a bicycle,

Do not know how to draw,

Do not know how to use a computer,

Wife-snatcher,

Child molester,

Devil-worshipper, going to Hell,

Pussy mind to think Arsenal can beat a strong Chelsea,

Have marijuana still in my veins,

Useless man,

Earlyman,

Scrub,

Wannabe,

Hopeless,

Unemployed,

Know nothing,

Do nothing,

Do not want to work for NGOs,

Always indoors,

Parents are poor even though I can draw,

Mother died because I couldn't buy her food,

Slow,

Daft, stupid, fake and boring,

But I didn't commit suicide.

Here I am:

Depression is a choice!

Walkswagon;

Keep walking!

YESU Mag: Desire Luzinda Quotes

Desire Luzinda is a Ugandan music legend with a majestic sultry voice. She turned to GOD after a scandal where an ex-lover publicised her full nakedness to prove that she was being untruthful by denying him as her boyfriend. Using electronic communication to disturb the peace, quiet or right of privacy of another person is a misdemeanour in Section 8 of the Computer Misuse Act. Punishment on conviction is a fine not exceeding 24 currency points (1 point = 20,000 UGX which makes it 480,000 UGX) or imprisonment not exceeding one year or both:

Some people do still look at me in a certain way. Others look at me as a sex object. Others as some crazy woman who has no shame...

I have been betrayed by someone I genuinely loved. I never loved him for the money, he is lying and he knows that. Helping someone is not a guarantee they will return the favour when in time of need. Be the friend in need knowing payment comes from GOD...

Treat everyone with respect, even those that do not deserve it. You never know when you might need the very person you despised...

[Courtesy of Salt TV's G.A.N.G. (GOD's Anointed New Generation) music show sponsored by Sumz:] (Being bornagain) feels peaceful above everything else! You can't trade peace for anything... My turning point was a bit gradual. Tewaliwo [There's no] moment that this was the specific one... I was going through a series of events... trials and testations... One thing led to another. Oli awo nga olaba obulamu bukyuka [You are there and see life changing] going down the drain, nogamba [then you say]: Oh, I need to give my life to GOD... The LORD changed me... Most people know in 2014 when I had a scandal; most people relate it to that but yes I could say it was the major turning point. That's when my life was brought out into the public in another twist of events, naye [but] to me, it revealed so much who people are... When I was publicly embarassed, ashamed, I got to realise so many faces, nendaba [then I saw] the true colours eza abantu [of people]... I did have a background of Christ kubanga [because]... tata wange yali Musilamu, mama wange nga Mukatuliki [my father was a Muslim, while my mother was a Catholic]... We grew up in Church... of Balokole [Bornagains]. I know GOD, my siblings are Balokole; some of them do not even know where clubs are, by the way... I was in Full Gospel Makerere... performed a couple of times in the choir... Besides, I really wanted to do Gospel music but as you know how people view Gospel music: We all look at money; that's the first thing that comes to mind. People will tell you: There is no money! I was a young girl, a young mother, I wanted to be independent. Then I said: If I sing these things of GOD, I will not get money. That's how I ended up in the secular world... I was in the school choir for a long time. It had been my dream and I used to tell my family that: I'm going to be a singer because that's what I knew I was gonna be; I could feel it... When the LORD is changing you, there are things HE takes away from you for purposes of wanting you to know HIM better. That was one of the hardest things I had to get used to, that I needed to calm down and level up and get used to the normal life... of being offscene. When I was out there in the US, noone knew me. I could do anything on the street: I would play with my daughter; something I can't do right here... You can't stay in a place that broke you. I needed to go away and find me and find my GOD.. With GOD, you have to be real... When you're in the limelight, you have to enter it knowing that it's what you've decided, it comes with its good and bad side... People will judge you... based on what they see, what is written in the papers, not the inside of you... When you know GOD, you understand how HE works. That Word works in you and then you get to realise that it's actually not about money... The first step is to try and know GOD. I was in the world for over 10 years singing secular music but if I tell you: I've never had the peace I've had with GOD... Money can't buy peace... In GOD, you get beyond the physical needs... Honey, you can have money and still be nothing. I used to cry on my pillow because I had everything else apart from peace and happiness... Someone has to find GOD and then everything follows... One thing I thank my family for is they've always been loving and protective... They will always look at the positive side: Tumuyambye tutya? Akivudemu atya [How have we helped her? How has she come out of it]? If you love someone, be there for them when they need you! Condemnation does not help... Love covers a multitude of sin; one thing that drew me to Phaneroo was love. It's the love that changed me. Teri muntu eya kera nangamba nti: Desire, tandika okuyambala ebigoye ebiwanvu [No one got up early to tell me: Desire, start wearing long clothes]... Many had tried but it was not working. But the love compelled me to change, it transformed me. Love does not fail...

Mowzey Radio helped me overcome my nudes scandal...

So many people ask me (about my nudity scandal in particular) if I ever talked to the Nigerian (after) and I tell them No, but I forgave him... I forgave him immediately after seeing my pictures... I forgave myself to avoid self-condemnation which is one of the things that keep holding us back... Forgiveness keeps my heart free from rage. Forgiveness heals and forgiveness helps me to move on. People who do not forgive always have bitterness on their hearts, bitterness leads to revenge... I urge you to learn to forgive because it will free your mind...

You can never walk out of a storm if you do not accept any of your glaring err, call it mistake. People who do not accept their mistakes are always on the defensive and always pointing fingers at others. How then will you come out of a storm if you blame your mistake on someone else? Accepting my mistakes has helped me win so many battles...

A positive mind finds opportunity in everything, while a negative mind finds fault in everything. I must say it is not easy to be positive when you are at your lowest, but nothing lifts you up better than being positive. Knowing that no condition is permanent, knowing that you can wake up and all is over, knowing that there is a GOD who is ready to love you. Try being positive and you will be my witness...

JEHOVAH JIREH, my provider! JEHOVAH JIREH, YOU are all I need. YOU lift me higher than the mountains. JESUS, YOU are all I need... YOU never leave me, nor forsake me. YOU're my everything. YOU go before me, YOU reign in battle. I overcome, JESUS, I overcome... All my pain is gone... My JEHOVAH RAFA... Think of that moment, when everything seemed to go down. And the LORD came through for you... The GOD of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the GOD who never fails... The GOD who split the Red Sea. I'm talking about that GOD who loves you even when you're not faithful... Holy Spirit reign... I've seen YOU work in my life... my GOD... YOU're all I need, my LORD! Only YOU, my GOD...

[Growing up in Bantuland, I picked Irene Namubiru as my favourite female Ugandan musician in the early 2000s. However, since Sheebah Karungi who broke out in the late 2000s resembled the Lugbara woman I loved the most, I kind of drifted towards the Queen though some of her opinions about her father and marriage plus dress code brought slight reservations, but I understand her point of view because it's what she went through: Sheebah's music is great even if she wears a gomesi, omwenda lesu or long dress in the videos like Adele and her offscreen (Muslim) GOD-believing-self. Most of the girls in Obsessions which she joined in 2006 saw her unfit to be among them, but she refused to incline to rejection and quit the group to become a formidable star with hits like Jordan, Nkwatako, Ayi, Binkolera, Twesana, Enyanda, Rambo, etc. On the sidelines after my Top 2 plus Leila Chandiru from Arua was Uganda's Desire Luzinda whom I regarded as the East African music artiste with the Best Hips alongside Tanzania's curvaceous Ray C (aka Rehema Chalamila who attempted suicide more than once after struggling with drug abuse but was always rescued); even tweeted about the attractive shape of both ladies. My favourite jams by the beautiful mother of Michelle Kaddu (born 1st July 2004) include Nyumirwa Nyo, Fitting (ft. Radio & Weasel), Ekitone, Mubiite, etc. When a jilted Nigerian boyfriend Franklin Emuobor Ebenhron leaked her nudes in October 2014 as revenge porn accusing her of cheating with a long list of men, I felt basically no blame towards my UG countrymate coz dat's life: Love is like a flask; when it falls, it can break unless it's metallic! People (both men and women) switch up or step down in relationships like there are no good memories to replay. However, it's mainly men who publish nudes as revenge after a separation. The scandal actually redefined the word kitone [Luganda for (natural) talent] which she capitalised on. In Twenty23, I was stunned to watch an excerpt of the heartfelt music video of "I Overcome"; I could recognise the voice of the woman in a long maroon dress performing but it took me two days to finally confirm and accept that Desire Luzinda (the real Miss Curvy of UG to me) had turned to Gospel though she started the transition around 2016; it was a renewed image of DL...]

FOOTWEAR BECOMES HEADGEAR

The Hebrew Bible says that the last shall become first. No matter what that means, positions definitely change: Sometimes you lose, other times you win. Do not fear failure, rejection, curses, difficulty, bad energy nor imperfection; negative vibe is the testimony of the Devil! Do people make you feel at the bottom like a shoe when they despise; ridicule; rebuke; mock; degrade; downsize; insult (as daft, stupid, fake, boring, poor, with no future, unimportant, skinny, cursed, irresponsible, etc); make fun of; disrespect; forsake; fire; belittle; criticise (as quiet, unsocial, etc); judge harshly; slander or spread false stories about you (like gigolo, has a sugarmummy, thief, dog, child-molester, witch, pauper, hyena, rapist, Devil worshipper, womaniser, Illuminati, fucking his workmate, chief slut, etc)? Keep walking! Do not get furious! Opinions ain't facts; you have your own views. Do they treat you like trash? Recycle yourself and get more cash! Waste not, want not! Use the stony gravel, broken china, shattered glass and used plastics thrown at you to calmly blaze your own trail and solidify your path to victory with GOD's help! Pray, pray, pray! Failure is not sweet, but it's a bypass to success because it makes you work harder and smarter. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, improve and grow stronger wings! Eagles use the wind blowing against them to soar higher than all other earthly creatures. Haters meanwhile pluck your feathers to decorate themselves. GOD doesn't create junk people; you have your own strengths. Public opinion cannot define who you are nor devalue your Heaven-sent worth. Rejection is liberation; it redirects you to where you ought to be like GOD's Will. Be yourself! During Senior 5 in a new school, I dropped out of my beloved Fine Art Class because my average grades kept dropping constantly by 7 percent every year since Senior 1. Some Macos schoolmates actually debated that I did not know how to draw. After a few assignments in Fine Art, I worried that I might fail in UACE the following year and opted to try Technical Drawing instead. The TD teacher refused to let me join his class and reasoned that since I hadn't studied the technical subject in O-Level, it was too late for me to begin: You cannot start climbing a tree from the stem! Silently, I walked back to my Literature classroom, dejected with tears in my eyes, having felt the deadly sting of rejection serrated with hopelessness. There and then at age 17, I sat down humbly, stopped writing the name GOD with lowercase letters and vowed secretly in my heart to teach myself Art which the wider market can buy, not just for school marks. Funnily, a TD student relit the fire for my Art career by getting me gigs: Talent teaches itself through practice. During one African History lesson a few months later, my name was mentioned in chorus by classmates after the teacher (Mrs. Okello) asked for the Best Artist who would be tasked to draw a History chart for the school's Open Day; it was quite a therapeutic moment since numerous students offering Art as their 4th principal were present! Did they offload the work to me or was it a genuine opinion? My secret was ink and focus. I got many other assignments at Macos that year plus the next including an Agriculture chart for a young girl in Senior 2 who looked for me tirelessly until she found me (She probably braved the A-Level bullies on the steps to get to my upper floor); the happiness she exhibited after I finished the artwork was beaming. Peace, be still and know that GOD is GOD! Mental problems are solitary, but can be overcome through prayer and mindshifting. FREE COUNSELLING: When you find yourself sinking in the depressing quicksand of gloom, lean back, lift up your hands and worship GOD! HE will pull you out.

Jack Ma, the creator of Ali Baba failed thrice in college, applied 30 times to get a job but was always rejected. When KFC went to China for the first time, 20 people applied but Jack was the only person dismissed. He wanted to join Police but was the only one not accepted. He applied to Harvard University in the US about 10 times but was always rejected...

Michael Jordan was cut from his High School's basketball team because of his height and "lack of skill" but grew taller plus very aggressively athletic to prove his coach wrong in the NBA. The Detroit Pistons invented cruel Jordan Rules to frustrate his climb to the top thrice in the late 1980s but Mike became untouchable in the 90s...

When I was in Primary 5 at Victoria Nile School (Jinja), there was a legend of a beautiful Indian classmate who performed last in the End of 1st Term exams, disappeared to I do not know where in 2nd Term but returned to round all of us in the final promotion term including me in 7th place out of 84 pupils (From Worst to Best; Bottom to Top). She was a classic climber like the Detroit Lions in the mid 1950s and Golden State Warriors in the early 2020s; actually inspired me to believe that anyone can top a class including the one who is regarded least knowledgeable or dummest! It's just a matter of reading words [BIGAMBO like Lugbara Ganda English] and numbers...

Thomas Edison's teachers told him he was "too stupid to learn anything". After 10,000 attempts, he invented the lightbulb which teachers use all over the world...

Albert Einstein's parents thought he was sub-normal (because he did not speak until he was four years old) while his teachers described him as "mentally slow" plus would "never amount to much"; well E = MC2, let all his naysayers explain that!

Oprah Winfrey was defiled while young and later fired from her reporter job as "unfit for TV" but now owns her own TV called OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) and gives people freebies to own...

Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper for "lacking imagination" and "having no original ideas" but the companies he left behind named after him now generate so many original ideas...

Eriya Kategaya lost in a political race to become Chairman in his village, but then became the Prime Minister of the whole of UG which included his village...

Tom Brady was picked after six quarterbacks and many other players in the 2000 NFL Draft, moreover by a team that had never won the Super Bowl. Waiting for a very long time to hear his name called was quite emotional for him and his parents, but he got over the snubs and went on to become the Greatest Of All-Time...

Lionel Messi was redcarded in his debut game for Argentina; he walked off the pitch crying. Many times, fans burnt his jersey because he couldn't win trophies with his nation despite the 2008 Olympic gold medal and even retired at a certain point because of failure, but destiny is enormous: Now he's arguably greater than Maradona whom Argentinians had regarded superior for ages. For me, Messi is the Slickest Footballer I've ever seen on Earth and neighbouring planets; forget goalscoring. His dribbling movement was 97 percent magnifique, a joy to watch...

Leicester City came from the 2nd tier of English football (where relegated clubs drop) the season behind where they finished 14th out of 20 to win the 2016 Premiership; talk of newcomers showing oldtimers how to win, Ngolo Kante. There is always at least one newly-promoted side that shows no fear of top flight survivors but they never finish the season on top of everybody else. The Foxes basically shocked everybody in their 2nd season up though my beloved Arsenal in 2nd place defeated them home and away including that dramatic Valentine's Day return from injury for Danny Welbeck...

At 30 years old, Steve Jobs was removed by a Board of Directors from the company he started. Although devastated and depressed, it did not diminish his prowess because after the company went down, it called him back and he took it to new heights earning 1 US Dollar per year...

That person, job, village, trading centre, church, school, book, idea, etc near you that you put in the Useless/ Lousy (Can't Help) Category might have the solutions to the problems that are bothering you. Despise noone! GOD is omni-present. The blessing of GOD brings wealth (or good things), to this hard toil adds nothing (Proverbs 10:22)... The brick that the builders rejected became the chief Cornerstone who is Christ JESUS HIMSELF (Ephesians 2:20)... Through the Gospel, the Gentiles are heirs together with Israel... GOD's riches are incomparable...