Onion Boy

People will hear the systems thump when you roll in life. The O.B. is not just your Old Boy but freakingly your Onion Boy (the O-Boy), a Ladies Man, Family Man and Best Friend. He’s back in the flesh feeling so blessed. He loves thick, cute, fleshy and swollen monocotyledons that can cause a crush and titillate his eyes. He wants to touch, hold and feel them. “I love these bulbs and their onion juice. But never let onions make you visually impaired!” warns your friendly neighbourhood Onion Boy…

Are you a Pimp?
How many women does a man really need? Lidz in the “Southside” video tells Lloyd to “allow only three great women in his life.” (Did he mean mum, sister and girlfriend or just three lovers?) What will he do with all the three? How much time will he need to dedicate to satisfy each one of them? Okay, forget the time. The issue is how you get the three! Do you use Shakespeare’s lines or read volumes of poetry books? I hear poetry turns women on. Hahaha! Hogwash…How many women did the great poets have? Talk about money and almost any daughter of Eve can shake her ‘glorious maximus’ for you. Ask Akon after he performs “Bonanza [Belly Dancer]” in a concert near your town [how they shake it]! Don’t be shy. (Maybe he will come back to Kampala for you, let’s wait and keep on calling.)
Another idea is the wisdom of men. Can fools really face up to the challenge? King Solomon of Israel was truly the Wisest Pimp in human history: 700 wives and 700 concubines must be a Guinness Book of Records Milestone somewhere. Ignore guys who claim to have slept with 432 bitches or more. I am talking about real wives, not bitches. So does that mean, we bachelors looking for only one partner are silly and unwise? Maybe Poetry doesn’t work.
The Quran allows men to marry up to four wives and when you get to heaven (Jana), you will have more female companions (houri) with big beautiful eyes. The Bahai Holy Writings prescribe not more than two.” If you are contented with only one among the maidservants of GOD, both you and she will live in tranquility”. That is also the Christian teaching spread by Saint Paul (in the epistles to Christ’s early church). If you didn’t know, GOD was not happy with Solomon’s 1400 companions; too much lust (according to the Mormon Bible). “I don’t know what you heard about me”. I’m broke…

[Original article written in 2005 (Bracketed words added in 2008)]