Pitchou’s Angle

On Wednesday 9 July 2008, the Executive Producer of the WeitWinkel (German for ‘Wide Angle’) Film Production Company - Rwandese-Congolese Pitchou Kamara K. - gave me a few tips for professional video, film and TV production during the first ever (though poorly attended on Day 3) Video-Art Exhibition at the new UGCS on Mackinnon Road. Discussions were supposed to be done by Ugandan Art icon Xenson (Stephen Ssenkaaba) borrowing a leaf from 40YEARSVIDEOART.DE – PART 1, a 2006 Digital Heritage: Exhibition of Video Art in Germany from 1963 to the Present, but he cancelled them. The first six videos were close up shorts of one sitted woman’s pants and inner thighs, then breasts moving, legs and socks, black-sleeved arm bending, eyes shutting & closing and finally the mouth. The three ladies who attended [UGCS Director Wagner was travelling somewhere, a stunningly beautiful OG of mine from Macos and an unnamed artist] walked out early probably because of the theme. The funniest video or us was a guy shouting “Hallo!” non stop on top of a hill for several minutes while coughing and calling out in a progressively hoarse voice.

Advertising is always great if actions are involved. I’m not trying to brag but during the 2001 Annual Inter-House Quiz at Macos while I was just new in Senior Five, a Senior Six hostel-mate who had read my journals and notebooks forced me to be one of the three representatives besides another classmate of his and a black, beautiful Middle-School chick. WEM, a Kenyan American for real (whom I failed to convince that I wanted to bring about an Art Revolution) reasoned that when it came to sports and music, I would bail out Simba House. The girl was back up for novels and feminine stuff while the other boy was mathematically & politically sound. So we were basically covered. I must confess that in the barrage of questions, the two I regret most were failing a Pythagoras Theorem number where after calculating without consulting my team-mates, I mentioned a number that was wrong by only one zero I did not add at the end of the digit. The more shameful though was saying Charlie Lubega [instead of Toni ? Mackinnon] had won the World Rally Championship. Nevertheless, when I was told to advertise a new insecticide called ‘Bon Bon’ in one minute, I think I made WEM proud of himself for choosing me. When I got the mic, the first reference that came to my mind was the TV adverts I used to watch. Many of them had songs. So I composed a ‘well-rhymed’ (as WEM told his classmates including Michael Ross of the ‘Signorita’ fame) rap song on the spot, “Bon Bon is the insecticide, Bon Bon is the insecticide. If you use it, you will kill all the insects in your house.” I heard a hissing sound from the audience and followed up my hit with a spraying hiss and movement from front, back, side to side, up to down low. I got the maximum 5 points from my SMACK Old Boy called from Makerere University to chair the Quiz…the Next Contestant Karen Hashya (Funny name some pronounced as ‘Hasasha’) whom the school knew as a talented songstress also tried to sing her advertisement but I beat her by 1 point. Other guys who were below 4 points had different ideas I cannot remember. It was a plus for me which I followed up by perfectly describing the word ‘pan’ (written on a chit) with only actions and ‘No Words’ for my two teammates to decipher. (I also took part in the Best Play later on during that Inter-House Competition season which my house Simba clinched overall) After the quiz where we were runners-up out of six houses, hostelmates in other houses wanted me to re-sing the tune for them. Unfortunately the following year, I never took part in any Music Production nor sung during Sunday Service except during our Farewell Mass because I felt contented with what I had done in Senior Five. But anyway, I knew that I was still a ‘shirt’ as Victor Semugooma called me for giving up on repeating these feats in ‘02; we try hard to be what we ain’t, you know. Life is just ‘kiwani’, even the stars ain’t all that. We just compromise because they do one offs maybe many times. Advertising is all about sugar-coats, covering up the truth through marvellous actions.

PKK’s Tips on Videos & Art:
“Put some books on a table. Shine 111 Watts of light on them through a transparent filter and take a photo. It will be the Most Beautiful you have ever seen…”
“A (music) video should have three major colours. Most American videos have blue, red and black. If you watch CNN, you will discover that the main colour is red…”
“Ugandan TV is boring because cameramen do not write before they shoot.”
“You can edit a video in Adobe Photoshop by first creating an alpha channel…”
“What are the three things to consider while making a TV commercial? First, know the product you are advertising; secondly, ascertain its competition in the market and finally; understand the qualities of your product that make it more desirable than the others.”
“If you can make a product attractive in a TV commercial without adding sound, then you have done a good job…”
According to IAA (International Advertising Association), “Advertising only makes people buy things they do not need, but besides, they want.” What makes them want these things? Find below examples of the Best TV Commercials I’ve marveled at personally:
1. “If you want to make it to the NBA,” [A guy runs from the free throw line, tries to slam dunk but misses the hoop, hits the rim hard with his basketball and comes down tumbling. TV view shows his behind landing on the camera lens while yelling in distress, ‘Urrrrhhhh!’ Very funny, indeed!] “Practice! If you want a refreshing drink, ‘Obey your Thirst! Sprite® Image is nothing, Thirst is everything’.”

2. A photocopier jerks out papers and even jumps away when a human approaches with other brands of paper that are not Rotatrim ®

3. The voice-over of a man narrates what everyone (His father, mother & teacher) wanted him to become. On the screen, we see a car driving by on a dusty road and the man ends by saying, “…so here I am, Mitsubishi & Pajero™, enjoy yourself!”

4. A Mercedes Benz clip in which a (soulful) father and (funky) son fight to play the music they fancy. The father finally decides to drive at a speed that couldn’t allow his son to touch the player. From another Mercedes advertisement, “Nothing can make a driver more faithful to his car than a car that is faithful to its driver.”

5. A Telecom Advertisement from Tanzania about a father who phones his son and gets mesmerized by the musical feedback instead of the usual boring ring-ring. The boy who was going to the opposite side of his room picks the call and greets “Hello!” before hanging up since no one responded. The elderly father redials and shakes with the phone held high in his left hand while his brother dances on the floor like a gymnast …“Tigo, Express Yourself!”

6. In the 90s, Kenya was known for producing the finest adverts in East Africa…You had the Kiwi, Ribena, Hedex, Dettol, Omo, Geisha and Unilever franchises but the Blue Band experience of a Primary School pupil spreading margarine on bread under his class-desk does it for me in the new Millennium. “Who can tell me what condensation is? Jeremy!” He got up pretending to be innocent and answered correctly after clearing his throat. The teacher smiled and his classmates looked on with approving glances.

7. “You’re the Most Beautiful Girl I’ve ever seen…” One dude made his girlfriend jealous when he admired another lady who was passing behind her until she used Fair & Lovely™ skin lotion and he just couldn’t deny the same compliment for her. This time though, he said it humorously alluding to the previous disheartening experience. There was a mirror behind her so when she looked to see if it was that other girl again, she saw herself instead. Wow!

8. “Mummy, he’s done it again.” A young girl shouted on the beach after her brother had literally re-sucked himself into a soda bottle through a straw. It’s impossible but vividly illustrates the irresistible sweetness of the PEPSI® drink that makes kids suck beyond the last drop until the sound from sucking an empty bottom is heard.

9. A Clay Animation in which fast-paced Thierry Henry wearing Reebok™ or Nike™ sneakers runs around a boxer in a fighting ring and makes him collapse (through a whirlwind knockout).

10. A fierce bull runs away from a Toyota™ automobile. The car maker’s logo actually has an arc like the horns of a bull extending from a vertical oval within the outline.

11. “In 1994, I missed a penalty.” (Pony-tailed Roberto Baggio holds his head while kneeling after chipping Italy’s final penalty over goalkeeper Tafferel’s crossbar in the World Cup Final shootout to decide the 0-0 draw with Brazil who won 3-2). “Four years later, I had a chance to redeem myself.” (This time it was a penalty in a European qualifier to decide whether Italy would go through to the 1998 World Cup competition in France. Some fans covered their eyes but the talented Italian legend did not disappoint. My 4th Sister-Tina-actually loves this guy (He lighted up USA ’94 for her) and personally, I think he is the Most Idolized Azzuri I have ever watched besides maybe Dino Zoff, Zola, Del Piero & Totti). Baggio walked away majestically with the whole nation following him. Johnie Walker™: “Success is not a journey; it’s a destination…” The World Cup ’94 Commercials of players kicking the ball from continent to continent and 2002 Galaxy of Stars fantasy (Henry, Ronaldinho, Figo, Zidane, Edgar Davids, Ronaldo, Beckham, Roberto Carlos) were also creative.

12. The Smirnoff Ice ‘Welcome to my Home’ advertisement won my 2005 AikoGraphics Commercial of the Year laureate…A carefree and fur-coated male (probably an Eskimo) takes viewers on a tour of his organized crib and ends in his icy backyard after pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff from a refrigerator. Why would you need one in these already icy conditions? Reinforced Ice, I guess! In 2003, I had fallen in love with everything icy so this was juicy stuff…Aiko in Wonderland, you know!

13. The 2001-2 “It’s My Life” Sports Highlights Feature (Background song by Bon Jovi) on SuperSport plus the “What’s in a Name? Fabregas ... Wenger” Premiership Advertisement ... Another good English League Commercial is, “Every civilization has found a way to record the passage of time. Today, we discover another ...”

Here are good Radio Ads I’ve also enjoyed:
1. The humorous Coca-Cola ® “Let Me See You ‘Brrrr!’ (Remix)” of the “Burrn”
song by Blu*3 and Navio, “It’s an honor to introduce to you, the Brrrr!
on the Coke side of life”
2. The uganda telecom “Boyfi” advert
3. The utl ‘Mango™’ rap, “My cellular phone is all brand new…”
4. CLUB ® Beer for people who think different: “What was the Best Thing before
sliced bread?”
5. “I’m going to call my brother.” a voice actor fades away as if at a distance
from the friend with whom he had just had a dialogue about MTN or utl,
sorry
I can’t remember which company.