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JESUS was betrayed for 30 silver coins by a disciple who later hanged himself...
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You cannot get everything you want, but Double Happy-iness is wanting everything you get (which is Contentment). At the Y-Corner (Junction), either you go left or go right! Every pain has its healing remedy, no problem lasts forever and ever. This post is dedicated to everyone going through very tough and anxious times (including those who have never asked me for help to deal with their mental health problems). It's about cultivating mental numbness in this cold, harsh and cruel world; some things won't go your way but wait for those that do, even if just 55 or 67 percent. Suicide is self-murder; Jonah was suicidal. Meanwhile, the great Prophet Elijah also wanted to die, but went to Heaven alive. The Earth is big enough for all of us to share and enjoy to our fill. This Earth is 33 percent bitter; live with it and not suffer. Life is hard, but GOD is harder by far.
Everybody has problems; sidestepping them mentally is your own personal choice.
According to World Health Organisation (WHO), 10 out of 100,000 Ugandans commits suicide every year. That is quite high though I do not trust some surveys. For every death, there are more than 20 failed attempts. Globally, suicide is the 2nd Leading Cause of death among young people after Diseases; data translates into 1 death every 40 seconds. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in America, there were suicide deaths every 11 seconds during Twenty23. There have been very many suicides reported in the media since I was born but the one that hit me hardest was Chester Bennington (Linkin Park lead singer) in 2017; he was like a posterman for the fight against pain during my A-Level (2001-2) and Campus (2003-6). Another was a 30 year old hardcore Lionel Messi fan in Kerala, India who couldn't carry on with life after watching the GOAT lose 3-0 to eventual runner-up Croatia in Game 2 during the FIFA World Cup Russia 2018 that followed a shocking 1-1 draw with Iceland and put Argentina on the brink of a very early exit. His suicide note read, "I have nothing left to see, am going deep into deaths." Dinu Alex could have stayed to witness the splendour in the 3rd game against Nigeria (Yes it is!) plus Copa America and the record-extending 7th Ballon d'Or in 2021 plus 2022 when he finally clinched the only trophy he didn't have. Messi's 4-0 exit during the 2019 UEFA Champions League 2nd leg semifinals against later winners Liverpool after a 3-0 Camp Nou victory almost broke my heart (Had to heal for two days), but I accepted the demise that brought him tears; at least he got the Goal of the Season Award plus 6th BDO then. A 20 year old named Mantosh Haldar (Indian Messi Superfan) also committed suicide, but by hanging himself (not drowning) because of Messi's exit in the Round of 16 against Mbappe's France. He stayed longer than Dinu, but not long enough to see much more including an 8th BDO which he took to Inter Miami in America. Messi always performs wonders after a World Cup year ever since I started following him feverishly in 2009. On the calendar, 10th September is World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD) though the entire fortnight is significant for coping while 10th October is World Mental Health Day.
Tears wash away the pain in the heart; meanwhile cheers plus rain wash away the tears but the sun dries them. Suicide is a ticket to the Suicide Valley in Hell where the punishment is eternal suicide; you keep killing yourself. Even though I don't know where GOD sent them in the afterlife, Samson (The Strongest Man of All-Time), King Saul (Chosen by GOD) and Judas Iscariot (Disciple of JESUS who was HIS accountant) committed some form of suicide in the Hebrew Bible, but it is not a virtue. Saul's armour-bearer fell upon his own sword after seeing his master had killed himself in 1st Samuel 31:4-5, Ahithophel hanged himself in 2nd Samuel 17:23 because his counsel was not followed while Zimri burnt the king's house over himself and died after the city was taken in 1st Kings 16:18. Job went through pain and suffering but did not follow his wife's advice of cursing GOD in order to die. His problems were caused by the Devil who wanted to test Job's faith but failed. Your problems are your wooden cross, carry it until Resurrection!
DANGER TALK (Armageddon of the Brain, National Suicide Monitoring, Depression & Emergency Uganda): The first suicide note in human history was written in Egypt around 2040 BC (Before Christ). I wonder when the first suicide note in Uganda was written, but decided to track why some of my countrymates want to die; others killed themselves. Maybe we can help each other stay alive in this earthly prison trap. Suicide is a song whispered by the Angel of Death; either you sing along or worship GOD instead, LORD have mercy!
We need to promote mental wellbeing and how to cultivate resilience; praying to GOD can help! Suicide is a cry for help as a way to escape difficulties, purposelessness and hopelessness (No future); it is the inability to cope with life's problems and desiring a permanent way out. Do not deny your zibs nor blame yourself for them! Bad things can end. Everyone is at risk, but not everyone will commit suicide; some attempt and fail while others mindshift. Around Twenty17, Uganda's suicide rate of 19 deaths out of 100,000 people was the 17th Worst on Earth, but 4th in Africa. According to the World Bank's collection of development indicators, it was 5.5 percent of 100K in Twenty21. A New Vision Newspaper frontpage headline once reported that "14 Million Ugandans Mentally Sick". Daily Monitor also reported that one out of three Ugandans is mentally unstable. According to CID Director Tom Magambo, 218 suicide cases were recorded in 2024, rising from 165 in 2023.
CONFIRMED SUICIDES:
The very first accomplished suicide I can remember quite well in my life (Had seen attempted suicide in the late 80s on Wilson Road, Jinja) was an Itesot smoker and drunkard on Spire Road (also in Jinja during the early 90s) named Ochorodo; he locks up his room and poisons himself. Some neighbours reason that the absence of his mother made him do it. A back window has to be broken to reach his corpse at dusk. He would send me to buy for him cigarettes but I would refuse because I wanted him to stop smoking; my first Kampala friend's father in Bukoto smoked daily and died of lung cancer. His uncle also smoked and would throw blunts in the compound which we picked to resmoke. I found cigarettes quite sour...
A lovey-dovey rastaman drowns himself at the Source of the Nile where (like Aquaman) he used to rescue people who had fallen in the water after his girlfriend elopes with a Whiteman. I used to watch them walking together on Jinja streets; they looked very complementary like Bob Marley and Lauryn Hill (Turn your lights down low)! The dreadlocked guy usually held a guitar and the chick wore sexy designer fashions. I wished them happiness together but things fell apart. Some rumours said he went back to where he came from in the water. This story is similar to the song "Nyambura" by Radio & Weasel...
A Kyebando Kisalosalo neighbour's wife drowns herself in a Green Valley Kamwokya river; corpse discovered early morning...
A Kyebando guest house proprietor kills himself...
Politician's son shoots himself with his father's pistol...
Boy jumps from the top of Mabirizi Plaza to the Umeme Railings on Kampala Road. He wrote that his decision was because his family did not pay attention to him...
Kisalosalo girl kills herself after breaking up with her boyfriend, the news appeared in The New Vision on 1st April with her photo. Who cracks Fool's Day jokes about suicide? It must have happened...
2006: Asha Chekwel hangs herself in a Mariny Parish (Kasere Subcounty, Kapchorwa) church after her in-laws block her from meeting her love Alex Chemwonges...
2012: Liz Waluga, a 2nd Year student of Social Work and Social Administration at Uganda Christian University - Mbale Campus pours paraffin on herself and burns to death after a disagreement with her boyfriend Musa from Islamic University In Uganda (IUIU) who wanted a relationship break in order to concentrate on studies...
2014: One of my Nicest Friends and Hostelmates at Macos named Philip E. aka Philo (pronounced Filo) hangs himself in his muzigo rental because of accumulated debts on the last Tuesday before Arsenal won an FA Cup final after nine years. The story is broadcast on Bukedde TV's Agataliiko Nfuufu news bulletin...
Annet Ashaba, 26, from Ssembabule District, jumps from the 14th floor at Workers House (October 2014) after finding out that a relative had fleeced her of money she sent from Dubai where she had been doing kyeyo...
George William Obina, the 58 year old Chairperson of Koch Goma Subcounty Land Committee hangs himself. The preceding year, elders performed a ceremony to exorcise evil spirits after six people (including four women) committed suicide in one week. In a suicide note found on his body, Obina complains of an unhappy marriage...
Deus Kabisire, 25, jumps off the last floor of Mabirizi Complex. He leaves behind a note showing that he was in love with a woman who was not interested in him even after spending money on her (December 2014)...
2015: Bodaman from Mbarara but working in Kasese hangs himself on an avocado tree after betting 500,000 UgX (171 US Dollars) that Arsenal would beat Monaco at the Emirates Stadium following a 1-0 win in France; I watched that entire UEFA Champions League knockout game and knew Deus Ruhinda's pain. I've never really felt suicidal after Arsenal losses even though in 2009 I felt my heart melt to liquid during a different 1-3 UCL home loss but that was the reason I became a Lionel Messi diehard and what a glorious ride it became; simply Messi-merising! Football taught me that even if you train very well, prepare extremely good tactics or have a lot of talent, you can still lose by even just one goal in the last minute. I have followed football since the late 80s and the only match that brought tears to my eyes was when Leeds United beat Arsenal 1-0 at Elland Road in Y2K with a goal from Olivier Dacourt because it brought back memories of the failed title defence the preceding season at the same venue. I was 14 years old when tears formed; every Arsenal victory over the Whites after that match has always been sweet...
2016: Moses Wamala dives into speeding train in Mukono after his fiancée tells him to wait for sex after marriage. His neighbour Amos Kabonge and church fellowship pastor point at the same reason. Wamala at first alleged that his lover was seeing another man, but she denied it. No one suspected that Wamala would end his life...
My beloved cousin hangs himself in Mvara (Arua); he wanted to go for further studies and was not satisfied with his income flow. A Mukiga friend of mine attending a wedding in Arua as the Best Man on the burial day joked that I would commit suicide next simply because he heard that I used to flirt with one of his tribemates whose family he knew about; he actually knew about a 2nd girl too. I could not join him for his friend's happy day, neither did I celebrate when Uganda qualified for AFCON 2017 after 39 years of failure because I was mourning my cousin. There was a wooden video shack near his bereaved father's home and when Farouk Miya scored the all important goal, I heard the jubilation but didn't celebrate. Depression is a choice; that is why I avoid suicidal thoughts through Mindshifting (Full control of my own Omi [Mind]). Some of the Suicide Notes people write as reasons for ending their lives can be sorted out with Time and utilising your 3rd Eye just above and between your two outside eyes (where your mind, body and soul meet to jump waking reality plus find unlimited but hidden inner wisdom). All of us go through Pain (Abuse, Curses, Difficulties, Disappointments, Failure, Frustration, Grief, Insults, Intimidation, Losses, Love-gone bad, Misfortune, Mistakes, Poverty, Rejection, Shame, Sickness, Stress, Struggles, etc); some people just absorb the shocks, cope and move on faster. Others cling to their pain instead of renewing their minds. After discovering in 2001 that the first girl I ever loved like myself had been dead for some time, I searched for another who used to care about me until the lady told me I will be perfect without her (as my wife). She used to be so kind to me that it felt like she had three hearts. That was the 2nd wallcrack in my heart; her J. Lo-licious half-sister consoled me but she also had other dudes on her case. So I chased after a new babe for 16 months on campus until growing apart brought me some type of heartwreck (I probably died in 2005 like The Wolverine from a heart-weakening problem) which I mended by befriending the supercalm Mukiga in question plus re-adoring a preteen I fancied since A-Level holidays. It's all about mental jumps. I cannot kill myself just because one skirt rejected me; there are billions and billions of others on the entire Debit Earth. Women lie, men lie; but keep smiling! Narcotic drugs (like the Devil's purple pellets) nor marijuana smoking (maybe marijuana tea) nor alcoholism are not even solutions, dust yourself up and try again! If you have a problem, then just look up (oneway) to Heaven. Betty Mpologoma advises: Londa e namba yo [Pick your number]...
2018: A South Sudanese-Kakwa namesake (Edward John Lukudu) doing IT at Bugema University (Arua) hangs himself on Tuesday 17th April at 4pm with an electric cable thrown up the timber of his hostelroom's roof after his laptop and bag are stolen. It could have been me the following Wednesday morning when I discovered this suicide after a dreamvision; two days later my Favourite Football Manager Arsene Wenger announced his decision to leave the Emirates at the end of the season. It felt like suicide forced by his haters (plastic fans); wish the Invincible One returns to Ashburton Grove in any other capacity...
Boy hangs himself on a football goalpost after getting a loan of 2 Million UgX to bail out the girl he loves only for her to reject him...
A neighbour's brother in Anyafio (Arua) hangs himself on a mango tree; a week later his daughter also tries to hang herself saying a voice told her to do it...
2019: Reagan Opito, a Senior 3 student of Aboke High School in Kole District locks up and hangs himself in a hut after allegedly being "disappointed in love". His suicide note indicates that his "long time girlfriend" who was in Senior 2 in the same school terminated their two-year relationship. It was through telephone that she said she would not marry him; he had contributed to her tuition...
26 year old Pharmacist Richard Olaja commits suicide on 20th June in Jinja after being exposed in a BBC Africa Eye documentary in conjunction with Uganda's NBS TV about "Stealing From The Sick"; he sold Government drugs illicitly...
MUBS graduate Arthur Basalirwa commits suicide after posting suicide notes on social media (Facebook and WhatsApp): Go ahead and call me a coward and say am not strong, because am not like you...
Fred Burondwa (UCU First Year Law student) goes missing after writing a suicide note: It’s been 23 years on earth and I think it was great we had to meet, you made every single day in my life worth. I have decided that I don’t need to stick around in a world I don’t want to be a part of anymore. I will never forget the gut-wrenching moment we have shared. I am unsure how I can cope more in the same situation. I surely have to leave. I rather die than walk in shame. It is good to give people the peace and life they want. I hope the people that never wanted me around enjoy it. If I ever wronged you, which I know I didn’t, I am sorry. In a few after you receive this, I will be gone and you will never see me ever again. Not even my body. I think that’s what they wanted. Don’t be worried because surely the sun will come up early morning. The world will surely go on. To my friends, I am sorry for letting you down, never forget that in whatever we do ‘we are ever the best’, be it and our flames should never burn out...
Ashraf Nsubuga (4th Year student at Makerere University) commits suicide in his room (September) because of debts...
2020: Aloysius Khatondi, 54 year old teacher at Bubungi Primary School (Bududa) is found hanging on a tree behind his home. He was facing difficulties in the family ranging from accumulated debts, feeding and looking after the family after lockdown...
Ronald Emuria alias Boyi commits suicide in Malaba citing economic hardship. His wife abandoned him because he was no longer earning from the taxi business after public transport was suspended. He was discovered dangling in the middle of his house after using a rope to hang himself...
2021: Vin Karungi, 18, drinks poison in Ntoroko District after being beaten by her cattle-keeping father who had confiscated her recently-acquired smartphone...
The beautiful Natasha Byenjeru (Law student) commits suicide on 6th June after failing a retake three times. She had joined Makerere University in 2015 and did not want to ashame her parents. Tasha was also addicted to drugs according to her close friends...
Teenager hangs herself in Hoima on a jackfruit tree after harsh comments from many people for performing poorly during the 2020 PLE exams. Daphine (Na)kimuli obtained Aggregate 28 in the four subjects. Personally, I got 4 on 4 in 1996 PLE but never despised anybody who got 36 (worst possibility) because school does not end in P7. In her suicide note, she described how she was feeling unloved, describing how her parents, siblings plus other relatives scolded her over her PLE performance; she took her own life to get rid of that discomfort. Daphine mentioned several people including Madam Jesca whom she described as her "Best Enemy". She advised her fellow children and relatives never to commit suicide and encouraged them to live happily, "See you when you die also but don't kill yourself also!" She was tired. The school headteacher at Bwikya PS Mr. Francis Bagonza described her as a quiet, well disciplined pupil (July 2021)...
2022: Emmanuel Okello, 18, a Senior 4 student of Makerere College School hangs himself in the compound after locking his father Moses Opio inside the house on 10th January while his siblings are taken to school. The deceased had expressed his disinterest in returning to Macos. His father had even got him a position at St. Kizito SS Namugongo, but he wasn't happy about the choice. I studied at Macos (My 2nd Choice after Ordinary Level at SMACK) and despite being rebuked by a few schoolmates plus whipped at sunrise for leaving the hostel late, there was nothing else that made life undesirable there; it was a very fun place: Friends, Main Hall Concerts (or Productions), Library, MAPA Festivals, sneaking out to watch Arsenal games, UEFA Champions League nights in the hostel studyroom, Weekend flicks, Sunday service plus lunch, appreciating beautiful campus Women passing through our school side, etc...
Sainai?, wife of Joseph Ajwal hangs herself on 28th March due to mental illness after 17 years in marriage. She gives away her bank details to her sister, hugs and kisses their three children for 15 while her husband revs up his car to take them to school. Then the 37 year old unusually waves goodbye at Joseph for three minutes; he reads gratitude on her lips. At midday, Joseph receives phonecalls in his office alerting him about a problem at home...
Policeman attached to Field Force Unit (after working for the Armoury) at Arua Central Police Station parks car around Sunday 24th April 2022 and hangs himself; leaves no suicide note. Martin Aluma, who was Andrew Felix Kaweesi's bodyguard before the former Assistant Inspector General of Police (AIGP)'s 17th March 2017 assassination gives the keys to his motor vehicle to a woman he is staying with at Ayiko Cell, Ayivu Division in Arua City at 8pm saying he is going on a journey. His body is found hanging on a tree in Mission Cell, Komite Ward, Ayivu West Division, Arua City at 6am...
Rogers Atuhaire, a private guard with SGA Security Company shoots himself dead at Mukwasi Building along Buganda Road in Kampala around 9am in May 2022...
Bright Namusoke, 20, a Senior 6 student at Kitebi Senior Secondary School hangs herself with a rope at about 4pm on Wednesday 6th July 2022 in Ngobe Zone, Bunamwaya Division, Ssabagabo Municipality, Wakiso District. Relatives tell Police how Namusoke returned from school and informed them that a teacher abused her and she was very angry; they don't take it seriously but later find her hanging in one of the rooms in their house...
Monica Karungi (aka Mona Kizza on Facebook, born in Isingiro), 24, falls from the window of a high-rise building in Dubai (about 7-9 storeys) apparently after finding out that the man she used to send her kyeyo money to back in UG used it to marry a different woman. The waitress used to earn 2 Million UgX per month. Other people speculate that work-related ish [BS issues] caused her to commit suicide. Her last note can be seen on Facebook though her brother Jackson Akwandanaho intimates that his younger sister was pushed (as in murdered) following misunderstandings with four friends who stayed with her. She was planning to shift after Eid Day. Karungi's face-down fall is so chillingly horrific that she breaks every bone in her body. May GOD be merciful...
Arafat Kasule, only 11 years old and in P4, hangs himself on a mango tree at St. Luke Catholic Church Kyanja, about 250 metres from Kabira UMEA Primary School where he reported at 8am on 14th September 2022 but didn't attend classes...
Private bodyguard Wilson Sabiti kills himself using his gun after shooting his boss Rtd. Col. Charles (Patrick Okello) Engola, the Ugandan State Minister for Labour, Employment and Industrial Relations in May 2023. Witnesses say the soldier fired bullets in the air while yelling that he had not been paid (about 4 Million UGX) for a long time despite having worked for the minister. Senior Presidential Advisor on Media Joseph Tamale Mirundi narrates, "The bodyguard saw the minister receiving money after making deals at Labour Day celebrations and was sure that at least he was going to get some money to solve his problems." Sources divulge how the minister directed that 140,000 UGX be given to Sabiti through his mobile money account but he gave them another person's phone number because he had a debt on his line. The next morning, Sabiti demanded for more money...
Mariana Lokwii, 28, mother of seven children in Loteerei Village, Longaroe Subcounty, Kotido District commits suicide over starvation due to prevalent drought and biting hunger in the region (August 2022)...
Denis Tukei found hanging in dormitory by students returning from lunch. He was a Senior 6 student of Bukoyo Secondary School (Iganga) who betted part of his school fees (November 2022)...
Muwonge Ssalongo found hanging in a cell in Tororo Police Station. He was a suspect arrested in Kampala over shooting at security personnel at Kapeeka Town Council in Nakaseke District...
Isa Tibinuma who sold off his 20 by 45 feet land on 16th December 2022 for 800,000 UGX poisons himself after losing all of it in a World Cup bet...
2023: During the DNA craze that gripped Uganda, a man discovers that two of his three "children" are not his yet he invested a lot of money in them; he jumps off a building...
Native doctor named Joseph Mwigo in Butaleja District drowns himself in the fishpond of Ahmed Kambo Umoja on Tuesday 24th January 2025 after his wife marries another man. The 38 year old first took poison and was admitted at Busolwe Hospital on 27th December 2022 from where he recovered, less than a month before his suicide...
Nelson Drici, 42 year old resident of Adjumani locks himself inside his hut at 3:45pm and sets it ablaze on Martyrs Day...
2024:
Ugandan TikTok sensation Basher Williams (Master Of Tears) takes her own life following a tumultuous period of misunderstandings with her boyfriend...Brilliant 39 year old digital marketer John Babirukamu jumps to his death from Tagore Living Apartments in Kamwokya at the end of May. He was unhappy and depressed. A Lugbaraganda friend of mine who sometimes mysteriously checked on me whenever I was feeling very low and down told me she hopes I do not jump...
Emmanuel Ekisa, a 27 year old Police Constable (PC) attached to Iyolwa Police Post shoots himself dead (during April) and leaves a suicide note...
Bright A-Level girl Hawa Nantongo hangs on a tree in Kisaasi during June 2024 after her mother forces her to study a Sciences combination. Relatives said she had wounds on her back plus her school Wampewo Ntakke Secondary School had three guards (How could she have escaped?) and was probably killed...
Guard shoots himself dead after losing motorcycle he was paid to protect...
Jordan Opileni, a "jolly" St. Philip's Church Sunday School teacher, about 26 years old commits suicide at White House Guesthouse in Ediofe (West of Arua City). He leaves behind a widow, orphan and SN (or Suicide Note)...
2025: Lt. Amon Ariho (RO/13999), a UPDF soldier in the Engineering Brigade stops his black car (UBJ 493Q) at the local football field in Nakirebe, between Wakiso and Mpigi districts at 2PM on Wednesday 1st January 2025. He disperses the players from the field, retrieves an SMG rifle from his vehicle and shoots himself. In his suicide note addressed to CDF (Chief of Defence Forces), he points out Eng. Ogwang as the cause of his demise: (H)e dismissed every engineer who was working within the Central Region even without allowing them to serve under him for a single day... He asked for his body to be taken to Rukiga District and children taken good care of... He drove a very nice black Toyota car nonetheless...
Nikita Kiconco, a 21 year old in Senior 6 is found hanging from the roof of her dormitory shortly after students return from church services on the afternoon of 20th April 2025 at Solberg College in Kabale District...
Man removes his shoes and jumps off Laropi Ferry into River Nile on Wednesday 21st May 2025...
NAYE OFA KI [TE MI DRA A'DUSI]?
Suffer Patiently or Quietly (I learnt that mantra from Sniper School): Take the dark nights and sunny days, salt and sugar, sweet juice and sour medicine, droughts and feasts, success and failure, wins and losses, admission and retrenchment, kisses and insults, highs and lows! Life is a depressingly monotonous routine: Wake up, work, study, travel, eat, visit toilet, solve problems, sleep; then repeat. The earlier you accept your predicament, the smoother you go through the motions for 120 years waiting for GOD to cut your silver cord (Ecclesiastes 12:6) or break your golden bowl. Unreceived Prayer answers can be depressing too like Prince of Persia and Greece (Daniel 10) but GOD remains LORD; remember how HE made meat fly to the complaining Israelites! Better calm down. A Nigerian proverb says: If you put all your problems in one basket and take to the market, then you will discover that there are people with bigger baskets than yours. You fill a kobi [Lugbara winnowing basket] and discover there are actually people with issues that fill up a big ogea [harvesting basket]. You plant crops and animals eat the newly germinated shoots while another farmer's harvest is robbed before he can enjoy it. Rats eat your property; villagers mock you; lovers switch up on you; employers do not hire you; the list is endless. Depression is not an achievement; you snap-out of it quickly before it overrides your hope for a better future. Everyone goes through Ish [Shit, Dung]. Barcelona FC midfielder Pep Guardiola, the Best Passer of the Ball in the 90s taught me: When you lose, improve!
When life makes you feel at the bottom like a shoe, just keep walking; Footsubishi, Walkswagen (Walk Swag On), Gumbootini, Legsus, Daihatshoe, Toeyota, Shoebaru, etc! Depression is merely prolonged sadness; it's when you experience a brain attack (brain pain, according to suicide-survivor Kevin Hines) full of insidious lies and half-truths week after week. According to Psychology Today: Unlike being unhappy, depression is a very intense feeling of deep sadness and despair that can last for days, weeks or even months. One Sunday morning, my father returned from Church, found me sweeping at the entrance and told me with distress in his voice that by living quietly, I lose the opportunity to become important in society; maybe I let him down with my silent lifestyle because am not visibly active in public places (nor very wealthy) but that convo almost deflated me. I had heard similar words from two girls near Kanyanya before but they meant nothing back then. My father was so emotional about my low-key status that I felt like my spirit was about to leave my body but used a 7-second window to sit down on a skyblue plastic stool and stay calm instead of collapsing. Making too much noise is not really my nature; I try to do it through Art or online instead. Baba unrelentingly repeated something similar on Monday 15th March 2021 calling me "unsocial" and I felt about 83 minutes of pitchblack gloom within my soul until I got a very uplifting surprise message at 23:23 (just before I slept) from my ex-hearthrob whom I grew apart with in February 2005 (which was heartwreck for me) though we reconciled later. It was as if GOD whispered to her to check on me; her timely message healed me even though I solve my problems through Dreamvisions: I try to exist silently like a plotter because the mind is the command centre of everything that concerns you. Life is wild, I have to be very prudent! When I used to move out a lot (I would leave before sunrise and return after sunset), I was castigated for not staying home. It oppressed my mind too much that I started working from home instead and only go out when inevitable. My mother told me I have no money and always stressed that am jobless. Every sunrise is a fresh beginning: No matter how dark the night, the lonely Sun always rises (to shine brightly) again without complaining. Cheers to new days, resets and restarts! Whenever people shame my skinniness, I feel absolutely nothing - zilch, nara; my bodysize is the frame GOD gave me and am proud of it because I do not have to worry about weight loss exercises like obese people. I fast food every week to detox my body and also for spiritual reasons. I know am not perfect, so there is nothing anyone can say that can make me hate my life; I already know my downside. A Senior 5 classmate in my new school Macos (where I had been sold by SMACK despite getting 15 points which was within the promised 17 point cutoff mark threshold) kept calling me "daft, stupid, fake and boring (with cassava-stem legs)", but instead of believing him nor feeling shredded, I fought back mentally and almost killed him with physical punches. All he wanted was for me to amuse him about "Women, Arsenal and Computers"; how absurd! Simon (the fisherman or the other of Cyrene who carried the cross for YESU) says: Shut the fuck up! I will cut off your ear or break your nose. He did not even intimidate me; I had seen scarier boys in Kisubi (murderers, bullies, homosexuals, thieves, witches, etc) but the Devil was probably using him unknowingly to try and steal my peace. We all get bored (I do too though never say it), but it is primitive to blame others for your boredom; sneak into class with a radio scanner, Walkman, iPod or something else like a magazine or novel. I told him in his face that I was "going to bury" him if he did not stop belittling me and he eased up. He would check my grade results to confirm if he had done better than me but find out he was actually dafter than me in academics; I always scored more points. Having knowledge about many earthly things does not mean I can tease other people about their ignorance (Tebagala kumanya [Translated from Luganda: They do not want to know]); noone owns knowledge nor correct answers, not even Bill Gates - his role model. I forgave the prick to save my own soul from damnation. The only knowledge we need is that JESUS died on a cross for our sins. If no employer hires you for a job, it's probably the LORD giving you time to become an entrepreneur; use your talents, if not five, then at least two or one! Throughout boarding school, I bedwetted (and even a girl I fancied in primary school knew it), but it did not make me hate my existence. The harder I prayed not to bedwet, the more I peed in my sleep on some nights as if some water spirit was blocking my prayers and mocking me. The only efficient remedy I got was to put a waterproof Macintosh sheet on my mattress; I would recommend a mattress protector to anyone (including toddlers) with bedwetting problems. My beloved cousin rebuked me as "lousy" in 2010 and it felt like a belly stab but I forgave her tongue, then a South Sudanese chick in the US who wanted me to teach her Luganda language also labelled me a "useless man" via Facebook all because of money matters (Had told her bridewealth in the Bible starts at 50 Shekels which is 14 US Dollars) and I lost interest in chatting with her: Being dead broke is the root of all evil. I do not worship money; my trust is in GOD who feeds sparrows and clothes flowers, so moolah ain't a thing. Money is not even more valuable than family nor friends; it's just a number. Wait when digital currency becomes the norm, mere digits on screens depressing us for no reason. Money comes and goes, eat it like Pakistani rice: I use the little money in my life like other tools eg pliers, but the Almighty is LORD of the entire universe. Worship GOD, not Mammon money!
My father would get harsh on me occassionally in the new millenium and tell me that what if I get a harsh boss or manager at the workplace. I got his parenting drift, but tough love is not training. If I was delicate like I used to be as a kid, I would probably become suicidal, but 1992 was a great lesson in mindshifting... My mother always wondered what happened to me (I became more docile) yet I was famous for football while younger...
My Big Sister said am demon-possessed, cursed and need psychosocial help... My Big Brother asked me one Sunday at Oasis Inn Arua if I was depressed and/ or wanted to commit suicide. I told him if I wanted to commit suicide, then I would have done it already; I still want to enjoy GOD's Earth... My other three sisters also got concerned; the one I follow usually gave me articles on anxiety and worrying. Do I exude depression or the behaviours of suicidal people? Maybe I fought depression so hard while growing up that it left scarmarks on my spiritual persona...
I don't want to die; I'd rather go to Heaven like Enoch or Elijah...
Give my heart peace, LORD!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me... (Philippians 4:13)
Organisations like Uganda Police Force (UPF) Emergency (999 or 112), Uganda Foundation for Suicide Prevention (UFSP), Mental Health Uganda (Call MHU on 0800-212121 for counselling), etc can help depression sufferers deal with suicide ideation. If Depression is a monster, then what do we do to a monster? We stretch its mouth so that it cannot bite like Samson wrestled with a lion, stone it and cut off its head with GOD's help like David versus Goliath or throw it in the fire like the viper snake that attached itself to Paul's hand; it's all mental...
We live in different timezones...
GOD over money... (Deonte Hall)
Despite the pain, rejection, negative criticism, failures, complexes, family problems, etc, there is a way out...
2001 was a very crazy year: Arsenal lost the FA Cup final though led from the first half and I cussed at Heaven though apologised immediately after realising that the absence of the Holy Spirit might mean instant death and worms; SMACK sold me to Macos despite performing within the 17 on 8 passmark we were promised (Got 15); classmate in new school kept belittling me and I summoned the Devil in order to kill him; dropped out of the Fine Art class and was painfully rejected from the Technical Drawing class. So, with teary eyes, I silently vowed to teach myself how to draw plus started writing the name of GOD in all caps...
After breaking my two left toes in Twenty12, Sarah Mudahogora asked me at night: Do you want to die? Why should I desire death yet there are beautiful women like her to meet? I got my third KADS painting project and Aguero won Man City's first English league title in 44 years...
Every crisis has steps to recovery...
Facing hookworms, ringworms and Guineaworms during the 90s taught me that cleanliness is paramount for mental health too...
Grow a thick skin...
You have everything you need around you; open your eyes...
In Twenty11 after only one month in my dream job at New Vision newspaper, my 4th cousin asked me if I would have pension funds when I reach retirement age and a dark cloud hovered above my bedroom; smoked marijuana to bring me peace. Not even a pre-recorded call from M7 thanking me for voting was enough because I did not vote though wished him victory...
Unrequited love is not sweet; just breathe again...
Death is a journey to a different city with no physical luggage...
I do not need your approval nor validation...
Rejection is redirection...
When life throws you bitter lemons, make bitter lemon juice and drink...
When life throws tangawizi [ginger] at you, add to sweet undiluted mango juice with zero sugar and drink thankfully...
Pull yourself out of the trench or gutter mud...
Stay away from drugs and alcohol...
Treatments for depression according to many experts include: Medications (Antidepressants); Psychotherapy (Cognitive behavioural therapy, Interpersonal therapy); Lifestyle; etc. However, intellectual arrogance must not make us thing drugs are the best solution; they actually make some people worse bodywise...
Uganda's National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 0800 200 400 (Toll free)...
Butabika Mental (or Psychiatric) Hospital on Plot 2 Kirombe-Butabika Road in Kampala City with 900 beds is free; call 0414-504376...
Befrienders.org (charity registered in England and Wales) links suicidal people to members willing to listen to their problems and offer support 24/7. For Ugandans, the closest help centre out of over 90 globally is in Kenya...
Depression Sanctuary...
Beautiful Aspirations SMC Limited...
Mental Health Uganda opens at 8:30am in Lungujja, Makamba Zone Cell 15, House 58 (Kampala City); call 039-2178953; Toll Free Number: 0800-212121; Conversations change lives...
Depression Network; call 0781345712 (1st October 2024)...
Suicide Prevention Association (SPA): Ask Doctor Jaku...
Be yourself...
Why worry about public opinion yet you have private opinions?
Life is very depressing, but staying depressed is your own decision...
No pressure...
Fight, fight, fight the darkness and gloom...
Learn how to be a loser without shame... GOD is the Omega; HE gives strength to the last...
Life has its bends...
My first love was poisoned. The woman I plotted to marry told me everything I want to give her she will get from another man. A different crush who changed my life assured me that she was not interested in my obsession plus I must stop nagging her (Even blocked me on Facebook). Meanwhile, my "girlfriend" fired me for not supporting Manchester United and my misleading Best Friend married someone else though had shockingly confirmed their secret affair seven years behind on a sunny afternoon as if a spirit led me to her gate (in a spiritually-charged area near Emerald Hotel); later told me she regretted it after her husband cheated on her multiple times, but I still didn't trust her...
Some people do not like you, so do not try too hard to impress them...
GOD provides; temutukoya...
Swallow humiliation like a capsule...
Please stay...
Improvise...
I cannot kill myself... (Sugarboy)
People drink to forget their problems, but after hangover, the memories rush back unblocked...
What kind of father gives his son a stone when he asks for bread? A wrathful father...
I won't kill myself just because GOD has not given me everything I want...
Get through life...
Anyone can be affected by depression... (Andres Iniesta, 2010 Ballon D'Or recipient)
Life is what GOD makes it...
Love back all those who love you...
When you're dead broke, GOD makes you feel rich; our FATHER in Heaven created everything...
Do not kill yourself...
Be kind to others, not harsh nor cruel...
Play your role...
Physical exhaustion and lack of sleep can feel depressing; just rest or sleep and wake up refreshed...
Suicide is a oneway ticket to Hell...
I refuse to cry... (JoJo)
Why can't life be so breezy?
This life, I can't kill myself... Allow me to flex o... (Timaya)
Tolerate the pain...
Do not sob...
Chronic stress can lead to depression...
Parents rebuke and fail to give children everything they want. Kids may keep quiet, but the suppressed emotions become low self-esteem, anger in the belly, hate or wrath which comes from the back...
Stay alive...
We came to Earth with nothing and will depart with nothing, not even a shoelace...
Sometimes you win, other times you lose, but learn...
Change your mindset...
We are slaves to money and the culture; free us, LORD...
Cope with the devilish issues of this life...
Use the words thrown at you as stepping stones for your gravel path...
Pray, pray, pray; repeat...
If you are depressed, then take a deep rest...
Let them say... (Musa Kaya)
Until next season...
Depression can result into diabetes, cancer or heart problems...
Some woman said that my mother died because I did not buy her food. Did I have to announce everytime I bought something?
Fasting detoxes the mind, body and soul...
Mutusingako ki? (Pallaso)
Some things will not go your way; live with it...
Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) adds emptiness to the mind unless you enjoy it as it frees your mind from clatter...
More prayers, less depression...
Take a walk in the open air outside the four walls tormenting your mind...
Chai-3...
Tour Heaven...
BigAMBO [Words]...
Don't break when you're broken.... (Michael Jordan)
The Red Dragon hates everybody...
Stress free...
Synthetic happiness is inversely more limitless than natural happiness...
Melt the pressure...
Avoid psychedelic drugs...
Every good thing you see was created by LODI... (Zabuli, Ugandan musician who aborted several times)
Quarrels, arguments, disagreements, domestic stress, etc end through silence...
JESUS is the Way from prison...
Courage is converting fear into adrenaline fuel...
Same routine everyday: Wake up, work, eat, excrete; repeat... No escape...
Maximise your pain...
Don't melt when your heart melts...
Let's go... (Tom Brady)
If you do not have a lover or children, then people say you are not favoured, but cursed. However, when you have multiple lovers plus several children, then you are a sinner, prostitute, polygamist or polygynist without family planning...
Get out of your mental prison...
We all react to problems differently; learn from the resilient...
Fees, debts, money problems? Give them to GOD...
Trauma gets healed...
I fear nobody coz I can skin anybody alive with my tongue or keyboard, but prefer peace (No battles)...
My childhood wish was to become like Romario, but I turned into a Romero instead...
Keep your head up...
Traders used to say Mukono has the strongest witchcraft. I got stung by multiple wasps in Mukono, fell mysteriously at my first hostel twice, got Typhoid, got a weird boil on my head, broke my toes and was given drugs for Gonorrhea. I also went through a tough migraine headache in 1st Semester that felt like glasses cutting my brain as I saw a dark creature with infinite legs outside the Earth's atmosphere (Parallax in Green Lantern film is similar). Some told me my sickness might have been witchcraft because it happened during exam week; I fought hard with GOD's help and got a bursary; recovered in KLA and Arua during Christmas vacation...
Complaining about boredom is a symptom of mild depression...
Worship GOD without ceasing...
Fear no bully; they only wear masks you can take off by facing off with them without timidity...
Brainswarm solutions to your problems...
When you do not tell a girl you love her, she will say you are a coward. Nevertheless, when you do and ask for her love, you can still be rejected...
Do not fear a bully who can bleed, Mowgli-style or Are We There Yet (film) grin... My worst year in school was during Senior 2, but at least thrice without fear I faced off with S4s who tried bullying me... My yearmates mocked them a lot so we had bad blood...
Suicide is when your own mind betrays and attacks you...
A friend of mine broke up with my 3rd cousin's niece and started drinking plus smoking more than before. He later married a foreigner...
JESUS, please heal... (Kanye West)
Utilise your problems...
Throw your nets on the right... (JESUS Christ, Lord of the Universe)
Dangers everywhere: Snakes, hot motorcycle exhaustpipes, thieves, accidents, thorns, knives, electric shocks, insults (emotional abuse), safariants, stomach upsets, Typhoid, Flu, Malaria, lack of money, headaches, dental pain, cuts, burns, pricks, hate (mockery), etc... Just depressing; go away...
Words cannot kill unless you let them: Lousy, pauper, destitute, useless man, unsocial, no importance in society, cursed, things he cooks will not taste nice, fake, etc...
Depression is a choice: Winning the Battle Without Drugs... (A. B. Curtiss, Cognitive Behavioural Therapist)
Life is about longsuffering (120 years of pain mixed with pleasure)...
Depression is not a monster like jabberwock; depression is a choice...
Depression is hunger in the mind; feed your mind with healthy words that nourish (like: I'm blessed, talented, unstoppable, etc)...
You overcome depression through prayer and mindshifting to GOD...
After misery, find happiness...
GOD is great, am not...
When society calls you zero, it doesn't make them Number 1; JESUS is Number 1...
People commit suicide because they think their problems are bigger than GOD...
Pray to GOD, the Father through JESUS! HE can solve any problem; they are all too small for HIM: Our FATHER who art in Heaven... Give us today our daily food and forgive us our sins... Deliver us from Evil...
Amen!
Mobile: 0781345712
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