Tithing should be from the heart

(Letter published in Sunday Vision)

Thanks for the undercover double-series investigating whether born again pastors are fleecing God’s children. Malachi 3: 10 commands us to tithe or else heaven curses us as church robbers but where we tithe is the question. Muslims pay ‘zakat’ to beggars or in the mosque. Hindus and Bahai’is do something similar. Dr. Creflo Dollar mentioned tithing as a fundamental principle for getting rich when he came to Namboole. Every offering I made without being coerced while at a Catholic school in the late 90s came back to me tenfold within one week. My classmates who begged me to take their tithes to the school chapel returned after a few days to report incredible blessings.
Unfortunately during this decade, tithing in mushrooming born again churches produces mixed results. People begin to get weird dreams of creatures robbing or biting them. Is it because they lack enough faith to ‘sow big seeds’ or the pastors are just quack prophets? Does something block rewards along the way? The Bible warns that in the last days, there will be many, not few but many, false teachers. American Pastor John Hagee on LTV always preaches that “manipulating people to get what you want is witchcraft.”
One day I called a pastor’s hotline and the secretary who talked to me said that if I wanted to see the man of God alone in his office, I should come with 50,000 Shillings. Did Jesus ask for denariis or shekels to help burdened souls? Why are tithes from 10,000 and above blessed first during lunch-hour fellowships? Is God’s storehouse a witchcraft shrine or a place where people can honour God with all they have left, even if it’s just peanuts? Tithing should be from the heart not the pocket.




Edward Aikobua
Kampala

Arua Boys

OPEC is the acronym for an Arab Conglomerate (Consensus/Cartel) meaning Organisation of Petroleum Exporting Countries. The OPEC Boys lived in Arua and during the 1980s smuggled lots of petroleum which earned them lots of money.

With these sacks of money they came as far as Kampala and spent lavishly on booze and women. That’s when people coined the word “Arua Boys” meaning people or guys from Arua who had lots of money.

Most of these guys did not go far with books and were known by many people. Nowadays they don’t make that much money.

The Wrong Train to Heaven

SATURDAY 11th OCTOBER 2003, exactly twenty days before Hell-oween but today, it is like the horrifying holiday is brought forward. On the very last seat of a Uganda Railways Engine No.9 Extraterrestrial Train Express from Kasese to Mombasa sits three teenagers. The boys are supposedly travelling to an exquisite beach on the East African Coast called "Heaven on Earth". In the middle of the journey, they hear something moving towards the back from the front train carriages. (Adro) Onzi, a Predator Spirit (the god of Death) is mercilessly devouring the souls of passengers and sucking out their blood. The dude near the corridor tells his other two friends to put their heads down as the spirit gets closer. They pray silently until the massacre ends. All the passengers on board are killed except the three boys. They would live to narrate their gruesome experience to the rest of the world. When they raise their heads, they cannot believe their eyes. How have they been spared? 19 year old Ishmael whispers, “What was that?" "We better get out of here before it comes for us also!” Deno, his Classmate advises. “But how?” The frightened trio desperately want to escape from their carriage. So Eli, the Rastafarian, breaks the partly broken emergency exit window using a dead man's walking stick. The boys climb to the top of the train and run like a sandstorm. Reaching a bridge across the Nile River in Jinja at dusk, the lucky survivors jump down in fantastic unison and plunge into the moonlit water. Beautiful ripples of freedom form in the water as the doom train disappears from their view into a tunnel. "Forgive us our Sins, LORD!"

© 2005 AikoGraphics

Wenger, the Miracle Economist

Just because of the Worst Start in seven seasons, many Arsenal fans have become disgruntled with Arsene Wenger. But if they look back at those seven years more critically, they may discover that the club has achieved much more than what the original Dial Square/ Woolwich Arsenal might have dreamed of in 1886.

As an Economics graduate from Cambridge University, Wenger has worked many financial miracles, turning low price signings into the World’s Most Expensive Players for example Nicholas Anelka and before that the World’s Best like the first African to win the FIFA Award George Weah. This year (2005), Arsenal made profits but Wenger did not shop for big name players, something which will undo his popularity. Nonetheless, the lessons from the start of this season may alter his principles by the January 2006 transfer window.

Finally, Arsenal fans should acknowledge Wenger’s tact in soliciting for funds to build the new dream stadium one mile away from Highbury. How many managers came before him since 1913 and embarked on a similar project? It’s the Frenchman who has used money wisely to win 4 Charity Shields, 3 Premierships and 4 F.A. Cups including 2 Doubles in 7 years let alone leading Arsenal as far as the Quarterfinals of the UEFA Champions League for the first time (and also to the finals later on that season in 2006). The best is yet to come.

Edward Aikobua,
Mukono

(Published in the Daily Monitor in 2005)

Arua Pioneer Decorators

(Original APD Logo designed by Aiko)

Established in June 2002 by my mum Liz, eldest sister Gladys, Aunties Kevin and Grace plus Beatrice, Jackie and Ayikoru (though the latter quit), this Group of Women has been planning and organizing weddings in West Nile’s capital and surrounding regions including Sudan. If you attended any fizzling wedding in the last half-dozen years while in Arua, it might have been their work of wonder. To make weddings memorable, they always invite their clients to choose the colours they fancy plus other specific preferences before doing the rest of the work.
Contacts: Box 1085 Arua, West Nile (Uganda) East Africa… Mobile: (0772) 574 989 and (0772) 950 346

Now on organizing the Best Parties in the Whole World, someone once said that:

“You do all the work
And when the night (or day) comes
Everything is organic and natural
Make sure everybody’s having a good time
Sit with a friend and enjoy yourself…”

Life is a Movie!

“Everything you watch in the cinema has happened to someone somewhere or is about to happen,” that’s what Daniel Kyazze, a Campus classmate and movie buff once told me. At first I did not believe him because of movies with paranormal and supernatural occurrences. However, when I sat down and started watching thrillers more critically, I noticed a convincingly magical resemblance to real spiritual life. What happens in that invisible realm may actually be what we see in horrors or psychological dramas that don’t look natural in our physical world. Today, I strongly believe that “Life is a movie, and music is the soundtrack to life…” The music bit is borrowed from a comment by rapper Jay-Z.

The Beauty of Editing

The Beauty of Editing is that you love to see people read flawless material with enjoyment. Have you ever read a book that had so many grammatical errors and spelling mistakes? It must have been a very annoying experience. Come to think of it, there is nothing better than a good book. Words are powerful; they can make you crack with laughter even when you are troubled. Sinners change their lives and gain hope of going to heaven when they hear GOD’s Word. The reason why I did Mass Communication at UCU was not that I was dying to become a celebrated journalist…absolutely not. All I wanted was an easy way out through education, not having to do a retake on campus and things like that. The course was easy on me but the other major reason why I chose it is that words are powerful. I had witnessed their influence in people’s lives before. A paralyzed mother in China got healed instantly when her son read the Gospel of Jesus to her. A girl you fancy can fall in love with you miraculously for example when someone close to her mentions some favourable lies about you or even truth for that matter. Good stories lift up your spirit. No wonder the Book of Proverbs teaches that good news is like cold water on a hot day, very refreshing indeed…

Intravenas

GOD is Within Us...He is closer to you than the blood in your veins...

Jesus once declared, "The Kingdom of GOD is within you." The person who is persistent and continues to explore the depths and heights of his own soul, there is great wealth awaiting him. Dreams are like agusher of oil from our inner depths. Dreams can result into the reawakening of somebody's spiritual life. The wealth within us is locked and wants to be found. It tries to reach our consciousness through the medium of the dream. Learning to work with our dreams however will require from us time, strong hearted committment and study. "Dreams, " said the Red Indian Chief Seattle, "are given men in the solemn hours of the night by the Great Spirit. The soul wanders in darkness unless it receives a guiding light. Man has a lower nature which inclines to ignorance, cruelty and apathy. " Dreaming is essential for health. Energy is a flow, it is not static, it must flow to and from the consciousness to the unconscious. Noone ever won life's great treasures without risking himself in a hero struggle with life's dark and dangerous side.

(Borrowed from "Dreams and Healing: A Succinct and Lively Interpretation of Dreams" by John A. Sanford)

Why Ugandan fans hate Adebayor...

SIR - "Uncle, there's someone at the gate. He says his
name is ... " Unfortunately, he cannot enter Ugandan
hearts. How local fans view Emmanuel Adebayor was well
elaborated by Joseph Kabuleta's column in the January
issue. Allow me to add that it is because the Togolese
star misses simple chances and nets the impossible,
just like against West Ham on New Year's Day. That is
the price a genius pays for overlooking simple chances
fans expect him to execute. Good enough, the Gunners
have never lost when the talisman scored.


Edward Aikobua,
Arua, West Nile
(Published in New Vision's Premiership Magazine)

My LOVE AFFAIR with JINJA

Jinja Town is the Source of My Life though Arua is my Ancestral Hometown because I am 100 percent Lugbara. But the Most Industrialised Town in Uganda after independence and for some time till Kampala took over, has a strategic soft spot in my heart.

There is so much I cherish about this town in Busoga-land. Adjacent to the Source of the Longest River on Earth, the Great Nile, it is where I enjoyed my childhood till 1995 before transferring (permanently) to Kampala. Nevertheless, I returned a number of times for one day visits, first during a Primary 7 trip to Nytil, Nile Breweries and the Source of the Nile. Secondly, with my mum during the PLE vacation, then in a Senior 4 Geography trip to Kakira and Bujagali. The others included on my way to Soroti for a sister-in-law’s burial that coincidentally fell on my first sister’s 34th birthday and on the return after a night’s vigil in November 2006, plus many others afterwards.

From friends, cartoons, town tours or walks, Club Earthquake 110 about 110 metres away from my bed, Family Christmas parties and Children's Church Bashes, cinemas, beautiful Indian bijous, Somali women and marvelous shops like Biashara Supermarket to KTV, Bop TV, UTV, Super Sport, Indian movies every night, NBA Action, Sky Movies Plus, Arabsat, Mnet, neighbourhood soccer tournaments, the Lake, my uncle cruising new cars from Malaba, grasshopper hunting, the Jesus Movie Shows, the’ Sechungwa’(delicious seedless orange) theft on Nile Crescent plus the chase, other thefts, Trips to Njeru Town across the railway bridge, Source of the Nile, Indian Buwi buwi sweets, Cricket games, Singha-singhas, creating Railroad magnets, Rumours of red male mermaids, bed wetting, Club Soccer at Spire Road Grounds, Nile (Breweries) Team training near home before a Super League game, Sirens at particular times in the morning en afternoon to alert workers plus Town Dwellers, the fantastic annual Agricultural Trade Show, Rally Championships at the Jinja Municipal (Town) Hall, Gaddafi Barracks, Victoria Nile School, the girls I had crushes on, Rwenzori House - Mulala (tall male) en Dembe (exceptional female runner) plus a neighbour’s daughter I loved like myself and of course the sweet previously untasted Tamarind juice her elder sister made for me…

Let's Meet in Kampala 2007

This special Reed Business Information (RBI) brochure showcases all the Most Important Information you will need during your stay in Kampala. There are points of interest to enjoy and a panoramic survey of why Kampala City was the Perfect Choice to host the 2007 CHOGM (Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting)…


Welcome to Kampala City…Reed Business Information (Uganda) Limited, publisher of Kargo Magazine, is extremely delighted to present to you this fantastic and thoroughly researched brochure. RBI is dedicated to presenting the Ugandan Capital as an exciting destination for organizing all types of meetings, conferences, expos and events. Also, Uganda is a liberal country for foreign investment and one of the fastest growing economies in Africa.
This November, Kampala is the venue for the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (CHOGM). Strategically located in the centre of the ‘Pearl of Africa’, the city is efficiently connected by road to neighbouring towns and major cities in the country. Also available is a railway network extending towards Tororo in the East, Kasese in the West, Gulu in the North (in future it will reach Juba in Southern Sudan), and connects the city to Mombasa Port on Kenya’s Eastern Coast. Kampala also has an airfield service for light aircraft in Kajjansi (The country’s international airport is in Entebbe); plus water transport on Lake Victoria, the World’s Second Largest Inland Lake though Africa’s Biggest. ‘Let’s Meet in Kampala 2007’ will be your best guide as you reside in the capital. Named the ‘Pearl of Africa’ by British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, Uganda is a beauty to behold and Kampala is the most exceptional of its major towns. Because of its culturally diverse populace and easygoing society, Uganda has built a firm reputation as ‘Africa’s Friendliest Country’.
The last time the city held a very big international meeting was the OAU [Organisation of Africa] Conference (during Amin’s Regime), and 1987 PTA [Preferential Trade Area] meeting for Eastern and Southern African States (currently called COMESA [Common Market for East and Southern Africa]) but this year’s Chogm Event should be a much bigger one. Preparations have been enormous and the city is ready to host a successful meeting.
Please use this colourful brochure to find enjoyment during your stay in Kampala. There are enough reception and accommodation facilities for everyone. So, welcome to our beautiful capital; feel at home in the land Gifted by Nature.


Profiling Uganda, the Pearl of Africa
Located in East Africa, the geographic coordinates for Uganda are 1 00 N, 32 00 E. It’s landlocked, fertile, plus well watered with many lakes (notable among them being Lake Victoria, the Largest in Africa and the World’s Second Largest Inland Lake) and rivers including the World’s Longest (River Nile) whose source is in Jinja, 80 km from Kampala. Uganda’s total area is 236,040 sq km, 199,710 on land and 36,330 on water. Major towns besides the Capital Kampala, include Arua, Gulu, Jinja, Masaka, Mbarara, Mbale, Lira, and Soroti.
Population is 27,356,900 and age structure is 49.4 % below 14 years, 46.0 % from 15 to 64, and 4.6% above 60 years (2006 estimates). Growth rate is 3.31%. According to 2005 estimates, the birth rate is 47.39 births per 1000 in the population; death rate is 12.8 per 1000. Life expectancy is 51.59 years. Total fertility rate is 6.74 children born per woman.
The Climate is tropical, generally rainy with two dry seasons (December to February, June to August) but semiarid in the Northeast because of a Desert in the Karamoja Region. The Lowest Point is Lake Albert (621 m) whereas the Highest is the Margherita Peak on top of Mountain Rwenzori, both found in the Western Rift Valley on the eastern borderline of Uganda. Major natural resources include copper, cobalt, hydropower, limestone, salt, oil, gold, arable land and timber. Neighbouring countries include Democratic Republic of Congo (West), Rwanda (Southwest), Tanzania (South), Kenya (East), and Sudan (North).
In 2001, the land use was 25.88% arable, 10.65% permanent crops and 63.47% for other uses. The HIV/AIDS rate among adults was 6.4% according to a 2005 esimate. Religions include Roman Catholic, Anglican, Pentecostal, Muslim, Seventh Day Adventist, Orthodox, Other Christian, Traditional and Bahai. English is the official language taught in schools, used in courts of law, newspapers and radio broadcasts. Swahili is also official though Luganda is more widely used among all the local languages. Ethnic groups include Acholi, Alur, Baganda, Bagisu, Bagwere, Bakiga, Bakonjo, Banyankole, Banyoro, Basoga, Batoro, Itesot, Jopodhola, Karamojong, Langi, Lugbara, Others and Non-African (European, Asian, Arab)
The Literacy, defined as the ability of the population above 15 years to read and write, was 69.9% in 2003. Electricity is between 220 and 240 volts.
(Paraphrased from) www.chogm2007.ug


‘Transforming Commonwealth Societies to Achieve Political Economic, and Human Development’ While launching the website for CHOGM (www.chogm2007.ug) at Serena Kampala Hotel in March 2007, His Excellency President Yoweri Kaguta Museveni of Uganda amused the audience by saying that he once directed Eriya Kategaya (then Internal Minister) to stop a riot by Muslims protesting the eating of pork by their neighbours in Kawempe, a Kampala suburb.
“Imagine someone has eaten pork and swallowed it himself and you riot,” Museveni wondered. “I don’t eat fish but I am the biggest promoter of fish export. Likewise, I don’t smoke but I promote the growing of tobacco.” Museveni said that Uganda chose ‘Transforming Commonwealth Societies to Achieve Political Economic, and Human Development’ as the theme for CHOGM 2007 because the world’s problem is differences between countries that have gone through social transformation.
He also unveiled the logo, a crested crane with a symbol of the globe (actually the exact design in the Commonwealth Secretariat’s logo but blue in colour instead of gold) placed on its back. Meanwhile, its crown and tail appear in the colours of Uganda’s national flag.


The Commonwealth People’s Forum
CPF is one of the planned meetings and events to take place before Chogm. Being a major summit before the Commonwealth Heads of Government congregate for theirs, it will bring together over 600 delegates and a cross cultural mix of artists representing all the 53 Commonwealth countries and beyond. This is the people’s face of Chogm. It is hoped that this Ugandan innovation will set a certain pace of combining serious deliberations which can influence political outcomes. “At the end of this meeting, we shall come out with a statement, which will be included into the official communiqué of Chogm.” Mr. Warren Nyamugasira, the Chairperson of the 2007 Commonwealth People’s Forum (CPF) Steering Committee. He is also a member of the Commonwealth Foundation Civil Society Advisory Committee. An estimated 4,000 local/regional participants are expected to take part in the presence of over 500 international and local media.
CPF will not be talking about the theories of how to transform people, like the Government Meeting will, because those are already known. Instead, it will look at things that work in other places, what has not been effective and why? Its theme “Realising People’s Potential” was derived from the Chogm theme. It’s about people looking at their potential and transforming themselves. This will make them feel that they got involved in Chogm. CPF is a decentralized platform for the civil society entirely. There will be an evening called ‘Bring the Noise’ and it might take place in a big venue such as Lugogo Indoor Stadium, for all the youth who can attend. There will also be workshops and symposiums. One was done on climate change and the idea is to go deeper, polish the ideas so that by Chogm, there will be well sifted concepts instead of fresh ideas that arose out of Chogm. There will also be another on Science and Technology at Mbarara University of Science and Technology in September to see the role of Science in transforming lives. The other on Human Rights, Peace, Conflict and Security will be in Gulu. The paramount issue nonetheless is to break the poverty cycle. The entire forum might cost UgX 2 Billion, let alone UgX 500 Million for space. Half of the funds, nevertheless, will be from the Commonwealth Foundation while the rest will be from local as well as international fundraising.


Entertainment in Kampala
The Commonwealth’s Friendliest Capital…One philosophic American once remarked that television is more interesting than people. Ironically, his reason was probably because it is mainly about people, not about television. Forgive me if I sound sarcastic. Of course, Ugandan nationals are gifted by nature and regarded worldwide as entertaining, friendly and hospitable people but free TV broadcasts in Kampala are by Uganda Broadcasting Corporation (Former UTV, the national broadcaster), WBS TV (Wavah Broadcasting Service), EATV (East Africa TV), Pulse, Top TV, Record TV, ITV (from Tanzania), and Nation TV (from Kenya, owned by the Aga Khan). Satellite Television or Pay per View (mainly DStv from Multichoice) interests a large audience because only DStv's Supersport bought the broadcast rights for English Premiership Football that graces most people’s midweek and weekends in Kampala . Other attractions on pay TV are the movies, soaps, reality shows and of course the addictive series such as 24, Desperate Housewives and Prison Break which have gripped the Chogm City like a 19th century plague. Kampala and its neighbouring regions also have over 50 radio stations. A few radio stations have creatively programmed themselves to give Luganda commentary on live English League matches, for those who cannot afford to watch, besides broadcasting news and the usual 'kabozi'(interesting conversations about issues,lifestyles and people). So are the people of Kampala less interesting than radio or television? Not really! Actually in 2005, Ugandans were recorded as the biggest consumers of alcoholic beverages. Doesn't that suggest something?
Partyzones, nightspots and happening places in the city include the jamming Club Silk, wickedly addictive Ange Noir Discotheque, Gaba Beach, lady-pleasing Lido Beach, stimulating Sabrina's Pub, spicy Nicodemus Pork Joint in Nakulabye, the serene Kiwatule Recreational Centre (owned by a former local government minister Jaberi Bidandi Ssali, father to Uganda’s most popular reggae heartthrob Bebe Cool), Jokers, Uhuru, to mention a few…At the start of the year, there is a goat race at Speke Resort Munyonyo, a middle class indulgence...Crowd pulling motor rallies, from one town to another or at the Lubiri Circuit, are usually organized to celebrate great seasons and public holidays like Easter and Independence Day among others. Uganda’s Football Super League is also a major attraction after a dip in interest at the start of the millennium. With teams like URA, Express, KCC and others challenging record champions S.C. Villa, there appears to be something to compete for and make adrenaline run every weekend at the Mandela National Stadium in Namboole, Nakivubo, Wankulukuku, Villa Park and other venues countrywide. FUFA administration also changed which could have been an influencing factor.
Sportswise, Dorcus Inzikuru, also known as the Arua Gazelle, who at the 2005 IAAF World Athletics Championship Women's Steeplechase Final (in Helsinki,Finland) won Uganda's first gold medal since John Akii Bua (1972 Munich Olympics), added a midas touch to athletics in the country by inspiring other undiscovered prospects. Every year, MTN telecommunication company organises a marathon in Kampala and just about every soul gets involved. Here, unknowns get a once in a year opportunity to rub shoulders with their favourite celebrities, past Ugandan ministers and sports greats from across the region. There are always pleasant surprises because the race is open to interested amatuers and professionals alike. The Football Cranes and Rugby Team have also improved immensely and boast of world class players, some foreign based.People enthusiastically turn up in large numbers to support them during high rate games. Uganda is also proud of her cricket team whose main ground is at the Lugogo Indoor Stadium, opposite Game Lugogo Shopping Mall
Visit the magnificent new Ntinda Shopping Centre, with an underground night club and the fantastic ‘Quality Supermarket’ on the right side of the building. Ntinda is one of the Liveliest and Most Uptown Suburbs in the city. Shoppers can also enjoy the high class and modern ambience at Garden City near the Golf Course, Shoprite near Clock Tower on the end of Jinja Road and Game Lugogo Shopping Mall opposite Lugogo Rugby Club. Other Shopping Centres in the city include Star, Payless, Millenium, Kenjoy, Capital Shoppers, to mention a few Supermarkets; and at Plazas such as Mutaasa Kafeero, Complex near the Old Taxi Park, Maria's Galleria, Kirumira Towers, Gadith House, plus the Mukwano Shopping Arcades...Markets include Nakasero, Owino (locally named St. Balikuddembe) with great bargains, Kikuubo, and Kisekka among others.
Basketball is heading upwards. Uganda boasts of legends such as Philip Omonyi (Like Kobe), Wilbrod Oketcho (Our own heated Shaq Attack), and Norman Blick (the modern day Larry Bird). You never compare anyone to 'His Airness' Michael Jordan but catch the ‘airnesses’ of the FUBA (Federation of Uganda Basketball Association) League at YMCA Courts in Wandegeya (in the photo above, also has tennis courts), TLC on George Street, Makerere University Kampala, Uganda Christian University (Mukono, a few kilometers outside Kampala), and Kampala International University, to mention a few venues.
Kart racing is also another attraction at the race track outside Namboole National Stadium in Kireka. Besides, you can watch the Blick Family and other contenders burn up the Motor bike track at Garuga Motor Cross Track. Amazingly, a brave three year old motorcycle genius called Alestair Blick, the youngest on the track, tries to emulate his father, Arthur Blick, the Motorcross National Team Captain.

If you are looking for Hospitality and Accommodation, there are several hotels in the Kampala Region. You will also find lodges, restaurants, joints and pubs on every street corner where the World’s Biggest Consumers of Alcohol (2005 statistics about Ugandans) enjoy their liquor, from local brews to the most sophisticated exotic vodkas. Mamba Point Pizzeria in Nakasero offers Italian Cuisines, Kyoto Japanese Restaurant also in Nakasero is oriental and so is Golden Fish Chinese Restaurant on Jinja Road, among several other places. You need not feel out of place if you do not enjoy Ugandan food...
Album launches by talented local artistes in the ever growing music industry also grace weekends and public holidays in the city. From beach parties to full house hotel attendances, these artistes have taken the city by storm with their launches. Nowadays, you can actually spend a whole day listening to Ugandan music by foreign based Ugandans such as Maddox or big names at home such as Bebe Cool, Chameleone, Bobi Wine, Iryn, Peter Miles, Ragga Dee, Juliana, rap sensation Klear Kut (a group of 5 talented rappers), Maurice Kirya, Lyrical G., Blu*3 (Uganda's own Destiny's Child)and the Obsessions. Bataka Underground also brings a localised hiphop vibe to the city. The strategic squad loves to call their style 'Lugaflow'. Besides Baganda, other Ugandan tribes have also come out strong with chart topping hits on the national scene. The artistes include Loketo Lee, Rachel Magola, DJ Languna, and the Nubian Squad among others. Lady Mariam rocked romanticists in 2006 with her jam "Tindatine". Although many did not understand the language she used, they still regarded her song as a masterpiece and she won a PAM Award (Uganda's equivalent of the Grammys) for it. Mainstream gospel is also reaching corners where it used to be dead due to lack of airplay.
Once East Africans are through with harmonising their customs systems, a political alliance will definitely fast track the revival of the East African Community. However if you observe particularly the telecommunications and music industry, you will realise that some people are already living the dream thanks to artists like the East African Bashment Crew(Bebe Cool from Uganda,Nazizi from Tanzania,and Wyre from Kenya); Gidi Gidi Maji Maji (a Luo duo); Ogopa deejays in Kenya and the Bongo Fraternity from Tanzania who have popularised their culture in the city. 'Bongo' is actually a noble philosophy because it warns that a man without brains and creativity cannot survive in a competitive world. Similarly, an East African Union will create a powerhouse in the region because even Rwanda and Burundi have joined. In the near past, you had to play a tape or CD by Mariah, Celine, Whitney, Classical or Lingala musicians, hiphop heartthrobs Eminem, 2Pac, or Biggie to remind you that music is truly the source of life. Today, Utake (East African music) can do the job in Kampala...
Art enthusiasts can visit eyecatching galleries such as Design Agenda at the IPS Building on Parliament Avenue; Afriart Gallery at the UMA Grounds in Lugogo; Nommo Gallery in Nakasero, adjacent to the Ugandan President’s State House (Prominent exhibiters include the NRA historical Elly Tumwine); the Margeret Trowell School of Industrial Art and Design (Makerere University's Faculty of Art) plus many others…
The Last King of Scotland
Charming, magnetic, murderous, and released on 21st January 2007, this thrilling Oscar-winning History drama is based on the events of Idi Amin Dada’s regime as seen by the brutal Ugandan dictator’s personal physician, Dr. Nicholas Garrigan, during the 1970s…Rated R for some strong violence and gruesome images, sexual content and language, it premiered for general release in Kampala on Friday 23rd February at Cineplex Cinema Garden City, the biggest movie complex in Uganda. Forest Whitaker (who played Amin’s role) was present at the Ugandan premiere, two days before the Academy Awards which he also attended, and got christened ‘Kitaaka’, a name in Luganda, the most prominent local language in Kampala. The Last King of Scotland is arguably the best if not the most recognized movie in which Kampala is immortalized. Of course, James Bond’s latest installment Casino Royale immortalizes Mbale, another town in Uganda but the scene is basically made elsewhere. Whitaker’s Oscar winner was modelled entirely on Kampala streets. Some of the goofs in the movie actually include street scenes with large glass fronted office buildings visible in the background. These were not there in the 1970s when the film was set. Forest even had to master Kiswahili, a local East African language that soldiers, like Amin, usually use.
This movie is one of the standouts for 2007. Much of what you see is true, and did occur in Uganda's history. Amin's doctor, played by James MacAvoy, is the main fiction in the movie, but one would think they are watching a historical event. MacAvoy's character is so real you might think he once existed. The doctor grows from a free thinking, adventure loving womanizer, to a scared, concerned, and enlightened person. The viewer watches through the doctor’s eyes, as he witnesses the horrors of Amin's presidency and regime.
Directed by Kevin Macdonald, Forest Whitaker is Amin in this feature. Whitaker is not the silent sometimes brooding character you remember in other films he has been in. His accent, his face, and his emotions seem no longer Whitaker's but Amin's. This movie will scare the viewer because of its realism, and how it builds up to a tension that is hard to endure. The visuals are not for the faint hearted. Go ahead and hide your eyes during the "tough" scenes. It is still worth seeing this movie for the fast paced story, realistic drama, fascinating tale, and unbelievable acting. By the end of the movie the audience is exhausted, but satisfied that they saw a worthy flick. Besides the BAFTA Award in Britain, Whitaker was also awarded a Best Actor Oscar in the States for this performance. If you enjoy this movie www.imdb.com also recommends Kill Bill: Volume 1, Munich, Marathon Man, Kuraingu furiman, and Beyond Re-Animator…
Talking about movies, Kampala is very famous for the ‘kibanda’ (wooden or brick walled video shack) where translated flicks are shown to viewers at an extremely cheap price, only 200 UgShs (less than 20 cents in the United States). The audio content from the original movie is actually interrupted with wittily comprehensive voice over narrations in Luganda, Kampala’s main local language. Nevertheless, the images are not tampered with. This is a cheaper and less tiresome alternative to writing captions in Luganda at the bottom of the screen. The translations may not be understood by foreigners or non-Luganda speakers but the motion can be grasped because talented narrators handle the verbal dramatization. Sometimes they can even make you laugh till you shade a tear. “Kati, tugenda mumaso” (Now, we are going forward), the translators usually chip in…Actually, The Last King of Scotland was translated before it even premiered in Uganda and Whitaker got a chance to meet Kampala’s translation king whose studio is in a Kampala suburb on the way to Entebbe.


The Best Kept Secret
Because of the movie shacks and translated films in Kampala, food service vendors also became deliciously creative. Since the turn of the millennium, an irresistible but simple chapatti roll (normally 500 UgX) has become popular among night hawks, overtaking gonja (roasted bananas) and the more expensive roasted chicken. It’s quite cheap, and you can even watch and wait as it is being prepared for you in a few minutes on a flat black stove-pan. Those who make them fry eggs, cabbages, tomatoes and sometimes meat or onions together depending on the customer’s preference and roll them in a chapatti. Consequently, the product has been named ‘Rollex’ and is a darling among campusers at Makerere University Kampala, the oldest in East Africa and biggest in Uganda. Actually the ‘Rollex Revolution’ was started by a restaurant owner in Nakulabye, a city suburb near the university. You can say this is ‘Kampala’s McDonalds Burger King franchise’ because so many young men set up umbrella shades to spin their trade.
Rollex is recommended for university bachelors, the working class and campus women who cannot cook after a strenuous day. It is prepared in over five different sizes, the biggest being ‘Double Titanic’ which includes 2 big chapattis, chaps and other extras of your choice.
Pork is another favourite delicacy among Kampalans though not only near cinemas. At spicy pork joints such as Nicodemus, you will find friends and relatives eating away their weekends laid infront of them on a tray called a 'seniya' in the local tongue. Along with the toxic meat comes avocado, irish potatoes, cassava, grainy pepper (kachumbali) or any other addition you order and booze of all sorts...another indulgence Ugandans are known for.

Outside every movie shack , it is very possible that you will never fail to find a restaurant, locally known as a ‘kafunda’ in Luganda. They rhyme together like the Queen and Buckingham Palace. Because of this proximity, movie goers usually order for a special and affordable mix of beans, and chapattis (besides rollex) as opposed to the expensive chips, chicken and liver. It is imagined that this is a perfect body building combination. The recipe has come to be called ‘kikomando’, after the former muscle flexing Mr. Universe Arnold Schwarzenegger’s hit movie ‘Commando’. This was one of the movies that made ‘bibanda’ (also ‘kibandas’, plural for movie shack) popular in the 1990s.
"I remember when we used to sit, in the government yard in" Kampala...With a great future, you can forget the past. No Chogm, no cry...Welcome to the ‘Kikomando and Rollex City’!


WHY KAMPALA? “Behind every successful conference, there is a well prepared venue.” That’s not a quote borrowed from a relationship magazine but the essence of Kampala’s preparation for the Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting (CHOGM) Event from 23rd to 25th November 2007. Ugandans have returned the favour for being chosen as the hosts by getting ready at a feverish pace. Land was sold, leased out or ‘given to investors’ for the construction of 5 Star hotels and major renovations were made in the city. Kampala is turning into a cleaner, more modern and prosperous city. Human resource was also improved besides infrastructure but why Kampala? Why not Mumbai or Cairo? How about Malta which hosted the Chogm Preparatory meetings in 2005? How about Soroti which is also in Uganda and has been voted East Africa’s Cleanest City for 5 consecutive years? Meanwhile Kampala has been trying to catch up ever since the voluntary Organisation ESCCOM was awarded a tender to clean up the city before Chogm. They are doing a great job to turn the once ‘Pile City of Africa’ into the ‘Pearl City’ in 'Africa's Friendliest Country', fit for a conference of this magnitude.
Kampala is the city where Uganda’s Most Famous and Feared President Idi Amin Dada made his name (1971-1979) immortalized in various movies including the Golden Globe, BAFTA and Oscar Award-winning movie entitled The Last King of Scotland.
With 27 guerillas, the current leader, His Excellency Yoweri Kaguta Museveni also captured the city in January 1986 ushering in a new era of change and development for the war ravaged nation. His ‘vision’ for the country has been rewarded with a chance for the ‘Pearl of Africa’ to host a major international conference, a first in many years.
By 28th February 2007, it was announced that every structure meant for Chogm was in place…When it was first officially agreed that Uganda would be hosting the Chogm, a certain panic set in about whether the country had the requisite facilities to host such a high profile event. A reality check revealed that we simply did not have the minimum 4,000 hotel beds required for the event. To answer this, the government announced exciting tax incentives on building-related materials for people interested in investing within the hotel industry.
As a pilot project, the highway from Entebbe to Kampala has been brightened with solar and wind powered streetlights, installed by Winafrique Alternative Power (WAP) Limited. If the project succeeds, the rest of the city will be lighted the same way. The moment you land at Entebbe International Airport, with its breathtaking location at the forested shore of Lake Victoria, it is clear that Uganda is a perfect tourist destination. Entebbe itself has places to visit including the National Zoo. Then, only 40 km away, there is the restless modern capital of Kampala that reflects the ongoing economic growth and political stability enjoyed nationwide since 1986 despite a few insurgencies and the brutal LRA War in the North. Uganda is where the East African Savannah meets the West African Jungle.


Behold, KAMPALA SPECIALS
[DURING Chogm, we expect about 54 (or 57) heads of state, and several dignitaries together with their support staff. We will also have many local participants so the total could rise to over 4,000. What could be the special things Kampala has to offer these special guests?
"Forecasts from the UN World Tourism Organisation for the next 10 years indicate that although Africa has great potential for tourism, growth in other continents will outstrip[ that for Africa. Much of the current tourism in Africa is concentrated in Egypt, South Africa, Kenya and Tanzania. It is important to note that the governments of Kenya and Tanzania allocate substantially higher levels of resources for tourism promotion for example; Kenya has invested £ 30 million in branding the nation (as 'Magical Kenya')." - PRIVATE SECTOR PLATFORM FOR ACTION: A Synopsis of Private Sector Policy Concerns and Suggestions for Policy Reforms, May 2007, Page 44-5
During the month of April 2006, the value of the publicity generated for Uganda through McSullivan Marketing International, the PR Agency in the United States market for Tourism Uganda (the new brand identity for Uganda Tourist Board) topped US $ 452,761.

Both the opening ceremony and executive session of Chogm will be at Serena Conference Centre, and thereafter the heads of government will transfer to Speke Resort Munyonyo for the retreat.

There will also be a spouses programme coordinated by Ms. Clare de Lore, the wife of Dr. Don MacKinnon, Commonwealth Secretary General and Uganda’s First Lady, Mrs. Janet Museveni. The Queen meanwhile will hold a banquet in Entebbe on arrival...
Many hotels have been refurbished while others were constructed. Entebbe Municipal and Kampala City Council were tasked to work with the Government of Uganda to draw up plans to work on the various roads and other necessary infrastructure. Vehicles were also procured for the summit. Government’s total budget was around $50m without money from the Commonwealth Secretariat. The responsibility of hosting Chogm wholly lies with the host country.
Once Kampala showcases Uganda during Chogm, the Government will carry out a rigorous campaign to attract even more international conferences to Uganda. It’s not a guarantee that every Ugandan will earn a shilling form Chogm but the tangible benefits will be global. Chogm will boost Uganda’s economy by showcasing a country gifted by nature. Tourism will increase and job opportunities created for the industries of hospitality, agriculture, arts and crafts plus other sectors.
We “appeal to all Ugandans to support us and to exploit the opportunities arising from the summit. We also welcome ideas and want everybody to feel involved in the process.”

(Excerpts from Sheila Kulubya’s interview with Hilda Musubira, Executive Director of the Summit. Sunday Vision, May 14th, 2006)]



Speke Resort & Conference Centre offers you the ultimate in luxury accommodation and leisure facilities together with the finest conference and business meeting location in East Africa all situated in an idyllic setting at Munyonyo, on the shore of Lake Victoria.
You can enjoy the use of an Olympic size pool, gymnasium, equestrian centre, 5 star restaurant, and sports facilities. For those on business, there is a fully equipped business centre plus 10 flexible fully equipped and staffed conference and meeting rooms. Speke Resort & Conference Centre is the ideal location for weddings and banquets, either outside, in one of the marquees or in one of the banqueting halls.


(Courtesy of Aiko)
© Reed Business Information Limited 2007

2007 KADS Backdrop Trivia...

I spent 2 days charcoaling and 6 painting the “Kampala Skyline” backdrop (a total of 8),for “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, the 2007 KADS Christmas Pantomime which started on 5th December. I ate absolutely nothing throughout the day everyday from 7 am except for galloping a half litre of water at 7pm after packing the 7 metre cloth. Rain was my curse so I had to maximize sunny days. Even the Chogm weekend from Wednesday to Sunday 25th November halted my quick progress because I could not be allowed into the National Theatre premises without the special Chogm ID. The director of this production - Dr. Dick Stockley (a surgeon by profession and owner of The Surgery) is well known for such other works like Harry Porter and the Wizard of Oz, Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves and several others. Pantomimes are peculiarly English tradition, and for hundreds of years all over England, towns and villages are always anticipating their annual pantomime.

On Day One, my last Art teacher just before i dropped
Art in 2001 gave me painting tips plus his blessing...

Day Two, the Best Graffiti artist in Uganda (Xenson,
at least according to me) said he liked my graphical
presentation but told me that he wanted to see the
outlines on the building blocks. He valued my work at 5 Million. So the following day,
i started by painting the sky to strengthen the
outlines...

Day Three was like Women's Day. In the morning, a hot
young black babe asked if she could sit nearby and watch me
paint. That was just enough moral support to carry me
till the finish. Another lady, a 30 - 40 year old white woman clad in sunglasses alongside her friend loved the painting of the Sheraton building. She could not believe how I got the scales right and wanted to find out from me where the Chogm cultural village was. Later at lunch, a beautiful German pre-teen could not stop exclaiming
'Wow, wow, wow!' because it was unbelievable to her that
I had done all the painting by myself...

Day Four witnessed me striking a deal with a
playwright who promised to commission me to paint
backdrops for two of his future plays...

Day Five was the penultimate day, started and ended in
interesting ways. As i applied the first drop of paint,
a dragon fly hovered above the skyscraper image like
the buildings were the real thing and it was high up
above them like it can fly. A famous Ugandan dramatist
thought i was making a mural for Uganda's Best Dance
Group, the Obsessions(our own Spice Girls and N'Sync
combined).Also, a well established printer at Nasser
Road came with two of his friends and valued the
painting at 8 million. He and his friends gave me
hearty company, i can say, the best of the
fortnight...

Day Six was the hottest but i held on till the end,
talk of a boat capsizing when about to reach the
shore.A lady who works at the theatre's snack centre
confessed that at first she thought i would give up
but now the backdrop looked like 'something'. A
nursery and daycare centre was staging a production
for their parents between 2 to 5pm so they kept me
entertained. Then the KADS team jetted in and i felt i
had accomplished my job when i heard comments like
'spectacular,awesome, great and fantastic'...

This was a great experience and i hope i will
do more KADS projects in future...

Promoting Evidence-based Leadership

On Friday 30th March 2007, the Makerere University Institute of Public Health and Leadership Initiative for Public Health in East Africa organized a public lecture by an eminent scholar, Professor Eamon Kelly, at the Sheraton Kampala Hotel’s Rwenzori Ballroom. It was a 2 hour programme about ‘Leadership and Implementation Science’ and started at 2.30 pm. Also present was Professor Livingstone Luboobi, Vice Chancellor Makerere University Kampala [the Guest Speaker]; Professor David Serwadda, Director Makerere University Institute of Public Health [Chairperson], Dr. Sam Okuonzi, Director Regional Center of Quality for Health Care [Discussant]; and Dr. William Bazeyo, Principal Investigator Leadership initiative for Public Health in East Africa (LIPHEA) who was the Master of Ceremony.

“Yesterday, I was talking to the Ugandan Parliament…With so much money going into projects, why are we seeing so little in results? What makes policy formation difficult and policy implementation even more difficult? I do not believe charismatic leadership is good leadership because it is arrogance based. Evidence based leadership is more effective...” Prof. Kelly said. Currently the 13th President of Tulane University (Chosen in 1981), he was born in New York City and has a Masters plus PhD in Economics. During his regime, faculties reached new heights and many new structures were constructed. As far back as 1960, Dr. Kelly was appointed Director of Policy Formation by the United States President. He developed the first domestic satellite system in the United States. Kelly was also a Special Consultant to the US House of Representatives, Special Assistant to the Secretary in the U.S. House of Labour, just to mention a few positions. In 1995, United States President Bill Clinton appointed him to the National Science Foundation (Board) and three years later he was elected as Chairman until May 2002. He sits on the boards of many civic organisations and is a professor in Economics, Latin American Studies plus Theology.
“What leaders really do is manage change. Institutions are habits of thought; psychological ways of doing things. Leaders have to be able to look around the corner, discover which changes are likely to occur and find solutions. Why are we less successful? It’s because we lack capacity in implementation. If leaders do not do a good job, it impacts those in the poorest section of society.” Dr Kelly lectured the full house.
“In strategic planning, the four most common errors are misjudged missions, too many goals, misunderstood constraints and ignorance in implementation. To determine a mission, you need to know your comparative advantage, financial feasibility, opportunities cost, and also evaluate your rivals plus environment Goals require programmatic, financial and performance measures besides feedback mechanisms. Unfortunately, no one wants to be evaluated.” He added that we should specify goals with the largest problem first, then limit the number of goals, stay with original goals, know the goals of different power groups and measure the goals. “The more goals you have, the more difficult it is to achieve those goals…Increasing revenue is the answer critical for social goals.” Non traditional sources of revenue include Specialised Consulting; Recreation Center; Cybercafés; Managing hospitals; Changing financial arrangements like banks and insurance companies, Privatization and Public fundraising from Government or international financial organisations.
Constraints should be targeted with so many things in mind: their Importance; Examples; Policy space: Personal/policy elite; Social pressures and interests; Historical conditions; Cultural factors and Economic conditions. “The role of leadership is to expand the policy space to deal with constraints. What is the most efficient combination? Leadership responds through Education (Marketing).” A Marketing Plan involves research, cultivation, soliciting (asking), proposals (before, during and after) and follow ups. “Sometimes you have to explode the constraint block…Every country that has access to I.T. will access information like the others and reduce the digital divide. A leader who understands that institutions are habits of thought has to change people’s attitudes…”

The main discussant Dr. Sam Okuonzi, Director of the Regional Center of Quality for Health Care had this to say, “In Uganda, we seem to have too many goals which are inconsistent…We are experiencing leaders who appear to be following directives …and do not appear to exhibit the kind of leadership required. The determinants of health are outside the health sector and it is leaders who can improve the general welfare of the people. According to some literature I read, ‘leaders should focus on desired results’. In health, it is improvement of the health status in the country. Leadership based on evidence is something that can be learnt, it takes time. You pass through certain processes. We are getting a rich experience from our colleagues (in the States). MUK and the Ministry are designing leadership courses. Secondly, the country should develop guidelines for leadership principles, for example through interviews, and we need to get our health goal and overall national goals clear. There seems to be a conflict. We need to harmonise these goals for a strategic way forward for this country.”

After the first question and answer session, the discussant added the following in response to two questions directed at him, “There are at least eight determinants of health according to research statistics: Peace; Proper Nutrition; Food; Adequate clean water; Level of education; Gender parity (driven by social groups); Economic growth; and Distribution of income…The only thing the ministry can do is to improve health services… There is a lot of hope to resume (Global Fund) funding for Uganda if management is sorted out.”

'oneway' to Heaven

ME AND MY GOD (Published in Issue 3 of The Standard Newspaper)

Am I holy or satanic? Whenever I don’t get what I pray for, I doubt God’s generosity and sometimes blaspheme him because of ‘frustration temptation’. There is a Whiteman’s saying that “gods only exist when mortal men choose to believe in them. “ That is true for small gods but I do not put my faith in them. They are just wicked spirits which make up a third of all the celestial beings.
In stead, I choose to believe in the one true God and his holy angels, immortalized in Scriptures and made known to us by the Holy Spirit. No atheist can convince me that God is a myth. Miracles never occur by chance. Does Mother Nature really program her cycles? Who answers prayers, saves us from death and rewards tithes? It surely must be the hidden power Christians call GOD. I prefer writing his name in all caps on all my documents to show that he is the Greatest Power in the universe.
I grew up in a church-frequenting Anglican family that introduced me to religion, but my devotion was just mechanical. I attended church on Sundays simply because I had to. Nevertheless, every soul needs spiritual intelligence to outwit the soul-devouring Prince of Darkness, and the veil covering my eyes started to be lifted around 1997. After watching several sermons and movies on the newly established Lighthouse Television, I realized how rotten I was inside and badly needed spiritual resurrection.
That’s when God grabbed my attention through Carman, a demon-slaying musician and film actor simply because I fancied his hot music and action movies; I accepted Christ into my heart through one of Carman’s songs entitled “Serve The Lord” (1993 Absolute Best Album). Unfortunately, my spiritual journey mutated into ‘pretended holiness’. It was mind-bending for me to figure out how to keep it real. Then one Sunday, a born again brotherhood fasted the whole day, prayed and received a vision about my hypocrisy. A few nights later, they cast out a dragon-like ancestral spirit that was influencing my character as seen in the revelation. What I learnt from this exorcism on Friday 7th July 2000 is that even committed Christians who choose to love and serve the Lord can still be influenced by demons. Nevertheless, the Holy Spirit helps us discern good from evil.
Sin is sweet, but it kills. If you have a problem, just look up to the sky... No matter what you have done, said, written or thought, I know there is only one-way to heaven. His name is Jesus.




Edward Aikobua is a Cartoonist for The Standard and 2006 UCU Mass Communication graduate
Email: edwardaikobua@yahoo.com … 0712 356257

Do you want to stay Alive?

Hey friends, here are the 7 VIRTUES FOR A LONG LIFE

Since I know that Catholics always meditate on the 7 deadly sins, I turned them upside down and came up with 7 principles to keep me alive. I’m trying hard to break away from any curse caused by my sins or those of my forefathers. I will not be silenced by demons even in the spiritual realm.

1. Love (transforming Lust into a productive force)
2. Moderation (of Greed)
3. Humility (overhauling my Pride)
4. Contentment (instead of Envy)
5. Dieting [or preferably Fasting] (to curb Gluttony)
6. Forgiveness (in place of Anger)
7. Hard Work (and never Laziness)

Hotel Arua (Lyrics)

EAGLES LYRICS
"Hotel Arua" (Sing this song with the same tune as "Hotel California" by The Eagles)
Natives call Arua the California of Uganda so I felt it deserved a tribute song. Join me in celebrating the Sunshine District of the Pearl of Africa

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,
'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the Hotel 'Arua'
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel 'Arua'
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,
'Please bring me my wine'
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the Hotel 'Arua'
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel 'Arua'
What a nice surprise (what a nice surprise)

Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'

(Copyright The Eagles)